I have seen you gals discuss this topic, but never the men. My AD wife (stage 4) has become very physically abusive. She hits, spits, kicks, gouges with her nails and hits with her cane. This has increase in the past few months from once to twice a month to once or twice a day. I am my wits end to know what to do and a little embarrassed to admit what is going on. I have never abused her in any way. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
No, you are not alone on this. One of our male readers was having difficulty similar to your story. I believe the doctor put his wife on Paxil, and the incidents stopped. Hopefully, he will answer this post while I am trying to research where I read it.
In any case, you must inform her doctor about what is going on - no need to be embarrassed - it is the disease manifesting itself in a very ugly manner. Not your fault. None of us should ever be in physical danger. Call her doctor ASAP.
Charlie, my mother -- who was the most gentle, shy, reserved, well-behaved lady in the world, and was positively worshipped by my father -- got to the point she swore like a trooper, said awful things, and did her level best to inflict bodily damage on anyone who got near her. Fortunately, by the time she reached this stage, she was unable to walk, so we could typically avoid getting hurt by staying at arm's length. (Unfortunately, the aides in the nursing home didn't have that option.) I lived halfway across the country and wasn't aware it had gotten that bad. My father asked me to go stay with her while he was in the hospital. I did something to upset her -- heaven only knows what -- and she threatened to kill me, and abruptly backed her wheelchair into me. Should have seen the bruise ... I didn't make that mistake again.
It is the disease. It has NOTHING whatsoever to do with the way you have treated her. It has NOTHING to do with the way she felt about you before she got sick.
Talk to her doctor, get her on some medicine that will calm her agitation.
Many years ago I had a friend whose MIL was extremely refined and gentle - until dementia. My friend got tired of living with the obsenities and one day shook her finger at her 90 year old MIL saying, "What would your Mother think if she heard you talking like that?" Guess what - it worked! Even 90 year olds apparently are still afraid of their mothers!
Charlie, My husband has never hit me because I make sure to stay out of his reach when he gets angry. I'm sure if he had a cane, I would have been hit several times. He did threaten and caused me to fall and break my foot getting away from him. When he saw I was hurt he kept saying He was sorry. Now when he threatens, I tell him he has to be able to stand up first. He still gets very angry at the least thing. He gets angry when I help him sit down, he seems to be afraid he is going to fall and I am trying to make him fall. Yesterday he fell and I helped him up. He started yelling at me and I leaned over and gave him a kiss. It was like he didn't know what to do then but he stopped yelling so it worked. It does seem to be easier for a woman to say her husband hit her than it is for a man to say his wife hit him. With this disease it makes no difference, man or woman, they do get angry and hit. Make sure you tell her doctor, there has to be some medication he can give her to help.
My husband just threatened to kill me so he could do what he wants to do. He has now gone to bed. I'm reporting "just in case" and am on alert to call 911. It was not physical.Its probably over for tonight.
Anna - I am so sorry you are going through this today. The most important thing is to stay safe. I hope it is over for tonite and I hope you can find some comfort and safety for tomorrow. I hope you have family and friends to help and encourage you too. I hate to think of you by yourself with this pain, hurt, fear, or stress. If you need positive thoughts I'm sending them your way, if you need prayers I'll send some of those too...I hope you'll let us know that you are safe tomorrow. Sleep well and safely, JThinking
I remember hearing this advice - have a lock on the bathroom door and a cell phone. I hope you have both. This disease is bad enough without horrible threats.
The Alzheimer's Association says that the "keyword" when you call 911 for violence is that "you need someone to come and take him to the hospital." Warn them that he has threatened you, or, in my case that there was actual physical violence. Depending on where you live asking for the police might not work.
Anna I know how scared you are. I gave my husband the car keys last week because I knew he was going to kill me if I didn't. I let him go out of the house and dialed 911. It literally took more than 12 hours before my blood pressure went down to normal.
DH slept all night and until 9am. I think he remembers that something "went on" as he is not talking to me. I don't have family so its really difficult. I'm seriously considering having him live with his daughter. She is aware of our circumstances. She thinks that she and her husband can look after him. He has been abusive only with me. It's becoming more frequent and there was a physical incident three weeks ago.
We're in a remote area and cell phones don't work here. There is supposed to be a "tower" installed soon.
I'm wiped out today. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.
When I told doc about DH escalating aggression, he said to always look for a way out if alone in a room w/him and call 911 immediately. Well, I thought, how is someone supposed to live like this! This was a man who would take bullets for me, how can it happen! Our children kept pleading, 'please Mom, we don't want to lose you to the same disease.' Eventually, for my own well-being I had to place him. No good can come of your being injured or killed. Do whatever you can do--ask doc for meds, send him to relatives, get placement, protect yourself--I don't say this lightly, I know it's not easy.
Anna, Betty speaks volumes...no one should live being fearful for the wellbeing or their life. I think you should send him to live with his daughter and son in law. I think they will find in very short order that he is not the same as he was and they will begin having problems with him also. The caregiver did not cause the disease, they also cannot fix what damage has been done.
We, who have been thru it, would gladly do it all over again, but I would venture to say that we also took our own limitations into account and acted accordingly. We did not abandon our loved one, we only did what we had to do to preserve our own selves.
I worry about you, Anna....please take my heartfelt advice and take care of yourself.
I thought being near my DH in bed would calm him, but it made it easier for him to grab my throat. Now, when he gets so agitated, I go sleep in the other room. Today he was so agitated during the day, so I thought a trip to the grocery store would give a little change of scene. Going into the store, he is saying, shit, shit, shit, shit and it got louder in the store, so we just went out the other door and came home. He fell at home and needs help getting up, so I call the teenage boys next door ( the only ones home) and by the time we got him up and settled, he had calmed down. I have Trazadone for sleep tonight. I hate this disease. Friday is our 48th wedding anniversary. Nancy
Starling, Thank you for your advice about having someone take them to the hospital. Yesterday hubby (early stage with little signs to other except me) threatened to kill me (he has several guns in his possession)----I called 911....Hubby admitted he threathened to kill me and They DID NOT REMOVE the GUNS! Because, he appeared normal to them and friendly. With this said the sheriffs only filed a report. They asked him to leave...he said he had no where to go....at that point I ended up staying at a friends. This a.m. I called the house and he's normal like nothing happned. I know this will happend again....he's in a gray area so conservatatorship is out--(Yes, I spoke the the elder law guy yesterday) and I can't divorce because of money. So I guess I will just have to deal with another death threat...maybe the next time he will follow though, but I have no choice.
P.S. I don't know where all these guns are "hidden" or I would dispose of them
oh Lullie, you must spy on him without him noticing and get all this info you need...financials. and esp now the guns! if you husband has been diagnosed with AD then i would think with a threat like that and guns in the home, you could go to your local police dept alone and find out exactly what you should do..or call the alz hotline and maybe they will have some options. its time for you to set the rules down...many of us int he beginning like you had issues we had to make demands or 'else'..the or else would be walk out..you dont have a choice here, unless he agrees to some of your demands that you need to place immediately, you should make some decisions concerning your future now. you cant stay with a man who threatens your life or gives you no alteranatives just for money issues. there are shelters that will help you find work. many of us found the threats worked with our loved ones. i had to go that route with the driving issues and luckily it worked. this is just too serious for you to stand by and wait for another time. make some calls. divvi
Lullie, the men who came to your house were deputies. You need to go the Sheriffs office and sit down with him or her and explain the entire situation.B/C of the 4th amendment it is a sensitive thing for law enforcement to remove the weapons if he is not a convicted criminal. However, you and your family members can locate and remove the guns with out telling him. Then let him report them stolen, The sheriff will have the real story and kinda play along with you. However, he DOES NOT NEED A GUN to kill or maime you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Call his DR NOW and get him medicated
Charlie, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I never told anyone for the longest time. Even then when I did I played it down. Looking back, I can't believe all I have put up with. My sister was in an abusive relationship, so I KNOW BETTER!!! Yet, when it is Alzheimer's, you just keep thinking they didn't mean to do it. I know he doesn't. But the fact is, it is still domestic violence, and it is NOT ACCEPTABLE!
Seroquel helped for a little while, but then it started back up. I know how hard it was for me to let people know.. I imagine with the stereo type of you being a man, it must have been even harder. You need to let her doctor know ASAP as well as your family. It only escalates, it doesn't get better. I am in the process of going for guardianship and trying to find a nursing home for him. It is harder than be abused, how messed up is that? *sigh
All of you who are being abused... you need to think about your own health and lives. Learn from others, and at least think about placing them.
Anna, I bought cordless house phones. It has two phone jacks. I keep one in the living room, and the other in a room with a lock. Part of me wants to tell you how I survived all these years living with this abuse, and the other part of me wants to tell you to get the hell away from this abuse. Before AD, my husband would have risked his life to save me!! This man, he is not my husband. Lynn would just die if he knew he was abusing me....... He would want to be placed. I am sure all of your spouses if in their right mind, would tell you to place them. Another thing, if his daughter takes him, he will turn on her eventually. She should be warned of his violence.
Lullie, I am not sure where you live? If he threatened your life, and admitted it, you could have and should have pressed charges. These leave a mark on his record, and at least here in New Hampshire is enough to warrant the removal of guns. Please do talk to the chief about your concerns. It may not be too late to press charges.
Damn this friggin disease!! Is it not enough that we must watch as our loved ones are taken from us inch by bloody inch??!!! :( :(
Nikki, that is awful you have been thru so much with your Dear Lynn. we all know in their right minds they wouldnt lay a finger on us, but the monster has them and makes them so unpredicatable and abusive. i wish you had fessed up earlier even last yr and started the process long ago. your own health cries for respite. its definately time and i know from the kindred spirit we share i guess i'd have done the same and covered it up hoping it would go away. the good thing is you are moving in the right direction now and it wont be AS hard since you have had time to come to terms with the abuse. you are in my prayers as you move forward and know you are now doing this for your survival now and theres absolutely no turning back..Divvi
Thank you everyone for your input. Tomorrow hubby will be seeing his priest---followed by a doctor's apt. My priest has offered to "hold" the guns until his meds kick in. If hubby isn't aggreeable I will give him the choice the guns or me. Hopefully, he will make the right choice because anyone with impairments should not drive or own firearms...simple. What was the sheriffs office thinking NOT. God bless each and everyone of you.
Lullie, I hope his Priest can get him to give up the guns. Many laws truly need to be revised! Alzheimer's is going to effect more and more families and these laws protecting their "rights" need to addressed. As much as I love him, my husband IS a threat to himself and others. All AD patients will be at some point. *sigh. Keep us posted and please protect yourself. Don't forget to tell his doctor EVERYTHING.. even if you have to put it in a letter to him. Keeping you in my thoughts, Nikki
Nikki, Thank you. I will keep you posted. When hubby went off the zoloft ---100 mg cold turkey it didn't help....I hate this disease. It's so lonely isn't it? I am grateful we have this site to share stories and get support. I now belong to a support group, but it only meets once a month. Many of the people in the support group are there for their parents ....this is so much different when a spouse is affected. God I hate this disease...the black abyss. Lullie
I said to my husband re. the gun situation,"Either the gun goes, or I do." He chose the gun. I went. Two months later he gave up the gun, and I came back. This was about 6 years ago, before he had the diagnosis of Alzheimer's. Now I can call the incident an early sign of the disease. In any case, I was afraid for my life and my adult son's, who sometimes stayed with us for a few days when he came into the city.
Lullie, Lulie, Lulie~I beg you please take care. You must let his doctor know what is happening. I was able to FAX DH's neuro an URGENT message. He understood that I was afraid. Got DH on Depakote and Risperdal ASAP. I lied to DH and told him the extra medication was for his BP. It worked and saved my sanity, that's the point! Am praying for you...M
Not all AD patients become a threat to themselves and others. There are many who just decline, loose their memory, their memories and ability to remember, become very childlike and totally dependent on a care giver. Many DO NOT become combative, care resistant or disagreeable.
Bar-bra, I am sorry if I implied all Alzheimer's patients would become combative and abusive.. that is not what I meant. What we were talking about was removal of guns... in this instance all Alzheimer's patients are a threat. Best case senerio, as you said they do become very childlike, and therefore should not have a gun any more than a child should. That is all I meant.
Bar-bra is correct, that the majority (something like two-thirds) of AD patients never develop the uglier behavioral symptoms. And I think it's a good thing to keep reminding us of that, because so many newbies aren't aware of it, and become petrified by some of the posts they see here.
Still, it's a good idea to get all weapons out of the house. Even a mild and agreeable AD patient could take it into his head to clean a gun, or even move it, and have it accidentally go off, hurting himself or someone else (even in another room or perhaps outside ... bullets can go through walls and windows, after all.)
Sadly Nikki ......... it isn't just AZ patients who are a threat and who shouldn't be around guns ..... there are many, many others. You are right, AZ and guns just don't mix. The saddest part of this whole issue is that there are those who are supposed to have the responsibility and power to separate an AZ patient from his guns but who do not understand the disease and sluff the issue off as a 'non-issue' ........ they don't seem to comprehend the inherent danger involved in the mix and only realize the real danger/problem 'after' the fact.
My husband was career Police Officer and therefore his guns, be they his side-arms or shot guns, were part of his very being ........ he was also a hunter for food. During the off season he would separate the firing pins from the guns, store them in separate areas of our home and did the same with the ammunition ...... he always said that if we ever suffered a breakin the bad guys may well find and steal his guns but they wouldn't be much use to them as they'd have no firing pins in them.
When my husband was dx'd I called my brother, who is also a hunter for food, and had him come and take all the guns away. It was early enough in our journey that my husband could understand and comprehend that he would no longer be able to hunt and therefore no longer needed his guns. As we live in Canada, where gun registration is mandatory, we de-registered them from my husband's name and they have now been re-registered in my brother's name.
You're so right Sunshyne ...... my husband is 24/7 incontinent, needs help dressing and undressing, needs help brushing his teeth, combing his hair and putting on his shoes. Cannot zip or unzip his clothing, buttons are difficult. Needs his food cut and sometimes guidance even putting it in his mouth ........ BUT ...... his personality and cheerfulness is absolutely marvelous ! When he can put a sentence together he often just says ........ 'love ya Mom' (he's always called me 'mom') and will give me a kiss on the lips ........ so not all is bad ....... it's just really very, very sad :(
Bar-bra, you are right. The anger, etc. is a range. Some people never even develop the mean spiritedness that sometimes occurs. Others become physically abusive. It is a range that goes from the occasional off the wall response to a simple question to full scale physical attack.
My husband had one very bad incident. Except for that I dealt with some mean spiritedness, and the occasional off the wall comment. But mostly things are pretty good around here.
I think a lot of the odder symptoms are actually a range that go from extremely mild to very bad.
I have been fortunate, my DW has shown signs of violence twice, the second episode was bad and earned her a trip to the hospital for a 14 day medication adjustment and around 45 days in a nursing facility. They were able to get her turned around and she returned home, I wouldn't bring her home until I was absolutely certain they had her under control. The children and I will not tolerate violence. Both of these events happenened around six years ago, we have been able to keep her on a balance of medications that control this behavior very well. We haven't had any more problems with violence, she now expresses all of her anger verbally.
Her Neurologist put her on Paxil and Seroquel along with the Aricept and Namenda. She started out on 12.5 mgs of Seroquel a day, her Neurologist has increased her Seroquel to the point where she now takes 225 mgs a day. These medications can work wonders. It is very important to keep the Neurologist aware of their actions and behavior. Medications can help control these behaviors and help make life easier for all.
If violence appears at the early stages, it can be caused by improper medication. In these cases a medication adjustment will sometimes solve the problems.
Good Morning everyone...good news...yesterday (Friday) hubby relinquished his guns (hopefully all of them)- We saw his primary care doctor and he said the guns needed to go immediately and hubby was coperation. :)------Dr. wanted to place him in a temporary unit for observation, but I declined because I feel that in the past when he has gone off the meds. and returns he come not abusive. 100 mg. of Zofolt can make alot of differenc.
Jimmy....thank you for your input on sharing about DW....is the violence only in the early stages?
Nikki....I am so sorry that Lyn and you are dealing with so much as all of you are.
Bar-bra....my heart goes out to you also.
Sterling....thank you for all your input. You have added alot of good advice to the message board and also (as others) are very knowledge on this disease.
Not sure that this fits the violence discussion, but several months ago in the early morning hours my nonviolent, agreeable DH blew a large hole in the living room wall while I was sleeping upstairs. He is fairly early stage but couldn't tell me why he even had the gun out. He refused to allow the guns off the property (there is a paranoia about intruders that's unfounded). I bought a steel gun cabinet and locked them all up. He hasn't asked about them since and has no idea where I keep the keys. He may never lay a hand on me but he could have killed me nonetheless!
WOW Teri - I would say you were one lucky lady. Glad you have them locked up securily now. Ours were removed from the house and didn't cause too much trouble, unless he is angry about something else, then the guns and driving issue become alive again for a little while. My DH would not be able to find the ammo, load the gun but you never know when they might get a second of remembering to do so.
Terri and Imohr, Anyone with a cognitive impairment should NOT own a gun or have access to them. Safety is the main issue for them, yourselves and others. We want our spouse to have as more dignity and independence as possible and it's a tough call to remove their personal property and driving keys. Sticky issues....I only pray that when the time comes hubby will be a willing to give up the keys to the car as he was his guns (I really thought I would have a battle on this one, but prayers do help!)
Lullie, Glad it went well with the guns (and hope it is truly behind you) and hope you have as much luck with the driving. My DH, like a lot of people with AD (or dementia) never realize they have cognitive impairments, even in the early stages. They don't realize there is a problem so there is no reason (in their view) to give up the driving (or other risks). And, they never give up the complaining about having to give up the driving (etc.). Add a little paranoia and you are the EVIL ONE.
Often, with dementia. there is also the intermittent whack to reality. There is a constant struggle to stay a step ahead of their declining abilities, and even then they still surprise us. Baaaad news if there are still car keys, meds, and money that has not been already locked away.
This event happened the day before we took her to the memory clinic at Emory for her first appointment. It was not related to the appointment, but we did discuss the event with the case worker there. We found out later in the day that she had VaD/AD. We found out she was on a bunch of medications that were not appropriate for her. This event may have been medication related. She is now entering Stage 5, we haven't haven't experienced any physical violence since. We have had plenty of anxiety, verbal outbursts and argumentive situations to deal with, but no more violence.
Pat B...Yes, I see what you mean about being the EVIL ONE....and sometimes I feel like I am because we are always the bearer of the bad stuff. We have to go with them to the doctors like they are children, we have to monitor their meds, we take away their money, keys to the car...yikes----it's no wonder they lash out at us with their impairment.
Jimmy.....I see what you mean about he anixety....I wake in the a.m. have a coffee and b-4 10:30 a.m. I have a xanax (1/2)---by 3 p.m. I am ready for a glass on wine....(whine whine)---if this is the beginning stages how do you people cope? I would love to know what you caretakers do to cope with this situation. I saw this coming a couple of years ago...but now that I have a diagnosis it's more advanced...hell, I didn't need any special tests from the psychogolist to say there was a decline....Duh.....
Also, how are you people getting your personal property in order so that when the time comes for a nursing home all your assetts aren't gone. It would be nice to have a home owe but with nursing home cost from $50,000 up a year....that would soon be gone to....so many questions...so many worries...
*** See an elder care lawyer, Lullie, *** because it differs from state to state. But basically, you can't do anything at this point except figure out how you can live in your own home on probably a good bit less than you do now. The giving away, etc, has to have been done five years before he goes into an n.h. ... Your assets would be split half and half if he went on medicaid but his income, from retirement, social security would be used toward his costs in the nursing home. You really MUST talk to someone.
What about verbal abuse? I keep telling myself over and over that it's the disease but he is so angry and mean but not threatening to physically hurt me. He is in stage 3 of 7 stage range. He doesn't trust me handling money, etc. and thinks that I am always wrong and denies everything! It is so frustrating!
I think you should contact his Doctor and get something for verbal abuse. I don't think we should have to stand for that if there is a med that would control it. I would be afraid it would some day turn to physical abuse.
My dh has always had some verbal abuse as did his father. He was always right and verbal abuse just really puts your spirits down. Then he would expect me to welcome sexual advances while I was still reeling from the negative verbal talk. This was before AD and he seldom criticizes me since the AD diagnosis. I didn't realize there was meds for it until I started reading Joan's website.
Oh, by the way,welcome to the website and hope you come back often.
Welcome to my website. I was married to my soulmate. We adored each other. There was NEVER any intentional verbal abuse. Then Alzheimer's Disease reared its ugly head. Log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and look on the left side where all of the resources are. Click on "previous blogs", and read #179, 209, 231, and 261. Those are the blogs I wrote about the verbal abuse and the emotional pain it has caused me.
Thanks, I will check them out previous blogs. I will also talk to his doctor. I also think that this week he has been more frustrated and taking it out on me.
beachgirl, Welcome. You'll find a lot of answers here.
If DH is more frustrated and taking it out on you, all the more reason to speak to his doctor (ASAP). There will only be more confusion and frustration down the road with this disease. It's tough enough when your LO is pleasant, but when they are not, it is even more wearing and tiring. Remember, what little reasoning they have at any stage is only going to decrease and the primary caregiver seems to be the target. So unfair isn't it?
briegull, re Lullie's problems, I'm not so sure that all her husband's income would be used for his nursing home costs. If I recall correctly, the "community spouse" is allowed to keep a reasonable amount of her husband's income for her own expenses. The rules do recognize that someone who has been a stay-at-home spouse may have nothing of her "own" but that she does have a legal claim on everything that has come from the marriage, including a pension and social security.
And different states have different rules about the assets she can keep, too. Some states, she can keep half of the assets up to the ceiling. In others, she can keep assets up to the ceiling, period.
Yes, Lullie does need to see a lawyer who really understands Medicaid. And I think she should also consult a divorce attorney, so she can get a balanced opinion about her options. I think it may be possible for her to get just as much in Social Security as her husband gets, if they were to be divorced, for example, and I think her claim can start when she's younger than the usual age, too. (The SS isn't split ... each would his/her own.) But an elder law attorney may not know the in's and out's of divorce law, so she'd need to talk to both kinds of lawyers to get the best advice.
beachgirl, hi, and welcome to Spouse. I can't imagine what I'd do if my husband started developing those symptoms. So far, he's an absolute lamb. So many others have pointed out that we'd never tolerate that kind of treatment if our spouses were healthy ... so why are we expected to tolerate it and stick with the spouse if the behavior is due to illness? It is, when you think about it, pretty skewed thinking. I think lmohr makes excellent points.
You're right, Sunshyne, that she should talk to both kinds, even though I know it costs. As far as the eldercare person, asking at the ALZ Association locally may turn up someone giving a talk pretty soon - they seem to do them constantly - and if she can go there and find out some answers, at least in a q&a afterwards, that might help.
It's known as States Rights, guys, when you see the differences between states. Like how pot can be legal, or same-sex marriages, in some states not others. Used to be the excuse for segregation. Now it's the explanation for all kinds of medicaid-related issues being different among states as well as many other things.
Lullie can probably get initial consultations for free. Lawyers usually do not start charging you until both the lawyer and the potential client are sure that they want a relationship.
It is a good idea to set up initial consultations with two or three lawyers who practice in a particular area of law. Develop a list of questions, and take that along with you, plus extra paper and a pen, and take notes! Then add to your list of questions for the second lawyer, and again for the third. You can learn an awful lot about (a) whether you need a lawyer, (b) how much help a lawyer can be, and (c) which lawyer would be best for you, just from the free consultations.
Never feel obligated to retain a lawyer just because you had an initial consultation.
Don't overlook your local or area Alzheimer's Association, they are a very good source of advice. Many can give you a lot of free advice regarding Medicare/Medicaid, our local Alzheimer's Association refered to me an Elder Care Attorney who helped me navigate the Medicare/Medicaid maze. Remember you don't have to be destitute to qualify for Medicaid. There are some limitations on cash assets, but you are able, as the "community spouse" (the caregiver), to be considered the owner of any jointly owned assets such as real estate and automobiles. You don't not have to sell all of your property and real estate. There are limitations (dollar caps) on the amount of jointly owned cash assets you can have. The assets you (the community spouse) have in your name only such as IRA's, 401K's and other types of retirement accounts are considered your property and are not considered in the Medicaid equation for your AD spouse.
They will take the AD spouse's SS and retirement income and apply it towards the cost of the nursing home, care and medications required. The will let you keep around $ 30.00 a month for personal expenses. Some states have laws that do require the liquidation of real estate to pay these expenses, but the community spouse can live in the residence until their death. I don't know what happens if you sell the real estate before death. They may take 50% of the equity in the property.
Medicaid laws vary from state to state, so don't take any thing we say here as an accurate reflection of the situation in your state. Be sure to consult an Elder Care Attorney, It may cost you a few hundred dollars but it well worth the investment. Don't proceed into Medicaid without the advice of an Attorney, it can help you keep a lot of your assets. Be sure and see the Attorney before you consider placement of your loved one.
Wow.....thank you everyone for all the good input. I did contact an elder attorney $300.00 just to look at it (we only have one listed in our rather small city)----we own several properties and this business about giving personal property ect. 5 yrs b-4 a nursing home sucks. I sure hope this isn't the case. I will check with the facillator at the ALZ support group....I am sure that they will know how some of this stuff works in my state.
BEACHGIRL, Welcome! I too am a newbie what loads of ?'s----I get the verbal abuse like crazy (also stage 3)----I am sorry for that he's this way....I hate this..I wish there was a magic pill called "Sweetness"---