Lately I've noticed some similar behaviors, exhibited by us--the caregivers. I think they're false, and they are hurtful to us. We are being our own worst enemies. We are actually pulling ourselves down.
First let me say, it is my observation that just as every Dementia patient is unique and declines in their own unique way, so are we unique as caregivers. I am just thankful that I am caregiver to my DH and not anyone else's. Can any of you see me (braces and crutches) trying to do this job for JeanetteB's husband, with his biking treks? Some great wisdom has us caring for the exact person we can do the job for. We each are the BEST CAREGIVER FOR OUR LO.
As far as who does what the best, COMPARISON has no place in our efforts. Some of us may have more experience and/or skill in dealing with certain behaviors. This just means they can share more with us to help us deal with those matters. It doesn't mean they are better caregivers. Instead of feelig less adequate, we should be feeling grateful for the sharing.
And as far as apologizing for venting or bringing our down times to this board, what better place could we possibly come. We ALL have times when we get PO'd, irritated, aggravated with the Disease, the situation, our LO's behavior, and/or medical professionals who are less than perfect. Here we can get validation, acceptance, and suggestions to make things better. Here we can get caring and understanding because WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE, or pretty close.
We worry about doing the job perfectly. Can't be done. We are human beings and they are imperfect. We can strive to do the job as perfectly as possible and that is as good as it gets. IT IS GOOD ENOUGH. And when we finally win--get our LOs through the Dementia tunnel we will have our AFTER. Right now our AFTERs don't look real promising, probably because we haven't been doing that good a job of taking care of ourselves. This we need to do better--we MUST do better. Our AFTER will be as good and full as we make it. How full and good it will be, is in our hands.
Thanks carosi. I agree that we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves -- and that no one need apologize for venting. Reading someone else's vent is liberating, because I so often see thoughts I've had myself but hardly been able to express, or even let myself think. Reading about other people's problems is comforting if you have the same ones (strange but true, I guess because it's good to realize that you're not alone) and being able to help someone else with a comment, information or advice is therapeutic. And we're each the best care-giver for our LO because we are each the one that they love, trust and need (whether they know it or not).
I am the guilty one here..of doubting myself.. I believe it may be due to bringing in Hospice Care for my husband. It's stepping out of my comfort zone of 'handling' it. It's all the different people in and out of the house, breaks in routine, DH's increased anxiety.
I know I've done a good job. He is comfortable. He is still home. That's all he asked for.
I am so thankful for this site and the many helpful post. As stated above, I too believe we are our own worst enemies. But that is because we care so much for our LO's. We also care about ourselves and find it hard to admit. We know we should take care of ourselves but at the same time feel that it is wrong because we may be taking time away from our LO. If I have learned anything from this site it is that we are doing the best we can for the person we love. There is no room for guilt, doubt or the thought that there might be someone better to do the job. It is our job and I believe our joy to be the one that is going to see that our LO's best interest is being carried out in their final days. With the love and support from everyone on this site we will succeed.......
thanks for that insight Carosi, sometimes it is hard to see the forest b/c the trees are in the way!!!!!!!! and that insight was worth far more that 2 cents, it is priceless....