I am trying to type between the tears, my love of my life passed away in the late afternoon, i wasn`t with him,I was called on my way home from buying him his beloved chocolate chip cookies for tomorrow, they got him up from his afternoon nap and the nurse told me he didn`t look good,but was talking and he was put in the dining room for dinner and they left him to get his tray and when the nurses aid got back to feed him he had already passed, they tell me he just closed his eyes and went to sleep, I didn`t know it would hurt so bad to lose him, I am not ready for this life, i looked forward to always visiting with him on the weekends. I am totaly feeling guilty cause i opted to go shopping instead of going to see him today, I didn`t get to say goodby and tell him i love him, I did alot of talking when I got there to see him for the last time but he was gone and couldn`t hear me, now comes the task of the memorial for him, don`t know if I can get through this, it won`t be until thursday because daughter in az. is driving home,can`t aford to fly cause there are four in the family so driving, I was not alowed to go and visit him for the last 2 weeks cause our school was shut down for the swine flu and I was around all the grandkids who had it, so double guilt. i know i`m rambling but don`t know what else to do, all the children were with me at the house tonight but i sent them all home want`ed to be alone and just cry, i will never here him say my love you here and give me that big smile , what do I do now, how do I get through this, it was so sudden, they don`t know why it happened and I do not want them to test and see what happened, we all know it has to do with this damn illness one way or the other.Gail
Oh Gail, so very sorry for the loss of your love. Of course he knew how much you loved him and how lucky he was to have you through all this. It is a damn illness and my thoughts and prayers are with you in this part of your journey. Arms around you Gail.
I am deeply saddened for you. The sudden loss is the worst. We know this disease eventually wins, but we want to be with our loved ones when the angels come to usher them from this life to the next. You may remember that when my husband passed it was sudden, unexpected, and in a hospital two hours away from home. I felt the guilt of having not seen him for an entire week beforehand. Staff suggested we wait a couple days after his admission to let him settle in. Meanwhile, he contracted C-diff (nasty bug) going through the whole wing so they banned visitors. It is hard to understand our feelings of guilt for not being there in those final moments with our loved one. One thing that has helped me is believing that he wanted to go on his own terms, and not to have had our children and I holding vigil for days or weeks.
My sincere condolences, prayers for peace, comfort, and healing for you and your entire family. God Bless.
Oh Gail, I am so very sorry for your loss. I am just sitting here crying, trying to find some words to comfort you. I have often felt you and I live a parallel life, that our dear husbands, as well as us, were in the same fork in the road on this journey. I do know how hard it was for you to place him, and I can feel within my own heart the pain you must be feeling because you were not able to be with him recently.
But sweetie, please in the midst of your pain, try to remember that your beloved husband was able to leave this world peacefully. I know this was your greatest wish for him. ((Gail)) you were trying to protect him by not going in to see him. I saw first hand what a flu epidemic can do in a nursing home. You must know in your heart, you did the right thing..... I know that does so little to stop the ache....
I do not believe he was gone, I believe with all my heart that he heard every single word you said to him. ((hugs)) I can't know your pain, but my heart breaks for you. Please email me any time! Come and talk to us as often as you can, or want to ... let us help you in this part of your journey too! Keeping you and your family deep in my heart, thoughts and prayers. Much love my friend, Nikki
Mary Gail: The nurses told me that my DH was going & I stepped out of the room to the desk to call our son. I was gone only moments but that's when he left--while I was on the phone just feet away. God, I felt so bad. Why at that moment? This is to ask you not to feel so bad that you were not there, that you went someplace else that day. These things are beyond our control--this whole damned disease is beyond our control. But when I had time to think about it, I was grateful that my DH died easily, he deserved his peace. Of course you are drifting now, you will for a while, but Nature will guide you, ease the pain. For now, feel our cyber hands reach out to you and offer our strength.
Marygail, so sorry to hear of your loss. Good that your family can be there to help you. Please accept their help and comfort. They tell us that in time the good memories will come back and erase the (undeserved!) feelings of guilt that we suffer if it happens that we can't be there when the time comes. I pray that this will happen for you.
I am so sorry to hear this, Marygail. Just go with the grieving but leave the guilt at the door. Your wonderful husband left on his own terms and with very little suffering for you to watch. Think of this as his last gift to you and your family. Loving hugs coming to you.....
Gail, heartfelt sympathy on the loss of your husband. It's shocking when the end comes so suddenly. I'm sure you're completely overwhelmed. For now, try to focus on what needs to be done immediately, let your children and friends help you. Get through today, then get through tomorrow. We're here to support you any way we can. You and your family are in my prayers. ((((hugs))))
Gail, Please accept my deepest sympathy on the loss of your husband. Please don't feel guilty about not being there. When my Mother passed away with no one there, I felt it was her last gift to us, that was not our last memory of her. Hugs, Kadee
Gail, I'm so very sorry for your loss.It is sad you weren't there for the moment but concentrate now on the years of love you were able to share. Thinking of you and your family. xox cs
Gail, it is so hard to accept the things we have no control over. Many of us learn this the hard way. You were a great caregiver. He knew in his heart how much you loved him. Treasure the memories, always remember the silly things like his love for cookies. Some people seem to wait to pass until they have all their family around them, (my Dad), others wait until they are alone to go quietly, (a good friend). Know that he LOVED you and that We Love you. Reach for our rope when you need it. Feel my arms around you, hugging you tight. Let us know how you are doing. We still need you. Love, Susan
Gail, I know your loss is more difficult because it was not expected. Take comfort in the lack of lengthy suffering. Try not to focus on what you didn't do, but rather what you did do, with loving intentions. So sorry for your loss.
Marygail, my heart is breaking for you. I also believe they leave on their own terms. Please do not feel guilty. I hope your happy memories will comfort you. Thoughts and prayers are coming your way.
((Gail)) I thought about you all night..... I hope you surround yourself around your family and friends today. I hope you find some peace dear one. ((big hugs)) Nikki
Gail, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Please put your guilt away. We never know the time or the place, and we have to follow the rules. You did that, so you have no reason to feel badly about not being there. You said your goodbyes a long time ago, and you said more goodbyes when you saw him. You'll have his memorial service to celebrate his life and all he meant to you and your family, and then the good memories can replace the AD ones. He is in a better place. Keep telling yourself that in dark times. ((((((HUGS)))))
Gail, I'm so sorry. What a shock for you to have it happen so suddenly and unexpectedly. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You were a wonderful wife and did all that you could for your husband. Now it's time to take care of yourself. Lots of hugs.
I'm so sorry for your pain. Your husband got the best gift of all, he got a gentle passing into the good light. You are in all of our thoughts and prayers.
now dear friends, i need you all more than you can imagine, have family members doing for me and the mortician is coming to my house this afternoon, i had a bad night, thought he was here, yelled where are you, turned on the light and it blew out so freeky, i will keep you all in my heart when things get bad, love you all, i will check in again later to let you all know how i am doing, here come the tears again thought they were all dried up, until later, bless you all. Gail
((Gail)) I am so relieved you checked in with us. We ARE here for you, don't forget that ((hugs)) I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. I know how very much you loved him, and were not ready to say that final goodbye. I hope you keep your family around you until you feel better able to cope. Allow others to take care of you for awhile!! I will keep praying you can find some peace, that the good memories will overshadow the heartache. Much love and many many ((hugs)) Nikki
So sorry for your loss.....Your sweetheart knows your love for him and I believe his spirit was around you after his body passed and he knew your sadness at not being with him at his death. yOu have no reason to feel guilt , you honored him while he was alive.
Please accept my condolences on the loss of your husband. Don't punish yourself with guilt. You loved him and cared for him - keep that close to your heart, and give yourself time to grieve. Accept the help of friends and family, and when the time is right, you may want to consider a widow's support group.
I have a friend who is a recent widow, and she says it is true - the good memories push away all the bad ones. May you find comfort in the good memories.
Sincere condolences to you Gail and your family ,so sorry to hear your DH had passed away .He is at peace now and whole again,gentle hugs God Bless Rosieuk
Dear Gail, My heart is with you today and in the days to come. My big brother (more like a father to me than my own) died recently, and I got a very clear message from him. It was that if I knew what it was like to be where he was, I would never worry again. It sounds surreal, but it happened and it still comforts me.
Dear Gail..I am so so sorry. As much as all of us hate to see our precious husbands lost in the maze of this disease, we don't want to lose them all together. I do understand your heartache. We cry for our loss, but not for their freedom, I'm told. Perhaps that is true. One man said to me, "I knew my mother was going to die, but I didn't want her to be dead!" I think about that statement often. (Incidentally, that man was my Priest!)
I also understand your need to be alone last night, but I hope you allow your own family to be with you now. They need your presence, to insure that their lives will go on and that you will be there, and be OK. Being together makes everyone stronger.
Gail. I am so sorry for your loss. I am praying for you and your family that the good memories will replace all the bad ones. Please do not feel guilty because you did your best every day to care for him. He was tired and ready to go to a better place.
When you're ready, Gail,....only when you're ready, don't forget to put the "star from your crown" next to your sign-on name. You have earned it, many times over. Love,Nancy
Dearest Gail, my heart goes out to you. Please accept my sincere condolences. And remember, he KNEW you loved him with all your heart, don't ever forget that. May God grant you strength and peace. I'll keep you all im ny thoughts any prayers. I'm so sorry. Diane
Gail...how blessed you are...husband died "a death of kings" silently in his sleep. You were there for him always and should have no regrets. Thoughts and prayers are with you. His is at peace and hopefully you will find your peace.
Marygail -So sorry for your loss. So glad it was peaceful for him. Do not feel badly about not being with him. He knew you loved him and he is with you still in your memories and in your heart.
Marygail, I am very sorry for your loss. Keep your famiy close and let them care for you as you go through these first days without him. Please try to make his memorial a celebration of his life and of his peaceful release from the power of AD. Claim victory for the two of you. You saw him through it and he is free. Peace be with you.
MaryGail--I'm so very sorry about your loss. You've been a good a true wife and helper to him for all these years. Having him pass so suddenly has to be so very hard. I'm sorry.
MaryGail, so sorry for your loss. Don't feel guilty....you were out buying his favorite cookies...with his best interest at heart right up to the end. I'm sure he knows how much he was loved. Hope the memorial service will help with your pain.
MaryGail, My Heart goes out to you at this very painful time...You should have no guilt...I think he choose the time to go, in order to spare you the extra heartache....Keep close to your family...Remember the Good Times..He is at Peace. I pray that you will find the peace that you deserve...Bless you and your family. Hugs. Rosalie
MaryGail, I am so sorry for the sudden loss of your dear husband. I am sure it being so sudden is the worst of all. You are in my heart and prayers as you go thru this ordeal. Just remember you did the best you could for your dh and now you must do the best that you can for yourself. You are what is important now..... May Peace come soon and know that you are loved by many here. God Bless and Keep you in your pain....
MaryGail - just got to this thread. I am so sorry for you loss but happy that your husband has gone on to a better life. He is not longer in pain. His mind is whole, his thoughts do not get lost.
As for not being there - you were there all these years when it counted. My sister was by her husband's side day and night near the end. I got her to step away to get something to eat and within ten minutes he was gone. She still brings it up thinking if she were there, something would be different. It would not have changed anything - it was his time. Just as it was your husband's time.
Now between the tears and pain, celebrate his life and your life together. AND - take care of yourself now.