HAHAH!!! Marsh you old dog you! you have pre-line forming for 'after'..:)
ladies marsh has a lady friend thats at the top of HIS list he mentioned a while ago.. but marsh dont close the book just yet, there are dozens of wonderful choices to travel with right here among your friends.. haha.
TJ...We will find woman once this passes...My requirements are simple...prenup agreement, transfer of $300 million to my personal account, a red Ferrarri, three vacation homes, a condo in Hawaii and in Bermuda, 5 million in gold bullion, A new Lambroghinni (maybe red too), a 60 ft Fishing yacht, a personal valet, butler, cook, gardener, handyman, and pool girls..OH...also forgot about my personal jet with on call pilot. This should be easy enough to find.
Shucks, ya' can't get away with nuthin' around here. Sure, I was trying to get some free travel...you can't blame a girl..I mean guy for tryin', can you?
Phranque, I think that is true of most of us.... we'll be needing recovery time before even giving a friendship our 50% share. Some of us do have friends from now and from our past to travel with in the future, but we know that friendship is all that they will ever be. Most of us are just plain exhausted from giving so much of ourselves to our spice.
I have my own rollercoaster on the "Friendship/Relationship" track. Even before Paul died thngs ran through my mind about the day I'd be free of daily caregiving, and free to develop my independence...........then a relationship perhaps. Truthfully, I have just as much angst about any NEW relationship as I do about having NO relationship. I just don't think I want to risk the emotional investment. I also fear the possibility of going through this same dang battle all over again. Right now I'm just content to be "ME."
New Realm*, you said it..."angst..NEW..NO relationship.....emotional investment....same dang battle". I have often thought I would have been better off never getting married...would have saved the heartbreak...except for our two great kids. I wouldn't trade them for anything. I was glad to get married to end the stupid dating routine, which is what I would hate having to do again. If people could just exchange dossiers including our latest picture, it would sure make it easier!
Not really, therrja, at least for me. You can still, knowing all about the person, converse about the things they've done and places they've been, their likes and dislikes, just without asking the questions first, you know what I mean? You save so much time and trouble (and money) eliminating the people you are not interested in getting to know better. Are you still with me? It's not like interviewing them for a job, it just saves months and even years of dating, which some of us don't have to spare.
Awwww Texas Joe. You make it sound like an application for a job. How does going with the flow sound to you. Life is not a cut and dried situation. It is an on going journey and nobody knows where it is going to lead. Just enjoy the fun things that come a long and indure the bad times. And scream and shake your fist several times a day which is what I seem to be doing. LOL
I've been going with the flow all my life, Bama, and I'm tired of being jerked around. I don't want to be in complete control, I've turned that over to the man upstairs, but things I CAN control, like wasting the years I have left worrying about finding a new mate, I choose not to do...no more opportunities for heartbreaks. If some mutual magic comes along with someone in the future, fine. I want to have some joy in the years left, not the pain of a new love leaving me thru death or divorce. I just want a lot of friends, who if I lose would be sad, but not heartbreaking. Life is a trip, but I don't want to fall on my face.
So glad to see this being discussed. I think I have a different perspective on this in that I will have to be careful not to jump into anything too soon and make a big mistake. I've know several people that sure jumped into a miserable situation that they regretted and was unbelievably difficult to get out of. The loneliness I am now experiencing is such that I will have to watch myself. Shucks - since this site is confidential, I'm almost tempted to say that the least bit of tenderness, attention, (lots of other things - you name them) would be so welcome that they could just send me over the cliff.
Bama, have you heard the knock on the front door from your old beau yet? If not, put it on your Twenty Wishes list. Your photo looks like you have lots of good life ahead of you.
TJ..you can never ever say never...right now, I am negotiating with a possible relationship...it's just hard to get someone to commit 300 million over the phone....but the red Ferrari does not seem to pose a problem... No more opportunities for heartbreaks?? that means no more opportunities for anything....life is a risk, and unless you risk something, you get absolutely nothing. Think of life like a casino.....pour in all the coins, and the minute you walk away from the machine after spending a fortune, the next guy wins.....
I needed a good laugh last nite - my daughter provided it when she came home from her "fun" job. She is a middle school math teacher by day and her "fun" job is being a mutuel teller at our local horseracing track during racing season.
She has quite a number of "regulars" - people who come frequently and bet with her. Last week she was talking with Billy and mentioned that she had moved her parents down here from Oklahoma with her when her Dad had a stroke. Out of the blue, he asked her "if her mother let her date" (she is 41)!
Last nite he told her "since you don't want a date, how about setting me up with your mother!!!! I'm in good health, have money etc...." Fighting back a laugh, she told him I had just lost my husband eight months ago and wasn't ready to start dating.
He is 86 years old!!!!
I've been following this thread since it started and at this point, have decided that I don't want to get married again or even have a "companion". I have been taking care of people since I was 10 years old when I helped my sister raise her three boys, got married at 18, had two kids and continued to raise my first husband for the nine years we were married. Met Claude and we were together for over 38 years. Became a 24/7 caregiver in 2004 when he couldn't be left alone. Both my kids live with me so I am still not alone.
Right now, I just want to get my life together. Like New Realm*, I'm think I'm afraid of an emotional involvement and the possibility of another caregiving situation.
Time will tell. Like TJ, our lives was each other. Other than work, my life was kids and him. Now it is him. Our marriage has been so painful that I would love nothing better than to have happy years with a man. But, I will not get married in 11 days again. Since we are early, I have no idea how long it will take. I just pray not 25+ years like his dad. I pray he goes fast. And, if I do marry again, the man will have to be financially secure and have money so if he does get sick there will be money to pay for a caregiver from early on.
There is much of the time when I would just like to eat and sleep when I want and leave the cleaning - dishes, clothes, house - bills, etc. to someone else. I want to be the 'child'.
Charlotte, that would be fun being the child. I need someone to pat me on the head and tell me I am a good girl. It's been a while since someone spoiled me.
Bama: Just recently some of the writers on this board were saying that you were 'spoiled and rotten to the core' Then, as I recall, me and some of the other gentlemen pretended to fight over you. One of them even made a make beleive offer of a beutiful weekend get-a-away.
Bless your heart. I know what you mean tho. Pretend at this stage does not fill the void that this disease leaves us with. So, here again, is wishing you a good day today, because we have no way of knowing what tomorrow is going to bring. One fellow is my support group says that 'today is as good as it gets'. I hope he is wrong, but, I kinda know that he it right.
It is always good to read your posts and I know that your football team is still winning. They should be No 1.
They wont be # 1 if they don't start improving in offense. The defense gets little rest during the game. Kind of like us, caregivers, who do not get time out. Bless you, Dean, you made my day.
In high school when it came time to pick a saying for the year book I choose "I am not afraid of tomorrow for I have seen yesterday and love today." Years later, I still feel that way.
Fact, yes in a new relationship, I will be risking being a caregiver again. Also a fact, they will be taking the risk that they will end up being my caregiver. Based on statistics, the other person could also end of with AD or I could.
I don't think I want to let those facts run my life or blind me to the possiblity of years of companionship with someone I could enjoy. I like sharing my life with someone. I also find the idea of going through the dating process and meeting someone again more than a bit daunting - it is downright scary. The dating world and I have changed a lot since I was in it the over 26 years ago.
In the meantime, while I am waiting for my prince, Mr. Right, or a good companion, I plan on doing things that I enjoy and finding out who I am and what I like without a partner. I want to have someone in my life because I choose to not because I am desparate. Dean's comment about recognizing how he is feeling and knowing he needs to be careful is a good one.
The first wife of a gentleman in our church developed a brain tumor. He became her caregiver. It was progressive but she lived for over 5 years before she died.
Two years later, he met and fell in love with another dear lady. They married and about 3 years later, she came down with Parkinsons. They were married for about 15 years before she refused any more medication and she died.
Not one to be daunted, he married a 3rd time about 4 years later. They have been married about 4 years now. She recently had a series of strokes. She is still able to get around, but needs quite a bit of help.
When I see how he copes, I figure I don't have life too bad. He's so sweet and kind to her. Just as he was to his other two wives. \
True story--we've known all of these people for almost 50 years. Wonderful people.
I agree, therrja, if someone comes along while you're not looking, and there is mutual 'chemistry' there you can't control, you just have to follow your heart.
I agree dating can be frightening. After 38+years of marriage and who knows how many that will end up being when this journey ends- so out of the dating game.