I think you are going to have to put his meds away from him and just dole them out as needed. For the last year of my Mom's life I took over her meds and laxative. She had to have Miralax every day. Before I took it over she would think she needed laxative and would take more then have a mess. The laxative business seems to be a problem with a lot of elderly AD patients. I know we don't need more to do but the med situation can get us into more problems.
My Mother didn't trust me doing her meds and questioned everything she took. I made a list of her meds and when she took them and what they were for and glued a pill beside the discription so she could look at it. This worked well for her. DH doesn't know what he is taking for what or when and could care less as long as there is a pain pill in the bunch.
Hello, I just found out about this website and I hope it helps. I read alot of the messages and couldn't believe how all of them sounded so familiar. My husband was diasgnosed with either Lewy Body Dementia or Alzheimer's in 2006. He seems to be slipping more and more each day and it is very frustrating and sad.
I could use some advice on how to "just let things go" on the little things, i.e., dishes not in the right places, can't make coffee, or brings me 3 cups of coffee at the same time, accuses people of coming in the house and stealing "useless" things such as houseslippers, etc. HELP!
Welcoome pk. You're going to love this website. Everyone is always helpful. We're all going thru the same thing. My husband always tells me about "those kids" that mess with his razor so it doesnt' shave right. (That's just ONE of the things " those kids" do) He has a very small amount of money in his wallet. He sleeps in his briefs and stick the wallet down in the front of them so "they" don't take his money. That wallet bit drives me crazy but I gave up on arguing about it.
Others will extend welcomes and lots of good info, but I thought I'd try to give you my answer to "how to 'just let things go'". On thinking about it, I think I had an advantage on this one. Because of my own handicap, I learned early on that fretting the things I could do little or nothing about was useless, even harmful to my well being. I developed a few rationalizations. Examples: If the top of the fridge or other unreachable area needs cleaning but you can't do it---"If you can't see it; it's not there."--result is no stress. If chores are piling up, you're working your tail off and just aren't there yet. "It'll be there WHEN I GET THERE."(Who else is going to do it?) I'm in command and decide what has priority. When it comes to caring for my DH, as long as I can find the dishes, does it MATTER if the dishes are in the wrong place? I DECIDE. I have control of what upsets me. If he thinks to bring you 3 cups of coffee. THANK HIM. He at least thought of you--one day he won't be able to. As for his confabulations of people coming in and stealing 'useless' things---Be glad he isn't "recognizing" STRANGERS coming to the door and inviting them in. Acknowledge what he says, don't argue. Play it down. You know what's real. FRUSTRATIONS all, Yes. But you have the control to put the best spin on these things. Will you forget, be tripped up unexpectedly, or get discouraged. Of course. You're human. I thank him as often as possible for any help he gives, and for trying even when he's unsuccessful. Even so, the one I've tripped on repeatedly, is when he refers to our Boston Terrier--OT as Chantey, our old Dachshund--dead and buried in the side yard 10+ years ago. "I brought Chantey in," he said. I immediately responded, "I hope not. Chantey's dead." Upset him!!! Always try to engage your brain before your mouth.<grin>
Carosi, that surely needs to be inthe 'things i needed to know early on' topic!!! thats so right.
engage your brain before your mouth. i need to put that sign on doors around my house..:) great!haha
my hard-won advice is to get into their world..not easy to do and sometimes you wonder who the crazy really is:)..man, having dishes out of place, wallets down underwear, pantyhose, lurking, repeating, it just seems to irrelevant now looking back. yes i went thru lots of the same and it drove me insane, esp the shadowing and peeper part..as your spouse declines and enters more physical/mental losses you will look back and probably think the same, how petty it all seems to me now and like others say you will probably wish they could be like that again for a day and you wouldnt complain at all.. divvi
I wish you gals could make your attitudes into a pill I could take ! I never cease to marvel at how upbeat you are when I'm not even there yet, and am having a difficult time adjusting. Bloody wonders you are :-)
"Always try to engage your brain before your mouth." Carosi, where have you been all my life???
My very first cat taught me a lesson that has stood me well in the earlier stages of AD. We lived in a mobile home, which had a space behind the stove for the water pipes -- open, to keep them from freezing -- and also open to the cabinet next to the stove. Cat would jump down behind the stove to get into the cabinet, where she would walk all over my pots and pans. Whenever I found her there, I'd haul her out and scold her.
She simply wasn't learning her lesson. So one day, after hauling her out for the umpteenth time, I got down on my hands and knees, shoved my nose in her face, scolded her in a loud voice, and gave her a light swat on her nose. She contemplated this for a minute, narrowed her eyes and laid her ears back, and firmly swatted me on my nose. (Fortunately, without using her claws.)
This brought me up short. I realized I'd been thinking only of what I wanted the cat to do, not of the cat's right to have her own opinion, as a member of the household. And it really did take a lot more energy to haul a struggling cat out from under the cabinet several times a day than it did to just rinse a pan out before using it. So I stopped trying to discipline her, and she lost all interest in the cabinet if going there didn't bug me. (Cats are like that.)
Now, when it comes to my husband putting things away in the "wrong" place in the kitchen, well, I realize it's only the "wrong" place because it's not the place I chose. He's still being fairly predictable as to the places where he is putting things, so I can still find them. If I had any sense, I'd just reorganize the kitchen to suit his logic, rather than mine. If they are still dirty when I do locate them, well, it doesn't take much time to clean them. And he IS trying to do the dishes after every meal, after all, bless his heart.
He used to have fresh, hot coffee waiting for me every morning when I got out of the shower. Then for a while, mostly, he would forget. If he did think about it, the coffee might be stone cold, or he might have heated it up so much I'd be blistered from here to kingdom come if I drank any. Now there's never anything after my shower, but once in a blue moon, he'll think to offer me coffee while I'm at my computer ... rarely drinkable ... but it truly is the thought that counts. I remember all those hundreds of times he did it "right" and like carosi, I thank him with all my heart.
I guess it's a matter of changing your expectations. If you expect your husband to bring you one cup of fresh, hot coffee, you'll be upset if that isn't what you get. If you expect your husband to be unable to make coffee -- or even remember what it is -- then anything that he tries to do to be thoughtful and loving is an unexpected and delightful bonus.
As for when he accuses others of stealing ... try to remember how incredibly frustrating it is for him to forget so many things so much of the time. Try to remember how frustrated YOU get when you lose something. Stupid 'whatever' was RIGHT THERE a minute ago, mumble mumble swear mutter... That happens to you once in a blue moon, but it's happening to him all the time. See if you can't change your irritation into sympathy. Respond to where he's coming from, not the specific details of the situation. It's so very, very hard for our spouses. It becomes easier for us if we can remember that.
Sunshyne, thank you for this. You are so right. I was just cleaning the top of my black smooth top range and he wanted to do it. I started to say no - knew I'd have to re-do it. But I said sure and let him have a go at it. He actually did a good job! He also puts dishes from dishwasher away in the wrong places and most of the time I can remember not to ask him where he put something. And now I know if I can't find something I was sure was in the refrigerator - I just look in the freezer or the microwave! When I misplace something and ask him if he's seen it - he really gets a laugh and tells me I can start taking his meds!
Joan stated shes gotten over 1 million hits on this website and we have lots and lots of new members lately...why is it always just a handful of usually the same ones of us posting all the time? for me contributing a post on any topic- or if unable to respond directly to something we feel unable to offer an opinion on- a post of support would be nice from more people--i know lots must be reading - i wished more could jump in and add to the discussions...anyone else feel this way?? Divvi
Seems it takes a lot of courage for some people to post. Sometimes they read for months before introducing themselves. I was so desperate, I just jumped in. And I got just the help I needed.
Yes, I do....sometimes I feel like I jump in too much, give too much advice, and that I should wait and let others respond. I have been through a lot with my husband, who has gone down more rapidly than most since being diagnosed in February 2007 and is now entering some parts of stage 7 while being solidly in stage 6. I have asked a lot of questions and gotten excellent advice here. Joan's place has been my sanctuary and my place to visit and learn from my friends. I also wish more people would jump in .....
I sometimes worry that we frighten the newbies while trying to educate about what is coming. I don't understand why SandryD has disappeared. She helped us as much as we helped her.
By the time I check the posts, others have already said what I would, so most times I don't join in. That also included getting in some of the interesting discussion (such as all you ladies going after Gourdchipper). Keep up the postings. They are helpful and enjoyable.
Most of the time I don't read about end stage stuff, which is why I almost missed bluedaze's post. I sent her an email that I wouldn't have, had I known what she was going through. It was just a quirky coincidence that I read her post.
I tend to stay on the lighter side. I don't know why others don't post, but surely they are learning a lot. Some people prefer to sit back & absorb information, which is o.k.
If I am EVER re-employed, I won't have the time to keep up with all, which would be a good thing. Right?
This site is a great stress reliever and I think if those not posting would benefit more if they talked out their situation with a group of people here on this site who have gone through much of what they are going through. Sort of being in a public support group while in the privacy of your home. So, come on you lurkers, lets hear from you.
Oh shoot, to get back on topic, I'm venting. The washing machine repairman just fixed the washer. My husband argued with him for 10, yes TEN minutes about the $9 tax on the bill. Then he had to get on the phone with the poor guy's boss. He wanted the company to know that it is illegal to charge tax for repairs, he wasn't paying it, (they were trying to explain it was tax on the PART.) I wanted to go downstairs & hand the guy a $10 bill just to stop it all. Finally the company gave in, and then I had to listen to another 10 minutes of why he was right, they were trying to cheat him, that's not legal, etc. WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I kind of gave up being frustrated at things missing,misplaced ect,now I'm trying to find something to chuckle at every day and am keeping a log of daily events,surely there must be a book in here somewhere,but one thing I have noticed,if I don't try to correct her things seem to go much better,for the majority of the day she seems normal an then she tells me I have to leave or husband is coming home soon,last night I should leave because a friend was coming to spend the night with her,after an hour or so she was okay again,its the mood swings that are puzzeling,but then again they make for interesting entries into the daily journal
Most of you who post are going through so much more than I am and I deeply appreciate it. My DH is not declining hardly at all - and hasn't since DX in 2003! I read what you are going through and my heart aches for you, but I really can't add anything to most of the discussions that are posted. I am getting a wonderful education about "down the road" though! You are all great and I only wish we didn't have to "meet" this way!
bluedaze, if you will recall, SandyD had run into a horrible problem just before she stopped posting -- she may have stopped while trying to resolve that. And what those of you who don't visit "the other site" wouldn't know is that her daughter was coming here and reading her posts. "In denial" doesn't begin to describe said daughter. If Sandy found out, I can see why she wouldn't post any more. I've been hoping she still comes here to read... she really needs us. I wish she would start posting again, using a new name and not revealing any personal info that would give away who she is, so we could help in any way we can.
Kitty, don't kid yourself....several of us have full-time jobs and STILL read and write daily! <grin> I'm addicted to Joan's place and my friends here! <grin>
Sunshyne, I didn't know about Sandy! I'm so sorry about her daughter! Like you, I hope she comes back with a new name and joins us again.
Marsh, you can buy me a glass of wine anytime! <grin>
hahaha...exactly as i knew would happen.! marsh.kitty.mary.bluedaze.imohr..prolly starling,sunshyne...and a few more of the 'regulars' will jump in here. can you see my point?:) i will probably get pounded for saying this but thats ok. i think its a place to saywhats on ones mind..if those of us who take the time to answer someones need for help DIDNT take the time or effort to answer or post as often as we do-what would we be reading everyday?? maybe we should back off and just read and see what happens...?just wait for others to start up discussions- maybe some feel intimidated to join us-i feel too i over indulge wayyy to often --divvi
Marsh, you are going to have to be on line and ready so you can get your post in before we do. We will try to restrain ourself, but it feels so good to have someone to talk to.
Mary i noticed. i thought you were too busy and just reading some..but you DO post ALOT..my point exactly! and Marsh, even if we say what you are thinking go ahead and put DITTO!!!!!!! at least its a response and we know you are here with us --Divvi
Sunshyne-I didn't know about Sandy's daughter as I don't read "the other site". Thanks for sharing. I hope she is at least reading our posts. As for Marsh-if he didn't live in the frozen north maybe some of us would be after him.
yeah, a labor strike..:) haha..fruits of our labor...dont get me wrong, i LOVE each of our regulars and everyone elses posting..but just think how much more we could learn from each other if one percent of the lurkers would go ahead and take the plunge...divvi
see???? just all of a sudden alot of us are online and responding..now how many are here too but just READING?????? heehee..we seeeeee youuuuuuuuuuuuu....:) fixing to get my pickit line up for the strike if a new person doesnt jump in RIGHT NOW!!!!!:) divvi
ok, lets give it til the morning to see what happens???? you can read ALLLLL you want but dont type...strike time..hahaha...for all the regular posters...
oh, i am sorry for SandyD too..hope she is reading and getting a new ID!
sweetie" is outta here til tomorrow morning...ouch i am already feeling it!!!!! ha. divvi
I don't post that much because my husband has FTD and I'm not always sure if what he is going through is comparable to ALZ. But, just reading the posts gives me tips of what I can do if/when he develops worsening symptoms.
I posted more when I first came on this site. I have to say that by the time I've read all the posts...and I do read every one...It seems that whatever I would say has already been said. I hate to just repeat someone else's comments. I also find myself in a state of great lethargy about this whole horrible ordeal. I find that I don't have to energy to do more than read and the computer has become my social life much of the time. Today we started with peeing in the bed (luckily, it was caught by the Depends and the great large waterproof pad under DH). Then because I couldn't leave him to walk the dogs again, one of them pooped on the carpet. While I was running the washer, he tried to clean it up and stepped in it. So after I cleaned up his hands (yuk), the rug, the floor, and his socks, I tried to go back to put things in the dryer. That's when he picked up my favorite mug (pictures of dogs jumping at agility trial) full of coffee and dropped it on the ceramic tile floor. I am just feeling really numb today...doesn't seem worth it to try anymore. I just live for the times I can get out of the house! So how's that for a post!??
My problem is that I spend too much time reading on this site—there is too much material. This is time that I should be spending, not at the computer, but doing something—anything—with my husband while he still is able. So I feel guilty about the time spent.
One thing that really bothers me about forums is that you feel like you really get to “know” the other posters and so, when someone suddenly disappears never to return again, you feel like you have lost a friend, but you never have the opportunity to find out what happened—a sad, unfinished tale.
Ditto what Lori just said. I keep making resolutions ... I can only spend x hours here and then I MUST do one of the unpleasant chores I've been putting off ... do something with my husband ... look for work (ack) ... etc. Resolutions are broken almost before they're made. Sigh.
And I have been fussing about some dear people who are missing in action ... wish there were some way just to know they're OK.
FLgirl, that was indeed quite the post. What a lovely day you've had. Sometimes the big problems are easier to face than all those niggling little irritations and yucky messes adding up until you could scream.
I'm not venting, but want ya'll to know I read most posts. I'm getting all sorts of ideas for when the going gets REALLY rough. Since the TRP surgery in the spring, we've had no "evacuation" issues. The past 2 days have been "off" days in that he hasn't remembered, conversed, or problem-solved as well as he has just days ago, but he did make an excellent smoked salmon dip today! Called a neighbor this a.m. to ask him to meet him at his gate to pay for the eggs. Hubby never showed. Neighbor came over, but hubby didn't answer the door. Neighbor walked around the house and yard looking for hubby. No go; so he called our daughter and said she might want to check on him. (She lives on the other side of a wee woods between us.) She did & he was sitting in his chair watching TV. Neighbor asked her not to tell that he'd "reported" to her. She thanked him and said to call any time, and she could always have an excuse for dropping in. Good days & bad days, they come and go. I agree that we mustn't sweat the small stuff, and compared to what some of you folk are living with EVERYTHING is small here. Cross my fingers, knock on wood.
OK --OK---OK!!! I am new and HAVE posted a couple times. I am slightly intimadated by you brainy ones!! ? (And it takes a lot to intimadate a Texas) My regret is that I was not aware of this sight until a couple months ago. I live in a very small town...so no support groups, I have every book out there (Ithink). I am so thrilled with the info on this site, it is the real thing! I didn't even know it was OK to get mad at them until I found this site. All the books are so unrealistic. My husband is in solid stage 5 and moving into stage 6. He is at the worst stage, he still thinks he can do everything...and messes up alot!!!
So PLEASE do not stop writing!!! I need each and everyone of you...I have years to go on this journey. I promise I will try to post more often
carosl - I am going to reply on the new topic about death in the family, started by Joan a short while ago. You might want to copy your post and re-enter it under the new thread at near the top of the page. Then you might be able to edit the one here and delete it.
A good ol' fashioned scolding going on here Divvi. I feel like when I was 8 years old and was very proud of something I had just done and my mother said "it wasn't good enough, you need to try harder". It seems like everyone else beats me to the punch on things to say. I don't have much time so spend more time "getting caught up" by reading these valuable posts as this is very helpful for me. I still have a hard time even pushing the send button when I do post (not too often). If I feel I can contribute and help someone I will. Please give me credit for plagierizing Iggy a couple days ago. I will try harder and would like to close by saying..........ditto,ditto,ditto,ditto,ditto.......... Thenneck
I must go along with amost of the above...I can't see repeating the same feelings that are being discussed, so I don't enter in to many threads..don't want to waste others time. It seems I end up entering into discussions when I'm at the end of the proverbial rope, and need to SCREAM. Sorry, if that isn't productive, but it seems to work for me at the moment without adding on to the problems of others.
I don't know what we would do without the wonderful understanding and comments/suggestions from regulars like sunshyne, divvi, mary, divvi <gg>, bluedaze, briegull, marsh, dking, nikki, shoegirl, kadee, new realm, lmohr, starling and so many others of you who, with joan, are the foundation of this board. No more strike, please. Like me, others will jump in when they're ready, I bet. Please, "old guard" continue to post early and often. You have so much wisdom to offer. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Grannywhiskers, AWWW!!! I was reading last nite and came across your post -your offer to try to participate more when you feel you can is just what the pickit was about :)just kidding around, hoping that gag would bring more members out into the discussions and out themselves. we need everyones input no matter how trivial it seems. the flurry of new activity at times- with so many new insights makes getting here so much more interesting and entertaining reading for everyone. and yes, i do think if possible it would do so much for the group if everyone could try a little bit to put theirr 2cents in-i enjoy reading 'ditto' just as well or even just a ":)"...and the reinforcement it signifies. Divvi
YEAH !!! Folly, see you are saying exactly what i was... the regulars, ha, i will refer to as the Dirty Dozen??haha. we need your input as much or moreso as you need ours..we are just as needy as everyone else here, just look at us, we are always here during the day/nite...i just saw the commercial about swiffer mop..and that song they have,,,....'Baby, come back! i owe it all to you...lalalalala""" maybe it should be our theme song.. i am sure your post will make lots of the 'oldies' happy this morning...Divvi