If the fan on the porch isn't working and the new night light (with sensor) you're putting in the bathroom won't light, in the dark, YOU CHECK THE CIRCUIT BREAKERS. Then, if you're the caregiver, you go to the porch and turn the fan ON. Then you go in the bathroom and push the reset button on the outlet (has its own little breaker) and the nightlight COMES ON.
Then 2 days later, you wish you'd had the breaker box checked because he didn't turn every breaker back on after checking it, like he assured you he did. The freezer (not loaded thank goodness) totally thawed. Didn't lose much,but sure can get tired out trying to be ahead of him, when you never know what direction his next thought is going to take him.
I can't seem to get DH to see the difference between garbage (which is bagged and tied) and recycle which is not bagged. find I have to so and switch it almost every day. I think I'm just going to start doing it myself. Although he seems to want to have some responsibilities of his own. What to do? What to do?
Has any one had the yo-yo thing on personality happen? It has been well over a year ago that he didn't like anyone or everyone was being a pain, but today he returned from very old GOOD friends who had given him fresh produce from their garden..and told me he was sorry he went because he didn't like either one of the at all! Just didn't like their attitudes and demeanor. I flipped as these are the best of the best friends..asked if he said anything negative,but he didn't think so ???? Where in hell did this come from again? i thought (stupidly) that once past it would not return. I am so upset at him...we are going to be with them on a vacation in a couple of weeks, and I hadn't anticipated the eggshell walk again...damn, but I hate those crunchy things...they always seem to jump up and bite me when I least expect it.
we've had cats for years. The last 2, were not adopted. Like Mr. Cat. My husband's son got a divorce and we got custody of the cat. We were to keep the cat for a few week, until he got on his feet. He used to spray.... even though he was fixed. He was also vicious, so if anyone came, I had to lock up the cat. When he died ater 10 yrs, My DD decided that her 17 yr old cat was having a hard time with her 3 small children. And my adlo, DH, needed companionship. Fritz lasted another 3 yrs, and died in my arms while I cut his nails. people who don't have cats have no idea how affectionate they are. Before them we went through a number of cats, sometimes 3 at a time, that we got from shelters. When I was ready to get another cat after Fritz died, I went to a local shelter. I WAS TURNED DOWN FOR A 7 YEAR OLD CAT!!!! Why, because we hadn't gone to the vet enough. Both cats that we had since we moved here (9 yrs ago) were old and I'm a person who doesn't believe in getting an indoor cat over 10 yrs old a whole lot of shots. Why ? anyway, we went to a breeder and got a dog, a little 6 month old havenese who had given us an unbelieveable amount of joy in the last year. Of course it is something else who needs me to care for him, but what the heck, I'm busy anyway, why not another. Now I'm thinking that the dog might need company and I'm wondering about getting another cat.... that's a big decision. What do you pet owners think?
I'm having a hard time letting go. My LO is 76 and my FLO (Furry Loved One) 13 years. LO in early sage 7. Would I get another? LO? No, he is all I have ever wanted since I was 17 (I'm 75). FLO? Oh yes yes yes. My LO had dogs all his life. I learned to love them after we married. We have always had 1 or more, had six for couple years. The current FLO, we got along with his sister as puppies. The sister died 2 1/2 yrs ago among many tears. I don't think I would get a puppy, but would look for one about 4-5 yrs, housebroken, and medium size. I would think the same would apply to a cat, taking Sunshyne's advie into consideration. And what the heck, get as many as you think you can afford. I'm thinkg of vet bills there. If you can't take care of them as you would a LO, don't go that route. Gotta go and let FLO out for awhile now. At least he isn't in depends yet..
We've always had pets--have a dog, 3 cats and 3 aquariums now. When Ron's health went out the window, I had top stop my activities at Guinea pig rescue. Then I had to give up my 4 special needs Guinea pigs, because I couldn't keep up with their care and do everything needed for Ron at the start--Social workers, Drs. appointments, med changes,etc. Because I new our 2 cats, at that time were older and we'd be losing one fairly soon, we decuided to adopt 2 kittens. That way, when Angela left us, Luna wouldn't be an 'only', and the 2 would still be together when Luna left us. One of the kittens was ill and died. We had to get the remaining 4 tested and immunized for Feline Leukemia. The vet wouldn't give Angela the shot--too old to stand it. By then, the one kitten was a part of the family, so when we adopted Ron's new kitten, it was no problem to take the rmaining one too. We used his room as a nuirsery, and introduced the new babies to the older cats and dogs(at that time 2) in short viosits until everybody was acquainted. Assi9milation was no problem. After Ron came home from the hospital though, I was pushed firmly into placing animals. The ones I placed were mine. We kept Angela (mine and very old), Luna (Ron's and older), and Johnny Cash (Ron's young black and white tom). Later I made the decision to place his Beagle because he wasn't interacting with her at all and she refused to be fully housebroken. Angela died in September 2006, and in Nov. Sweetie was dropped off into my arms unexpectedly. She was about 7 weeks of nondescript dark gray tiger. We are still at 3 cats and OT, our 8 years old Boston Terrier. All our run around pets are rescues. The bit of work they require is well worth it when weighed against the caring, fun and peaceful influence they bring to your life. An older cat or dog is fine. A couple kittens ditto. Introduction and assimilation need not be a deterrent. If you can afford the vetting, food, etc. the positive influences they'll bring to you are more than worth it for both you and your LO.
LeeLyle, I gather you haven't had kittens? Unless they're very young, they will already have been litter-trained by their mom. No shoe-chewing, either. <grin> Unless the kitten has been abused, the most you might have to do is train it to use a scratching post rather than your couch.
The latest recommendation is that kittens should be no less than 12 weeks old when they are separated from their mother and siblings. If you can stand to wait, it's even wiser to adopt a kitten when it is 12 to 14 weeks.
Between three and seven to nine weeks kittens undergo a crucial developmental stage. This is when they become socialized to humans and also learn some very important behaviors (like the use of the litter box, and having good manners) from their mother, siblings and other adult cats in the household. The learning that occurs during this time becomes hard-wired into their neurological system.
A cat that was left with its mother for the first 3 months of its life won't whiz in the wrong place unless extremely unhappy about something. Or twenty years old and getting incontinent.
This is the longest time of my life without a kitty-cat, and this discussion is not helping my mind set. I SWORE I wouldn't get one until our pup was older and better trained, but I feel a weakness coming on. Our last three were siblings..feral mom and siamese dad..talk about a wild mix! One of them was great at getting rid of unwanted guests..whap!
My cat Katrina was 6 months old when I adopted her. I consider her a "special needs" cat. Apparently the trauma of the hurricane rescue made her very skittish. She will always be that way. She hides under the bed when "strangers" come. & she is always supervised for her daily outdoor adventure. If she hears people talking, she comes running to me to let her into the house. I would vote for a kitten under 6 months, because you sort of get to raise them. They don't have a history. But I was lucky with Katrina, she is a Maine Coon cat, & they are the most affectionate cats of all. They are sort of dog like in personality. She follows me everywhere. I've never had 2 cats at one time, but from my experience with parrots, they will be attached to you, until you bring in another parrot, and then they bond with the other parrot & forget about you. But seems like 2 little kittens would be great for each other.
It is endearing to have her on the sofa, she snuggles up to me in the crook of my arm & looks at me with those trusting eyes.
Well, you've all talked me into a kitten-perhaps 10-12 weeks old. Maybe two of them?? I'm also thinking of a small dog (under 20 lbs) with lots of personality but not a yappy dog. Couldn't stand a lot of yapping going on. It would drive DH crazy but a nice little pup that would think DH was the alpha dog would be just the ticket. DH agrees he would take said pup for a walk every day and play with him. This would be good because DH would never admit it but he doesn't get enough exercize. Thanks for all the information. I'll keep you posted. Our son is taking me to the shelter Wednesday evening after work. Who knows what I'll come home with. (Only the Shadow knows.... Now is anyone out there old enough to remember that tag line? (grin)
Two kittens from the same litter would be best bec. you don't have to go thru the introduction thing. I took in a second young Siamese (Max), a bit younger than the first one(Chimi), not neutered. Max is still separated from Chimi - they've had a couple of spats when they've gotten together. Max has been fixed, Chimi is dosed with Rescue Remedy, Feliway, etc, but I still hear him growl at Max when they're both at the (internal) screen door between them. I'm not ready to give Max up for adoption yet, he's a VERY sweet young man, and Chimi is my dear, and we do have enough room that it's not a problem to keep them separated, but it is a bit of a pain. My husband is delighted with both of them, not that he can tell them apart unless I tell him.
Our son is going with me and I'm hoping common sense will prevail once I see those sweet little things that lift their precious little paws and make eye contact with me. I'll be lost and would go home with 1/2 dozen little critters if our son would stand still for it. I can hear him now: "Mom!!! What'rrya'thinkin'of?" Fun stuff. I can't wait. (big silly grin!)
We have had two wonderful cats for several years. Husband enjoys them, but they are cats and because they have each other, are pretty independent. The like being in the vicinity of us, but not necessarily on us. After husband's heart attack last December and the dr. saying he needed to be more active, we thought about a dog. Last thing I needed was to add a dog to our lives, but our sons kept pushing and I knew that it was truly the right thing to do. I contacted the Golden Retrieve Rescue League in our area and found out about them. They take in goldens and put them in foster homes to find out what they are like. Descriptions go online and interested parties can check them out anytime. The league comes out to interview you and find out what kind of dog you might do well with - kids? cats? other dogs? Then you can pick out some that appeal to you online from their foster family descriptions. We adopted Abby, 3 1/2 years old and she has no bad manners at all. She's got a bit of a history: several litters of pups, heartworm, which was treated, no front teeth on top or bottom b/c she wore them down chewing on her fleas and scraping away all her fur on the back end. And, oh yeah, she has a bullet lodged in her backside, but it's in muscle and doesn't give her any problems. Abby loves life. She's not too hyper, loves laying beside husband, engages him throughout the day, has never had an accident and refuses to poop in our yard, thus necessitating her daily walk. She is the best dog we have ever had. (We sort of fell for her because of her sordid past, but most of the rescues are much healthier). Overall, she's been great for husband. Eventually, she'll be mine and I'll need the companionship so while she's bound to be extra work, she's helping us both.
Rescue was way different than just going down to the animal shelter. They directed us toward several dogs that were right for us and steered us away from those who might need kids and lots and lots of activity.
I don't know abou that Kitty. I've woken up in the morning with a dog and 2 cats sharing my hospital bed and the other cat on the pillow on the shelf above my feet. Since I'm my hubby's security blanket, I guess I'm their Alpha in our colony. OT grew up with cats and kittens and even does somethings the way they do--pulling things out from under the couch or a table with his paws. At different times they each sek us out for attention, the dog,OT, more than the cats, but there's always someone to pt or watch or snuggle with.
I agree, our cats and dogs do well together and never resist giving me a puppy hug or a kitty head bump. We have far too many animals for me to name here, and besides you would all think I was nuts! So, I will just say you don't have to walk a dog. We have a half acre penned in for them on our property, I open the door and out they go. We then have another much larger pen for them to play in as well.
Kittens are awesome! I have 3 here now I am a foster mom to for our local humane society, but... I love love love dogs too! I couldn't pick one, so I just have both! Plus many others LOL
I may just foster a kitten and a young dog (not a little puppy). If they work out, I would adopt them. Then I wouldn't feel too guilty if they had to be returned. Well, I would feel guilty, but perhaps I could handle it. Comments?
Mawzy..The Shadow knows? I used to listen to that program under the covers when I was supposed to be asleep. Loved the laugh. New stuff can't touch the old quality.
I've had multiple cats for, what, 35 years? Generally start out with two (that's a good number for low-maintenance, since they can keep each other occupied when you're too busy) and then end up adding another poor lost kitty who approaches me for help.
In my experience, they tend to bond more with a human in their lives than with each other. For example, our tortoiseshell wants attention (and food) from me, but she absolutely adores my husband. Our schizoid Siamese/tiger mix worshiped the ground I walked on and was in my lap in a flash any time I sat down anywhere, but was very leery of my husband (husband was apparently alpha male to him.) When we were too busy to pay attention to them, they'd snuggle together to sleep, give each other baths, play together.
The cat's individual personality, plus the way you raise it, determines how it interacts with you. Be consistently gentle and affectionate with the cat, the cat will be gentle and affectionate with you. But a cat will choose its own way to be affectionate -- for example, some are lap cats, some don't like being in your lap but do want to be right beside you, be petted and stroked, snuggle with you in bed. Just be sensitive to what a cat is trying to tell you.
Mawzy, once you've let a furry little critter into your life, I'd bet wild horses couldn't drag it away from you. Just go see what's at the shelter. If for some reason an adoption doesn't work out -- like the cat they told me could adjust to being an indoor cat ... NOT! -- there's no guilt associated with taking it back. They want the pet to be happy, they understand an adoption might not work out. They were perfectly happy to take the cat back, they just talked with me about what had happened, to be sure they understood the problem so they could match her better to a new owner. (And there wasn't any question about letting me pick out a replacement, either, and that little sweetie lived with us for nearly eighteen years.)
I like hearing that folks go to the shelters for adoption but i am so soft hearted when it comes to animals and the 'eye's ' i would have to bring several back home as well:) i cry when i see that commerical with the abused pets and those eyes with the song 'in the arms of an angel'...sarah mclaughlin...i bawl my eyes out. good for those of you who can have one of these little guys..they are so grateful. divvi
Mawsy, did you get our new furry friend(s)today? Details please.
We're at our limit, but I can be vicariously thrilled for you. It's been my experience that the little guys know what you've done for them, and they'll let you know how much they appreciate it.
I did! I did! He's pure black--not one white hair on him. He's 3 months old. Domestic shorthair. Out of all those kitties, he was the one who came trotting over and wanted to play the minute he saw a friendly face. The others were cute, too, but this is the one with the personality.
I'm a bit anxious about DH. After many conversations about getting a pet and discussing the pros and cons of a dog (daily walking, cleaning up the yard after him, obedience school, etc) he said if I wanted a kitten he was ok with that. No problem.
Our son took me down to the shelter. My gosh, I got him out of the hospital in less time that it took to get the kitten. (smile). In I came--kitten in the carrier, big smile and anxious to show off my new love. He was just awful. Wanted to know why I hadn't got a parakeet. How come I had gone over his head and brought a d.... cat and on an on. Big speech about how I never took his wishes into consideration and --well you know the rest.
Dinner was tense. Our son left early. He sent me an e-mail and told me he is fearful for the kitten because he remembers his dad being violent with a pup we had for a very short period of time when he was a little boy. I truly didn't think he witnessed that but I guess he did.
Anyway, I've got a knot in my stomach wondering if he's going to come around or not. If not, I have 2 weeks to return my darling little black kitty to the shelter. He's been neutered, had 2 shots and has a chip with my name and address between his shoulder blades.
Sorry to go on like this. It looks like DH may be taking a turn here. What do you guys think? I'm kinda sad about everything right now. I was so looking forward to it. Kitty played for a while and then got tired. He climbed up on my lap, started purring and fell asleep. it felt so good. i told DH I could feel the stress just leaving my body from holding the kitty. You know what he said??????????? He said you have stress? I didn't know you had any stress. I'm telling you it was all I could do to not scream but I didn't want to wake my sleeping kitty.
Mawzy, I hope you can keep your little precious kitten....I ache for you dear friend, I am praying right now that you have some pleasure in your l ife and that God blesses you for your sacrificial care of your husband. I have sadness and pain in the loss of my sweet husband but I never have had to suffer t he emotional pain and anger of my man becoming so hateful. Just watch over your little new friend and keep it from harm. What will you name it?
Mawzy That is exactly the way I chose our cat. I went to the shelter and looked around at all the kitties and although, a tabby was not what I had in mind, Topsy was the only one that looked at me like she was saying "take me home with you"..So I did... We keep her in the house and outside and she is 9 1/2 pounds now and rules the roost. I had son in law install a doggie door from the laundry room to the garage, so I could keep the litter box our there. So glad to get that out of the house. I buy the largest litter box liner/with 10 liners to use in the litterbox. You use clumping stuff and when it is soiled just lift out the top one and you have a clean box. Greatest thing I have ever used. Good luck with your kitty...They are great company.
Imohr You're right about the sifting liners. Makes life more pleasant. Mawzy-hopefully your husband will forget that the kitten is a new arrival. Try to love the little guy when your husband is not in your face. Hope all goes well. Sometimes if you had to choose between husband and furry ones----well I'm not going to go there
We got Willie, our only dog, from the pound. There were two young dogs kennelled together and we asked to have Willie brought out. Everyone, including the other dog, was was sure it was the other dog we wanted. He was absolutely the best dog in the world. People loved him, even people who had just met him. I still can't believe anyone would have given him up.
The tag said he couldn't be house broken. My then 13 year old daughter who had never had a pet before house broke him in less than a week. She just paid attention.
Mawzy, I really feel for you. You tried to do everything right but the disease won't let you do that.
It used to be that when I wanted to do something I'd warn my husband WAY in advance. Think about it, I would say. And he would get used to the idea, and if it was something I wanted us to decide together that gave him the time to get his input in.
It has been one of the hardest things in the world to give that up. It used to be what worked when he was what I now recognize as the early stages of the disease, before the main EVENT sent him into middle and late dementia. It is now the absolutely worst thing I can do. Instead I need to bring something up EXACTLY at the point where we are going to be doing it.
Even if you had taken him with you to pick out the kitten, it is possible that he wouldn't have remembered that the second time he saw the kitten.
You do everything right, and it all falls apart anyway. I am so sorry.
My DH brought our Gizmo the cat from a junk yard. After telling me for over 40 years, that he hated cats, because they didn't know how to walk on floors. Well the poor kitty was just about at death's door when he brought him. We took him to the Vet who put him on meds and kept him for a few days. After he came back home I noticed that he couldn't close his right eye. Turns out that he is blind in the right eye and apparently had a traumatic experience during or right after birth. His right side seems to have gotten the most damage. His face is a little out of whack on the right side. But he turned out to be the best cat. He has just the right attitude to make him so lovable. He was strictly a house cat at first, but as DH's Alz progressed he started to let him out. Now he has a doggy door and he stays in our yard when he goes out. He is my damage control to my nerves. He is very loving. My DH loves him too. Best thing my DH could have done for me, and he didn't even know that he did it.
Mawzy, don't give up so quick. Watch out for your little one, and give him lots of attention when your DH isn't paying any attention. You'd be surprized how quickly our furry ones size up the situation and will go with the flow. Also, give your DH time to settle down. If he brings it up as an issue, just tell him, he agreed and now the kitten is here. If your luck is like mine (here's hoping), it won't be long before your DH is slipping it treats, or it's napping on his bed.
My hubby doesn't like cats--but our cats are OK. Since the VaD took control, if one of the cats is napping on his chair at the table he'll use mine. If I'm sitting there as well, he'll stand. He sets out a small dish of milk for the 2 who try to share his cup when he's having milk and cookies. He feeds them their soft food 2x a day. And of the 3, 2 are his, by acquisition, but mine is the one who sleeps on his bed. He can't remember their names (he decided on 'Johnny Cash") but says, 'the old one','the stripey one', the 'black and white one' and when he calls OT, he says, "Dog!" and OT answers.
It's so amazing how they know. My DIL was hurt Wednesday, and we went over to help out with the kids. They have 2 big labs, I have a 10 lb havanese dog. I have to tell you, my dog never left her side. He sat at her feet, and wouldn't let her own dogs near her, as iff he knew that those big dogs would hurt her. Then, He didn't want to leave with us. I guess he wasn't sure if she'd be taken care of. (LOL)
Well, here we are not. I put Noche` in the downstairs bathroom with the litter box and a dish of water and food. He slept all night with no commotion at all. I went downstairs to let him out and he was so friendly and all. He came upstairs. the little black kitty just marched over and took a swipe at DH's bathrobe tie and looked so cute and beguiling, that DH started to play w/him. The next thing I know DH is sitting in his chair holding said cat and talking to him like he was a real person, telling him all about the rules of the house, etc. Kitty listened attentively, purred and rubbed against him and that's the end of my story. Som
Enough of my drama. I should get an academy award. Thanks for your kind thoughts and prayers. Oh, BTW, when we did our devotions yesterday, we thanked God for the new little life in our home and for letting us have him to love. DH did a hearty Amen. Go figure.
That's lovely, Mawzy. We've been saying all along here that the presence of the beasties is a blessing to our spouses as well as to us, and you've shown it again.
Mawzy, I am so very happy for the three of you. I truly do not know what I would do without Bailee, our labradoodle. She went to the groomer today for four hours, and G missed her so much..she gets so bloody dirty in the barkdust..doesn't know she is supposed to be a foo foo dog..it is embarrasing to take her to be clipped, and she is so dirty, but hard to tell as she is the same color as the barkdust. He was far more settled when she came home.
DH kept playing with kitty most of the day (when kitty wasn't sleeping). He's adopted DH and loves to sit on his lap playing. This went on the most of the day. This evening I said "I'm glad you and kitty are liking each other." He said "I don't like cats. Never have. Even good cats."
Just before bed, he asked me where kitty was and if he was going to be all right. Did I leave food and water for him? Did I clean his litter box? Is he going to get lonesome? Then I asked "Do you like Kitty?" He answered? "Oh, he's really a nice little guy. How could anyone not like him. He's my new buddy."
You guys go figure it out. I'm going to bed. I think I'm going to have a head ache. You just gotta keep smiling.
I just need to talk to someone. Boy! talk about getting up on the wrong side of the bed, the dementia devil sure arose this morning. I have no clue what could have set him off between getting out of bed & coming into the kitchen. He started in where were his pills (on the counter as always) well that's not where the belong. I have no idea where they belong then. Then all of sudden he started on me. I ask if he wanted some breakfast, "No, I don't want anything from you" okay. That went from him telling me that I don't have a car, it's HIS. okay Everything is his! And he just can't believe all the stuff he has bought for me, that I don't deserve. I don't deserve anything. I know in my brain that this is dementia speaking, however, I just want to scream at him. I didn't, I am trying so hard to accept eveyone here's advice and agree with everything he says. I have no idea if he will eat lunch or not. I will offer 1 time, if he doesn't accept. okay. At least one thing good comes out of this day, when ever I am upset I clean. I have been mopping on my hands & knees, the full nine yards. I just don't know if there is enough cleaning to help me today.
Kadee, so sorry you are having such a hard day! It is very hard to be yelled at, called names and not react. It takes a long time to learn to accept it as part of the disease and not take it personal. We all falter from time to time, at least I know I STILL do. We all have our limits. You have done excellent already!! As hard as it is, keep trying to not feed his fire and eventually it should die out. Keep posting and vent away! we all need an outlet. Your doing wonderful, turn around so I can pat you on the back. Caregivers unite!! ((hug))
Thank you for responding to my post. I am trying really hard, even though it is not easy. He has been so pleasant for the last couple weeks, I thought the Lexapro was really working. Then Wham! This is the worse he has ever been, his voice is so mean & hateful.
I know the feeling well, and disease or not, it has to the power to hurt! You are doing excellent, try to stay away from him and maybe if he isn't in too bad a mood divert his attention. I am not sure what stage he is in? Is he still able to be left alone? If so, maybe you can go out for awhile to refresh your spirit. When Lynn got to the point where I couldn't leave him home alone ... but I needed to get away. I either locked myself in our bathroom .. or when I needed fresh air, I turned off the breaker to the stove and went outside and worked in my gardens. I hope today gets better for you Kadee!!
Kadee, Your morning sounds like my night last night. Things have been oh so quiet around here for a good number of weeks. My husband decided last night that I thought he was stupid, dumb, etc. & he was never going to talk to me about anything ever again, because I am stupid. It started out by his telling me about another of his "jobs" he was looking into. Some attorneys trying to get owners of apartment buildings to convert to condos. The attorneys aren't having any luck. I said, well, if I were the owner of an apartment building, I'd be reluctant in this housing market to convert to condos. WRONG THING TO SAY. Can I even speak? Apparently I don't recognize a great opportunity, etc. Screaming, which I haven't heard in ages. I just sat there saying nothing & finally he left the room.
So....this morning when I went grocery shopping I noticed a thank you card with a cat on it. Wasn't looking for a card, but I picked it up. It said things like you are great, etc. & I signed it, thank you for being my husband. Talk about going to the other extreme. I kissed him when I gave it to him, so far he hasn't thanked me for it. But I figure, what's that old saying, you get more with honey than vinegar.
Of course, none of this is normal, but normal is long gone. So I can certainly sympathize with you.
He ate lunch, then went to the garage. Maybe since he ate he will be in a better mood. Even though he still has the t-shirt on that he wore to bed. I haven't mentioned it though, even though it is driving me crazy, why I don't know. It's just a stupid t-shirt & we are not going anywhere in HIS CAR!
It's like they say about New England weather: if you don't like the weather, wait a minute.
Someone new here awhile back posted that they'd been advised that when their newly diagnosed AZ spouse gave them grief, they should just give in and be pleasant and let them have their way, and the one writing was not in the least interested in doing that, which I can certainly understand!
But unfortunately that's what we all do. We walk on eggs all the time. Some people have luck changing the subject. I've found that I can sometimes laugh when my husband screams shut up and that works with HIM, and sometimes calling attention to the cat does it; Divvi (?) says DO NOT TALK TO ME THAT WAY, and that works with HIM; others just get out of the way for half an hour altogether, and whatever it was is forgotten by then.
As Kitty says, normal is long gone. Welcome to the New Normal.
In the past I too have told him "I didn't deserve to be treated way" and it worked, however, not this morning. I even told him in my best Mother voice, that I knew Pat was not talking to me that way, I knew he loved me. He still in the garage, so he is not talking to me, however, he is not rating either.
I know what your feeling Kadee! He isn't being mean right now but just is at me or on top of me all the time. I am getting so tired of this sex thing. I don't even get enough sleep. I know if I get up and sleep somewhere else, he will follow me. And sometimes I don't know if he just putting on an act to be forgetful??? He certainly remembers why he gave his daughter POA over a year ago. He says it was because I said I was going to put him in a nursing home. Well, I don't remember saying that even in a fit of anger. I only remember that I discussed with his daughter about getting long term care insurance when we noticed he was getting forgetful. It's either when he fell off a ladder and was knocked out for a few minutes at least 2 years ago and he was rushed to hospital and was transferred to Cleveland Metro because he was high risk due to age etc. But they did all kinds of test and didn't find anything and I remember asking the dr. to check his memory then because I had noticed things before that incident but he didn't find a problem and they even did a brain wave. He had prostate surgury a year before that and has had trouble controlling his urine since then. It may have been the Enablex or Detrol that caused him to be more confused because when we stopped him on that he didn't sleep as much. Now, I wish he would sleep more. I just want some space and be able to do my own thing once in a while. I got up this morning and went out and fed animals and picked some blueberries to make blueberry pancakes. When he saw them, he said he didn't need to eat all that sugar so I fixed him eggs and bacon and toast. Of course, he has to put jam on his toast. I ate the pancakes and they were really good and he probably had just as much sugar as I had and I had a fruit. He has to load his with way too much syrup but he eats a spoonful of jam with every bite of his toast. But the thing that get me the most is my kids and his kids. His daughter is mad at me and my kids are mad at him. Guess who is in the middle!!! And he has the nerve to tell me that his daughter said she wouldn't put him in a NH. Well, la de dah! Is she going to quit her job??? He didn't even stay with her when we were broke up because she is not going to spoil him or give him any sex! I think she believes him when he says I am mean to him and he can really stretch the truth. Just like saying to me when I don't go to bed a 9pm when he wants to that I just do not want to be with him and all I want is his money and he does everything for me. He forgets that when we went to Casino last night that I drove my car with my gas that I paid for out of my money and when he wanted more money to play on we got money out of my bank because his card won't work. He has always said he has done things for me but I usually pay my own way. It hurts when you don't get any support. And people believe that I am the mean one.