I invite you to log on to the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read the weekend blog. It took a long time, but the decision has finally been made. You can weigh in with your opinions and comments here.
I read your blog ((Joan)) and I have a question for you. You mentioned all the benefits to Sid, and all the responsibility for you... yet nowhere did you mention the emotional comfort a pup would bring YOU! Perhaps those daily walks would be your alone time, where with the unconditional love of your furbaby, you escape the demands placed on you. Maybe it would even be great for your knee :)
I don't honestly know where I would be "mentally" if it wasn't for my pups! God love em! I am NOT trying to change your mind, only you know what is best for you!! I just wanted to make sure you weren't so weighed down in responsibilities, that you forgot every reason a dog would be good for Sid, also applies to you :)
I went through this exact same kind of soul-searching several months ago. I wanted a dog for companionship for me, but worried about the door being left open by DH and having an escapee to add to my woes. Because DH can have a nasty temper at times, I worried that he also might do something that would hurt an animal. So back and forth I went, even looked on-line and at the local shelters, but just could not bring myself to any other conclusion than this is not the right time.
Joan, I agree with your decision that this is not the time. As much as I love our Millie, if we lost her now, I would not get another one. DH loves her to death - but cannot be depended on to care for her if I'm not around. I worry about her getting out also. He does walk her around the block, but I always have to follow at a distance, because I'm afraid he will fall, or another dog will come along and attack (like what happened last summer); so it's just ONE MORE THING FOR ME to have to do. And when we traveled, he would never leave her to be boarded, so we always had to take her with us - another chore for ME. Hopefully, Sid will come around and won't make such a deal of it. Good luck!
I agree with you, Joan. We've always had a dog (husband's), and he dearly loves and cares for the little terrier we have now. She sits on his lap whenever he sits in his comfy chair (most of the time now). They share conversation and love, and she's a relaxant for him. BUT if we hadn't already had her, I wouldn't get one to have to get acquainted with at this stage. And when she's not with us any longer, I don't plan to have another. Much love, much responsibility. Now I'm selfishly ready to be responsible only for myself.
Joan--would Sid be able to volunteer at a rescue. They can always use help socializing the animals, he could get his "dog fix" and leave the work of them there. This could also expose him to the 'small' dog idea. Circumstances may change and this might be an avenue to facilitate something later, as well as reasonably defusing things now.
I can't imagine life without pets. Autumn is becoming accustomed to coming with me to see Jim on each visit. She is a good listener, and he lights up when he sees us coming. She sits in his lap, demands attention and gets it! She is a huge hit with the other residents as well as the staff. She seems to instinctively know when to be gentle, which is really something to see, it amazes me. When it's time for me to leave I No Longer Cry, I am focused on her and getting her into the car and getting us home. She sits in the front seat and I pet her all the way home. It is very comforting. Owning a pet is a huge decision, not to be taken lightly. It is also a very personal decision.
Even if Sid could not volunteer at a shelter as suggested by Carosi, you could get involved with a rescue group and foster a dog. If you have a block of time that you won't be traveling or other wise preoccupied, you could let the rescue group know that period would be a time for your fostering. Seems like it would need to be after your surgery, maybe even after your cruise. But as a former foster parent to lots of cats and dogs, it's very rewarding. Sometimes the rescue groups need "relief" fosters so that when the regular foster parents need respite, the dogs go someplace else for the weekend or longer. That might be a source for some quality doggy time also. I understand your decision and agree it doesn't seem to be the right time for you to take on a permanent fuzzy family member.
We had dogs for 26 years straight. Often two at a time. I can't begin to explain how much I love them and the joy they brought to our lives. In 2000, we only had one dog left - a Golden Retriever named Brandy, and when she died, it was the first time in 26 years that the house was dogless. It was in the middle of July, and I kept saying that the house felt "cold" without the warm love a dog. By September, we had adopted Casey, a 6 year old Golden Retriever. We only had him for 6 years - the last year consumed with surgery, chemotherapy, and medications for bladder cancer. This was in the middle of trying to sell our house and move to Florida. We were devastated when he died, and it took almost 3 years to get over it.
We both absolutely adore dogs, and I am a crazy dog mommy. Overprotective, indulgent, and sappy. So you can imagine that I would have to think a dog was absolutely the wrong choice at this time for me to say no to getting one.
carosi,
It is difficult to get Sid to do ANYTHING unless it is planned for him, and he is told he is going. He repeatedly nixes the idea of volunteering at an animal shelter. I have considered making the arrangements myself, and just telling him he's booked to try it out for a day, but I am afraid it will set him off, and I'm just not in the mood to deal with a tantrum.
Weejun,
No way would I ever foster a dog. Never. I couldn't do it. I couldn't give it up. I couldn't. Neither could Sid.
if my DH wanted a hamster, squirrel:) lizard or a dog i'd get him one. my feeling is that he has so little left that gives him any real pleasure in this life - why should i deny him any happiness at this point?-i would go the extra lengths to give him that small happiness even if i had to do all the work, (which i do anyway). my own personal thoughts on this though. i understand others points of view. divvi
We used to have a toy poodle who we adored but she was a lot of work and also not very smart. Never could control her potty events. When she died I didn't want another. Daughter has a little terrior who is so smart - I thought maybe I would want to try another dog - we kept her for 4 days while they were on vacation and we came home one day and I found poop in 3 rooms. That made the decision for me - no dogs. We do have a cat and she pretty well takes care of hoerself.
Having just gotten Emma 3 months ago, I will chime in here. I was w/o a dog since January, and finally caved in and got Emma. I've truly loved her, and she's enhanced our lives. However, I do have to be constantly aware to watch dh that he doesn't make a bad decision involving her, from letting her out the door through carelessness, etc. He has sometimes made very bad decisions about the dogs that I've had. He cannot walk her, due to her strength and his age and fraility. She would pull him down immediately, and then take off. So her care is on me. But, I don't mind, because I use that time to get away from him and into my own little dog world with her. She will be my last dog, though. I won't want the responsibility after this one. Joan, I know what you mean about fostering. I couldn't do it, either. I'd keep them, like you said. I'm just going to enjoy Emma, and savor her, knowing that when she's gone, I'm done.
One of our members breeds Havanese..and they grow to about 15 pounds. Ours enjoys "love Grammy" "nighty night with Paw", and he is the most devoted little boy in the world. He could be smarter, but we spoil him...and he rules the house. He's so cute and cocks his head sideways when I talk to him as if he's listening intently...which he is NOT! This is a fun breed, happy to be with people and not other dogs, funny as can be with their inbred antics, - and if I was to get another dog - in another time, it would definitely be another Havanese. (And you can take them onto a plane in a pet carrier..) (If they will stay in the pet carrier). Look them up on their website: Havanese or Havana Silk Dogs
HELP! Who is the Havanese breeder. I emailed her several times...she lives in Washington or Oregon...and is devoted to protecting the breed by going back to their original name,,"Havana Silk Dogs".
Joan, we too are dog lovers and had dogs our entire married life (25 yrs), but I truly understand your decision NOT to have a dog at this time. You anticipate all the worries I currently have with DH and dog. Our Boston terrier adores DH, but since DH's aggression and hospitalizations last year, DH gets annoyed with our dog. I have to keep my doors locked at all times because DH let the dog out forgetting that the dog would just run away, he gets annoyed when the dog barks and as recently as last week hit the dog hard on the back to keep him quiet(I wasn't fast enough to grab the dog). Also he will sometimes feed the dog right after I have fed the dog because he cannot remember the dog was just fed. I adore our little Reilly but honestly if something happens to him while DH is still at home I will not get another one.
Nancy, I believe you are thinking of Diane T. She mentioned in May that she was about to breed her Havanese and would have a litter this fall.
Joan, I surely understand your decision, even though I am one of the world's biggest fools over our little poodle. Such joy, for both me and DH, but he is earlier in the disease progression than Sid. I am already beginning to worry when hubby takes our little fuzzball walking.
Our dog died of cancer about the time I realized my husband was not going to get over his memory problem from a reaction to anesthesia two years before.We adopted another dog,same breed,four weeks later.She has been the dog from hell.three years later we are still trying to cope with her,but she is a life saver for my husband,he loves her so much ,we put up with her shortcomings.but myhusband is careless about closing the door and i worry constantly about her getting out,and he feeds her junk all the timeand she throws up.so I would really think twice about getting another dog,it's hard enough keeping track of my husband.
((Joan)) I know how much you loved your dogs... I still get choked up over your blog about ((Casey)) It was easier for us to keep our heard of pups as we live in the country and were able to fence in the yard. I didn't have the same worries alot of you do about keeping your pup safe. That is just as important as keeping your LO safe, well at least in my book ;)
Divvi, I hear ya... Lynn DID want a lizard! A Uromastyx...and guess what? He got it!!! :) LOL
There is a saying - Timing is Everything. That applies in my case. The stress of the last 3 years just about killed me. If the behavior and personality changes, along with the rages, temper tantrums, verbal abuse, and arguing did not do me in, the financial stress would have finished the job. Now that I finally have some peace,calm, and a bit of financial stability,I cannot disrupt it. A dog, no matter how cute and loving, is a huge responsibility, and I don't have the energy for it. I need to revel in the peace and calm for as long as it lasts.
That does not mean there won't be a dog later on. But not now.
Which means that Rufus is in for a lot of spoiling come Thanksgiving. Rufus is my sister's labrador "puppy." He was a puppy last year - 30 lbs. of boundless energy. During the Thanksgiving week we were at my sister's house, Rufus never gave Sid a minute's rest. If Sid didn't throw the toy, Rufus would drop it in his lap, and nudge him until he threw it. Well, now Rufus is 70 lbs., and thinks he's a lap dog. He sits in my brother -in- law's lap every night while he is watching TV. And he is still full of energy. Lots and lots and lots of energy. Thanksgiving week should be interesting. Oh, and I forgot to mention, Rufus won't be the only dog. One of my nephews has two, and the other nephew has a giant German Shephard. And they're all invited for Thanksgiving.
When I need to get out of the house and away, I take the dog for a walk. Thank God for the dog. I've kept my weight in check (and I am gorging on chocolate) our of nerves. he's 10 lbs, but he thinks he's big.
We always loved having a dog but when dear silly Flip died when our sons were already away at college, we didn't get another, mainly for the sake of travel. Always thought that sooner or later the day would come when we'd be glad to get one again. After all the posts earlier on about people who love their dogs I am grateful to hear the other side of the story from Joan and others. I made the same decision, Joan, at least for right now and for many of the same reasons. When the day comes that Siem can no longer ride a bike, I will have to rethink this question. It may be time for a dog for us, then.
My DW & I have two of the sweetest dachsunds that ever lived and I love them dearly. However, one of them is sick and will have to be put down soon. Guess who has to take care of her and clean up her messes in the middle of the night, etc. Things like poop in the floor doesn't bother her at all. I think, often, that I can't be bothered with this add'l burden on top of my duties to my wife and I could scream if I knew how.
I don't think my DW could live without the other little dog. She spends up to half of her day just seeing where the dog is, feeding her, petting her, etc. In some ways, that is good. But, occasionally (like Thanksgiving) when we get to go to see our children (maybe) (hopefully) these dogs are a first class nuisance. Our children don't like them so I don't take them to their homes. I think that is respectful.
Thank you all for your comments. They are very enlighting and what works for one person doesn't work for the other.