Hi Joan,

I just read your most recent blog about this 'new' stranger Sid has become. I too have been there, done that so to speak.

I think one of the best pieces of advice I was ever given, while Ronnie was at home, was that the caregiver sets the tone for everything. If you are in a bad or argumentative mood - Sid will also be that way. If you are up set - Sid will be. If you are happy and easy going - Sid will also be happy and easy going.

Yes, I know, it is just one thing more on your plate - but I found by experience that it works. Even when Ronnie would do something to provoke me - if I kept a happy face and a happy mood it would soon blow over. If I let it upset me - he too would get upset. They tend to mirror everything you do.

You weren't upset about the desk, you knew it had to be emptied repaired - so he was more than willing to try to help you. Even when he got stuck - you remained upbeat and made the most of the situation - by helping him get out - he was more than willing to do it again, and he got stuck again. Nothing serious happened - just let it go, and move on.

I hope this 'stranger' stays with you for a long time - but I am afraid his visit will all depend on you. If you can find something to laugh about in these situations - he will laugh also. If you get upset and angry - he too will get upset and angry. When this happens - he will lash out at the person closest to him - that is YOU. They always seem to do this. Don't ask me why - I wish I knew. I learned to laugh about things that were far from funny - just to keep him in a good mood. When he fell, and I couldn't get him up - I tried to find something that would make the situation into something less serious until the EMT's arrived. I would ask him to check for dust bunnies or something while he was on the floor - under the pretense that I couldn't always see that well and most likely I had missed them. He would forget that he had fallen and start looking to see where I had left something on the floor. It eased the tension and we were more able to deal with the moment at hand.

Yes, I know your plate is overfilled now - but it is much better than where I am - alone. Better to keep your sense of humor than to have to eat alone everyday after you 'visit with someone who has no idea who you are, much less why you are there'. Keep smiling - my weird sense of humor has saved the day more than once - and so will yours.

Please stay in touch and I will try to do the same.

Ruth and Mary: Ditto!!! Works for me.