DH is 59 and dx with FTD in 10/2008 and had memory of work history details of marriage, etc. Today he has no memory of the last 28 yrs. Does not know how/when we met, where he worked or any details of our married life - doesn't know where we were married, where he worked for 18 years, what we did/where we travelled, etc. I am devasted....all he knows is that he loves me. When I question him what that means if he cannot recall our entire life together all he can say is that I am the only one who cares about him now. He has no memory of our entire life but he does know if he doesn't have me he has no one. I am very, very upset that he has no recollection of anything about our life but knows without me he's in an institution.
I can only imagine the pain this has caused you. You will always carry the memories for both of you. You are his caregiver, his lifeline, and this is what he knows now.
Although I know it is not enough, I am giving you hugs of support.
Dear LFL: I am so sorry to hear about this loss. As hard as it is for you, it has to be very frightening for him, not to remember his past, it's devestating, I understand that. I wish I had some wise advice, I only know that his love for you is precious. My DH loved me even when he didn't know who I was. You must be very young, I am so sorry, I was older. Yes, you are heartbroken, who wouldn't be? You have my concerns and thoughts, I wish it could be more.
I'm sorry to hear about this new loss on your husband's part. It has to be very painful for you and scary for him. I'm not at that point yet with my husband (he also has FTD) but I have noticed that he has no recollection of a lot of things we have done in our 30 years of marriage. All I can do is offer you my prayers and support.
LFL, so sorry about all of what you are going through. Very hard to be the one that has to do ALL the remembering...I agree with Joan that you will carry the memories for the both of you...My DH no longer talks so I don't know exactly what he's thinking or remembering, but I can talk to him and many times I get a smile...perhaps he cannot remember what I am remembering, but I choose to hold on to the past happy days we have shared for as long as I'm able...I hope forever. You can too...try hard not to let yourself dwell on the "can't remember" too long...it will drain you over & over again. I am glad for you that your DH "loves you" and you are special for being such a good care-giver to him that he does in fact, LOVE YOU! That isn't a given alot of times...so he must recognize how truly special and loving you are!! :) (((HUGS)))
LFL I understand where you are. With AD the short term memory goes first. With FTD things that we shared in 50 years of marriage were gone. It really hurt. Almost like our life together no longer exists. All you can do is accept the loss and remember for the two of you. I am so sorry for your pain.
LFL...you are experiencing the most heartbreaking part of this disease. I stopped asking "do you remember" questions. I could see by his expression it only made him feel inadaquet and painfully aware of his disease. It's better to live in the day, the hour, the moment. I feel your pain. cs
LFL, I'm so very sorry for what you are going through. My DH doesn't have the long term memory problem - just the very short term. The hardest thing for me to remember (?) is not asking "don't you remember". I'm trying so hard to break this habit. As cs said, it's better to live in the day... Bless you.
Not being able to remember things we had done together and places visited on trips was one of the first things I noticed about dh, several years before I really realized that anything was wrong. It was surprising because he had always been better than me at remembering places. Now he has little memory left of the past -- mostly only the more striking incidents that have become "stories" that he's told over and over. His short term memory was quite good until just recently. Loss of long term memory first is one reason I suspect FTD rather than the Alzheimers that has been diagnosed.
Thank you all for your kind words, encouragement, support and hugs. I really need them. I will take everyone's advice to live in the moment, but it is so hard living with someone you've shared a lifetime with who has no idea what that life was like. yes, I will carry the memories for both of us but this is such a sad journey with us caregivers always doing the heavy lifting in all aspects of life. It was the reality that got to me.
I also understand where you are coming from. It is difficult. I'm dealing with it now myself. My dh doesn't know my name or that we are married but he asks if I'm his wife - go figure. All he knows is that I'm the constant in his life and he tells me he loves me.
The first time I realized he didn't know that I was who I was it was devastating. He doesn't know my name, but occasionally will refer to me by one of the nicknames he used for me over the years. He keeps asking if it is just the two of us here (probably meaning in the house we live in). I'm positive he doesn't remember any of the places he worked or where we used to live although I've not asked.
Like so many of you, I am with my DH all day, every day. Very seldom do we have visitors to come see both of us. That being said, I don't "test" him very often. In reading the posts from the past few days on this subject, I was made aware that my husband doesn't remember when we were married, where we met, much less most details of his past. I guess we DO live in the moment instead of always looking backward. He always tells me that he loves me, sometimes in response to a question totally unrelated!!.. I reply, "I love you MORE"...or "I love you too"...and lately, he has said, "I don't think so!". I cater to his every whim, his wants, his 'antcipated' wants, and chatter away all day. I don't know why he says that, and rarely respond to the comment. No sense in 'getting into it'. I won't argue with him, try to 'explain' or 'reason'. He's in Late Stage...and rarely talks. When he does say anything, it's usually the same sentences, same comments. As if from a script that is gradually edited and growing shorter. I hate this disease...and I'm so tired.
LFL - It sounds like this was a sudden change. My DH had what they called a psychotic break in December of 2007 during which he couldn't remember anything ... including me. We determined that the break was connected to his medication. The doctors kept taking him off of medicines gradually and he finally came back. Interestingly, the medicine that was the last one they took him off of was Wellbutrin. Wellbutrin is definitely not known to cause psychotic breaks, nor was any of the other medicines that my DH was on. My DH had been on Wellbutrin for a while and had previously been on the medicine without any side effects.
What I have learned is that, with dementia, medications and reactions to medications are definitely not predictable. This is especially true with Lewy Body Dementia, but is also not uncommon with other forms of dementia.
If your LO has suddenly lost his memories, I would check into his medications. Now, even as I say this, I know that all of the dementias result in lost memory. If, however, the loss is sudden, I am suggesting that there may be an independent cause of the sudden decline. It is well worth exploring.
This is one of aspects of this disease that is hardest to deal with....we also are married 58 years, and he doesn't remember any of it ..what hurts a lot is that he doesn't remember the children...To-day a sad thing happened for the first time....he went over to the piano, where I have a picture of our Late Son,he sat on the bench and carried on a conversation for about 45 min...I could see him from the kitchen, where I was making Veg. soup...I didn't want to disturb him...he just kept talking, in Italian, and makig gestures and smiling...it was so sad.. I don't know if he knew who the picture was...because sometimes he gets our Son mixed up with his Late Brother...the one thing he remembers is that he wants to go back to Italy...he doesn't remember our last trip in 2007, when all the children went for a family reunion...I too hate this disease