Today's blog is a follow up of the Tue/Wed. blog that discussed accepting that our world and that of our spouse is separating, and that we need to make lives of our own. Today, I talk about the power we each have to make that happen and how to do it. I invite you to read the blog, and post comments here. Tell us what your dreams and aspirations are and how you plan to accomplish them.
I like what you said in your blog - I would like to print it to keep it for future reference. I keep a file of "resources" so when I am down and can only see the ground - I can look in that file and have something to give me ideas to pull myself up. I am not very computer savvy. Is there a way to print that blog.
I've been writing, in small, squeezed-in moments, for the past....almost 10 years. Not prolific, I have 3 completed novels for young people and am working on a fourth. I also blog. I would love to say I have the "legitimacy" of a genuine publisher, but I do not despite coming close. So now I have done my own cover art (which was fun,) and at least have my books in print, if not widely distributed! This is what I will continue to work on, for personal creative reasons (unless I get swept away by some other goal, but I doubt it.)
I think you can highlight the blog, copy it and paste it into your word software and then print it out. I don't think the pictures will show but at least you will have the words.
Even easier--Bring up Home page. Go to your tool bar under "File" Click "print preview". Pinpoint which pages of the Home page have the blog. On my computer there ar 14 pgs to Home and the blog is on pages 2-3. Went back to "File" clicked print, adjusted to print only pages 2-3 and I have it in my hand.
Now as to what Joan discusses.
After battling depression because of Caregiving load and "not taking care of myself" what she covers here is vital. Within the limitations I faced, I started doing things for me. I started in small ways, carving out time for a certain TV program--Told DH I'm watching this tonight and don't want to miss it. Time to read. I got into small critter rescuing--hamsters, gerbils, and Guinea pigs, plus had "keeper" pets. I no longer drove, so getting out was generally not an option. I knit. Whatever I could do that wasn't caregiving. Currently, under Joan's Objection #1--I knew to get respite, from the time DH was released from the hospital, but was so used to not having the option to go away, that I was only using it to cover for my own medical care. This last June when I asked for respite coverage to get my teeth out,our case worker called back to say, "I've got you set up for 4 hours respite each month thru Sept. If you need coverage for your medical or other apppointments call me. These are for you." When I hung up, the thought running through my head was, "What the H*** am I going to do with that?" Pretty pitiful. I'm learning what to do with it. Had a good time on outing for my Birthday, for one. Just went to an Herb and Gourd Show at the Frederick Meijer Gardens here, last weekend, with workshop demos. Just was given word, my 4 hrs. a month has been renewed for the new fiscal year. I'll respond with more on Joans' other Answers to objections later, but bottom line--if we are to survive this we have to get off our duffs and fight for ourselves just as hard or harder than we do for our LOs. Experiment. Find ways to get involved outside the tunnel of Caregiving we're stuck in so much of the time.
My problem is that I don't really have any close friends as some of you do. Any friends I did have are now all in other states. My husband's friends have become mine and we don't see them very often. His best friend lives out of state in Arizona and his other close friend has had his own health problems (but we are going to his daughter's wedding in November). I really don't know what to do.
jean-do the exercise in the blog - the one about closing your eyes to help you figure out what you want. still no internet. on cell phone---sorry- tedious to type a lot on this thing.
I did this Medical Transcription course & FINALLY finished it this week!! I knew after the Market Crash I'd need to work so that was my incentive to get busy & get the course done. What I found, in addition to the course work, was that I truly LIKED learning something new!! It is amazing to now listen to a program & hear meds, procedures, etc. that I formerly had no idea about & say "Hey, I know about that one!"...I have a sense of accomplishment AND, once I get my certificate, I can get to work, FROM HOME! After I get some experience, I might even be able to get a job outside of the house someday, if I so choose...I didn't know if I'd like it, but I do. I think the "try it, you might like it" option might be good for some who don't know if they'd like "IT", whatever "IT" might be...and if you don't like it, guess what?!?!! You can stop it!! :) One other thing...I recently heard about a book & decided I'd check our local library to see if they had it on tape...they did! I am having more fun "listening" and DH likes it too! Did you know you can IRON and have someone read to you??!! It's a treat for ME to have someone read to me for a change!! And I plan to get more books on tape (CD's) after this one :) Didn't know if I'd like it, but I do!! :)
YAY! CONGRATULATIONS! That's the spirit. It is empowering and exciting to discover that our brains still work outside of caregiving. What an exhilarating feeling.
In my first post, I told my initial reaction to the respite time that's been set up for me. Our Area Ageing Agency Caseworker had been pushing me to "use" respite services available to me. She finally made it clear (knocked me over the head) this for ME, not for medical, not for appointments. It had been so long since I had this kind of thing available, I really did question what I was going to do with it. I'm finding out. If you've seen "The Bucket List" or read Debbie MacComber's (spelled it wrong) Twenty Wishes, you'll get more ideas for things to do. Not everything needs to be huge or lead to a second career or avocation. Do the exercise Joan suggested if you're coming up empty on ideas. Check with your Community College or the listings of activities posted in your local paper. Community Theatre, Zoo, Botanical Gardens. Take a class. Get your feet wet in a new endeavor--nobody says you have to stay with it if you don't like it. Maintain connections with things and people you did things with before. Reach out to make more connections. Whether getting back to old goals and activities or checking out new ones, we have to keep a part of ourselves connected to the non-AD world. We'll be healthier , better caregivers for doing so. Plus, when the time comes to move into our AFTER, we'll have a foundation to start from.
I put up the link to Twenty Wishes on the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - right above the Caregiver Power blog. It sounds PERFECT for what we have been discussing. I ordered a copy for myself.
What's your wish? We want to hear it and share in your dreams. We CAN do anything we set our minds to. We are an individual aside from being a caregiver.
Dear Joan, I am a little worried about you. You are such an ambitious lady, intellegent and driven by your desire to accomplish something. Sid has gotten in your way a little but you have done wonderful in living with his disability and still creating such a wonderful site and provider of astounding information. But I really worry about what the latter stages are going to do with you. You have told us about the terrible times you have had in these early stages and I assure you, the latter stages have almost taken my ambitions away. I have so many desires ande interests but my DW requires so much attention. Mostly mental at this stage but they still require an inordinate amount of my attention. I know you have some real understanging about what is ahead for Sid but for some reason, I just wonder how you will handle the ultimate breakdowns. I hope you can save this positive attitude but please understand that it will be ther hardest thing you have ever encountered. You are sure looking at lthis life in the right direction but -------??????? your friend, bill
I have no illusions about the later stages. I know how difficult they are, but if I don't have a positive attitude and hope for my future, I have nothing. Everyone needs to believe that they are someone other than a caregiver, and that whenever possible, they need to nurture that side of themselves or it will wither and die along with their loved one.
About ten years ago I saw a listing in the RI "volunteers in action" column in the paper that the zoo was looking for docents - volunteers to teach, walk the grounds and talk about the animals to visitors, etc. I've always liked observing animals so I enrolled and it has been a delightful part of my life ever since. I confess that it probably isn't as "worthwhile" as say, being a Hospice volunteer might be.. but it is certainly something I've learned a lot from, and it's a bragging right for my granddaughter! There are listings in local papers about possibilities. Make yourself read them each week until you get a sense of what you could stand doing, couldn't stand doing, etc.
briegull, I think that what you do is very worthwhile! By working at the zoo, you are helping make something wonderful and enjoyable available for everyone who comes there. Hospice volunteers make life better for people and so do you. Janet
I agree with Janet. Briegull, you are helping others, but even if you were not, if you like what you are doing, it is worthwhile to YOU, and that is what is important.
It may be that no one will ever see our paintings, quilts, writings, or hear our music. It doesn't matter. If we enjoy it, and it gives us pleasure and fulfillment, then it's a home run.
thanks Admin, deb1129958 and carosi for my computer "lesson". I have written the instructions down and try it.
One of the things I have done for myself is start walking. My doctor told me in March about taking better care of myself as all of my health "numbers'" were elevated. I have always, in the past, had low blood pressure, but not now.
So, I joined Weight Watchers as I felt I needed structure and a ready made group of people. They were offering a walking club with a certified trainer free on Saturdays - I joined that. We have a great time. The goal is to participate in one regular race a month. It is a challenge. The walkers get in the back of the group to not bother the regular runners.
I enjoy all of this so much. It gets me out with other people, learning something new and a challenge. I have never been athletic, but at 72 it is fun to be in this element. My numbers are back in the normal range, but I know if I don't keep this up, they will shoot up again.
When I married my good looking smart husband 42 years ago, I felt that I really needed to keep myself current and growing mentally and socially to keep up with him. Ironic, isn't it. But glad that I have done that over the years. It gives me resources to draw on now that I need them.
Also, I look online at church bulletins of the churches in my area - all denominations. Many times, they will have speakers on women's issues, classes, health, bingo, etc. that have nothing to do with religion. Also, good to meet other people that I wouldn't ordinarily know. The activities are free, usually no comittment and if I can't show up, it isn't a problem.
The hospitals in my area also offer free classes in a variety of subjects regarding health issues and also stress reduction classes. The have good ones scheduled around the holidays to offer coping measures. I think most hospitals have an Education Department and you can call and see if they have schedules that they can mail.
I also go to therapy. I kissed a lot of therapy frogs before I found the one that I am currently seeing. I had given up but thought I would try one more time. She is my "paid" friend and I can use up all of my need to talk with her without wearing out my friends and family. I also found her online. It is hard to find one that takes Medicare.
Kudos to you Dagma3. I especially like the idea of the different speakers. You never know who you will meet at these events who will enrich your life. Two years ago, I went to hear a speaker I had never heard of. Since then, we have become the best of friends, and she has opened up opportunities for me that I never knew existed.