Last week I put B. in a residential group home after a stay in the hospital and at rehabilitative nursing care. The first two days were good. I found him a great place. It's beautiful, it's on a lake, the caregiver is wonderful and it's 20 min from my house.
B. is agitated and obcessing about going home. I told him he was in this place to get better, but every day he gets more agitated. We are attempting to help this with medication. What should I tell him? Need to hear what others have done...am about at my witsend.
hi shoegirl good to hear from you. if hes not able to be redirected when hes obsessing its time to increase meds in my opinion. it takes a good while for them to adjust to new surroundings from what others who placed have said. getting aggitated isnt good for you or for him - esp if hes doing it nonstop. i wouldnt tell my DH ever he wasnt coming home. i would fiblet at every question. i dont think it would accomplish a thing and he wouldnt remember the next time anyway. hope others have more input for you. divvi
Anne-for a couple of weeks my husband kept packing up his belongings and putting them by the door so he could go home. He would try to leave with me and insisted his car was in the parking lot. I had the aides distract him so I could make my getaway. I never said I was going home-just out for an errand and I would be back. With major med adjustments and time he settled in. I know where you are now and it will get better. Nora
Just last night a gentleman at a support group meeting told how his house is a mess all the time with boxes and bags because his DW is always getting ready to "move". She doesn't know their home (of many years) is their home. So fiblets regarding residence must just be what we have to do sometimes regardless of whether it's here or there -- it's coming or going -- so hard...
Sorry you are having to go through this -- hopefully meds adjustment will ease the matter.
Anne, just don't tell him anything. In reality, they have little concept of time. Let the caregiver there handle the question. You can say, "I'm not sure, I need to check with the doctors"...or anything that would not give him an answer. The meds will help. In time - it will feel like home. My grandmother was so anxious to go home, but when they'd take her out of the nursing home, she was always asking the time, to be sure she got back in time for Dinner. I hope time will be your friend and the questions will gradually go away. It's so hard..I know...and I feel your distress and guilt. I need a sweatshirt with big letters across the front that says GUILTY. For everything. Just blame it on me and go about your way if that makes it easier.
Since Charlie does not speak it has always been hard to judge just what he understands and what he does not. I try to cover my bases in case he does understand some. When he went into the facility I told him that since I wasn't old enough to retire and take care of him (no fiblet) that he would need to stay for a year until I could retire (he may or may not know what a year is). I too never say that I am going "home" when I leave. I always am going to run some errands, go to the store , get ready to go to work tomorrow, whatever comes to mind. Other than that I just take it one day at a time. I have no idea how long that year may last.