Although I don't post often, I read all your new blogs and have gained so much insight! Because of my DH's anger, his neurologist thinks we should get some counseling. I just shudder at that, because he cannot problem solve. She is referring us to a psychiatrist on staff at the U/WA. If she can't take us as new clients, then we need to find someone on our own. Before DH was diagnosed, we went for marital counseling. He ended up slamming the door and walking home. It was fruitless. I'm for gaining perspective on this blog site ~ your experiences help me much more than trying to sit through counseling with him.
Loretta, others have shared that counseling really is of no benefit. If you have the right counselor and you LO is still able, they can teach them alternative skills that will enable them to function longer. But, I think others will suggest finding another neurologist that will prescribe something to calm his anger. That might be the reason for the psychiatrist. Maybe the neurologist is not comfortable prescribing them.
Loretta, has your husband been diagnosed with Alzheimer's? If so, and if your neurologist knows this, and knows anything about Alzheimer's, then he/she should know that his reason button is broken and that he will also forget what takes place in that meeting before he could act on anything said there!!! Your husband's anger will have to be treated with medication and by you changing the way you deal with him. There is an old discussion on "What I wish I knew at Stages 3 & 4" which goes into ways to deal with him. One is that you never correct him, even though he is wrong (it doesn't do any good- he'll forget); tell fiblets if necessary to keep the peace; understand that he will get angry when you ask him to do something in order to cover up the fact that he is afraid or has forgotten how; they deal with their fear of the unknown and what they can't do anymore by lashing out at those they love the most. It's maddening that we have to be the ones to change, but once we do it, our lives are easier. Yes, they will still get angry, and sometimes throw fits. If you are afraid he might harm you, keep the appointment and write a letter to the doctor telling him what has been diagnosed and how your husband is acting and ask for meds - that you can't discuss it in front of your husband.
Loretta, i agree if your DH has AD or a variant of that, trying to reason thru the outburts anger and aggitations can be expecting alot. Mary has said it so well, they are not able to retain whats been said and as you close the door so does the retention period. even in early stages they can tend to say yeah yeah in a session to a therapist and once you leave they act like they dont know what you are talking about. its quite fustrating to us all. i agree see the neuro or psychiatrist for the purpose of starting him on medications to tone down the aggitation and outbursts. sounds like its been long time coming. good luck, divvi
A psychiatrist manages meds and does not do counselling. My DH sees one ( a geriatric psychiatrist who understands dementia) who manages his meds for behavior and mood disorders (anger, depression, anxiety). Others can give their feedback on counseling, although it sounds as though you have been that route before.
Ditto to everything said. Counseling is useless with an AD patient. They don't have the capacity to reason, and they forget whatever was said in the counseling session.
You mentioned marriage counseling. Often, couples go to marriage counseling when the actual problem is early AD, but neither the couple nor the counselor knows it, which is why it doesn't work. (See "Previous Blogs" #195)
WE are the ones who have to change our reactions to their behavior. Doesn't seem fair, but that's the reality of the situation.
I agree with everything that was said. Early on, when I thought I needed to see a counselor alone, my DH decided that we needed marriage counseling instead. He sat through the sessions, agreed with everything the counselor said, and then remember very little of what she said. It was totally useless. We went for about three months and quit.
Marriage counseling is useless in our situation. Personal counseling for the spouse can be useful. It can be good to have someone to talk to and vent at. I did some early on. Had to stop when I could no longer leave him alone for the 3 hours I needed to get to the session, have the session and get home again.
If you actually have a neurologist who wants you to do marriage counseling, or rage counseling, you need a new doctor. Fire the one you have. S/he is also useless.
Loretta, I echo the advice that marriage counseling will not work and be a waste of time and money. DH sees a psychiatrist (geraitric) for prescriptions to address his behavior issues. I agree with Starling - get a new neuro - what is s/he thinking?