My husband is not incontinent, however, he will only use toilet paper if I am in the bathroom & hand it to him, then he still never gets completely clean. He has since developed a nasty rash, that has started bleeding...more than likely a fungus. I called the doctor & she prescribed a cream to apply twice a day for a week. Only problem, my husband is like many others here..he does not want to take his underwear down for me to apply the medication. I was able to get some on last night after his shower, but getting this on twice a day is another story. Any suggestions? short of knocking him out? Which I have thought of. I have tried to explain till I am blue in the face, even threatened to have our son come in to help or tried to scare him into thinking that if the rash gets worse, he will end up in the hospital. Why does everything have to be so hard?
Oh, Kadee, I wish I had some advice....I know what Divvi would do....bribe him. Offer him a bowl of ice cream, or candy, or to take him to McD's or whatever tickles his fancy if he'll let you.
I am assuming that putting it on HIS finger and having him rub it on is not something he would do....
It is so hard sometimes, to doctor them. Good Luck!
Mary, Thank you for the luck...I am going to need it. I have used Divvi's bribing in the past for taking a shower, but so far nothing has worked with this. And he has the strength of 5 men when it comes to trying to do anything regarding taking those underwear off. I am just afraid he will end up with a staph infection.
I am sure you may have tried this already...but if bribery has not worked, another thought. Tell him that he smells...and that the lotion will help to make the odor go away. Give him..only your wife will tell you routine. Since my husband was careful about his hygiene pre AD this has worked well. I guess you have tried the doctor says routine.
I tried the "your feet stink" thing, and it didn't register! Of course, my DH has an extremely strong will..and if I asked him to do anything, first response would be no. I have said this before, I would never have believed he'd not want to be clean and/or smell nice. He not only doesn't want to take care of his personal hygiene, he rebells against it with vengence.
kadee, ok, so bribes dont work at this point. does he wear reg underwear or depends? depends you can catch him off guard in the bathroom and rip them off by the seams. if its reg underwear, you will have to get his clothes off somehow. even if hes naked for a bit and you have to chase him around to clean his behind with a washcloth and apply meds. i have gone this route many times. mine starts walking as soon as hes got underwear off. like ar windup toy. haha. i have to literally walk behind him to do whatever i d0. my DH has a constant rash under one armpit which we use clobetasol creme and it clears it nicely but it comes back. i have to apply about 2/wk. and sometimes in the groin area if the depends get tight it can rub too. if you dont have him in depends you must start now. his hygiene is suffering and with reg cotton briefs it will hold urine and feces -not good. bacteria will breed out the wazoo. ( guess they already have:) so its imperative if you arent allowed to help him clean himself you are going to have to figure out a way to get him changed more frequently using depends. you may be able to use the reg underwear over the depend if he hollers. you are going to need to be firm and whatver you have to do to get it done. he will get a VERY nasty infection and it can spread and then hospital for sure. he wont like what they do to him there- all of us wives can be intimidating at some point to them regardless of their size:) you just have to get firm and dont let up til he sees no matter how he screams its going to get done, regardless. at least i had to go this way alot during the mid stages. even today he hangs on for dear life on to his depends but i have anew way of jerking them off him before he knows its coming. haha. we do what we have to do. mine would be in dire straights with rashes too if i let him get his way. hope you can make it work! remember the 'power of the pack' is behind you! hehe. divvi
Oh...... I have a picture of her running around the house chasing his naked butt with her lotioned finger sticking out!
Unfortunately Kadee...Divvi is correct...it is like you have to be with children...when it is for safety or health there is no negotiating, you are in charge!
Yeh! I was able to apply some cream on his butt. In my most stern mother voice & demanded he allow me to apply the cream....didn't work earlier this morning, however, it worked this time. divvi, he is not incontinent, he just won't use toilet paper if I am not there handing it to him...sometimes not even then. He is very strong willed....always has been & this morning nothing was going to get those underwear off. With one swipe he could toss me across the room, his strength is the same as before dementia. I do appreciate everyone's input.
its almost inevitable depends will be worn at some point in this journey. my DH was not incontinent when i chose to get him into the idea of wearing them with his reg briefs over them it was for hygiene issues. i was seeing skid marks for a better term..hahah.. and knew he wasnt cleaning himself. i dont know why there is so much stigma attached to the depends issues. if he isnt cleaning himself the depends can be replaced and has a protective lining to absorb so its not on the skin. i see your point kadee of strength. but my DH is VERY strong even though hes thin. i just stand 'back' out of reach when i start my tirade of whats going to happen next..:) out of reach so to speak. if you are thinking he could come at you at any time, it maybe time to ask for med adjustments. as we see some tweaks can make a difference in lambs or lions. good luck, glad you won the first round!!!!!divvi
divvi, I will most certainly consider trying depends. Not knowing much about depends, I didn't realize there was a protective linning that would keep...as you called them skid marks from touching the skin. Maybe, I can tell him the doctor wanted him to use them with the cream as a treatment. I want one of the those lambs, the lions are turning me into a B#*@%.
I find I am using that stern mama's voice more and more. Seems like he understands that loud nagging. Didn't want to be a B#*@% but I am getting really good at it.
It seems they do respond to being treated like children. When my husband kept climbing out of windows to escape his facility putting red stop signs on the windows worked. They want to be good little boys. (sometimes)
Divvi....is it the one or two finger position in the run around the house marathon?
Strong voice and approach is not b$$$$y but loving as a mother's would be. This is the hard part for me, transitioning from wife and partner role, to mother, the ultimate caregiver.
DH is still continent ..so had to make practice runs to see what approach might work in the future. As I am lefthanded...used righthand for the buttock stretch. It appears that a left hand 2 finger approach would guarantee the maximum application coverage. Of course this was not a blinded clinical study so more research is needed.
My DH was sitting peacefully in the chair watching the pantomime...wondering if his wife had totally lost it. Please, oh please, let me know if my research is on the right path. :)
ok new tactic - bear with us folks, these topics arent the sqeamish-most will never talk about these subjects but if you ever find yourselves in our positions you may be glad you have some hands on input! ha.
i found last nite its MUCH easier to undress pants /depends of DH on the bed and apply meds while hes on his back. seems to be less resistance - you can lift the legs into knee bends and its quite easy to remove pants/depends with a little rolling back/forth and then you will be in 'position' to apply meds that will actually stick in correct places. i then redressed him and was done in about 14min. peice of cake. practice makes perfect:) i was also easier to lift his arm to apply meds for rash while laying down rather than standing up after shower:) yay...
SCS i am lefthanded as well but we need to learn to use BOTH hands to wrangle AD spouses during this journey. use whichever one is quickest!
You ladies are bad, bad, bad. But, I can relate to the stern voice, sometimes bordering on demanding. I absolutely have to use it sometimes and it is becoming more effective.
What is the proper name for you to call me when I am b..........y? I don't like it, but, I am getting good at it when it is needed.
Oh mercy what a start to this day! Thanks for the tutorials! The time is coming, sooner than I'm prepared for, when I'll be making use of this information..resistance to showering has begun...not recognizing the need for changes of underwear, clothes etc. There is no textbook that teaches as well as those who have gone before..if I was a cartoonist.. well dear friends.. someone could make a million by putting some of these 'directions' into cartoons!! Thanks to all.
divvi, my DH also has a rash under one arm. It is a bright red oval shape. It doesn't itch, there are no bumps I can feel. Just a bright red oval. If we put hydrocortisone cream on it every single day, it will go away. If we miss one day, back it comes. I wonder if it is the same thing your DH has.
Judy, I took care of the dirty clothes, which happens very early on, by getting into the habit of laying out clean clothes every night. He goes to bed way before me. I know where he puts the dirty clothes, so I go and check to make sure he hasn't held back his used shirt. That tends to be the one thing he will hold back.
He also holds back on his jeans/slacks. I let that happen giving him clean ones several times a week. I can't do that behind his back while he is sleeping because of pocket contents. But I can live with him wearing those several times.
He is still at the point where if I tell him to remember to take a shower tomorrow morning (we do them every other day or every 3 days most of the year) he will remember. However I have woken up at 2 in the morning to the sound of the shower running.
buzzelena, could be a yeast infection. at least i think ours is. and yes its a bright red oval no bumps. it clears up then back.. so strange. and one arm only that is the good news:)
i was thinking it was from daily antibiotics but maybe not since yours has it too. one more thing to deal with. i do know if its not treated it itches him profusely! and it must be dried completley so no moisture after showers- so we treat like you do, after each shower.. sigh... always something! divvi
Another remedy to consider is tea tree oil. Very effective against yeast infections. Sold at CVS. Google tee tree oil to see the many uses for it. Used it successfully to treat DH's pesky toenail fungus. Cortisone ointments can actually make yeast infections worse.
Yeast infections, as you know often come from antibiotic usage and the rash, if persistent, can actually be a yeast and bacteria infection combined.
And Judy...great idea...we could put a book together with drawings something like "Dementia Care Giving for Dummies". Humor is what sustains me and maybe there are other warped minds out there besides Divvi's and mine...and few others who will remain nameless...:)
Last time I was in Italy I couldn't find any plain old pharmacies - they all had nature's remedies but I couldn't find just plain old antihistamines or antibiotic cream. Tea tree oil was very prominent. And good.
Just be careful with tea tree oil though cause it can burn. I have been battling a rash along my panty line for 5+ years now. The doctor couldn't figure it out. My sister kept after me to try tea tree oil cause she believes it works on everything. I finally did and was miserable for a couple days - it stung and felt like it was on fire. The only remedy I have found is washing daily and putting the Vitamin A & D ointment on it.
Yogurt with the live culture will also work on yeast infections.
I would never travel without Teatree oil. Got my entire family using it. Charlotte it may be related to poison ivy so I can understand why you were miserable.
I still have the rash. I also get it under my bra when I sweat. I think it is an allergic reaction to the elastic. I buy all my clothes with as much cotton in them as possible, but you can't escape elastic in some places. I just live with it. I wear shorts as much as possible but with winter coming someday I will have to wear long pants which causes the rash to get worse - which strongly indicates it is related to sweat reacting with the elastic.
No, the doctor tested for fungus and a couple other things that she could get done the two months I had insurance in 2007 and they were negative. Since I have no insurance, I will not pursue it either. Keeping the ointment on it seems to keep it at bay, so that will have to do for now. It is just one of those things one has to live with. It is an inconvenience, nothing dangerous.
Charlotte---try getting some underwear with cotton banded leg openings and cotton covered waist. This is a cheap way to figure out if the elastic is the issue. Also, what happens to your skin when you have a bandaid or bandage taped on? Are there issues where the stickum hits your skin? Both are easy ways to ID the pootential latex problem, and then avoid it.
Have you tried benadryl ointment? If it is an allergy that would help. Please watch to see if it may be latex because that is a nasty allergy to have. Do you react to rubber gloves or latex paint?
To help with the sweating put deoderant on on the problem areas to prevent rash and itching.
It started about 5-6 years ago. All my underwear do have cotton over the elastic - I have always worn them. I do not react when wearing rubber gloves and the other gloves are latex free so I don't know. Bandaids - I can only wear the stretch fabric one - or at least those are the only ones I wear. I have tried deodorant and zinc to keep it dry, but they didn't work. I figure it has to do with my body chemistry - started about the time I started through menopause. It is the least of my worries at this point - more of an annoyance.
scs it was my dentist who discovered my sensitivity after I complained about a mouth rash after every visit. After wearing a Holter monitor I had scars from the leads for a month. The silk tape used after my mastectomy caused misery. Really not sure when I developed the sensitivity.