I'm sure if I looked hard enough I would find a plethora of information. Sometimes I wonder if AZ is cyclic!
My husband will be doing great (almost at a high) for several days and then he takes a major nose dive. Earlier this week, he mowed and edged the yard, and was very talkative. Yesterday when I came home from work he was in a "mood" and wouldn't talk only "I don't know," or yes and no answers. He indicated he was mad at the world, and I asked him if someone had called and they had an upsetting conversation, etc. But he said no. When I got home from work last night, he continued in the funk and barely spoke to me. He was in bed by 7:30. He was very cranky this morning and then when I was home at lunch he was in bed. He came out and looked at me and then went back to sleep. As I left I asked him if there was anything I could do for him. Again, "no." I feel sometimes like I'm overreacting, but is this "normal" for AZ patients? I know there is no normal, but should I be concerned that something is going on with him? We didn't have an argument, or even a disagreement that I know of.
My husband is farther along than yours...he cannot do any chores, however, we experience the Dr. Jekyll & Mr Hyde days. Actually, he has been mellow all week, about 30 minutes ago his mood changed. The dementia devil is here for a visit. Thank goodness he is in the garage, or he would be standing staring at me.
You are absolutely not the only one. I brought to the top a discussion from 2007 about this topic for you to read. This is the link to the blog that goes with the discussion - http://www.thealzheimerspouse.com/rollercoaster.htm
Thanks! I read both your posts and then looked up the "roller coaster." I like the sentence that says, "it (AD) also toys with us; teases us with its inconsistencies." Maybe that is what I need to recognize. The inconsistencies. For you certainly soar with hope on the good days. He is insisting we do a small remodel to our house and he has taken over doing all the contact work. Some of my family have said, "don't let him do it!" (because I will pay for it with his behavior) So I don't know if the last few days have caused him to be fearful or what.
And sometimes it is as small a thing as me changing something on a shelf or asking a question like, "Did you put away the fall decorations?" after I had gotten them out. He bragged that he had made an executive decision to put them away. I didn't fuss with him over it. It's not worth it.
Thank you my friends for the responses. It all helps.
Yes, mine does this. Usually when he is overly tired or overly bored. When he has been working on a building (houses, pole barns, I mean big buildings), he is generally in a better frame of mind but can get quite edgy. However, it is different and just tiredness. Much easier for me to handle. I just take care of him and do nice things for him and he will sit there and rest. He usually appreciates me more during this type of mood.
When he is tired from being overly bored, he is much harder to handle. He has more mood swings and rants more. I have much more problems and there is really not much I can to to help him.
this morning, he had his first really bad moody/anger outburst in several days to a week. We were having our coffee before we both leave for work and we were talking about our need to replace and/or fix the drain hoses for our truck camper and pull trailer. The hose that came with our camper is too short and leaks at the fitting. The hose that came with our trailer is too long and the plastic attachment broke. So what we need to do is get two new hoses that are the correct length. We have always had problems if we have to talk about finances and spending money. So, DH asked me this morning to remind him what was wrong with the camper hoses. Mind you, we have had this conversation many times. So I start to tell him that the trailer hose is too long and the plastic attachment is broken, and the camper hose is too short and leaks at the attachment. He got very angry and told me that I always go into way too much detail and it would be nice if I would just answer his question. He was so "burned up" at me for no fault of mine. He then went on to say many complements of the things that he liked about me, pretty, well build, smart, etc. but kept coming back to putting me down really hard for talking too much, not knowing how to answer a question, wondering how I can keep a job, etc. Sometimes, he throws in a dumb blonde statement or something about how I act just like his brother (who really makes us mad alot). These two things generally get me into a really bad argument as they are things that I just can't take, no matter what.
Yes, this stuff really hurts us and we don't do anything to make it happen. It is worse, if they have been nice and almost normal for a few days and we have let our guard down. Something just hits them and they get so angry at us or something we have done and because we are here the next thing we do is the reason for their anger. It makes no sense at all but then none of this circus makes sense.
As for advice, I think I am one of the experts as I have been dealing with the moods and anger for may be 8 years and probably longer. My suggestion is to first listen attentively; interrupting only makes it worse. Then agree with whatever he is saying; "yes, I do offer more of an explination that is necessary. I agree completely with you." I usually blame it on my work and tell him that the people at work expect me to give all explinations the first time, and I promise to try to remember to keep it short for him. If this doesn't work to stop the rant, after he takes a break in speaking, I appologize for having to leave but that I need to do my hair for work, or the younger pup needs to go out, or I need to get the car out of the garage. It has to be someting honest and not sound like an excuse. Once I can remove myself from the conversation, I get a breather and he gets a chance to calm down. Then when I return to the room, I get him a cup of coffee, make a comment about the weather and not say any more. This process works really well for me and will most often difuse the situation. If it doesn't work and you aren't lucky enough to need to leave for work, find another reason to remove yourself from the room. Then stay away for a few minutes. There is nothing you can do to help him, so you need to get away before he might get physical or before you start to cry. Neither will help your long-term goal of staying safe and healthy.
This is one of the those up & down days. Actually, started yesterday afternoon. I am noticing when he is in these moods, I am also in a bad mood. I have no patience today & really don't like my husband & for that matter I don't like myself. Does this happen to anyone else when your spouse has a bad day?
I totally react like that. I get so tired of the moods, and having to cater to his. It is getting to the place where his bad mood actually puts me in one, because when he is like that, I have to walk on eggshells, wondering if the mood will turn into a full blown tantrum. Living like that isn't fun, but that is my life, and therefore, the mood. Then I have to just resign to my "hobby room", where I have all my fun stuff, my computer, TV, sewing machines, etc, and try to put myself in a better frame of mind. Continuous battle!
kadee, it happens to us all. the not liking the new personalities that gain hold of our spouses. all you can do to wait it out is try to avoid contact with them as much as possible and hope the moods swing into a better one soon.
find something to do for yourself in the meantime. something to take your mind off it. bake a cake-give yourself a pedicure-clean a closet. haah. lots of options. divvi
Mary in Montana, good for you for finding a way of dealing with your dh's anger that works.
What has worked best for me in the past is getting him on a bicycle. The physical exercise distracts him from the anger and seems to settle him. It has never helped to try to get him to do any yard work. That only makes him angrier.
But I'm happy to say that what SEEMS to be working the last week is the Risperidone. He has been angry a couple times but only for a moment, soon recovers.