My DH all of a sudden thinks he is OK (go figure) and he is being VERY stubborn! Even though he can't even put his shirt on and tuck it into his pants by himself he wants to get in a bus (a veterans van)and go to a town 45 minutes away to get a flu shot for free when he can go just down the street with me and get one for 25 dollars. I forgot, he doesn't want me to go with him he wants to go by himself. I can't talk him out of it and he is driving me nuts. I worry about him doing things that he wants to do and so far nothing has happened(knock on wood) but how long is our luck going to hold out? I don't know, but it stresses me out. Now, I have, so far still ,won the war about him wanting to drive(shhh! don't tell him that!) I feel like telling him "What part of my being your caregiver don't you understand?" I think his being stubborn is a personality change, what do you think? He also obsesses sooooooooooo much, I can't believe it.
deb--If your husband is covered under Medicare, the flu shots are free. Even if he's not, could you tell him you just signed him up for Medicare and he can get it for free when he goes with you?
Do you know someone going on the van who could keep an eye on him? I'm dealing with an earlier stage but an organized trip where my DH would be gone for several hours would sound good to me.
Deb - is his medical care thru the VA? I find that many of them that do feel such a camaraderie with their fellow veterans, they don't want to get care or even shots anywhere else. My BIL was that way - even though he could go to Kaiser, he would only go to the VA. If you ever walked into the foyer of the VA in Portland, you can see many sitting there. They are not there for medical, but for the sense of belonging.
I use to be able to redirect him and talk him out of doing things that he wanted to do but not anymore. He has done this every year for several years and I guess this is something he feels he has to do but I don't know.
Lately if I tell him that I don't want him to do something or I don't think it is a good idea that makes him want to do it even more. Kind of like a teenager!!! It might work if I don't bring it up again but I doubt it just because this is what he has been doing all along.
I agree about the closeness the veterans have but he was only in the military for 4 years and could hardly wait until he got out. I tend to think he wants to go because I don't want him to. I have already told him that he has medicare and that he could get it at the same time I get mine but he SAYS he doesn't like medicare(whatever that means.)
Yes, I am looking forward to him going on a looooooooooong van ride so that I can have some me time. I am worried about him though. He said that the van driver stays with them so maybe it will be alright(he also has a cell phone). This stubborn streak is getting worse and driving me crazy!!!! If it's not this it would be and will be something later. My life is never going to be the same for very long at a time anyway so...how do you get use to that? I don't see how it is possible to actually get use to this stinking disease!!!!
Thanks for all your advice and support. We are all there for one another and that is a good thing. I don't leave home without it.
deb, again i guess we can only reinterate that you get him extra dose of medications to help with the obsessing. thats what these meds do, help them stay more calm when their mind races and they are aggitated. there isnt anything you can do to deter those who wont be deterred. some of us opted for dead bolts to keep them from leaving the house -drastic i admit but necessary. until you have an issue one day that he just leaves and you arent able physically to stop him. i got caught once on the bridge over the pool with DH trying to shove his way by me into the street. ugh. not a good position to be in esp when they are more powerful than us. to me he is rebelling and it can escalate. take this as a sign that things may be on the rise and you should speak with his dr about the obsessing and non ability to redirect like before. i would tell him the shots down the street are FREE since he is a veteran:) and leave it at that. i know what a difficult stage it is when they are uncontrollable -makes for some very ansy moments. divvi
I've let my husband go on long, 2 hour, walks almost every day for the last 2 years. There was no re-directing him. And I knew sooner or later he wasn't coming home from one of those walks.
So why did I do that? Because there was no way I could stop him safely. And I'm not willing to die.
Sometimes you have to let them do things you know are dangerous so you can stay safe. divvi suggests that you talk to the doctor about medications, and if what he wants to do really is out of hand dangerous, do that.