DH has begun lying on what I would consider a regular basis. It's happened 2-3 times recently. It occurred to me that it's a symptom of his progressing more and more back into childness. Has anyone else seen their dh/dw begin lying?
Dh lied for a while back there to cover up his "naughtiness", for instance when he had eaten something I was saving for company or my share of something. He never was a liar before, always very honest and open. I think the lying was temporary. Now he seems to admit to everything very readily, so if he denies something I think he has genuinely forgotten. But sometimes it's hard to tell. Me, I lie to him all the time. Am I becoming childlike?
I agree with Marsh. Sid can have an entire conversation with someone on the phone, and that person will then tell me how wonderful and coherent he sounded. They have no idea that the information he gave them was innaccuate, mostly because he doesn't remember things the way they happened.
I agree with you Marsh. DH will tell me that he took his pills ( when they're still on the counter) or he'll tell me he has already brushed his teeth and shaved (when he's been in bed the whole time). They aren't lying, they just think they did those things or can't remember. And, believe me, sometimes I have a hard time convincing him otherwise.
i do believe they return to a childlike manner not unlike toddlers - the imagination and inabilities to differeniate fantasy from reality becomes blurred just like in toddlers who tell a tall tale hoping or imagining it to be true.
my belief is during these earlier regressed stages they can learn to manipulate just like toddlers do with untruths or fantasy that gains some result they desire. aka saying they didnt eat to gain access to more, etc
i think an adult 'liar' would do it with pre -disposed thoughts and intentions of knowing it to be untrue- i dont think our AD spouses fall into that group but under the inability to differeniate group. at least i think thats how i see it:) divvi
As for regressions to childhood: Mine sleepwalked as a kid, and it's starting again, which doesn't always work out well for me.
Another funny thing is--EVERY time we go into the hardware store (his former business--brother runs it now,) we cannot leave without a bag of spice drops. So, yesterday we ended up with spice drops from the hardware store. Later, we went to get some oj at the grocery store, and he grabbed M&Ms. I said, "you already had spice drops." He didn't care. He wanted them. So we got 'em. If we go somewhere else he'll grab a bag of Doritos. Whatever. I don't think I care so much anymore about the health implications.
My husband has started biting his fingernails...hasn't done that since childhood. Also, I hide behind the bathroom door, so I can help with giving him the toilet paper, he will always say he doesn't need it because he never pooped....sorry, but the smell tells the tale. I also think he doesn't think he did.
The doctors seem to use several other terms instead of "lying". Confabulating is one--means making things up that they really believe are true. Another is "compensating", or saying things to try to seem normal.
It happens here too. If someone doesn't actually know better, DH sounds reasonable, coherent and perfectly ok. He confabs and compensates with the greatest of ease. Tells callers that I'm not here and I've gone out of town or somewhere, when I'm sitting in the chair next to him..he means it. At the same time, he doesn't seem surprised when I speak up and say, "i'm right here'. Among the general public and in brief phone conversations and even with his own brother, things don't seem too different unless the visit or the conversation is longer than 20 minutes.
I think the confabulating was among the very first things that caught my attention. At first I thought that if he thought about things more carefully he'd remember correctly. That was before I accepted that dementia was definitely taking place.
My DH just isn't a reliable source of information. He just doesn't remember and makes up what he thinks at the moment. Sometimes puts very interesting stories together - but just not true.
There are two types of "lying" that can go on. One of them is actually "confabulation" which isn't really lying since they believe that the stories they are making up are true. That happens when they can still have social conversations. Drove me nuts and it mostly went on well before we had a diagnosis.
The other is the kind of lying that little kids do to get out of trouble with their parents. I'm not having much of that. I do have the problem that some of the time he thinks he has taken a shower or taken his pills when he hasn't but that, also isn't really lying since he truly thinks he has done those things.
The "they" who stole his money, glasses, whatever is a dementia symptom. They all go through that and it doesn't seem to matter which of the four main types of dementia they have.
Starling, you described what I meant when I started this thread. DH's lying is blatant, he knows he's lying, and it's to cover up something he doesn't want me to know about. It's little kid lying. He's always lied to me, but now it's frequent. So I'm wondering about perhaps it's a sign that he is indeed regressing further into being a child.
I wondered if my husband would react to his face in the mirror so I asked him to look at himself. He immediately grinned and made a face, looking into my eyes in the mirror. He knew it was him!