My DH has early stage Lewy Body Dementia so he's got Parkinson's symptoms and is terribly slow, but he still helps out his 98 year old aunt and reads newspapers on his laptop and listens to All Things Considered. Until late July he took care of himself, and even traveled alone. But then he fell asleep leaning on his elbow and hurt the nerve to his dominant hand. He has lost much of the use of that hand--it is supposed to get better but hasn't made much progress.
I'm really not doing that much, changing his socks for him and cutting up his food are the main things. He needs me to wash his hair when he takes a shower, which he only gets to about twice a week. I've filled out some forms for him and cut his fingernails. He had been doing some cooking and taking out the trash until this happened but now that is all on me.
I am so tired of cutting up his food! I know, I know, it is trivial compared with what so many of you do. I guess it felt ok to do it temporarily but more than a month doesn't feel temporary any more. We raised two kids, but it seems against the natural order to be doing those things for my husband. Or perhaps it is scary because I know I will have to do more and more for him.
I should be grateful that he isn't angry and rebellious, but instead he is passive and needy. And I'm trying to deal with a job as a college professor, major house renovations on a house we will move to in about a month, and those two kids, one of whom just started college and I'm not sure it is going ok.
We do have a couple of people who come once a week each to help with packing. I said to DH that he should ask them instead of me to do things he can no longer do, and I think he has done that a little (at least with his laundry). But it is particularly the every day things that I am so tired of!
The house renovation is in significant part to make it possible for him to stay home longer. I had better get more patient with helping him.
pamsc, I also have to cut up my DH's food, especially meat. I get tired of doing this and a lot of other things but it's better than having to wipe his bottom. That will probably come soon enough. Oh Lord, help us all.
I have to cut up DW's food (unless I be sure she has soft food or fish) AND wipe her bottom. Yesterday she would not eat her applesauce into which I had ground her pills, so I fed it to her, and commented that she was being like a 2-year old. To this she replied "thankyou, Mommy". I wonder why she said "Mommy" rather than "Daddy".
marsh, you're probably both Mommy and Daddy to her. Sounds like she knows she is loved. I admire you and the other guys here who take such good care of their wives. Such love, tenderness and caring.
Ditto here - cut up most food and wipe bottom. You get so you cut it in preparation (think stir-fry, casseroles). It's only been about six weeks, Pam, and I've hurt nerves and it takes longer than that for ME to recover. You've got a lot going on with classes, and that house, and first year for kids in college is always iffy. I remember when my first one went to college - about 300 miles away. I worked in the academic deanery at Brown, so it seemed perfectly natural to me to call a dean at his school and ask if they ever encouraged kids to come in and talk about problems. We talked to parents all the time! Well, boy, did I ever hear it from my son for doing that!! ANd that was long before "helicopter parents" were in vogue. I never did it again!
Oh, how LONG I was a parent.. and now here I am back again! The funny thing today was that we went out to eat with our daughter and the son mentioned above and his wife and 10 year old daughter.. and all of us were playing parent to my husband, who needed help getting in and sitting down at the table but then sat quietly and consumed immense amounts of food, everyone encouraging him and being helpful!
You're right, you're just getting started with your husband but it may get easier in time.
Marsh...take "Mommy " as a compliment to the fine job you are doing...when people are ill, the first person they want is their mother.....if they ask for daddy, it's usually expensive and they need money.....
PAM, I don't know why this hint makes things easier for me, but it does. I have a good pair of kitchen shears, and I cut his meat or pasta with them. It just goes faster, four cuts in one direction, four cuts in the other and we have sixteen cubes of meat, voila. For some reason, I don't find it that easier than the knife and fork cutting. Last year, we went out to a Ruth's Chris Steakhouse (veddy veddy fancy)..and I ordered a small filet for him. Softly, I asked the waiter if they would cut it up for him. Without blinking an eye, he said, "OF course, in the kitchen or tableside?" I suggested the kitchen would be best. When his steak was served, you could not tell it was cut into little pieces. It had been pushed back together in a lovely filet presentation, as only a quality Steakhouse steak can look! Thick, juicy and appetizing. I'm sure they did not use kitchen shears! (grin).
Re: the shower & shampoo, .. the new Zest and/or Nivea Shower Soap & Shampoo is wonderful. If you haven't tried it, you should. It's easier for them not to have to use one product and then another. I squeeze an ample portion in a big sponge and he can soap his entire front with it...(I do the back and hair). Smells great! (Doesn't your husband have longer hair?..I guess it would work fine regardless.)
Pam - I feel your pain that's all I can say now. I haven't gotten to the ADLs yet and when I allow myself to think about it I wonder how in the world I'll handle it. My child is grown now and just had his own last year but I can relate totally to renovation as after nearly a year of moving into this totally renovated house we again have a carpenter here full time and awaiting builder to show up - only two weeks late so far! Over the past many months I have so frequently personally related to your comments. I'd love to see some pics of your reno - my e-mail is in my profile should you have time to send some. I FINALLY forced myself to sign up for facebook but have not yet set it up and don't have time to deal with it right now.