Ummm, I'm still here, Ann. And I don't even know IF I have a reason to be here yet:)
Seriously, If I eventually, which I so hope I do, find out I'm not looking at a problem I fear I am facing I'll not ever stop visiting here. I'm new, but this is THE most welcoming and helpful site I've ever found in the ether, bar none.
And you have to remember, us men are so........., uh,........, never mind:>)
I've posted almost every day. Just nothing of any significance. As for football, the Patriots open tomorrow against Buffalo. I hope Tom Brady's knee holds up.
Phranque can run, but he cannot hide. NancyB, aka SuperSleuth, checked him on AS -Search - User - and noticed he last logged in on AS site 8 hours ago. At least we know he is lurking.
I checked on Frank, he has his hands full right now with his DW, she is declining and he's in need of our rope! He is also a voluntary caregiver to an elderly gentleman and his aging Mom, and owns his own business. His plate is getting heavy.
I am still alive, barely. My humor is gone, and I am dealing with Audrey's decline, my mom getting more forgetful, and Murray having intestinal problems. Also, it is hot, humid, and the lawns are growing like it was July. I expect it to slow down around Oct 15, and I will get a bit of a break, if nothing else happens. Thanks for all your concerns..And who is so lucky to watch football?? I did see 15 minutes of the 2007 superbowl......and that is the last time I even saw a football...And I am proud to announce that I cleaned my dw's butt for the first time....and inserted a suppository...Now, it was easier than I anticipated, but not one of my favorite things to do...I prefer dealing with mom's colostomy...attach a ziplock bag and ur done....Just got a phone call from Murray, the 87 yr old I also care for...he has lots of abdominal pain.....and he suspects diverticultis....so off I go to take care of him......will it ever end well, my diagnosis is inguinal hernia....tomorrow we go to the dr, and see if I am right..Most likely surgery will be scheduled....
phranque you are usually so upbeat and funny -its getting to be very overwhelming all you are taking on. have you tried hospice yet? or some free respite thru some of the govt agencies? with as many as you care for someone must be entitled to some freebies! stay in touch. if you need to spew we are ready -divvi
As I have said before, I read more than I write. Besides, when I have a question I find that someone else has already posted it and there is a lot of advice available so no need to broach the same subject.
Anyhow, from my vast experience reading these posts, I have come to the conclusion that ladies are more perceptive and maybe even more caring that we are. At least they express their feelings and caring better.
Sorry men. That is just my opinion and it doesn't usually count for very much.
PS PS..... I kinda meant to say that the lady caregivers are much better at caregiving than I am. It seems to me that I have to work harder at it than they do and then don't get the same results.
When I am honest with myself (which isn't often), I hate this job.
Sorry about the negativity.
Thank all of you for your input on this terrible disease.
Dean- Women are by nature much more caring than we could ever hope to be. On my absolute best day, I am at best only half the caregiver I would be if I were female....My biggest problem is feeding time....I just cannot remember menus and what I ate for the last 30 yrs....I never had to think about it, and deciding what to feed everyone is a huge task for me. Most of the time I prefer to serve the typical redneck 7 course dinner......a hamburger and a sixpack... Dean, just being a caregiver speaks loudly of you...most men would disappear, or pass the duties to someone else..
Just looking into local hospice for my DH. Everyone is helping me with Texas Info. One interesting point was made. Hospice has their own doctors. If DH was placed in the Hospice Program, (which is a Medicare program), he would no longer be able to use the doctor he's had before now. The reason is that Medicare will not pay for 'duplicate tests, duplicate doctor visits'. Makes sense, and at his stage, I guess it's no big deal. MaryH has been very satisfied with her Hospice people. So much to do this week, I've made a list - with phone numbers - in a little spiral book...so I can just flip from page to page when I get the people on the line.
Frank, I think you're my new Superhero. You may feel like a BobbleHead character, but you're more like Superman. Hope your getting big hugs from those little grandchildren. Amazing how a hug can revitalize a weary body. (I could certainly use one!) Love,Nancy
Phranque and Dean, you guys are really great, I mean that, I really doubt whether my dh would ever do for me what you are doing. I guess women get more practice being caregivers, taking care of children, at least that was the case when I had young children. Dh was busy building a career and the kids were my responsibility: that's why I stopped at two kids although I had always thought I wanted four. He seldom changed a diaper and finding a babysitter when we both had things planned always seemd to be up to me (shouldn't complain too much about that, his parents were great babysitters).
The young fathers nowadays are a joy to watch. My sons are both so good at taking care of their kids, it's a tremendous change from a generation ago. They're just as good at getting the babies to sleep as the mothers are. The youngest works four nine-hour days so that he can be home and take care of the little ones on Wednesdays. Two other days he has to be sure to get home at 6 to pick them up from daycare, since his wife teaches afternoons and evenings. He feeds them, loves playing with them and puts them to bed. DH would never have considered that; not that he didn't love the kids but it just wasn't his job.
JeanetteB, I just had to respond....I agree with you about young fathers. My son loves to spend time with his little boy, and helps a lot with his care when he's home. Same with SIL. More than I remember doing. Don't get me wrong, I changed dirty diapers too, but always seemed too busy to "play" with my kids the way they do now. Kudos to them! And onions to me. In spite of that, he thinks I hung the moon...don't know why, but he does. I think he's pretty cool too.
To All of You for the good advice and more. I agree that ladies were the caregivers to most of our children when we were young, but, in our case, my wife got tuberculosis when our daughter was three and was sent to a state sanitarium for a year. It was over 100 miles from our home and I worked, went to see her every weekend, and, for the most part took care of our little girl. She and I have a bond even today that is just different than most Fathers and daughters and I wouldn't take anything for it. Maybe that was preparring me for the travails of today. The rest of the story is that my DW recovered and a few years later we wanted another child. Because of her health, etc., she had a hard time getting pregnant. I can't beleive that I got tired of taking her temperature and even coming home for lunch. We were successful tho and now have a wonderful son.
I don't have the faintest idea why I wrote this because I can't imagine that any of you, with your busy schedules, would find it interesting. But, maybe it did me some good.
Oh Well --- those were the best of times and the worst of times. I am thankful for the memories since sometimes it seems like that is all I have left.
Hope you have a good day and Thanks for listening.
Dean, we are never to busy to not listen to you or anyone who posts. And I thought what you wrote was very interesting. I'm sure you and your daughter would have a special bond. And you're doing a great job with DW. You're a good man, Dean!
Sharing memories of my husband with others is part of what helps me remember and enjoy the person he was and deal with the person he is now. Don't stop sharing even if it is a bit out there.
I was such a little girl. My mother was phoned while holding my third birthday party, in 1938, and told that she had TB and six months to live. With great determination she lived through many relapses (this is before antibiotics) and didn't die until 1955. My father, with the help of my mother's mother, who lived with us, took care of my mother and me in particular. Cooked a lot, though we did have a cleaning woman a time or two a week who cooked. We drove 400 miles from Houston to San Marcos, Tx, to see her in the sanitarium one year. Sometimes she was better, sometimes worse. But as I was reading this thread, I was thinking about my father and how, way back then, he was such a good and loving caregiver.
Thanks to all of you for your responses, but, especially to briegull: Thank you for posting your experience inre TB in your family. Today, not very many people know what we are talking about and how terrible the disease was. Wasn't it just awful to go to the sanitarium?
The rest of the story (maybe you and I are the only ones interested) is that I had the disease first. I entered the sanitorium in July 1955, and our daughter was born in December. Since my wife was pregnant, she couldn't work and applied for welfare. The state sent her a check for $20.00 and told her that she would have to live with her Mother and Dad. They could afford to support her. She lived with them until August 1956. Our daughter only saw me with a surgical mask on for the first 9 months of her life. I came home and three years later, she went to the sanitarium with the same disease for a year. She almost died.
Thanks for reading this and for responding with your own experience.
I guess I haven't posted much lately but I do visit every day. I also think that men probably accept AD differently than the ladies. I have even slowed down any posts on Carol's Blog for my wife. I like to have a positive attitude and that is not easy with this disheartining illness. I have a lot of shadowing and loss of meaningful conversation. I get lonesome and miss my old friends. This life is tough. bill
Still reading the posts.. but have barely enough time to write much.... I agree with Billeid... shadowing like crazy.... conversations only happen when I bring something up and then it is very difficult to keep it going... my wife used to be such a great converstaionallist.... she talked so much that one her friends used to call her "Brooke"... as in babbling... not so much anymore and it breaks my heart... This is a very TOUGH life... will have to post something as I have a few questions and I have to make a choice so I will need advice.
This life is very tough, billeld. But all of you guys are just the best. You can feel the love and caring in each of your posts. You have stepped up to the plate and continue to do the job. My hat's off to all of you!
Dean, yes, the san was awful. My mother had married straight out of her home, and had never spent a night away from her family or husband until she went there when I was 12, 17 years after marriage. We would drive out to see her and take our cat! who was happy on a leash. They let the cat come into the san, as long as we went through a back door and sortof quietly smuggled her in. But it was awful and sterile and she talked the doctor into letting her out or she'd die there!
There is a new song out, it's called, "I Want My Life Back". I heard it on the car stereo and had to pull over. Funny the turns these posts take, my Aunt also had TB back in the early 60's. What I remember most is having to go to the State Hospital with the rest of the family, to be vacinnated. Oh what a stink I put up! I remember screaming and trying to escape! She was left unable to have children and was never the same.
Well, it's good to hear from all the guys. Football,,,,,,,yes, Jim was wearing his Beloved Ohio State hat on Saturday night and his Treasured Green Bay hat on Sunday! He wanted to make sure I wasn't going to be visiting then!!!! I never visit at night, lol, too many dark and twisty back roads to manuver! Oh, he'd want me to tell you that Ohio State lost by one touch down and Green Bay WON! Thank God, lol.
Marsh - almost 3rd quarter and they are behind 17-10. They better get going and play better, less penalties.
To all you husband caregivers - when I first came to this site, I was surprised to see men posting. I admire all of you men for doing something that is not considered in your DNA. You are doing a great job.
Bill - I know it is hard to post on the blog, but if you just do little postings that may be a little easier.
Dean - I hate this too and I am only in the beginning. When he gets incontinent I don't know if I can do it. Maybe he will be like his dad and not get that way until placed in an AD unit.
Frank - way to go on wiping the back side and suppository. My husband would never make a caregiver.
Remember men - when it comes to talking women do it better. When asked a yes or no question, men will use just one word to answer - women will take 5 minutes of talking to say that one word!!!
My Aunt Betty had TB in the early 50's. She was in a Sanitarium in San Antonio. I can remember a picture of her sitting in a magnificent field of Texas Bluebonnets..wearing a beautiful formal with multi rows of powder blue net ruffles...her lovely auburn hair falling softly down her back.. That beautiful young woman lived the first 3 years of her marriage to my dear uncle in the TB Sanitarium - had to sacrifice an entire lung and was never able to have children. Apparently an after effect of the drugs they gave her to kill the TB Bacteria.
Briegull, I'm from San Marcos..or almost so..lived there for 26 years. I didn't know there had been a TB Sanitarium there...Can you remember where it was? I moved there in 57 - moved away in 73.
Zibby...there is nothing more annoying than a man who does not know when to shut up...men who talk to much are usually avoided by everyone, for some reason....women can get away with it, but men cannot.