A couple hour,s ago I went out to fill the birdfeeder and have a smoke. I live in a nice suburb outside Detroit. A weird acting young guy came from walking rapidly up to me from the walk (which was a good way away) and tried to get me to sit on my porch and smoke with him saying " I'm not a weirdo or anything...but can I sit down and wait for my friend with you? I freaked and ran in the house and went to tell my husband since that is what I always used to do. Then I stopped short and realized that would probably be a catastrophe. At this point I am just rattled but calmed down although I see how vulnerable I am now. I am debating telling him but don't want to make things worse for him. I know he would want me to tell him but how do I without making him feel inadequate? Gypsy
You don't tell him. You would be telling him to relieve yourself of having to think about it alone. He wouldn't be able to help and you'd be frustrated. It's just one of the learn-to-cope-alone strategies.
But it does bring up an important issue - being a woman alone can attract weirdos. I'm all for alarm systems for the house, and when going out alone - whistles on a keychain, and police on cell phone speed dial.
Even more fun(sarcastic) is having your LO invite the strangers in. Maybe they are sales people. Maybe he knows them. Maybe they're from Publisher's Clearing House. And maybe not. Always need to be aware and get to the door ASAP, to see how you "can help" the person at the door. And when you handle a situation, answer LO's questions with simple things like, "They wanted a donation." or "they're trying to line up work in the area." Do not say anything that might set them off on going out to straighten out the person. That just opens up a whole new set of problems.
I suffered a very serious fall last Friday. May have (or not) been knocked out for a minute or two from a head injury. I thought I broke ribs and couldn't get up. I could see my husband. I called and called for him to come help me, but he sat, stoically, staring out the window. I managed to pull myself up, eventually, and make it to the sofa. I have been to the top of the mountain, and I saw "The Future", and I've been making calls this week for help options.
(CT Scan showed a brain concussion/bruised ribs and hip). I'm going to be fine, but it took this to make me realize he is really not to be counted on for any help whatsover, even in cases of emergency! He couldn't even hand me the phone.
Nancy, we are beginning to understand that they cannot help us anymore. A couple of months ago I made my little trip to the ER. Had to call 911 and it took me awhile to get him to understand that he needed to unlock the door. I am afraid that it is the time to start making plans for a NH. I am going to keep him home as long as I can but I am going to do some preliminary things so when the time comes I will be ready. So many are posting now about this subject. I find I am a little bit more patient after facing this possibility.
My point is that this was not the usual goofball you come across from time to time this guy was scary in the way he came up to me so fast and would NOT be deterred after I told him my husband wwould not appreciate him doing so. I quickly got up to go in and he said "no stay, I'm not a weirdo, I am not going to Hurt you". Right after I got done being scared I realized what I was feeling was alone and vulnerable. I was sad that my husband could no longer protect me from those things. Gypsy
hmmm a while ago someone asked what everyone carried in their purse,I said I carried a Glock 9mm an another joked that I needed a Swiss army knife,also being from the great state of Michigan(murder capitol of the country) I think I''l stay with the Glock,the Swiss army knife won't (excuse the pun) cut in a case such as that
gypsy, please make sure when you are outside (and inside) to carry your cellphone! You can always dial 911 whenever in doubt. I work out in the yard a lot and I always have it with me. I know DH would be of no help if anything happened. I carry it everywhere - when I walk the dog, etc. It never leaves me.
Me too, Vickie. When I walk to the curb to get the mail the cell phone is with me. Since I live alone and most of my neighbors are working during the day, if something happened to me outside no one would know. I carry a phone to the basement for the very same reason....if I fell down there I could call on the phone for help.
Gypsy, keep your eyes open for a while and maybe warn the neighbors...this guy sounds a little "off" to me.
Ditto on the cell phone. Always keep it in your pocket - for your protection and, in my case, if I am outside and DH needs me, he calls me on the cell phone. Sometimes he calls me in the living room from the bedroom. I agree it was best not to tell your DH. I find I am keeping more and more things from mine because he gets upset and dwells on things for days.
I gree with all. In our case, the stranger at the door is ALWAYS a good person and potential friend..DH is not suspicious of anyone's motives and will even get in a car/truck with someone if asked. He's always wanting to be helpful. If anyone asks for his help he will go with them. AND if they need any kind of equipment/tools whatever, he'll take them down to the barn or storage building and hand over whatever is wanted, just happy to help. Cell phone always in my pocket here too. Telling the police about this incident might not be a bad idea just so they are aware. I wouldn't tell DH either though. Good luck.
Ya'll might remember that early last summer I got my arm pinned between our brush mower and a post. DH could not understand that I was injured and need his help to get me unpinned. Then in August when I broke my foot stepping off the porch he couldn't understand once again that I was injured. Thankfully my son had his driver permit and was able to drive me to the ER. Both of those accidents brought front and center the devastating reality that DH could not be counted on to help me.............and I really missed (still do) the warm security of his coddling me and being protective. On one hand, his being "Present" yet so unaware was more difficult to accept than now, knowing he no longer here in physical form. I really do feel your sadnesses and "living losses", and keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.
Interestingly enough I'd read past posts about injuries to the caregiver and tho't how awful. And others where the caregiver is him/herself not healthy or strong and thought "how do they do it". Last night hb. 11 yr old grandson and I went to an autumn festival of bands, food/craft booths on the courthouse square (7 miles from home). As we were leaving I stopped to buy a couple very large pots of mums. I tripped on a trailer tongue and went flat splat! Nothing major: torn slacks, bloody scraped nose, knees, hands, arm. Very bruised shoulder. On a good day, I'd have trouble getting up from a prone position on the street, but...Anyway, as I was driving home steering w/one hand, dabbing at dripping nose, I thought: What if I couldn't be driving us home? Grandson said, "When we get home, you'll need ice; and don't worry, I'll get it. Fortunately, when we got home grandson unloaded plants, got ice, and fetched and carried for me to get comfy. Hb stood watching bewildered. So, it hit home--after reading all your posts--I need to think about and plan for more than legal aspects of this journey. Many of you are ahead of me, and I'm grateful I have you and your experiences. Is that the silver lining?
All of these stories are why I carry a panic button in and around the house. I haven't tested it outside, but it is supposed to work in the amount of "yard" I have and the base is right outside the patio. When I leave the house I have a cell phone. The caseworker from the local Area Agency on Aging told me to get the panic button.
If I can answer when the panic button operator comes on, they will send who I ask them to send. If not the paramedics and police are sent for automatically. They will also call two of my neighbors and my daughter when asked.