Yesterday I heard that our city's beloved baseball annoncer Ernie Harwell has terminal cancer. I was blown away by the grace and dignity with wich he is accepting this up to dealing with the pain and dying. I must learn to accept DH's condition and work with it instead of around it. It is what it is and I am making myself sick trying to deny it. God bless all the spouses here and want to thank all. I want to be able to do something to help others. Does anyone feel the same? Gypsy
The acceptance part, like the grieving part, goes in steps and plateaus with this disease process. For us, things seriously started to go amiss 6 years ago, so--I've had my better times and my worse times--but enough time to work out an emotional position I can live with. The heartbreak certainly surfaces at times, but on a day-to-day basis I've established emotional layers where I can live while making things other than the tragedy my focal points. It's amazing how long it can take to do that.
We've been going down this slope for many years (in retrospect); so I've gradually taken on more of the "business" of our marriage which was never a "soulmate" relationship. I've also worked out the day-to-day stuff; so usually it's okay. I just do what I have to do. Yesterday was another jolt before thinking, "Okay, another few cells gone." He looked out the window and said, "I see a horse over there." "Yes, it's Skye." I've never seen it there before." Skye is our granddaughter's horse in a pasture next to a grove of trees on our property, and Skye has lived there the entire 5 years we've lived here. He's seen and commented on how nice Skye looks when he runs in the pasture. And so I continue my "mantra" Whatever will be will be.
We have two "acceptance" discussions going. I took all the above comments and posted them under "Joan's Blog - Acceptance in Increments." Please post all "acceptance" comments under the Blog Discussion.