I invite you to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read today's blog about AD and slow motion. Is it the same for you? Are you handling it better than me?
Joan - Sid is not your student and that is the big difference. He is your life partner. The one you have spoken to and he responded back to. This has been talked about on other post - you miss the person to converse with. Add to that all the extra work with the move and you are exhausted emotionally and physically. And, we are all believing that Sid will 'perk' up once things are back in a routine.
Art is only in the early stages, but I notice he has more trouble conveying what he wants to say. That is one of the reasons he goes to the shop - he doesn't have to talk to anyone unless the grandkids go down to see Papa.
My DH is also in early stage AD. I have already learned not to ask open ended questions. I fix what I know he likes for meals and serve them.
As for patience I don't know where it went. I raised three girls and never tired of answering the same questions over and over. If I lost my cool with them once in a while it passed quickly. Now if I don't stay calm all the time with DH no matter what he becomes despondent and it takes days for him to get over it. How can I stay calm all of the time? Why does it always have to be about him and how he feels? I know the answer but I can't express this anywhere else but here.
The slowness doesn't irk me, it continually underscores that this is a "new" person I'm living with. It's difficult for my brain to accept that this is the same guy who was always so quick, capable and multi-talented. Most of the time, although the overriding emotion is sadness at witnessing it, I can step back a little and observe things like the slowness as another curious symptom. My mantra continues to be--as long as there are no rages, I can deal with the rest.
The slowness drives me crazy, too, Joan. I have learned to deal with it in several ways: no open ended questions, that's obvious. As few as possible. We tend, in general conversation, to say the equivalent of "dontcha know?" or other ways of getting someone else to validate what we're going to do anyway. We have to stop that and give them clear choices we really need to know the answer to.
And then: the patience I learned when dealing with early computers which were very slow at processing things. I'd tell the people I was helping to "start this going, then go have a cup of coffee and come back and it will be done." FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO THINK ABOUT while waiting for a response, in other words.
It's like when you call some 800 number and you know you're going to be put on hold. If you put it on speaker phone you can go about your business until someone picks up. I tend to sort of ask a question and then go do something else in the vicinity - water the flowers, or start loading the dishwasher. I also carry around my little iTouch and will play games idly on it while waiting for the response to kick in.
We're to the point where my husband will not push the covers off to get up in the morning without constant coaching (or me doing it). He has to be watched every INSTANT when he is moving around the house or he'll go off in a wrong direction or just stand there doing nothing forever.
What drove me crazy a year or two ago was when he would say, "you don't have any patience" when I asked for a response in less than 15 minutes, say!
You described by hb, and it's gotten much worse in the last 2 months. Neuro changed from Aricept to Exelon patch because she tho't meds would get into his system quicker and slow symptoms. So far as I can tell, it hasn't. He asks me to write down anything I want him to know or do because he can't follow my talk. He can't choose at a restaurant--or anyplace or anything. Yesterday I spent a bit of time by myself shedding a few tears feeling sorry for myself. Since we haven't had a close, soul mate relationship in our marriage, I think it's a bit easier to build the emotional wall but a selfish pity party pops up from time to time. And I also ask myself, "What about me; why is it always HIM? Ahh, well, this is better than what is to come, I'm certain from reading posts here; so I'd best be grateful....
besides the label of Poop queen, i guess i can safely say i have become a Monologue queen as well. most of the conversations between myself and DH are more of a mono conversation between me/myself/I. me doing the talking and answering all in one:) he enjoys it just the same even if he doesnt always partake in the discussions. he smiles while i ramble all day long. like ordering or serving his fav foods without asking now, i guess i respond to conversations the way i think he would as well. pseudo-conversations..survival skills in action:). sigh. divvi
I have learned not to ask what do you want to eat, instead I ask do you want "x"or "y"? When we eat in a restaurant he gets panicky, looking at the menu. I have to look at it with him and help him choose. Then when he forgets what he chose, I tell him, I will order for him. It is do much easier for me if I slow down to his pace. It can be frustrating when I am in a hurry, but this is my life now. If we go out with friends, he always wants to leave when he is finished eating, I'd like to stay and socialize, but that does not happen. My social life, such as it is, now involves me meeting friends for lunch or going to my book club. I am frustrated, feel sorry for myself, wonder what life will throw at me next. AD stinks.
I actually found some answers here that I have been wondering about. My DH used to be so quick in restaurants, and the other day on our yearly visit to the Alzheimer center, we stopped for lunch, and it took him FOREVER to choose, I kept telling the waitress to "come back in a bit". He seems to have so few symptoms, that it is hard for me to even acknowledge he has the disease. He is very stubborn, and not much on the communication end, so I don't hear what is going on with him, or maybe he doesn't even know. I also have noticed the problem of answering my questions...but it wasn't until I read this that I understood it to be part of the disease. His reply to most things is "I don't care, I don't know, or it doesn't matter to me". Maybe he just can't figure out how to answer, so that works for him? And yeah, the slowness around here, seems to take him forever to accomplish things, and he often get distracted and goes to something else. But again, I'm learning what this is all about, so I'm thankful that I can read all the comments and actually understand things better. Linda
When DH first needed reading glasses but wouldn't admit it he would just order whatever the waitress said was the special of the day. If only we could learn to be one step ahead like that.
Yes, there is slow motion. But what Joan is actually seeing is the beginning of not being able to make a decision.
Months ago, maybe even a year ago, I asked that question here. He could not decide between an ice cream square and a piece of cake back then. Now he can't always decided a single yes/no question.