I can't stop crying....totally fallen apart at the seams.... Have been on the phone to the mental health crisis team for the last half hour....They were wonderful, but I can't pick myself up. It's 3.30am here and I've only had 4 hours sleep in the last 48 hours.... I feel awful
I may need to go and crash soon.... I'm normally so strong, but I think I need help.....I can't do everything all of the time and I can't deal with Ian's Court Case....
If he's cross questioned, I think he will rage....
His lawyer won't listen to me....and wants him to be cross questioned, even tho the Court appointed psychiatrist said he should be allowed to give evidence by video link..
Hi Lynne, Nancy here. Bless your heart. You have taken on a huge load and I cannot imagine all you are doing for Ian. Let me ask you this. IF they cross examine him... and his answers are convoluted., (is that a word) can you also have another person testify in his behalf that he is confused and unable to carry on. YOU don't have to pay the former wife support. HE apparently has litltle. We never know about this illness. Just when we think they can't, They CAN!...
How can we help you develop a good game plan here.. Let's skip over what he might say on the cross examination and develop a good defense on his behalf and strong offense against her. What do you think.
(Drink a tall glass of cool water. Helps the sinuses! ) :-
I know you have put lots of money into his house...and now she is trying to get it, correct?......... Can you trace your financial contribution. The court may require her to repay you if she does insist on getting the property. Just another thought. But what do I know. I'm just keeping you company!! ..........now, grab a tissue and blow your nose. We're all standing here with you because it's earlier in Texas.
We're here. Please stop whatever you are doing, and try to get some sleep. 3:30 a.m. is not a good time to be sitting by yourself thinking about things and crying. One of the old sayings that I truly believe is that "fatigue stops all positive thought". You are overwhelmed right now, and the thing you most need is rest, so you can regroup and think straight. Whatever the problem, for sure it will be waiting for you when you wake up again, but you will be better able to deal with it after some rest.
If you can't get to sleep right now, please write more about what you are going through. I'm sure other people will have some good advice for you. But be assured that we are here, and we care.
I don`t have any good advice but I have a big shoulder to cry on while everyone else trys to pick you up and help you get on the right track, i don`t have any x`s in my life but i`ve know a few who thought they should have everything and it didn`t work out for them so here is praying she don`t get diddlie squat, good luck. Gail
I don't know how to help you, but wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and hoping you'll be able to get a little rest. The more tired we are the harder it is to see things clearly. If it helps you keep writing. It's still pretty early in a lot of the U.S. so there will be people checking in.
I'm sorry I don't know the details of your stress, but it doesn't matter, just know that I am here (in Los Angeles, 8 p.m.) thinking of you and sending good vibes that you will soon calm down. Sometimes we know it can just be overwhelming, but we all care. Betty
Have you talked to your Doctor about some meds to help you through this. When I was under so much stress building this house I couldn't sleep and was so on edge. I went in to see my Doctor and told him I was losing it and needed something to help me through this. He prescribed Ambian for 5 days then off 2 and back on again. Also Lexapro antidepressant and it literaly saved my life.
Lois, I also use Lexapro and Ambien CR. It's been a lifesaver for me! Good advice. Lynne, it will be so good for you to get something to go to sleep. Ambient (without CR) helps you go to sleep.... with CR..it helps you STAY asleep!!!
Lynne, I'm in Vancouver, Canada, and there is an ugly ex-wife in the picture and 3 greedy adult children, so I know what you're going through. It still get very bad at times, but one thing I've learned and it's from a friend of mine, a retired nurse. Her immigrant Russian father had a saying, "They're only s....... on their own heels." In other words, it's is obvious to everyone else what they are up to, and you will win in the end. Give the ex enough rope, and she'll hang herself. You only have to do what is right, and it will be okay. Others have said it: you need to find and keep every bit of paper work you can to support your case. As for tears, they are God's gift so let them come. I know about the "long watches" in the night. Don't like them, but morning does come.
Lynne it's 11:30PM in Florida. Join me in a glass of wine while you regroup. Can you please bring us up to date about reasons for the hearing. You know we're always here to listen.
Re the court case tomorrow...It's all documented legally and sworn with Affidavits...
I paid off a huge chunk of Ian's mortgage in 2006. I bought into 36.5% of the property. I have proved with my bank statements that the funds came from me, and that they originated from me several years before the transaction took place.
I'm not worried about that....I know I did nothing wrong, all I did was pay off a chunk of Ian's mortgage, with a legal agreement, drawn up by lawyers. That part is fine...
Ian's ex wife is trying to set aside the transaction....
What worries me, is the fact that Ian's psychiatrist, and even the court appointed psychiatrist, have advised that due to Ian's condition, he should be allowed to give evidence by video link or Affidavit to avoid the stress of cross questioning in court.
Ian's lawyer (who has no understanding of mental illness) thinks Ian should be cross examined.
Ian can't do it. If he is put under pressure of any kind, he will react in one of two ways.
1) He will be mute, clam up and say nothing.....dumb struck 2) He will rage, tear his clothing off his body, throw it onto the floor, kick the crap out of it, then storm out threatening to kill himself...
He has done this on many occasions....He's been better since on seroquell, but I don't think seroquell will see him through court. Not if he's under the huge pressure of Court and the cross questioning that goes with it.
I need to sleep....so I'll catch up with you tomorrow. I need to try and sleep at very least...
You may find that he will do fine, that they will be gentle and courteous to him. I think we're the ones who are battered the worst. For my husband at least, he's tucked away in his own world, and once something is done, he forgets about it. Meanwhile we are aware and remember. I'm talking myself into being kinder to ourselves.
Mary75 is correct. Just as Ian was so good on the trip to Italy, when our husbands are out in public, they behave much differently. Times it would seem my husband is just fine (until about a year ago..but he's Stage 6 now). He could fake it like you won't believe. I thought he was fooling his Neurologist, too. She assured me there was NO WAY...and she could see right through him. I wanted her to see him as he really was, and I was afraid she would not. If Ian does rage, then, ... He will rage. If he is quiet, it will be explained by his medical condition. And what is the worst thing that will happen. Will his rage nullify your ownership of the property. I really would not think so. His condition IS WHAT IT IS. Acceptance is far down the road for you, but just trust those of us who have trod your path before you... it's going to be okay. If something happens, it may even help his case. The attorney will cease his cross examination when he sees he is losing his client. I'm sure he's smart enough to know that. Be strong. Let us know what happened. I have a feeling he will do very well.
I feel improved this morning, but not brilliant. Thank the LORD for daylight. Daylight always helps to make things feel slightly better. There is no worse place than the darkness and solitude of the small hours to highlight the horrors of this situation.
Lynne, so sorry you are having to go thru all of this. I have no answers for you but I do want you to know that I am thinking of you and hoping that this all comes out okay. Glad that daylight came and you are feeling some better......
maybe upping the seroquel for the court date with dr approval and getting a signed drs statement relating to his diagnosis/ disease and how a direct cross examination may prove to cause extreme duress. at any rate if he becomes enraged the proceedings will stop and you will have time to regroup -the atty should be listening to your objections by the way and have a plan b in place just in case. good luck, things do tend to calm in the daylite. my own personal input is if a caregiver has fears that outrages and behavioural issues CAN still occur then a medicine adjustment would be necessary. the whole purpose for me is to have enough medication in body to help AVOID any situation that may occur like you are describing. tearing off ones clothes is quite extreme and is great cause for concerns. you say this can happen often when under duress -if it happens while on his reg dose of meds then they arent doing the job. i would be on the phone with his dr asap getting an appt for meds reviews. you shouldnt have to live like this under any circumstances. divvi
Lynne, how did the court appearance go. We are all thinking about you and hope it went well. I pray you will not think we are imposing by asking, we sincerely care.