Joan, since we moved four years ago, my DH has never learned where anything goes in the kitchen or how to use the microwave. I think it is too hard for him to learn things. If I ask him to get me a new roll of paper towels, I will find him looking at the shelf and not knowing what it was I asked for. You are so lucky to be in your new situation with no cooking. I envy that. It is fortunate that Sid will go to activities without you. Bob will not do anything without me. In fact, He rarely lets me out of his sight. I wish you much good luck in your new home, it sounds like the perfect place for you and Sid.
((Joan)) I haven't had a good cry in a long time..... your blog took care of that!
My heart just breaks for you, for all of us...It hurts to the core! I sincerely hope his decline is due only to the move and once you are settled he will be able to level out again. But, like you said, it is a dire look into your future. We are well beyond that "stage", but I remember it with agonizing clarity...... so very difficult to witness :( ((big hugs of understanding))
I need a good cry about once a day lately, so that has been taken care of for today. I had considered (although the thought was overwhelming) of moving us from TN back to MI to be nearer to family and friends. Your blog has reinforced what I already thought. My DH gets more confused whenever we are away from home, even for a week. Thank you for sharing your experience with us and I hope things get back on a more even keel as Sid gets acclimated to the new place. It does sound like a wonderful place for you both.
Joan-- From reading,I would agree that the move is probably at the root of Sid's current decline. Please alo consider the Full Moon effect. I originally reacted to first reports of it, as a kind of grasping-at-straws explanation for short bursts of enhanced decline and behavioral issues...Until----I matched the Full Moon up with these repeat bouts of agitation and confusion and declines in skills, which then settle down and return pretty much to his current norm. In my DH adjusting his meds from a week ahead to 3 days after, help level the change out, for the most part.
You have combined all the stresses of moving and the Full Moon effect. Best thing you can do is get the household settled in ASAP if not sooner, and be patient as he settles in. The decline you've seen portends what will be coming, but you're not there yet. Be aware, so you can prepare yourself, but don't start grieving the losses yet. There'll be time to do that when they come to stay. For now stay in the now and appreciate all that Sid can do because of the move.
This was a good decision. You're just a bit too close to it to keep your eye on the whole picture, IMO.
hmmm I think Carosi hit the nail on the head,anything differant throws my Lo for a loop,I can't imagine what moving would do to her,and I desparetly want to sell home an move back to Ft Meyers,I know I would have to do EVERYTHING an I'm not sure I could handle it,yesterday she walked across the street check mail four times,she can still do some things but as far as remembering where anything go's forget about it,she loves to pull weeds an earlier this summer when I found her with the remaining flowering ground cover in her hands she swore she hadn't pulled it all out,its trult sad to see them decline,my biggest fear is what happens to her if I fall over
Joan, you are so right in assuming that, even if it's because of the move, it's a precurser of things to come. I have had that happen so many times. We've been in our home for 10 yrs, he still doesn't know the address, and constantly thinks we live somewhere else. Be ready for that. Be ready for when are we going home questions. My heart is breaking for you to have to deal with this, actually for all of us having to deal with watching the love of our life disappear, slowly but surely. Be assured, as I know you are, that you have done the right thing. happily your Sid is still interested in doing stuff and getting involved. That's a really good sign. Dick, on the other hand, wants to do nothing but sleep, and has no interest in anything (except that he can't drive anymore). I'm sure he will get acclimated to where you are now, and enjoy it, as much as he can enjoy things. We are all with you in this.
Oh, Joan, sadly I know all too well what you and Sid are going thru. I send hugs, wishes and endless understanding. You did the right things, absolutely. Ever, Betty
Joan, I think it's the newness of your place. It's tiring for him, and tiring things make AD people their absolute worst. It'll get better. As much as it can, I mean.
Joan so sorry you have to go through this I understand, when we moved back to Mi. from Az.Bob was so confused, he realized he was with his family but as for the house he wanted to go home every day, would get so mad at me for not taking him home I pray you don`t have to go through that, hopefully he will adjust to the new home and get some of his thinking back,it is the stage no one wants there loved one to go into, I cry for you and sid and all of us, we all have to endure this. hang on to the rope
Joan, so very sorry you are having to go through this - as we all will have to sooner or later, I'm afraid. I'm sure you did the right thing by moving at this stage, however. It will be much easier on you I think. Hope you can get some rest - we'll still be here.
I didn't get it at work, but I'm home now and got it. Maybe I wasn't supposed to be fooling around on this board at work. :) Hopefully Sid will be better when you're all settled in.
Joan, I am so sorry for the confusion Sid is facing. I have been there in the early part of this disease and that is the reason I questioned when you said Sid could enjoy things with the Guys. They do change so fast as of course you know. This could be just a set back and temporary but it is of course a part of this disease. Once they get to a certain stage they cannot be hurried, cannot have to follow a 3 step instruction etc. This bothers me if he goes out and about without you. Of course you are on your toes and very aware of what to watch for, it is just that these things happen so gradual they are hard to spot sometimes until you are right in the middle of it all, I know because that is what happened to me.
Joan, this is the way my DH is when we travel or when he was in the hospital but when we get home, he's back to where he was before. I don't know what a permanent move would do but, like you, I got a look into what the future holds. It's just so hard. Hopefully Sid will get better but we know what's ahead, don't we?
It is always a shock to recognize that your LO can no longer follow a series of directions. At this point my husband can't follow a single direction. Not understanding that the food goes INTO the cooler, and not next to the cooler is part of not being able to to think rationally. The rational button is broken, and it gets broken early on in the disease. Which is why they can't drive much earlier than most of us expect.
It might all get better, or it might not. But your expectations are going to have changed because of this week.
The next thing to go will be choices. Today we (my daughter and I) decided that my husband was going to the massive sporting goods store Cabellas with our son-in-law. He could not make the decision for himself. I only offer him one dish at a time at the dinner. He can still sometimes choose yes or no, but no longer can choose between two items. Etc.
I'm sorry that your move has made any of this more apparent, but your friends here are right, he might snap out of a lot of it over then next few weeks as things calm down and we get past Full Moon.
I think he will regain some of the losses. 3 years ago when we built a new house and moved 1/2 mile I had to do EVERYTHING. The Neuro strongly recommended we not move but my family Doctor said to go ahead and do it. We did and we are all thankful that we did. The first 6 months were a little rough. He couldn't find anything either. I also had my Mother and she couldn't find anything either. I sometimes thought I would go MAD. I even had trouble finding things. We don't adapt as easily as we age.
I made labels and stuck on the light switches. You have to look at the "other side of the coin". If we had not moved DH would have not been able to go to his garden the past 2 years. I would have been stuck in a older ranch house surrounded by other houses and buildings on our property and it was very depressing for me. ME....Guys, we also have to think about ME... Personally, If we didn't live beside our daughter I would move closer even with the thought it would make him worse. The change will add extra years to the caregivers life if you have family (willing) help close by. We cannot stop this disease they have but we need to do all we can for BOTH of us, not just the one with Dementia. My daughters have both told me the move has definetly been a plus for their Dad, in the long run.
Joan, I have read on some of the posts here, how when a spouse is moved to new environment be it a hospital, NH, or any place that is different their spouse has declined. I noticed this with my DH.
If I remember correctly, back at the beginning of the dicussion on possibly moving, didn't Sid indicate that he wanted to do it, but you'd have to be patient with him in getting through it? Seems from my reading he had a grasp of what the disease does, and that response showed he still knew it then (a few weeks ago). The stress of the move and Full Moon too, have pushed him hard. Now is when you "Have to be patient with him" while he asimilates the changes. Focus on getting that new place settled as fast as you can. The sooner he feels settled, the sooner he'll be better.
Joan, thankful that you GOT moved...sadly, here's my take on things...when "we" (the care-givers) are stressed, they (the LO's) 'sense' it and react. A move is stressful, no matter what! A move while care-giving 24x7 is, well, so much more!! It's like getting ready for the Holidays...WE have so many ideas about shopping, decorating, cooking, etc. and we stress ourselves out to the max, and WANT SO MUCH for our spouses to be able to "help" with "something", but they just can't! Once the "stressful situation" (moving, Holidays) has passed, WE then relax and calm down and are less "expectant" of them, and they then get back to what we deem "normal"...I'm not saying that Sid isn't "worse since the move", BUT, it might just be that you have sooo much to do & so desperately want him to help, that you are just now noticing he cannot do things, because previously (old house mode) you wouldn't have asked him to do stuff because you had it all under control...does this make sense? It cannot be helped...you are human and you (we all) want/need help with STUFF! It just sucks that our life-long partners cannot do things like they used to...Hopefully, you'll get things situated soon and life with Sid will "seem" better, even if he cannot do things...don't be too hard on yourself...you WANT to get things done asap for YOU and for SID, but hopefully you will realize you are only able to do what one human can do...Love you, Joan!!
Joan late getting my post in but i agree with all the above. any changes are going to produce unwanted losses it seems with AD. routines are so important and once changed they can significantly decline but hopefully once things settle and Sid becomes aware of his new surroundings he will improve. sadly we must make changes that are more for our good rather than theirs sometimes. as time progresses you will see that you made the correct choices even with all the stress accompanying a move. best of luck, divvi
I guess what you have seen in Sid is why the experts tell us to move very early in the disease or very late in the disease process. I agree with those above who have said Sid is probably rattled by the move itself (huge change), you being overtaxed and him sensing it, and as natsmom observed, your expectations of his capabilities. I think that once the dust settles, things will improve. I've come to the conclusion that my own husband can still learn new things, but it takes tons of repetitions and lots more time than it used to.
I promised when this move was over that my experience from it would be organized into another resource for the left side of the home page.
Sid is still very cranky and confused, but now that the bathrooms and kitchen are all set up, he should be better. He doesn't take well to ANY kind of change in routine, so this major move has been very difficult for him, but he is happy to be here. He even told me that he was grateful for the delivered dinners and cleaning service because he said I deserved it, since I have worked so hard. That was a shock to me - it's been so long since he has talked to me like that. So very long.
Bless you Joan, I cried with everyone else. We have either been there, are there, or are going there. How sad. I hope he adjusts, I think he will, Jim is adjusting to the NH, finding his way around and getting to know people. Give him some time to learn and attention and I bet you'll see some positives:o) Arms around, Susan