I learned that there is no such thing as a simple hair cut for women yesterday. Kathryn hadn’t been to have her hair done for a long time and yesterday I realized it. So I grabbed a phonebook and started looking for a lady barber to cut her hair. You know what a lady barber does? That’s right. She cuts men’s hair, not ladies. I looked under all kinds of things in the yellow pages before I gave up and called a friend and asked his wife what you call a person that cuts a ladies hair. They are stylist, which, by the way they are not listed under in the phone book either. I called her back and was told to look under Beauty shop or spa. I finally found one and called them up to get what I thought would be a simple appointment to get Kathryn’s hair cut. There is no such thing. A very nice lady on the phone asked me if she could help me, I said yes, and things went down hill really fast from there.
I told her I wanted to get my wife an appointment. The lady asked what she wanted the appointment for. I said I wanted to get her hair cut. The lady asked what I wanted to get done to her hair. I said whatever women get done to their hair. The lady said I needed to be more specific. I said just do everything that women have done. The lady said she can’t do everything and asked did she want a cut and color or what? I told the lady we would take both and asked what else she had. She said there were all kinds of things that could be done and that it would help if she could talk to my wife. I told her that I would have to do and could she also do whatever it is they do to make their hair stay in one place? The lady said yes. I got the appointment and had Kathryn there on time (she was very excited about getting her hair done). I printed a picture from my computer, gave it to the lady, and told her that I wanted Kathryn’s hair to look like it did in the picture when they were done.
The first lady I talked to when we got there asked Kathryn a question and when I answered asked me (rudely) if I did the talking for her. I told her yes I do.
The young lady that did Kathryn’s hair was great. I explained to her about Kathryn and told her to use her best judgment if Kathryn asked to do something with her hair. The young lady told me her grandmother has ALZ and she would be happy to schedule and take care of Kathryn’s hair for her in the future and setup an appointment for six weeks.
What I learned:
A guy wants a hair cut he, walks in, pays $10.00 or $12.00, gets a hair cut, says thank you, and goes home.
A lady wants a hair cut, she has to make an appointment, pay $75.00, it takes between one and two hours, they have to buy all kinds of things to maintain it (another $40.00 or so), the tip is almost as much as a guy’s haircut, and the guy better have a good book to read while waiting with him because are no guy books there to read. Oh yeah, I forgot. They also have to do preventative maintenance between visits.
Kathryn had a great time,she got her hair cut and we met some freinds for dinner at the Olive Garden and she got plenty hugs and kisses. Our freinds go out of their way to include her in the conversations.
You're a good man, Jim. Emily, I'm with you. Having anything at all done to my hair is one of my very least favorite things. Jim, a big pat on the back to you for going where few men have gone before. (-:
Jim, you did good! But it doesn't have to be such a hassle! I go to J.C. Penney-15 years I've gone. Pay $28 for wash, cut and style. Keep my hair short so not much maintenance inbetween cuts. No color, no perms. If you get a good stylist who gives a good cut - it's easy to maintain and much cheaper - if cost is a concern.
I hold on to a penny as good as the next person. But Kathryn's comfort, her happiness and being treated well is more important to me than the money. That and the fact that the young lady that will be taking care of her is so willing to go the extra step with her makes it worth it to me to let go of a little extra at this time.
It made my heart happy to she her so happy. Smiles are not coming as often as they used to.
I know how you feel, Jim. My husband's barber of many years just retired. I tried taking him to the shop where I have my hair done, but they want to do the shampoo before the cut and that's not what my husband has been accustomed to. I got good advice from the "cable guy"--he told me to try Great Clips and we're happy with them. You don't need an appointment and you can get just the cut.
JimB, thanks for taking such good care of your wife and her hair care. I'd go w/the young, understanding young lady, too. Sometimes kind, understanding, polite folks are in short supply. Your description of your experience cracked me up! I needed a laugh today as I realized fully, completely, without a doubt last night that my hb cannot work the TV remote.
You have made my day. Your story was hilarious, and so very, very true. I am so used to getting my hair done, that it never occurred to me how "foreign" an experience it would be for a man. I am going to add "getting hair done" to the "Men's caregiving tips" on the left side of my home page.
((Jim)) funny and endearing. It just warms my heart to see all of you men taking such wonderful care of your wives. Her stylist sounds like a gem! I would hang on to her too. I never go to a stylist, have always cut my own hair. But when I was a caregiver to my Gram, she HAD to have hers washed, set and styled every week. When she got too fragile to go out, her hair dresser made house calls. It was a little extra, but like you, I felt it was money well spent. You just cant put a price on our loved ones smiles :)
jim dont even ask about all the other side notes we women can get done at salons.
waxing of legs/body hair,
facials/eyebrows/teethwhitening now at mine:)
manicures with full set of fake nails/pedicures with full leg massage and seaweed wraps. all sorts of extra goodies... be careful what you ask for! Divvi
Divvi, I am slowly learning more than I ever wanted to know. I am going to take Kathryn to get her nails and toes done next week. Do you do that at the hair place too? She seems to really enjoy having this stuff done. Maybe it make her feel a little normal. I hope so. I know it sure makes me feel better to she happy and smiling.
Jim-I'm not divvi but I'll answer. A place that does only nails would be quieter and perhaps less expensive. If I go early in the week a manicure and pedicure only costs $25 for both.
Jim, if you want something a little more - try looking under Day Spas. They have all kinds of goodies I'm sure she would enjoy. Manicure, pedicure, messages, wraps - all kinds of things that are wonderful. And most of them have stuff for the men too!!
Jim, I'm glad I'm not the only husband who has had this problem. My wife has been going to the same "stylist" for about 35 years, so she knows what to do. BUT, since we moved it is over an hour drive to get there. So, we tried the stylist who has a "shop" here in our retirement Inn. I was not at all happy with the results, so on the advice of other women here I took her to a shop just down the road. The woman she got did an excellent job, so I thought we were all set. BUT, when I called for the next appointment I found that the one I wanted had died - no explanation, she was young by my standards. We pick another in the same shop. She does OK, so we'll stay with her for now.
Regarding manicures, my wife never painted her nails in all the time I have known her - over 65 years. Today at the adult day care center after giving her a bath they painted her nails. I'm having trouble adjusting to the new look.
I am another one that hates to spend money on haircuts - thus the reason going from short to long and not getting it cut in 1 1/2 years. My hb goes about every 6 weeks and I let him because it makes him feel good. He can not stand his hair when it 'tickles' his ears. I am about ready to cut mine but then that means paying regularly to get it trimmed up. Too much work in growing out - going thru the stages.
marsh - that is funny about getting use to painting nails. I don't paint mine either -just one more hassle I don't want to deal with.
I agree with Charlotte & the others here, you guys are really something special!! Love you ALL for loving your wives so deeply! Your x-tra care & effort DOES make a difference! Glad you get a treat of a "smile", Jim :)
My DH has ALWAYS been a "hair guy" and always carried a comb in his back pocket, whipping it out after being out in the wind and with 2-3 quick swipes, he was good to go! He has always & continues to get his hair cut every 2.5 weeks...any longer than that & it is unmanagable. My hair-dresser (stylist) has done his hair since his barber passed away many moons ago. So thankful that she has always done it because she knows our situation & is so tender with him. She has another client (a woman) who's husband cares for her (Alz too) and she now goes to their home to do the wash, cut & style...She has assurred me that when the time comes, she'll come to our home too to help with my DH. I agree with Zibby & Nikki...still with the ones who care! It definitely makes a difference!
i have trimmed my DH hair twice now in the shower after shampooing his hair:) not too shabby! its a gorgeious silver now and i tell him hes the 'silver fox' hah. its so hard to drive him across town andhope its a good day when we get there and no poopy issues if you know the meaning! his stylist has been doing his hair for 15yrs and quite proficient at getting it down very quickly even with him moving his head all the time.. so far i am working on my skills but will have to eventually take him in. my DH was the essence of Fonzie on the sitcome if you ever watched it. had to comb his hair every time a mirror was around or at least give it the look and check every hair was in place.. used to drive me bananas but like everything else i miss that too now:(
Divvi ps jim let us know how the nail salon goes! she will love it as most of us do.
Claude went from coal black (Cherokee/Chocktaw heritage) to a beautiful silver as he got older. His hair grew fast and he went every four weeks to have it cut. Even though we moved clear cross town, he went to the same barber. Donna knew the situation, was so sweet to him and got him in and out quickly. As he got worse, she offered to come to the house but the distance was a factor.
His hair got really long so I decided I would cut it myself and bought a pair of clippers. It was a disaster :-) I scalped him in some places, left it long in others etc etc :-) He didn't notice what it looked like. The next day Malinda, his Hospice aide came to shower and shave him. She looked at him and said "What did you do? Give me the clippers." She evened it out and until he passed on, she cut his hair.
When my son Jeff was about 4, being a single mom, I couldn't afford to take him for haircuts. A friend loaned me some clippers and I decided I would cut his hair. It was a good thing crew cuts were in style then. I gave him what amounted to a "reverse Mohawk" :-) Right down to the scalp up the middle of his head....I ended up having to basically shave his head. My Dad took him from then on for a haircut.
Divvi - Your hubby & mine sound like a "pair"! They have alot of the same wonderful qualities & I too miss the "mirror look" my DH would do @ every opportunity! :) Last nite we were listening to "Deliah" on the radio & a guy called in requesting "PHIL COLLINS" "In the Air Tonite" & apparently EVERY man on the face of the earth LOVES that song so they can ALL do the "drum solo"...the caller said he & some of his buddies were playing cards & smoking cigars & wanted to hear that song so they would all do the drum solo...HA! My DH used to hear that song & beat the heck outta the steering wheel while driving to it!! We listened & "I" attempted the 'solo' for him...NOT DRIVING! We were PARKED & fixin to go into JoAnn fabrics for some 'peel n stick' letters for a shadow box I'm putting up @ the "Day Program" facility where he has his room. The moment was priceless!!
Jim B - Please do let us know how the nail salon goes, as well as any other "treats" you arrange for your sweet wife! :)
Jim B--Kudos to you for taking such good care of your wife. Our hairdresser recently gave my husband a new "do"--bascially just a shorter haircut--since he can no longer use the blowdryer. It is much easier--either he or I can just comb it in place after it is shampooed, and it looks like it's styled.
I haveTaken Dee on a monthly basis to a stylist for about a year now.. she gets a cut dye and style for about $70... Dos,nt last long cause Dee wears this oversized ladies stocking hat type thing that recks it pretty fast, but thats OK cause it gets her out of the house and makes her feel good.. I also take her to the Walmart about every 6 weeks for a pedicure and have her toenails painted in the brightest red I can find.. She had her fingernails done for years but now chews them so much she chooses not to have them done.. Her wants and desires are so small that the amount I spend on her monthly for these few pleasures is nothing....
Dandee, there is a process the manicurists use on nails now that is so pretty. It's called "American Style" nails..that's what you ask for. They manicure the nails and then buff them with a buffing cream that makes them shine as if they had clear polish on them. BUT, it doesn't wear off. If she chews her nails, it won't show as much. You might ask the manicurist if she can show you what "American Style" looks like. I'm so proud of you for helping her stay pretty.
Since he always liked manicures, I still take my husband for one every two weeks when I get mine. He does the picking thing now on his fingers so his hands don't look as good as they used to, but the manicures help keep things under control a little. It's also a social "outing" and one of the many things we do together.
On another mention here, at least two of you mention that your spouses (spice) are biting or tearing at their nails. I find that this is a topic that I don't remember us mentioning before. And my husband has been doing it for about a year now. Not only his fingernails, but his toenails! I have to sand them down every three days or so, and even then if we aren't watching, he'll bite and tear one off! He never bit his nails prior to Alzheimer's!!!!!
Even with socks and shoes during the day, I found him sitting in bed one night tearing off his toenails! It's hard to watch for everything....talking doesn't do any good....that blasted reason button again!
However, he loves going to the salon for his haircuts....he falls asleep while getting the cut, but he loves going. We have the most understanding stylist!!! <grin>
BITING off the toenails, Mary? Puts me in mind of a comment in a funny book called I think "A House is Not a Home" in which a "Hollywood madame" type (this is many many years ago) described "a famous actor" who was determined to "demonstrate his acrobatic abilities to amuse himself" is I think the way she put it!! It gave me great delight at the time to think.. Cary Grant? John Wayne? Clark GABLE??
Mary--my husband tears off his toenails too--isn't that considered in the "ancient Chinese torture" category? I find the remnants in his nightstand drawer, under the sofa cushions, etc. I was told it's a way to release anxiety, like the skin picking, and that there's really no way to medicate for it. I just keep telling myself, it's better than rages. He doesn't even seem to know he is doing it.
briegull--my great-uncle was a career air force man and during WWII he met Clark Gable on an airforce base in England. Told me that when he saw him all he thought was "what's the big deal". He said he was not an attractive man close up, with big ears and the worst breath he had ever come it contact with. LOL