Reading all of the above is so tragic..I do know how fortunate we are that our two kids and their spouses are so caring and with us whenever help is needed. Our son was just here helping (and he has a 1 1/2 hour drive each way to get here) with piddling stuff. He has said more than once that he can never do enough for his dad after all the years of help he received from us. On a lighter note, I purchased a Weemote TV remote thinking G could understand it better..my SIL programed it for him...took him 2 1/2 hours to do it ,and he requested that I leave it to him in my will as he could never do it again! :-) Of course, G never uses it!
kathi37 - You are truly blessed! Your story reminded me of one my daughter (in NYC) shared this week...a man in her office was "leaving early" on Thursday & she gave him a little 'nudge', "leaving early, huh"??!! He said his mom was in the hospital...my dtr said 'oh i'm so sorry'...he confided in her that his mom has Alz...My daughter, of course, cried and told him her dad had Alz too...it was a good connection to have in the office, knowing someone who has a parent is dealing with the same thing you are...What was really something was he was just about to get on the train & then road to make the SIX HOUR COMMUTE, ONE WAY, to see him mom...then after a visit, come all the way back to his own family (wife + kids) and would return to work as well the next day...He had repeated this same scenero the day before as well!! This is an example of a loving, kind and self-less son, who would go the distance (and then some) to visit with his mom...Much like what your son has said above, Kathi37...apparently, the world is indeed ladened with a spattering of caring, self-less children who do truly love & care for their parents...Blessings to ALL those kids...And to you kathi37, for having some in your life. :)
Thank all of you for your kind comments and feedback. You are so right, this is THE place to be able to say how we really feel. Thank you for listening.
Yup, I echo "good luck with that one". I moved across country at the strong urging of my son and daughter-in-law. I was told how we would have holidays and family time together. I believed them and so much for that..... It's now been almost 18 months since I moved closer. They live only 4 traffic lights from my house and I haven't seen my son since October 28, 2013. This holiday he called me on Thanksgiving to wish me "A Happy Thanksgiving"....Christmas Eve he called "Merry Christmas Mom" WTF...words to the wise don't move closer to family it's not about distance it's about their selfish self-centered ways.
lulliebird - if your husband is able, when driving by and they are home, I would stop, go in and say something like "since you wanted us to move closer to see us thought I would stop by so you can'!
Charlotte, Thanks for the suggestion, but this family abandonment is the result of an over-bearing narcissist d.i.l. who controls my son. I am not excusing his behavior because he is a grown man but I am still his mom. My D.I.L. hates me as well as my former spouse (son's Dad) which she has admitted to. Funny but her true feelings were not known prior to my move. The last time my son was over to my house the end of October (without her permission--yes permission) he stopped by for a short visit. As he was here he noticed my dishwasher had an odd odor to it. As he was checking it out d.i.l called him on this cellphone blasting him for being over at my home and he sheepishly left immediately! Upon sons return home to his "honey", she called me up screaming, swearing and name calling which was immediately followed by a nasty text saying" hire a plumber he's MY husband." She's verbally abusive to me and has been almost immediately since I moved here. I will not tolerable anymore of her behavior. I can't change her, I can't change my son, but I can myself. She has also texted me to stay away from "MY FAMILY". Very compassionate...btw, did I mention she's a nurse? Perhaps she enjoys seeing people suffer?
I am fortunate. Both daughters are married and they and the husbands include a mechanical engineer, a Computer expert, an Elder care lawyer and PhD Public health specialist. They are all incredibly busy but we do maintain a family google calendar and they put on it when they are free They can still be "bribed" with a decent dinner out. They are happy to help with specific problems, and get regular medical reports on both of us. They are 5 and 50 minutes away. We are still working out how to make the best use of their skills and limited time. But they do step up to the plate.
Crushed - if you have not figured out you are one of the fortunate and seems to be in the minority to have family support and presence still in your lives.
Lulliebird - (((Hugs))) sorry he married such a jerk. We often wonder how they will choose someone so different than what they grew up with. I can only pray that he will become aware of what he is loosing with his parents and make a change.
One of my nephews married a woman that does not like our family. As a result he has had very little to do with his mom. When his kids become teens they wanted to know their grandma. The oldest had to wait until she was 18. The middle one was a problem child, always getting into trouble so they sent him to grandma for weeks at a time. She is the sister that had a stroke about 4 years ago and now has dementia. I was shocked that he came down for the meeting with the doctor her kids had. I guess he is where he is telling his wife he needs to see his mom now. So sad for all.