I posted on another thread that I've been avoiding buying a new car because I'm concerned it would raise the driving issue again. My husband has adjusted to my driving and never even says he's going to buy a convertible, like he used to. Still, I'm hesitant because it would not be worth it to take the risk--also, I feel it would be like dangling a carrot in front of him, but saying "No, you can't touch it." He is in the middle stage and still very alert to some things; I think he would also be hurt if he was left out of the decision making process. I would be curious to know from those of you who have purchased cars after dx, what was your spouse's reaction?
In 2004, Sid bought as close to his "dream" car as we could afford. It's a sporty Toyota Solara with a sun roof. 2 door. I HATE IT. HATE IT. HATE IT. Two doors are a nightmare. No one fits comfortably in the back seat, and it is very difficult for me to see out the back or side when I'm driving it. Did I mention that I HATE IT???? However, it is the last tenuous hold he has on his driving days, and he has told me in no uncertain terms that the car will be sold "over his dead body". Since I have no desire to bring back the rages over his loss of driving, I'm not selling it. Until he no longer knows the difference. Then I'm getting short little me a Toyota Corolla - I had one for 12 years, and loved it. I could see out of it, around it; could park it. It was the perfect car for me. Sid didn't fit in it, so it was all mine.
If buying a new car is going to cause any kind of problems with your husband, I'd skip it. Why invite trouble?
When my husband's license was revoked I sold both cars he was familiar with and bought my beloved Element. I made sure to hide the extra key as well as my own. For a few weeks he tried starting the car with his house key (when he could find it) and eventually just gave up. Sadly he was always the better driver-I hate driving!
I hated driving, too, bluedaze, and my husband always knew it. That's why he feels so guilty that I now have to do all the driving. I am used to it now.
My Saab is 10 yrs old and has 120,000 miles on it. but I'm not getting rid of it. I wanted to buy a new one several yrs ago, when I got rid of MY station wagon, but the driving issue was already rearing its ugly head, so I didn't. I wouldn't do it now, unless the car totally died. I take care of the car, it's in good condition, I have the oil changed etc, Just bought new tires. It's just not worth waking the dragon, which is just outside the door. i did have a friend who went out and bought a new car, her husband couldn't drive it, and that ended the driving issue. I have to agree with bluedaze and buzzelena, not that I hate driving, but he was a much better driver than I I can't go long distances, I get tired, and hour and a half is my limit, and with my bad knees, that's pushing it. He drove our RV to Alaska, we made several cross country trips, and he would drive to Florida and back every year. now we fly, i tell him I have frequent flyer miles, so it's free (not). that's a fiblet.
Bluedaze.....I LOVE the little Element! If I didn't need more power, I'd have gotten something like that...so cool. Have you seen the new thing called THE CUBE? I don't know who makes it......Scion? Saturn? Quite unique.
i HAVE to second Stunt Girl's comment. I cannot see an Element without smiling. It's the cutest, snazziest little car. I even believe it has an ATTiTUDE. A 70 plus year old friend who has always been a 'free thinker' recently bought one....Suits him to a tee...and we all laugh and say "He is in his Element" now...and it so fits. I'm going to start looking closer. I betcha the drivers grin all the time.
Marilyn, I believe the consensus is "don't upset the applecart" by buying a new car while spouse is still aware of what is going on. The driving issue would come back big time, plus, they are more comfortable in the surroundings that they are familiar with. However, if your car is on its last legs, get someone to stay with him, go buy what you want, and if he comments when you go out somewhere in it with him, say "isn't this a nice ride? I love the comfort and it is easy to get into and out of" - don't bother trying to explain WHY you got it or WHY you didn't consult him - and it he acts up, put him in the back seat!!!!
Mary--Our car is actually in good shape for its age and mileage--I've had everything maintained and fixed. The main reason I want to buy a new one is to give myself a "lift". If I'm doing all the driving, gassing, washing, maintaining, I'd love to be doing it to a car I really enjoy. But I guess that will come later, as I'm not willing to take the chance he will want to drive again. I'm passifying myself by doing all the redecorating I want and spending on travel--since those things will be practically impossible later on. So then later I'll get my car.
I was ready for a new car a year or so ago, but held off because DH was still driving and I couldn't be sure he'd come out of the grocery store and remember we had a prius instead of a vw. So about 6 months ago, the dr. told DH that his driving days were over. I am very lucky in that DH didn't fight that at all, although he will frequently announce at a time that isn't necessarily convenient that we NEED to go to the store NOW to get something. Having read these boards, I consider that to be a minor inconvenience and try to take a deep breath and put whatever I'm doing on hold so we can go. At any rate, we had always made decisions together about big purchases so I went and did my shopping and research and signed all the papers and then asked the salesperson if I could bring DH back later and have him explain the car to him as tho the decision hadn't been made yet.He did a great job with DH and DH felt like he had a say in the whole matter. Honestly, I did know that he'd be confused enough to just go along with anything I wanted, but he did feel like he'd been included and that his opinion mattered. It worked very well.
The funny thing is that I'd told him we could find a parking lot and let him try driving the Prius just so he could see what it felt like. But in his mind, he interpreted it as an opportunity to help me drive cross country this summer on the Interstate! We got that straightened out pretty quickly...
I was fearful of making the new car purchase also, but much to my surprise, I took the test drive, took it out to our home to make sure my husband could get in and out of it and he did not even notice it was a different car. Within a year I had to purchase a mobility van because I could not get him to step into the car, He does not know the difference in the mobility van and the other vehicle I purchased. I could not believe it, I had no idea he had lost that much awareness so before actually buying a new vehicle try that approach. You might be surprised at what you find out.
The big reason I was thinking of buying a new car was because of the space. When he had broken his pelvis, I had a wheelchair, and then the walker, and the car I drive is a sedan, not a big one either. but he healed up, and we'll just go along with what I've got rather than deal with more in the driving issue realm. I agree with Marylynn, though, I would like a new car for me. Maybe I'll just have it detailed.
Ladies, I think it all depends on your spouses reactions, and how far along they are. If you don't think that they will want to drive it, and don't think that it will matter, I'd go ahead and get it. We all need all the spoiling we can do for ourselves! That is why I signed on to go on the caregiver cruise in February. My husband will be well cared for and I will have time away, and get to see at least four of you! Hopefully more!!
Telling your spouses the car/suv is easier to get into and out of is a good reason to buy a new car. Don't hold back unless you feel your husband would have an adverse reaction. Mine is past the point of realizing what I do. <sigh>
We just went through this last year when husband was about stage 4/5. I went shopoping without him to find the car I wanted. After I pretty much decided, I took him with me to the dealership to look at the car I was interested in. He sat in it, looked at it and I took it for a drive. He liked it. Based on that I went ahead and purchased it. At that time he still wanted to drive but thought "I loved to drive" - which I always did. I just didn't give him a choice. After we took the car home he wanted to drive it. It was a hybrid and there are some differences but the functions are all the same. I let him drive it around the block. He could do it but I had to remind him what everything was over and over. I told him he could drive it when he could remember all the functions. He hasn't been able to rememer and he doesn't ask to drive it anymore. Since then, his doctor has told him he can't drive anymore so I just remind him.
MarilyninMD, The vehicle I am speaking as the mobility vehicle is a Chrysler Town and Country mini van, it has been converted to one of those that will kneel and squat when you open the side door and then a hydraulic ramp will fold out and I can drive my husband in the power wheel chair right into the van. It has tie downs for the chair or even has the easy lock system where I can remove the front passenger seat and the wheel chair will lock in place. I have not yet had the lock put on the wheel chair to use it in that way as I was not sure how many times I would need it. So far the tie down system is working fine for us. I took my Toyota mini van to see about having it converted before I bought the Chrysler and they wanted $30,000 just to do the conversion, one of my friends had just bought a new Chrysler and had it converted so she had traded hers in, I was lucky enough to find out about it and I bought it knowing the background and how it had been taken care of.
This mobility van has helped me to no longer feel trapped, it had gotten to the point that I would have to call for an outside agency to transport him to a Doctor if I had not made the purchase. God is good.
I think there is a van or car that has a front passenger seat that turns outward and allows the passenger to sit down an it lifts them up and turns around facing frontward. I cannot find it now. Anyone here recall that feature. Is it a Chrysler van perhaps?
Nancy B, I've tried to find it but can't. I know there is a swivel cushion you can get which swiveled around...but can't find anything about a seat that swivels to the outside.
Nancy B, I found a site http://themobilityresource.com/mobility-prod-tas.aspx#turnout that has seats you can have placed in your vehicle but I couldn't find a car where it comes with it.
They are called "Freedom Seats" and/or Bruno Turny Seats if you needed to get them retro fitted in the car you have. But as I told Weejun in an email, I'd want the seats to "match", wouldn't you. I'm sure they come in standard vinyl/leather colors like grey, tan, black. I'm finding lots of sites for Freedom seats - but I think it is the Chrysler mini van that you can order with one factory installed. (Do they still make Chryslers? That may be the problem!)
Thanks, Jane, for starting the discussion on the mobility van. I had never thought about the fact that I may need that type of vehicle later on--another reason for hanging on to our present car until I see how things go. I want to try to keep my husband home as long as I can, so that type of vehicle may really be appropriate someday.
Gee, could there be a cute little sports car in my future? :) Just kidding. Told DH I would be going out to lunch/movie with girlfriend tomorrow - he asked if I was taking the car. Told him I would be. He asked if I was going to get my truck back from son -- told him I had not planned to. He asked if I was going to buy me another car -- told him maybe I should get a little sports car. He asked if I was thinking of a new one -- told him I thought a used one would be fine. He didn't say a word. Bless his heart, he really BELIEVES doc is going to give him permission to drive on Tuesday...
Nancy B, The chair you are speaking of can be seen here, http://www.bruno.com/bruno-turning-automotive-seating.html
There is a video showing how they are used. The Toyota Mini Van is the only one that has a seat made exactly to match the driver seat. The other seats shown will fit most vehicles, it will give you a list.
I first checked into the seats, but then realized that we will soon be to the point that I could not walk him to the car to get positioned in the seat. You have to think of all those things. The seat for the Toyota mini van is $8,000 just for the seat. You need to really think ahead before purchasing the seat for an Alzheimer patient, their ability changes and what you purchase would not work later. I had to think of that and that is why I opted for the complete system.
My husband has gotten to the point that IF I can get him to step into the car to get to a Doctor appointment, then when we had to get back into the car to come home I could not get him to get in, thus the decision was made in the parking lot of the Doctor office I HAD TO HAVE A MOBILITY VAN.
Are you able to take your husband to places other than the doctor? If you don't mind me asking, what made using an agency to transport him so undesirable? I'm thinking that with the uncertainty on how quickly the disease progresses and the big expense of a mobility vehicle, it could be a tough call. Would it have been worth it if you hadn't been able to purchase the friend's van?
marilyninMD, I would not have been able to use the public mobility service with him. He is incontinent, these Services are not at your time they are on their time and with most Alzheimer patients who are advanced they cannot be hurried. Let me tell you some of the things I ran into in our situation, this does not mean it will happen to you. I could not plan one purchase until he had soon changed, I was already thinking of the swivel transfer seat for the car and we had to take my husband by a mobility van that my brother in law had when we had to go for the evaluation of the power wheel chair, I could not have gotten him there any other way, Well marilyninMD, the lift system in the van that my brother in law has is a lift system, it is not the type you drive or push a chair into it is the type that the wheel chair sits on the lift and lifts them into the van, my husband could not understand to lower his head as we tried to lift him into the van, and we had a miserable time getting him in and out because of that.
The public systems would cause us too much wait time as they take the passengers one by one on their trips and pick them back up the same way. I have heard of some patients having to wait for the van even after a Doctor office had closed. This would not be good for either me or my husband. The incontinence is another issue when you are on a public schedule. It is hard enough dealing with the disease, much less to be subject to all this.
I can take my husband anywhere I need to go with this van.
MarilyninMD, yes, I would have wanted a van like this even if I had not been able to purchase the one my friend had traded in. She traded it to one of the mobility specialist stores, she took her new vehicle and had them send it off to the Braun entervan to be converted just like the one that I bought. They sell used ones at those type places. The place I bought mine is called www.mountainadaptive.com you might want to look it up on the internet and just see what the cars look like. It shows pictures.
Not all mini vans can be converted, Dodge Caravan, Toyota seninna, Town and Country Chrysler are some of the ones that can be. I would suggest buying either new or used depending on your situation. I just wish I had known that this would offer so much freedom to us before I bought the brand new Toyota. I would have just bought the used conversion van and waited until I worn it out before trying to buy one I would use after this journey.
MarylininMD, it had gotten to be such a big ordeal to even get my husband in the car, from the first thought of the swivel seat he had changed so much that I was glad I did not go that route, just getting him positioned on the chair and then you would still have to raise his feet as you brought the chair into the car, he would not know to lift them. The person has to lift their feet around as the chair goes into the car, I checked all this out with the people who sell them. Even those that are not for the Toyota run around $6,000, not worth the money the way this disease progresses The complete system is best, that way as they change you do not have to make another purchase. I also plan to keep my husband home, it would depend on things like that, how long you plan to do this or place the loved one. If the loved one is not agressive, violent etc and are going to stay home then yes, I just wish I had done this 3 years ago.
Feel free to ask me anything about it Go to the website and look at the vehicles.
Thanks, Jane, for your response. After reading your description, it would seem to me that the swivel seats are really better for someone whose issues are strictly physical, not the cognitive/physical combo that we are dealing with. Bottom line with dementia, I guess, is to choose the system where the patient has to do the least, period.
I'm going to research whether my husband's long-term care insurance policy will cover anything to do with mobility. I don't remember seeing anything on it, but it does cover modifications to the home, medical equipment, etc. We are a long way from needing it (I hope), but I like to have my ducks in a row in advance--helps me deal with what's coming.
It sounds like there's probably a good resale program for these vans. I'm managing okay getting him in and out of the car; it takes awhile, and he walks with a walker, and i feel like he needs the exercise, grump though he may. But if that stops working, I dunno... he's 85.. I may just stop trying to take him out.
briegull, you are wise to do just what you are doing as long as your husband will cooperate with you, mine would not. He has not cooperated with getting into a vehicle in forever, I would get sick just thinking about trying to get him some place and then it was even worse when we would need to start back home. This has gone on for a long time with us, at least 3 years. My husband was diagnosed at age 60 and has had the disease 9 years, he is still young and we could be on the journey for several years yet. A person has to consider all those things. If he were 85 as you say yours is then of course it would not be a wise investment. The younger and longer it seems the journey will last the more you need to do what you have to in order to have a somewhat decent life. It has caused me to be able to take him rather than pay a sitter all the time.
Right, Jane, I agree. So far it works fine to get him into the car (Outback) and out when we get home, and he sits quietly in the car listening to the radio while I shop (not long at a time). I always say, now don't get out of the car, and HE always says, You always tell me that. And I say, yes, well, one time I didn't and you got out and I found you standing in the parking lot unable to move bec. you didn't have your walker. And you said, you didn't TELL me not to get out!! So I tell him, and he sits still.
Briegull, think back. Could that have been my husband you had in your car? Sounds exactly like something he would say. As crazy as it sounds, the logic is clear. He got out of the car the one time he did because you didn't TELL him not to. So, it's your fault! (grin) When will you learn? (I wonder if being fluent in Alzheimer's language and behavior will benefit us in the future?)
My DH got out of our car once, when I ran into dmv and when I came back, he wasn't there. I began to panic, but as i turned to the right, 3 cars down I could see him, in the passenger seat of a very nice suv. I went and opened the door, and asked if he wouldn't like to get into our car instead. (which is a 10 yr old sedan) and he looked around at this big car and said, oh, I thought this was our car. alrighty then.
Fortunately, I get very little of the blaming here. VERY FORTUNATELY! He counts when he pulls on his compression stocking. ONE two THREE FOUR louder and louder up to TWENTY which he practically screams out. Sounds furious. But then I'll make a joke or something and he's perfectly calm. I'm so lucky!!
I want to ask for help with this "getting into the car" issue as we are now facing it almost every day. My husb is only 64 & has had this dreaded disease 5.4 years. He cannot remember to put his foot/leg into the vehicle first and tries to go head first, and then goes "butt first", but it is a SLOW go...it is just a matter of time before he can't do it, I'm afraid. So, I'm trying to think ahead. He still walks very well, no walker or anything needed as of today. I googled "turny seat" the other nite & sent an inquiry request in to have someone call me. We have a 2008 Ford Explorer, which I love, and so does my DH. Sadly, NONE of the Explorers can be retro-fitted for the turny seat if they are 2006 or newer. What SUV's will work?? Does anyone on this site have a turny seat & are you happy with it? I do not want a mini-van or van, period...I just do not like vans. Sounds selfish, but I just don't want to drive one. So, I am on a hunt for perhaps getting a new vehicle, one that will be able to be retrofitted. The "reason" is "electrical issue" on the Explorers, AND, the BRUNO guy told me that not only are the Ford Explorers this way, but that ALL GM products (newer ones) can't be retrofitted...same reason. UGH! I have not been on the site for a few weeks...so much going on and just so tired. All help is appreciated. Thank you! OH, I also looked @ a "Swivel seat" from Harriett Carter ($19.95) which someone suggested, but not sure that would help AT ALL! Just so hard to know what to do. thanks!!
My problem is his legs. He won't bend them and he gets 'hung', half way in the car. He tries to step in with his left leg...and his butt is barely on the seat and his right leg is on the garage floor. I cannot lift the right leg up and cannot shove his bottom over..and we fight it out every time. My car has a handle above the open door..which he could grab and and then lift his butt up and over, but he will NOT use it - I bought the bar that fits on the door latch to help him push up..nope, doesn't want to use it. I swore today that his car rides were going to get further and further apart. I am shaky and worn out by the time I have him in the car. It never gets easier.
Nancy B, these are some of the exact same things we go through...I have been lifting his foot up to go onto the running board and that helps, but it is SO HARD to get that "planted" foot up off the garage floor. The "forcing of the hand" to the handle above the open door is yet another frustration and 'sometimes' it works, 'sometimes not'...like most things. :( Anyone have any ideas for a seat fix for Nancy & I?? HELP!!
When he gets out of the car, he holds onto the door frame between the front and back door and starts closing the car door. I ABSOLUTELY KNOW he is going to slam that door on his hand!!!and break all of his poor fingers. I grab it every time, but one day, I fear I won't be there. I don't worry about him getting out of the car...it's too darned hard and takes two of us to get him OUT or in. If he escaped, he'd need an accomplice.
My husband can not get in the FRONT SEAT but the back seat of the Rendevou is the same height as his rear, and he sits and then turns and lifts his left leg in and moves it over and we help him get his right leg in. He can no longer sit in my LeSabre or his convertible, so we only use the Rendevous when he goes with us.
You will have to strap him in the chair....and I can picture your husband letting you do that! But I guess adding 15 minutes to the time you have to be somewhere so he can do it his way might help.....
I am having the same problems getting him in and out of the car. He also can not get into the bed. He gets his butt in and then his knees are hanging off the bed. Sometimes he just falls face forward across the bed. It takes a lot of pushing and pulling every night. Sometimes I wonder what's next.
I once had a terrible time getting my husband in and out of my car for his visit to his psychiatrist. When I finally got him in the waiting room he proceeded to get up easily from the chair and go wandering into the various patent's exam rooms. So much for privacy. It seems funny now-I wanted to cry then.
At home, I wonder if using a chair the same height (if you can find one) that they can sit on then slide across to the car seat - sort of like when sitting on the shower chair and sliding across. The turn chair does not have to be electrical. In motorhomes the front seats swing around to sit on easier. You would just need something like that. Maybe an RV dealer could put an captains chair there and he could lounge back while riding!
natsmom, I feel your pain so much. Your husband sounds EXACTLY like mine did and I mean exactly. I started trying to think ahead and looked at the Turney seat by Bruno and others, they are expensive, $6,000 to $8,000 depending on the model you choose. I thought that would be the ideal solution but the more I thought about it and realized that he would not even know to lift his legs to get inside once the seat was in the position I ruled it out.
Natsmom, they forget more and more, I was afraid to drive a van, hated them unless someone else was driving but guess what, they are easy. You are talking to a person who did not even try the van out before buying, I had to have my brother-in-law try it out, and I bought it and he drove it home. Now I love it.
I bought the van that has the ramp that folds out and the van squats down as I said in a previous post. I am glad that I did because it was no time at all until he would not even have been able to use the turney seat. About 2 months after I bought the van I realized that when you make a purchase with the Alzheimer patient in mind you better make a purchase that takes little effort on their part. My husband would even hold on to the door not letting me put him in our regular vehicle.
I remember thinking, I wish there was a seat that was car height so I could get him to slide into the car, then he got to where he would not even slide on the shower chair so had to get the swivel and glide type, on and on it goes.
The legs being dead weight when trying to place them in the car with the turney chair would just have been one more ordeal and hardship.
If you can afford it and if you plan to have him home long term then the Mobility van is the route to take, I bought a used one and it has been wonderful.
Things have changed considerably with DH since I started this thread. I now think he would accept a new car--he's more mellow all around (also more confused). This will be a big deal for me--I've never bought a car before--I guess it will be part of my transformation into an "adult". After I decide what I want, my SIL offered to the actual car shopping part with my brother--I am thrilled! I'm not interested in the haggling part, I just want a car.
a) We're marginally better at getting him in and out of the car than we were when this thread was new. We have an Outback. He cannot bend his left leg but marginally. However, I have discovered that pushing the seat back down as far as it will go, so that he can sit basically on the BACK as he's entering or leaving, makes it a lot easier for him. Then when he's in I lift it back up so he can see out. Over and over, put your legs out like you do when you're swinging them over the side of the bed, finally seems to be getting to him. The last month just hasn't been as bad.
b) If you're thinking about driving a van, RENT one for a day or two and see how it works for you. I did that and that's why I got the Outback which isn't as high as the van but certainly higher than the little Toyota sedan we had. You can see around other cars if you have one.
My wife usually can get into our Subaru Legacy with no trouble, but had a real problem getting into the back seat of our daughter's Honda Odyssey (Van). With help she was able to get into the front seat.