Dazed.....Sounds like you've already done this but I say cry and cry and cry. When you're done do exactly what you did. Take stock of what you've accomplished and set a small goal for each day. If you fail so what. Go a little eaiser on yourself. Like Mawzy, I haven't been able to cry yet. Our son is getting married Oct 2nd. Sure hope the floodgates don't open during the ceremony. I'm making light of it but I really am a little worried about that happening. I think that on September 28th I'll put on a tear jerker movie and just let it all out. That's not such a silly idea. Set aside 1 day a month and let er rip. I'll let you know how it works. Looked at the calender and it looks like tonites the nite. (grin) cs
I am constatnly on the verge of tears. for awhile it wasn't bad, but now he's mad at me for the fact that he lost his license, and I'm just always crying. my daughter has to get off the phone with me so often because i don't want to cry at her, and she knows too that that's what's happened . Mom, don't cry. I can't speak. right now the tears are rolling down my cheeks. How do I stop.? i don't know. he was dx'd 7 yrs ago, and I still find the need to cry with each new phase. It's always when he's in a phase where he's nasty, and this has happened before. lA few years ago he insisted that we didn't live here and that I was lying. always that I'm lying to him. Maybe when he gets really, really bad, and knows that he's dependant, then it'll be easier.
Oh Chris, if my DH ever gets ugly or mean, I know I'll be in tears all the time. Right now, he is always so sweet and thanking me for all I do for him. What happened to the beginning of this thread?
In the past I was one who didn't cry very much. Here the other night I was worring over my DH not being able to swallow and thinking that the end may be near. I cried for a long while. I felt somewhat better when it was over. I think if we don't let out our emotions sooner or latter we will break.
cs - Be careful during the rehearsal for the wedding. That is when I cried the most when my daughter go married in February. I just blew it off as rehearsal for the real event and it must have worked. I made it through the ceremony fine.
Bluedaze, when I first looked back at page 1, it wasn't all there....I e-mailed Joan, came back, and its there now, so I e-mailed her to forget it! <grin>
Mothers are supposed to cry when their daughters get married. It's in the rule book!! <grin>
Yes, the first of this thread is back now. I don't want to lose it. There's so much good advice that I want to read it several times. I appreciate all of you who helped me through this rough period.
I was so caught up in preparations, arrangements and making sure everything went well that I didn't cry at either of my daughter's weddings. Now I cry at everybody's wedding, graduations, sad movies...everything. I'm attending another wedding next weekend. This one is out of state. Not taking DH this time. My daughter and her family are going to keep him company while I'm gone. I won't have the stress that I had last weekend but I may still need your help when I get back home.
Dazed weddings sometimes make us cry regardless if we are under pressures of our own or not. i cry at weddings too. cant help it. even strangers:)we can get caught up in the emotions of the beauty music and love we once shared at our own weddings. be prepared for a rush of emotions just in case. and happy travels! divvi
Weddings always make me teary. I just think we are happy for the couple and the tears come. Neither one of my children are married (27 and 23) and I do believe when they do marry, I will lose it especially now. Embarrass them: probably. But I don't think I'll care. :)
I definitely feel like if i start to cry I may never stop... I also work and have 2 small children at home who are on a "need to know basis" about their dad. They know what he has difficulty with but don't know what Alzheimers means long term. I feel like I can't talk about things becasue the kids are always an earshot away and then at work I have to "work" so it's hard. I feel like I need someone to babysit the kids and someone to take my DH out for an evening just so I can express my feelings and finally have a good cry.
Oh my jlj, you do need that sort of respite. Do it, sent the kids to a friend and get womeone to take DH out, (I have a friend who does do that occasionally) Just give yourself a break. i can't imagine what it 's like to deal with this disease, and children at the same time. and then hold a full time job. It's monumental, and I take my hat off to you (if I wore a hat). You folks who deal with EOAD are a strong and brave group, and you are always in my prayers. i'm so grateful that this did not happen to my DH at an early age. He's 86. he's lived a good life, and whatever happens now, well, he's 86. If he were in his 50's I'd have a whole different attitude and it probably woule not be good. Have yur cry JLJ.
jlj, so many responsibilities with your work , the kids and a dark AD cloud hovering over you. Bless your heart and you don't have time or space to cry. Stay with us, let your feelings out and these wonderful people will help.
jlj, can you tell us how old your children are and how they/you are coping with the situation? It must be awfully hard. My thoughts are with you.
When my six-year old granddaughter was staying with us this spring, there were incidents that made my son and DIL feel they had to explain the sickness to her. So they did and she seemed to understand. The next morning she came up to me and asked, "Oma, is Opa still sick today?"
I would love to arrange childcare for my kids and arrangments for my husband so that I could just stay home and cry but I have so many other reasons why I need childcare, etc. that it doesn't seem important enough to schedule a "good cry" in:0) My daughters are 10 and 13. My 13 yr old has a genetic disorder called trisomy 13 and is moderatly cognitively impaired with lots of medical issues and behavior problems. She is functioning at about a 4 yr old level. And my 10 yr old is a young 10... A daddy's girl with an impaired sister and now an impaired Dad and trying to make sense of her world. She could not bear more info than she already has. She has made comments recently like "hey Mom, you and me are the only ones in our family without special needs, when will dad get his memory back, why aren't his meds working better, what if he takes Emily's pills and thinks they are his., etc. She worrys to much for me to tell her more right now. It's so hard to know what to do!
jlj. i can only imagine caring for young girls, special needs at that, working and AD caregiving. those of you who are pulling this off are indeed the 'saintly' here. divvi
jlj, I'm so sorry for your load! I think your 10 year old is wise beyond her years, and will be a big help to you over the years ahead. Please come and rant and rave and cry all you want. I wish we could do more. ((((HUGS)))
Some of us are luckier than you in that our children are older. Our 'baby' just turned 21. Know we are here for you. Crying is cathartic. Have you talked to your primary care about medication to smooth things a bit. After I started regular medication about 6 months ago I still have meltdowns, but they are fewer, less severe, and 'go away' faster. I resisted meds for a long time. Looking back, I should have been on them sooner and I would have had an easier time at work. Come here and rant/vent whenever you feel the urge. I also find it helpful to keep a journal of my feelings, which I take with me wherever I go, so I can 'vent' and get it over with when I'm not near a computer.
I notice that a lot of people who have done a lot of crying say that they went on medication to help them with that. I realized right after I closed down this thread that if I was crying all the time, that is what I would do too. So I came back here to say it. Both my doctor and my husband's doctor have offered me medication if I think I need it. We are in the same medical group so both doctors can see my records if I needed it.
I also use this group to stay focused and journal as Libby suggested. If I need to vent I generally do it in my journal, but I've also called the Alzheimer's Association hotline more than once.
Thank you to all for your thoughts and concern... it is such a different world to be a caregiver to my husband and still be young with little kids. It's like I'm a single mother with 3 children. I appreciate all the wisdom and insight you all have. It sure makes it easier to post a question and get some ideas from people who have "been there done that". I hope I will be able to help someone in return someday. It's hard to talk to my friends about any of this because they are in a different stage of life too and sometimes it hurts more when I hear a girlfriend comment or complain about something her husband has said or done...I can only wish my husband would or could do that. The anniversary thing is very hard too. My 18th anniversary is Sept. 21 and I'm not looking forward to it. I keep drifting my thoughts far ahead when I'm alone and still young in age and realize that my daughter won't have a dad to walk her down the aisle or I will never have a 50th anniversary, or my husband to retire with and travel,etc. Not at all how I thought things would go.
jij-the only way I make it through the day is to compare myself to widows. They usually had no time to prepare and being alone is just the way it is. No turning back-only forward.
jlj----You ARE a single mom----as hard as that is to accept, I found that when I finally accepted it, it made things (a little) easier. Still very sad but the way it is. My two daughters were teenagers when my DH was diagnosed, but since the diagnosis explained some of his wierd behavior, and he has actually gotten sweeter over the past 3-1/2 years, I'm sure in part due to the meds, it has been easier to be a single mom than when I was trying to involve him in everything and he was so mean about a lot of stuff. Anniversaries are AWFUL, just prepare yourself, the first one my DH totally forgot was the 25th, and one daughter was out of town and the other didn't really know what to do----I just cried all day----but this year the 26th was bad, but not as bad as last year. No, it's not what we thought we would have, but as bluedaze says, being alone is just the way it is. Sorry to be so blunt, but it is important to know you are not really alone,because everyone on this message board really has been there done that, or will be doing it sometime in the future. Horrible disease, but we are really in this together. so cyberspace hugs to you and your family.
This is our fifth or sixth year when my husband didn't remember anniversary or care. I think the hardest thing was not getting a Christmas present from him. I had hoped one of the children would have taken him out and picked up something for me from him. No one did. Same with birthdays. I can (and DO! ) say "Hey Sweetie, look what you bought for me today!"...and he'll nod his head - pleased with himself. But he didn't buy it...didn't even know what I was talking about. Each year though, it does get a little easier. The first ones were horrible.
Nancy, my daughter bought me a present from my husband last Christmas. He had always bought me hard cover books and she found exactly the kind of thing he would have bought if he had been able to buy something.
She also takes care that I've got a birthday cake as close to my birthday as possible, and that I get a Christmas stocking (because that is the one thing I really want on Christmas morning). I'm really lucky that way.