I've been reading through the comments and it almost makes me feel guilty. I went up to Monhegan again last Tuesday and got home this afternoon. When I left the chair-glide wasn't working and it was terribly hot. By the time I was there the chair-glide here had been fixed. But it was still hot - and it was hot up there. A friend had loaned me her house and said I just slept in the sheets one night, so I left them on the bed. How kind of her! Except that her bedroom was upstairs with no cross-ventilation and Maine - even the island - still has the heat wave too - and the sheets were FLANNEL!! I just slept in the nude, to be honest.
The Helga walk went beautifully - I put the pictures on Facebook - and everyone had a good time later at our friends' house drinking moselle wine. Remack Ramsay was there and we talked about his playing Merrell Streep's (Julia Child's) father in Julie and Julia. It was a one day shoot. He says, "Everyone seems to just LOVE that movie." I said, have you seen it? No! (I knew he's one of those actors who never likes to see himself on screen) I assured him that he looked quite dashing. '-)
The multiple meetings I had to go to went well, and as long as I went walking down the street with my walking stick and knee-elastic-brace on, someone was always insisting I ride in their golf cart, or pickup, which was good because the knee was continuing to be a pain.
Got home, and my daughter and the CNA had gotten along very well. She says, you know, he (her dad) really isn't much trouble!! And indeed he was in good humor. She had confessed to an island friend that "it really is weird to wipe your father's bum!" but she seems to have gotten past that now and cheerfully tends him.
So now, once the heat breaks, we can commence a new year of care with maybe not too much dismay.
briegull, I'm so very glad to hear your week at Monhegan went well and that the memorial walk was everything you hoped. It's also good to know that things were okay when you got home.
Daughter #1 and I were working in the garden together today and she told me she and her husband had decided that when they die they were going to be buried "green". I asked her what that meant and she said they would be wrapped in a bag and that he wanted to be buried in their front yard overlooking their pond (their favorite place). To say the least, I was "aghast". I asked her if they died together did someone know what they wanted and she said they needed to write it down. This from someone who has never even made a Will.
She needen leave those instructions with me. I suggested Cremation then "scatter the ashes". That cost more money and they want to do it "zilch". I am going to tell her I will pay for the Cremation. Besides that who would want to buy a home with someone buried in the yard? She said they would be gone in 7 years.
Lois, just curious...but is it legal to bury someone in the yard? Seriously, I think I read or heard that there was even a law prohibiting that. I don't know the answer? I am definitely going to be cremated, as is my DH..we bought our places in the church columbarium years ago.
You might want to check your county laws. I know it is illegal in our city limits. Years ago I wanted to be buried in a pine box and no enbalming and was told I couldn't do that either... It's either cremation or the whole burial deal. It can be a wood coffin, but not a pine box. I personally think that the charge way too much for coffins. I'm going down to the funeral home in the next couple of weeks and pre-purchase ours so that the kids won't throw our insurance money to them away on fancy coffins that will only be seen at the funeral home and church before being placed in the ground!!!
Did I tell you all that I picked out our headstone when we got Diane's? I got a couples one for my husband and me - and the kids won't have to worry about that either - just add the date of death for us when we go.
I would not have thought to do all of this if I hadn't lost Diane. I'm trying to save them some of the pain.
They told me that I could forego embalming but the funeral would have to be within 24 hours, and my kids couldn't get here in time, so that is why I said cremation or the whole deal.
Same reason we have purchased our "slots" at the church and made our intentions known to everyone. I am for cremation after seeing the miles and miles of cemetaries in our area. Someday, there won't be any land left to bury people, and then what? Maybe they'll drill big holes and bury people upright in cylinders. Or, as in Arlington National Cemetery...they bury the wives in the same grave as their husband.. (Is that true? I believe that it is.)
I recall there was a question about burying Michael Jackson in Neverland, without permission from the County in which it was located.
Interesting thread, I would also wonder about the local laws. I know I will have to pay extra just to transport across the state lines. Jim wanted to preplan his funeral and it is going to cost over $12,000 for something nice but certainly not fancy and that doesn't include the cemetary plots which I purchased before I met Jim. When my Dad died, the two spots next to him and my Mom's were available, so I bought them, That way we can all be together, lol. Jim and I want a Granite Bench so visitors can come and sit and visit!
I have a friend who is a funeral director....he's one of my male pals on facebook (Gary). Maybe you could ask him your questions about this. He'd be glad to share. Or, I'll ask him and report back. As to the question about burial of the body, I know that I saw a program one evening about a place called Olney Green Burial Ground (but, it's in the U.K.) where it is a natural settting...no monuments, plaques, no need for a casket. The burial spot of your LO is found by using GPS coordinates. It looks like a regular naturalized setting, all woodsy and meadows. Maybe there's someplace like that where you live? I know that here you not only have to have a casket, but must pay for the cement underground vault the casket is placed in....I understand that protects the ground above from caving in as things decompose, causing 'waves' in the ground above, making maintenance more of an issue.
Read an article not too long ago about "green" cemeteries, but don't remember where I read it. Seems one was in KY or TN. Probably google to get all info about "green" funeral, burial, etc. I've told my family I absolutely do NOT want a viewing/wake/service. ("Don't she look natcheral" or "Poor thing looks like she suffered.") Up to them, of course, but they also know I don't want a stack of cash spent on my disposal. Cheapest way, for me. Have plot and marker near parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, etc., etc. HB doesn't know about marker--my dad had it put up because he thought that would cause us to move here. We did, but not because of that, and move was made years after he'd passed. Cremate and put me in the ground in the woods behind the house suits me.
Claude wanted cremation and his ashes buried in our hometown in Oklahoma. We had a small memorial service in our church chapel here in Texas and then took his ashes for a family only service at the cemetery. We spent some time as a family reminescing and then held hands and each of had some private time to say our goodbyes before our nephews covered the urn. Since he was a veteran, the VA provided a very nice granite headstone.
I want the same thing thing done, have told my kids and have put my wishes in my will.
The kids and I went up to Sulphur last Saturday, visited the cemetery and then stopped to visit our niece and her family. Her husband said Claude's funeral was the "best and nicest" funeral he had ever been to, and the way he wanted his to be, not the way his sister's was two weeks ago. Wake, viewing at the funeral home, funeral at the church, then graveside service and $10,000.
Bud also said he was told that to be cremated in Oklahoma and in many other states, you had to be embalmed first. That seems very ridiculous to me and Texas doesn't require that. Anybody ever heard of that?
Mary, putting your funeral wishes in your will doesn't work. The will is not opened until several days after death, after the funeral. Telling your kid, as you did, is a good idea, but you should also put your wishes in writing in a separate document along with any other special instructions for them.
I know of a couple in our rural area who were sent by the funeral home to the home, in body bags for private burial. I didn't think you could do that but a neighbor observed. I don't know any particulars. The problem I have with a green burial is later when someone wants to sell the house, I think you would have to disclose bodies were buried in the yard and it might effect the sale of the property. I personally think Cremation would be best and I am starting to having thoughts about it. I agree, space is going to be a problem in the future.
I have heard sometimes they bury husband and wife, one on top of the other to save space.
A friend of mine a few years ago died of breast cancer after a long struggle. She donated her body to scientific research. There was a nice memorial service and the church hosted a luncheon. Has anyone thought about doing this? How about for our AD spouses? Besides that, I'm talking to my family about cremation.
Paul was cremated, and I purchased a modest wood urn. He loved polished woods. His was engraved with his name, the dates, and two birds signifying "Going Home." When I am able to take the time off from my new job, and afford a little trip I intend to spread his ashes along the sea shore, in his favorite beach town, on the QT. That is exactly what he would want.
The expense for me came when we as a family discussed the fact that one daughter from out of state strongly felt she "needed to see him." This required embalming (here state law only requires embalming if the burial is more than 3 days away). In our situation embalming was necessary to preserve the body until his daughter could arrive. Then, we picked out memento urns (a couple hundred bucks each) for each of my husbands 3 children....so they could keep a part of him with them wherever they end up moving to in their lives. Permits were required for the cremation in two counties....because the hospital where he died is in a different county than we live in. The funeral home went into the next county to pick up Paul's body and bring it back. So really, the funeral home didn't have to do much....just pick him up, embalm, prepare for the viewing which was just a 30 minute thing for his kids and I...not public, then send him for cremation, and prepare the main urn and the 3 memento urns. They also took care of getting the certified death certificates from the county, and notified Soc Sec. Just that, and it still cost me $4,000.
I posted back in May that my dearest sister in law died. Both She and her husband had agreed years ago to donate their bodies to science, or in their case, it was sent to the Medical School in Charleston SC. At some date, the body will be cremated and returned to home and they will place the ashes in the columbarium at their church. I understand there will be no charge for the cremation.
Have our plots. Have decided on cremation. Before that DH maintained he wanted everything done within 24 hours. I told him I couldn't promise that, but did promise ASAP. Daughter wants him to have the pine box with plaid flannel lining we'd discussed when talking regular funeral and burial. Been checking into possiibilities. All containers for ashes are called urns. Wooden boxes are aavilable--what they're like I do not know. What we've settled on so far is that he will be cremated. Cremains container will go in box. Visitaion and prayers before service at church with burial of cremains after. Gathering at church immediately followig service will be of all Dh's favorites---hamburgers, hot dogs, chips 'n dip, chocolate cake, and cherry and apple pies, potato salad, baked beans, macaroni salad. Coffee and pop. Cemetery has said we can share one plot, as cremains vaults are so much smaller than regular ones. Certain family members will have issues but this is how it will be. We'll be celebrating his life and it will be good.
We've both prepaid cremation with the National Cremation Society. Here in Florida most of the lawyers making out directives just assume, "You want to be cremated, don't you?" Someone just calls the number and the body is picked up. There's a choice of how you want the ashes disposed of, but I told them not to save mine. I did this five years ago and I think it cost about a thousand dollars. DH paid less, since he and his late wife did it a long time ago. The lawyers are also very strong on preplanning end-of-life directives and say, "You don't want a Terry Schiavo situation."
PrisR my Florida lawyer never brought the issue up. I took one of my daughters with me when I made final arrangements "for the future". It's amazing how much extra stuff the funeral home pushes to the point of making you feel guilty or cheap if you don't buy the package. Did you know that you can buy a casket at Costco's
This is heavy stuff we are discussing here. All we have are the cemetery lots. Some people have gotten in trouble on prepaid plans when the funeral home is sold or goes out of business. Here in my hometown we are still having funerals the old fashion way with visitation and the service the next day. Cremation is a topic that I haven't heard any of my friends discussing, Mayberry, oh, yes.
A representative from a funeral home talked to our support group last spring. The cheapest was to go here is a cremation for $3000. It includes only the cremation and a cheap container for the ashes. I think that's ridiculous!
Yeah, my friend that is a funeral director gave the full tour of his facility once....the cardboard container they can give you to take the ashes away in (if you don't buy the ever expensive urns or you have something else you want to use) looks exactly like a round Quaker Oatmeal box without the label! And really, it does take so much power to run that expensive apparatus they use for the process. But, that IS a lot of money that I can't just 'spit out' right away. There are also some very unique and creative ways to disperse of ashes that the funeral home can suggest. For instance, they can incorporate the ashes into a pretty, decorative papier mache wreath that can be flung into the sea, for instance and it will disolve in a short time. I think that's a neat idea, too.
Even with cremation, you'll find different prices. When we first looked into it the funeral home gave us one price which seemed a little high. We contacted the National Cremation Society and the price was a lot less. Needless to say, we went with them.
We had purchased plots, and now I'm also thining I'd prefer cremation. We can be placed in a garden in my church where there is a memorial garden, but of course, only ashes, not bodies. I'm wodering if I can sell the cemetary plots we bought. Honestly, his parents and mine are buried and we never go to the cemetaries. i believe you should take care of the living, while they are here. Sometimes I feel kind of guilty that we never visit the cemetary, especially my mother who is not too far from us, but... we just don't that's one reason I'm thinking cremation makes more sense.
chris, we're in the same position. Have purchased lots in the city cemetery right across from our house! Now our church has a memorial garden and we have planned and pre-paid for cremation and will use the memorial garden. Been trying to sell the cemetery lots with no luck and I'm almost to the point of giving them away to someone who really needs them.
We pre-paid our expenses several years ago. At the time we didn't have a regular church and opted for using the chapel at the funeral home. We will be cremated mainly because we are both the last ones in our immediate families and any relatives we have are MILES away so there wouldn't be anyone to visit a grave site. My DH has decided he doesn't want a service, he thinks it just prolongs the mourning. I guess I should check sometime with the funeral home and let them know we won't need the chapel if something should happen to DH.
Jean, won't you need some sort of service to arrive at closure for yourself? I always hear from survivors that the funeral/memorial service or whatever was so helpful and important to them.
Jeanette, I have been through several deaths in my family. I am the only one left out of 8 children and my parents. If I need anything I can always talk to our Pastor and have him do something private. My DH is and always has been a "loner" so there aren't that many people who know him here so I wouldn't think there would be many people at a service.
My husband has always wanted to be cremated--I'm not sure what I want for myself yet. When my great-uncle passed away we had a wake one day and a short memorial service at the funeral home the next morning. He was then cremated and his ashes buried in the armed services section of a cemetary. My husband wants that type of service without the burial. I hope to be able to do that for him (as long as I outlive him) but worry about having trouble with his brothers and sister (mostly his sister) regarding not having a mass said. My husband is not and never was the churchgoing type.
If I decide not be cremated, I plan to let my kids know that I want their father's ashes placed with me for burial.
Can someone explain a Memorial Garden at the Church? I have 2 plots paid for at the Church Cemetary but lately have been thinking about Cremation. I Know you can have the Urns buried on the Gravesite because I have seen two of them. I even thought of wonder if they would allow more than two on the double plot? Example a small headstone with family name and places under neath to add other family members names if they want their ashes buried at the same place.
I have 4 plots paid for at my old family home cemetary and I have been trying to GIVE them back to the Cemetary Association but so far nothing has been done. I guess they have little call for more graves. I thought they would be happy to have them back. It is a country cemetary and the plots were like under $50. each when I bought them years ago.
Lois, our church has a Columbarium..which is a lovely garden area with pathways. As it just so happened, we bought our spots when it was new, so,.. we are in the center of the winding pathways, where there is a green granite cross in the ground..made up of separate 14 x 14 square tiles. Each tile (engraved with name -Date of birth, date of death) covers a piece of ceramic pipe where the ashes are interred. The later tiles were placed around the outside of the pathway in a russet color..admidst flowers, etc. Other churches have NO placques, just a memorial garden where the ashes are placed in the earth without a market. The names are listed on a plaque at the entrance as each one is interred in that spot. We no longer attend that church, but it is across Houston.. They have built a new church and I believe they have a place now where the ashes can be interred in the ground without a marker... Just makes sense to me, "Earth to Earth"...
I know the cemetery in Massachusetts where my nephew is buried buries them standing up. I once heard in Rio de Jeniaro, Brazil they have a high rise cemetery because they were running out of ground space.
My mom donated her body to OHSU but had to prepay for her cremation and the embalming the school required. It cost her somewhere around $1000. When they were finished with her body, they cremated her and mailed her back to my sister's. When the mailman delivered her, my sister said 'oh, mom is home'. The guy turned white as a sheet!
I did a search not long ago of prepaid cremation and got 3 different options.
I plan to be cremated and have my ashes scattered. Dh doesn't care. I read where some of the National Cemeteries have a cremation garden where you can scatter their ashes. Also, do not want to be embalmed unless I decide to donate to the medical school.