This is the first time I have started a new discussion, as so many of my issues have been addressed, but I needed to see how some of you would handle this situation. I'm sure similar things have happened to some of you so, here I go. My DH was diagnosed almost two years ago with EOAD. He started on meds, and has been reasonably good. A few pretty "out there" times, but for the most part, he still drives, cuts wood, and various other things. I have noticed that he is having trouble with certain things, but as he is quite the "dominate" fellow, he hates for me to tell him anything. So, the in the last couple of months he has managed to turn a small post hole digger over, and could not figure out how to turn it back over with gas leaking all over, then when he was with our son, getting some wood, he tried to cut down trees and got them all snagged, which is SOOOOO unlike hiim. Yesterday he fell off the roof, well the ladder he was climbing down on, cut himself a couple places but wasn't hurt bad, then he decided to terrace the bank in front of our mobile home, and cut it back so far that now we're afraid the deck and who knows what else will end up at the bottom of the hill if it happens to rain and the bank gives way...then he put nail holes every inch or so for about 5 feet across the top of our mobile home, because "he was trying to find a stud", when I went out I said, what are you doing? He said I can't find and stuff and I suggested trying up closer to the roof a few inches, and there it was! The others were all in a straight line...if that makes any sense. Anyway, my problem is, how on earth am I going to get him to stop? He gets so upset if I say anything, and that ends up in a big blow up, resulting in days of extreme stress and anxiety for both of us. He wants to feel productive, and I don't want to take things away from him, but I am really in a spot here, and he hides his disease so well, that others wonder if he has the disease at all! But I know. I know what he used to be capable of, working in the Laborers Union for almost 25 year, he could do almost anything, big or small, and still thinks he can. WHAT DO I DO? If he had a different personality I could maybe work it out, but he is sooooo stubborn, and has a very dominate personality....I feel sort of lost here. Would appreciate any suggestion you all could give me. Thanks, Linda
Linda is he diagnosed and on medications yet? if not -or if he is-its time to get him back to his dr and you should tell dr (make a list( of all the precarious situations hes getting into. he may can prescribe some medications to help him settle down some and not need to be doing all these dangerous projects. they try to do so much to pretend they are ok when what they can do is get into serious danger in some instances. if you have family you could try to have them help you coax him into getting someone to help him when he has things to get done. hope you find something that helps. he could get hurt. divvi
I agree with divvi. Make a detailed list of everything that has happened. Our doctor likes me to fax the information to him before we get to the office, so he is prepared, but you can call yours and see how he likes it handled. Speaking from personal experience, stubborn men (and women) will NOT listen to their care givers. It has to come from the doctor. In order for your husband not to know that you sent in the concerns, the doctor may have to order some additional testing, and then explain to your husband that he cannot handle tools. This happened to a friend of mine, and the doctor insisted that her husband not use power tools or drive.
We are going to the UCSF Alzheimers Center on Tuesday for a check up. DH doesn't want to go, says they make him to stupid things :-), but I told him that his is such a good study subject for them because he "is doing so well". He is and has been on meds the whole time, first Aricept, then two others, and then some depression meds, that we just recently doubled because he was having angry outbursts again. He not only doesn't want to listen to me, he doesn't want to listen much to the doctors at the Alzheimers center either. But...I do have a bunch of papers to fill out that tell them exactly what has been going on, and when they take him in to test him, they always take me into another room and talk to me about everything...but as you say, he could hurt himself and I really don't want that. We have a daughter that is a nurse, but she and a son are in OR, one daughter in LA, and two more an hour and a half away here in CA....so, we'll just plug along I guess. Thanks so much for your input. Linda
Linda, maybe you could make a list of things you need done around the house and yard that would be both safe and non-destructive to keep on hand. When you see that he is about to do something that you don't feel he should be doing or is not safe ask him to fix something for you. He may forget what he was about to do once he spends some time taking care of what you need, and he would still feel usefull at the same time.
Linda, how old are you and your husband? I have pretty much the same attitude that I am dealing with. You are more along than we are. We are not diagnosed and are probably dealing with FTD. I have more of the anger and personality problems, the "reasoning button broken" things than the problems with projects. In another discussion, I mentioned a family garage that he is building with help from other family men. He has been having trouble with measurements and this is a first for this.
I can't offer any advice because I need it myself. Possibly, keep phone numbers of friends or neighbors handy and wehen he starts a project or things start to go wrong, you can call someone to "just stop by to visit" and they can either distract him or help him do it right. Do you have anyone who can be on call for you?
We live on the same property as our son and he can hear DH yelling from his yard. He brings over ice cream bars and tells DH that the sugar is to sweeten him up. It works every time.
good luck; let me know if you come up with a good plan.
mimiS--In addition to the good advice offered by everyone above, you need to get the power tools and other dangerous equipment out of your home. If I were you, I would even get rid of the ladder! This is a similar issue to stopping driving--it's something he's always done and there is no easy way of stopping him. However, if the items aren't available for his use, that will hopefully eliminate some of the danger.
I am 54, and DH is 60. We started with extreme anger, even to the point of coming after me, which had never happened before, but meds helped calm alot of that. But yeah, the reasoning button is definately broken, and he, like you DH has so much trouble with maps, measurements, well calculations of any sort, which he used to be so good at. Its funny, cause I was in denial myself, with so many people saying he sure doesn't act like someone with that disease. But it has become clearer and clearer. Now even my Father, who thought it was ridiculous, says, "boy is he doing weird stuff"! Also, the problem I have is I live 30 minutes from town, way out on a dirt road, and we have a swamp cooler that has to be worked on several times during the hot months because of the calcium buildup on it, therefore the ladder is a necessity. We live here in a small mobile because we could not afford to stay in the home we own in the valley. There is just so much to do out here, that I need to have the ladder and tools, because I am trying to fix, repair, replace things that he refuses to do as needed. He has his tools, and I am not sure what he would do if I tried to take anything, I'm actually afraid of what he would do, his anger can get really ugly. I guess maybe when he gets a bit worse, it won't be so hard, or he'll forget quicker, seriously, the last time I made him mad he didn't talk to me for over a week! I wish I could give him a list of things to do, but he would probably tell me to do them so he can do the things he feels he has to do...oh well, doctor on Tuesday, maybe some help there. But I am going to try to "loose" some of the more dangerous stuff, maybe that would work, he pretty much thinks I take most everything anyway :-)
MIMIS, Many times I have suggested asking drs about Seroquel. DH had developed a very angry almost mean streak, very unlike the old him, and we were really worried about the effect of Dylan our little guy. Seroquel worked (still works) wonders and calming the anger and aggravation that he could not control. I agree that the power tools and ladder need to disappear. But first get him on something for the anger before he hurts you! Have you talked to the local police/sheriff????? I'm really worried about your safety. Please keep yourself safe, maybe an admission to a pyschiatric ward to get his anger under control would be in order. It sure helped us. PLEASE Keep us posted. Arms around, Susan