Your new living situation sounds wonderful. I do not know of anything similar here in NC. There are continuing care communities which I need to investigate. I doubt my DH would take part in any activities without me. I guess he is beyond that.
Yes, Joan, it really does sound as if you have made a great choice, and you'll both be happier for it.
As for myself, I haven't had to make any big decisons yet, unless it was the one that I made when I went behind DH's back to go and see the doctor and get the ball rolling towards a diagnosis. I'm a procrastinator especially when it comes to making decisions. I like to keep all my options open! And since DH is in complete denial, he does not see the need for any big changes (like selling a car or moving or even getting someone in to help with yardwork). So we just putter on in the same old way, making the best of things.
But, because of this site and the wonderful people here, I am at least aware of the kinds of decisions that will have to be made in the future, and I feel I'll be better equipped to make these decisions because of all the "experience" that has been shared here.
Well, the decision is finally here. Something I have put off for a year. I guess I have been in denial about my husband's AD. I thought we could stay in our home until he would be placed in a nursing home. I love my home, my rose garden, having enough room for our large family to come and visit for the holidays, etc. However, as my husband's mind and abilities slowly slip away and I am having to take over all the duties of running and maintaining this big house, I realize it is too much for me. I can handle one or the other, taking care of the home or taking care of DH but not both, at least not very well. I get so tired at the end of the day. But I am an active, vital woman who fights to stay healthy and engaged despite the constraints of having a partner who no longer participates in our life together. So I must make decisions. We have to move but where? We live in Southern California where the climate is wonderful year round. We have several Assisted Living Facilities nearby and a glorious Active Adult Community in Nipomo, a few hours away up north. But there are reasons, neither is good for us....one, I am not ready for Assisted Living, two, I don't know if my husband is able to enjoy the Activities of the Retirement Community and what about when he is really unable to function at all. I don't know what to do. I welcome any insight or advice.
Savadele, have you read Joan's recent blogs on the home page about her move to Assisted Living? Also the one today about decisions that make a difference. Your post would fit quite well into that discussion! (Sorry I can't help you with this decision: we're not there yet. But I know I'll be facing the same decision one day and I hope (whatever your decision) you will continue to post so we can see how things go for you.
The big decision I made was to move to a smaller house we already owned, which meant huge renovations on that house including making one level fully wheelchair ready. Right now we are in the middle of those renovations, which are costing an awful lot of money, and our current house hasn't sold. So I'm scared whether my big decision is going to turn out for the best. I couldn't face a retirement community and my husband pretty much refuses to socialize except with a few established friends of his, so I didn't go in Joan's direction and will still have to keep up a house. The big improvement is that my husband's space will be three rooms on the lower level (a walk-out basement but it has good windows and it is going to be nice) and his chaos isn't going to be allowed in my space on the main level. He will have his own bedroom and bath.
Joan - So happy you are feeling better, for both you & Sid...Happy that YOU are happy :)
Pam - Sounds like you too are on the path to preservation! Happy for YOU too!!
My days for "big decision making" are coming, I'm afraid. It is encouraging to read what others are doing and thankful that there are so many that go before me to "share" info. Love y'all!
Our biggest decision was actually made by our daughter who talked us into moving from the family home into the retirement Inn. It must have been a good move since all 3 of our kids say that I look much better, more relaxed, etc. I didn't know I was that bad. We have not given up the family home, which is only a 25 minute drive from here. We were there most of today, enjoying the view of the mountains of Acadia National Park across the bay.
Ya'll....it scares the hell out of me to think about moving one more time. I have a small farm that I'm managing 'pretty well' so far....I SHOULD be in my studio trying to make some cash there, though, and the horses and cattle take a large portion of my time. Plus, i've been kind of a slacker because of depression, worry, having to visit John often, etc. I absolutely love my home. It's not too large or fancy like some other homes I've had. It's a family style home. I always thought i'd have people wanting to visit...family and friends...and never wanted to turn anyone away due to lack of space, ever. Now, it's cavernous to me, lonely and silent. Been thinking of leasing a room or two to some grad students from one or another of the local colleges. (but, it has to get a little more stable emotionally here and be a happier place for that to happen...meaning I am the one that needs to "get it together"). That could be some income, too. I'm trying to hold onto my land and not be tempted to subdivide and sell off portions here and there for cash needs.....I'm hoping one day, when it is apparent to me that this isn't an appropriate lifestyle any longer, I can sell it and go into a "step down' senior community like my parents did......they went first into a large cottage, then a smaller one, into an apartment in the main building, a smaller one now.....if they become incompacitated in some way, they can move to assisted living then into some more intense care....there's even "memory care" portion in their facility. And, it's beautiful, with so many amenities....they love it and it was the best thing they could have done for each other.
Jeanette, a retirement Inn is pretty much what StuntGirl just described. The one I am in has individual cottages which are purchased by the occupant. The Inn, where we are, has apartments, both 1 BR and 2 BRs, which are rented, and also an Assisted Living area where you can get more care. In our apartment we get basic housekeeping, maintenance people available if we have a problem, and the main meal each day. Another advantage for me is having others around I can talk to. We sit with different people for dinner each night, usually widowed women, occasionally other couples (there are only 4 couples in the Inn. Most couples are in the cottages).