There has been some confusion lately on the message boards regarding two of my policies – Spouse Only postings and Religious Discussions. I want to clear up any confusion with this post.
Before someone posts on the message boards, they are supposed to read the “Message Board Guidelines” at the top of this page. It is a “sticky”, which means it stays up there, and will not get lost in the other thousands of topics. The guidelines clearly state my policies on religion and “spouse only” postings.
Spouses – I started this website and these message boards because the issues spouses face in dealing with Alzheimer’s Disease are truly “unique”, as the website motto states. We discuss honestly, openly, and with raw emotion, feelings, fears, guilt, regrets, hopes, and dreams that ARE unique to spousal care givers, and can only be understood by other spouses. On other forums, many spouses have been admonished, scolded, and insulted for expressing emotions that are understood here. There are literally hundreds of forums on which children, grandchildren, and sibling care givers can post and receive support and understanding, and it is to those forums that I discreetly and privately direct them in an e-mail. I would ask that you please allow me to handle it privately if a non-spouse posts.
I have allowed a non spouse to post scientific information, but that poster has become insulting and confrontational, and will be receiving a warning from my message board monitor.
In a slight redesign of the home page, I have put up a link to another page that welcomes and explains the website’s resources to new members. I am going to edit that page to include information about non-spousal posting.
The home page of the website and all of its resources provide valuable information to ANYONE dealing with Alzheimer’s Disease, and ANYONE is welcome to read and learn from them. But the message boards are for spouses/partners only.
Religious Discussions: I posted this last night on another discussion, and it is lost in the middle of it.
People seem confused and upset about my religious discussion policy, so this is to clarify:
Mentioning going to church is not offensive. Neither is "My prayers are with you."
I had some very serious problems in the past with people preaching their religion, intimating that if others were not of the same religion as they, that those people were "on the path to Hell". I had people arguing, feelings hurt, and frankly, comments that offended me and others. That is why I do not allow religious discussions on this website.
However, there is a big difference between preaching/arguing about religions, and simply mentioning going to church or saying a prayer for someone, which is not a problem at all.
Every spouse/partner is welcome here, regardless of race, religion, or non-religion. It just is not a place to preach, discuss, or argue about the value of one's religion vs. another's religion. That is what I have tried to avoid.
So no one needs to be concerned about mentioning going to church/synagogue/mosque/or any other place of worship.
I do hope this post clears up any misunderstandings about spousal postings and religious discussions.
Please allow me and my message board monitor to handle these issues by private e-mail.
Thanks for this clarification. I've often felt upset when a "non-spouse" posts (didn't really know why) and did not know whether I should respond or not. So the guideline is: do not answer them. Let Joan handle it. That is clear.
Thanks for the clear notices. And I'm glad that Joan made it clear that the moderator/owner and any team that owner sets up are the people who need to deal with forum problems. That will allow the rest of us to get the pleasure and support of the forum. Thank you, Joan.
Joan, I appreciate the clarification, because what makes this site so "comfortable" for me is the fact that everyone is in the same position as me and has no doubt felt the same things to some extent. Ours is a unique situation, and I love the fact that I can say whatever I need to, VENT, and there are others understanding and feeling compasion. Thanks again, Linda
My two cents worth is that I would simply die if my husband was able to go back and read some of the things I have written about him and/or US. The person that I am to him and with him, is totally different that the person I appear to be on really bad days when I complain and hold pity parties. He'd feel so bad, and it would be as if he caught me cheating on our relationship.
Thank you Joan, I too am glad to come to a place where I know that everyone here knows exactly how I feel. Whether I am sad, mad, or whatever, this is a safe place to be able to state anything I need to. We need this outlet!!!! I also agree with Nancy B, Whatever I say here I would never want my DH to read it or even other family members for that matter. I have feelings at times that they would just not understand.
Absolutely. i feel most comfortable here because i know that anything I'm going through, someone else has been there, and will probably respond, and just let me know that I am not alone in this awful struggle. That's the reason why I come here and not to a site where most people are discussing their parents, grandparents, etc. I wasn't even aware that a 'non spouse' was coming on, and I agree with Deb and Nancy, that my thoughts and feelings are expressed only for my friends here, not for my family, and certainly not for my DH.
As for religion, I'm so glad you've clarified this. Whenever someone is in pain, i like to say (and follow up on), that they will be in my prayers. In fact, you are all in my prayers, every day. I'm happy to know that that will be OK to say, because, honestly, I wasn't sure. I think no matter what your belief, in pain you appreciate someone else's thoughts and prayers on your behalf. thank you joan for your wisdom in these areas. As always, you are right on target.
ded42657 makes an EXCELLENT point that I hadn't thought about. Of course, John stopped reading a year or more ago. But many of your spouses still DO read. Good idea we don't use our REAL names. I'm glad prayer is okay here. I think ALL religions believe in prayer.....calling upon a Higher Power to intervene....or just calling upon a transfer of 'divine energy' for another's benefit, if that is what you believe. Anyhow, my two cents....sincere prayer is the best thing you can offer to someone else.