Many times, during a conversation with a friend or acquaintance, after hearing about how my husband is doing, they ask what I am doing for myself. My answer is that I go to exercise class, get my nails or hair done, shop a little, go to lunch with a friend once in a while. That's about it--can't seem to find the time to read like I used to--I miss it. I wondered what all of you do for yourselves?
I do photography. It's my new hobby. I had a Prix St Georges dressage horse, and I used to ride and train in dressage every day, but since Ian got sick I don't have time to commit to a horse of my own, so sadly I sold him. I still ride my daughter's horse though, a couple of times a week and I have a yearling pony as a pet.
With the photography, I can do it when Ian is sleeping, and on his bad days when he needs my help, I leave the camera and all the equipment in the cupboard. (It's kind of hard to leave a horse in a cupboard).
I'd love to have more time, to see my friends, and have more 'me' time, but I want to enjoy the good time Ian has left so I spend as much time as I can with him.
I read in the evenings when my husband has finally tired himself out and dozes in front of the tv. Once a month his brothers take him out to lunch for a couple of hours and on that day I go see my parents and we go out to lunch. I get my hair done about every 8-10 weeks and I do enjoy that--the 20 minute shampoo, head massage makes it worth it (:
I have a manicure once a week. she comes to the house. I've been having fun redoing my home... painting, etc. In fact I've been spending way more money than I should be, bought new appliances, put in floors, but I'm home all the time now, so, I put my time and effort into the house.
chris, my feelings exactly. We can no longer get out to do things like we would like and it makes me feel better doing things for my surroundings. I am currently looking for a new sofa and have ordered new recliners. Been doing some landscaping work in the yard and I enjoy it every time I go outside. What color appliances did you get? We built this house 3 years ago and I bought white because I used my current white frig. and also my house is all off-white because I like "light look".
I'm really having to PUSH myself to my limits, but (and this sounds rediculous, I know) I make myself call someone once a week to go out to lunch nearby. This has only happened twice so far. Also, I have my ponies. I SHOULD be in my studio now that John doesnt' need my attendance all the time.
I swim with girls friends one morning every week, and on another morning I visit a friend in a home and take her for a walk. I'm a volunteer in an organisation that arranges visits and activities for elderly people who don't get out much. I enjoy the outings (lately I've sometimes taken DH along) and social aspects of this. We have a dinner meeting tomorrow night. Don't know how DH is going to react to that, because I haven't gone out much on my own all summer.
I read, review English books for the Dutch library system and get together with a bookclub once every two months on Saturday mornings. I lose myself in yard work.
When I'm bicycling, pedalling along through the countryside behind DH, I daydream a lot.
I really dont do all that much but keep the household running and care for DH. i get my hrs respite as few or as many as i need and then usually go on spending binges that satisfy my depression for that day:) retail therapy its called. works for me. online or in person. hair color or manicure i manage to work in monthly, etc- i have started coaxing myself into eating healthier and exercising a bit now too. i am getting out more into the sunshine and sometimes piddle with my flowers. i have a huge house to tend and its neverending so i find ways to stay busy.(when i am not here :) i am glad i am an introvert personality that enjoys myself or i'd be doomed.! ha. divvi
I force myself to go to daily aerobics class. I think up great excuses not to go-but I would miss our collective moaning and groaning. We do laugh at each other-but are concerned if a regular goes missing.
I've just found a program that will pay for respite for Mom and I to go out and have someone watch the boys! I asked my son Jeff's wonderful, very competent girlfriend, who the boys love, if she would be interested in signing on to become my respite worker. She said yes! She didn't even want to be paid, but when I told her the payment wouldn't be coming from me but from this Respite Organization, whe agreed enthusiastically! She is thrilled for the opportunity, God Bless our Sarah. Now if Mom and I want to go out in the evening for a bite or a movie we don't have to worry about the expense of a sitter. I won't have to drag the boys to Mom's drs appointments if I schedule them when Sarah is available. This program will open up a whole new chance to get out without the guilt of asking for favors from people ;o) I also hope to get involved in the boys school this year, hoping to meet some other "mothers". Mom and I also hope to start attending a Caregiver Support Group that has a luncheon meeting the 2nd Wednesday of every month. Hopefully, Jim will sooon be placed and I can have a schedule of visits that fits nicely into a routine. Ah, routine, I kind of remember what that was, lol.
Oh! I thought of something else I do for ME! Every four weeks I go to my hairdresser and get a haircut.....actually, I got it ALL cut off recently (1/4 " at most!)...to remove the color I'd been putting on it for years and just go natural...without any high-maintenance issues. I've found out that I'm QUITE grey....but, I'm calling it "CONCRETE BLONDE". Now, how's THAT for denial????!!!! Like that????
Susan, I'm so happy to hear about the respite for you and your Mom! That is absolutely wonderful. Enjoy, enjoy.
Jen, when I "retired" 5 years ago, I quit coloring my hair and went natural. I get more compliments now than I did when I used color! LOL It's sort of streaked grey. And I love not having the color on it too.
Susan that sounds great!! I'm off on my final MOnhegan visit for the year tomorrow, and our dear CNA Andrew and daughter J. will be in charge. And somehow I'm not too worried - remind me of this when it all comes crashing down!!
Yeah, Vickie......my makeup artist daughter, Ariel, told me that now I need to do my makeup differently....either emphasise my eyes or my lips, not BOTH. Since my eyes are my most flattering feature, that 's what I spend the time and color on. It works! She's so smart. I'm paying her tuition to the Makeup Designory School in New York.....she'll be working in the film idustry afterward for pay, I'm HOPING.
Briegull, enjoy your trip! Susan, I'm so happy for you!
Jen, I hope your daughter does well in school!
As for me, I have my work that I love. I get my nails done every other week and have lunch with girlfriends a couple of days a week. I now lead an Alzheimer's Caregivers Group too!
Thanks everyone! I've let my hair go natural too, lots of white. I really miss having my nails done every week. Gave that up when I finished school for my Medical Assistant. Briegull, I keep hoping that maybe next year you can remove my fears of Monhegan Island. Someday I will tell you the story, really funny, now that it's over.
I too go exercise a couple times a week, get my hair cut every 3 to 4 weeks and talk to friends on the phone. Getting together though is difficult. I try not to be gone over a couple hours at a time. Tomorrow evening I am going to my first "Support" meeting without DH to check things out. I pry it will be what i have been looking for. For me and possibly DH.
Chris r How does your DH react to your redecorating? Mine won't go for me changing things. I started painting the LR recently and he threw such a fit I had to quit with only one wall done. There was beautiful oak "picture frame" wood panelling on the walls but I was tired of the darkness of the room so a light (real pale) blue brightened up the area somewhat. The paint was on the outside wall with the windows in it. Now it reminds me of sitting on a patio. Real relaxing! Don't know if I will get to do the rest of the room. It's so hard doing anything anymore. He was such a helpmate. Sweet Pea
I have a free day on Thrusday...my daughter comes and sits...I wash and set my hair the day before..so I just go in for a comb...works well..lasts the whole week...then I joined a Senior bowling group... I love to bowl...it gives me a chance to meet people my own age..have a few laughs...I don't have any friends here..since we moved here 2 yes ago...then I go go Grocery shopping...come home.and my daughter and her husband will stay for dinner....ON Fridays. I have a CNA,male, come in to stay while I do errands..or take care of finacial matters with my daughter...I still do a lot of cooking, always something ready in the freezer for any surprise visits...Spend my eveings reading this web-site , I learn something new each day..or reading a book....
Chris--I've been redecorating like a fiend as well. This winter redid the kitchen, sunroom, powder and laundry rooms. Now I'm starting on 2 bathrooms. I find it's a good distraction, plus I want to get these projects done before my husband progresses farther into the disease. His tolerance for commotion is already limited; later on, I don't think he'll be able to stand it.
Mary--I cofacilitate a spousal AD support group too--we should compare notes!
I'd like someone to decorate for me; I have no "feel" for it. Lovely Navajo white walls are a good base for something? Guess I should look at some magazines.
I was exercising 3 days a week while DW was at day care. But, that ended when I had my spell of heart pain a couple of weeks ago. I was told no exercise until I check with my PCP, which will be on Sept. 1. I still take her to day care 3 days, and find other things to do. I do a lot of reading while she sits in her chair and sleeps (although right now she is "reading" TIME magazine.
I read a lot. I do a lot of computer stuff. Several forums including this one, Facebook and GoodReads these days. For some reason I'm not doing crafting and needlework which used to be my favorite thing to do. And most of my scrapbooking has just stopped.
The neighbors try to get my husband out to lunch once a month (doesn't always happen) and that gives me an hour to two hours of real respite. But that is really it.
I try to stay on top of my own medical care, but some things go by the board. I haven't had my eyes examined since my surgery two years ago. Most of the rest of the stuff does get done somehow.
Most of my time is spent here, playing games on POGO, reading Facebook, then exploring the internet. I can almost always find something to read about that is interesting. I check out the sports and let Art know what is going on with our favorite teams: Mariners, Seahawks, Boston Bruins, Red Soxs, and NE Patriots. I have started to force myself to read books too - need to give my eyes a break from the computer screen. And when Art is in the house (vs down in the shop), the TV is always going.
Yea the Tribe is losing but I love them anyway. Something I would love to do for myself is to go to their fantasy camp in the winter. It really would be a fantasy since I can't run, hit, pitch or throw. lol cs
Actually I purchased the stainless steel appliances which are so popular now, and my dishwasher i coverd with a stainless steel (kind of contac paper) covering. Looks like brand new. I even painted my blender to match my other appliances. Now I want to take down the light fixture and spray paint it. It's brass and needs to be either black or silver.... i obviously watch too much HGTV. but it fills my hours and makes me happy. looks like a new house, I painted the living room, computer room, even put a bed in here, and built a headboard for my granddaughter, so when she stays she has her own room. DH mostly sleeps, except if I go out, then he's up worried about me til I get home. Since i've been sick I've been spending a lot of time at doctors, and I admit, I don't always run home. I'll stop to shop (Kohl's had a big sale) or grocery shop, or go to my local thrift shop. whatever, just as an excuse not to rush home. I leave him a note, with an expected return time. It's usually later than it needs to be, not by much, but .... I need the time.
Chris, We need to get together, we could start a business. I also painted every room in the Condo. I wanted Stainless Steel appliances...still do, however, mine came with the house & are only about 5 years old. So, I researched Stainless Steel paint, found a site that sells it & painted all my appliances, they look brand new. Also, from the same place I purchased paint for my counter tops to make them look like granite. They were white & I hated them, I figured if I ruined them it would be a good excuse to get new ones. They look like brand new also, everyone thinks I have a new kitchen. Also, have installed chair rail in the computer room, laid laminate floor, have wallpapered in the past & I just finished staining my patio concrete, I marked off the 20 inch squares to make it look like flagstone, using 2 different colors of stain. I love it. I am doing my front entry concrete as soon as my toe gets better. Also, love to landscape, since we have moved here I have planted 40 shrubs & 10 Knock Out Roses, not to mentioned annuals. Great stress reliever. lol But True.
Oh good, I'd like to know too. I put in granite tiles on my countertop. I'm looking for something that will cover the eggshell colored buttons on the dishwasher, now that i did the stainless on it. something like stick on plastic in a grey. I'll have to go serching.
Zibby, we must use the same paint company -- Navajo white here too -- DH has never liked colored walls.
I see groups of friends 3-5 times a month for dominos, bunco, movie, lunch/shopping excursions or whatever. Crawl up in my bed late at night and read. Sometimes rent movies to watch. Stay visible and active in neighborhood association. Ride the lawn tractor 'round, and 'round and 'round...sit on the porch and drink wine. Puny list -- need to add more variety! I've gained 20 lbs in past year so definitely need more physical activity -- might join a gym.
Vickie, Here is the website: www.liquidstainlesssteel.com click on products, that will take you to the Giani Counter-top paint. Also, the same site sells the stainless steel paint for appliances. If any one would like to see photos of what the end project looks like e-mail me & I will send you pictures. Please add something in the subject line...I don't open e-mails that don't have a subject that I recognize.
well I'd like to go downstairs an play pool an drink a few cold ones but I never know what surprises I might find when I come back upstairs so I just do yard work an cook an keep an eye on LO,I really need another couple sets of eyes she can get into the damdest things an never know what she's doing,does anyone know if the girls at Hooters do respite care? lol
Well, don, I guess you could ASK? ..... What do I do for myself lately? Within the last 12 hours, I've been going through drawers, closets, making them my own, getting rid of John things he'll never use......he's a size 27 now, not a 38 for instance. Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. Tomorrow, the porches. Making my home pretty and happy again, if I can manage it. Might make an arrangement of hosta, golden rod, iron weed, Queen Annes' Lace, whatever else I can find. Maybe if I put up a big enough front for myself, I'll believe it. Also, going to bring in a friend's stallion to breed my mares and maybe keep him to stand for others. Fun, fun. (well, you'd have to know ME to understand)....well, that's the only "action" there is around here.
I have started to crochet and I am surprised but it is really a lot of fun and I actually get my mind off things for a little bit. I think it is because it takes a lot of concentration for me. But I think I would like to be part of that pity party too. I will bring the chocolate(yum yum)
Here's the big thing I'm doing for myself. Beginning last June I went to visit my adorable grandson and son and daughter in law for 3 days. They threw me a fabulous birthday party (my first ever I think) and 10 of my women friends from "back home" in Northern Virginia drove or took the train to be there. Just making the plane reservations restored some energy and vitality and sanity to my life. So I decided then to visit them quarterly for 3-5 days each time so DH won't be left too long. I'm going again on Thursday (YIPPPEEEEE!!!!!!). DH seems okay to take care of himself. I'm taking the car (i hope) to the airport so he won't have it even though he does drive and I won't have to worry about it). There will be a carpenter here regularly and I'll have friends check on him occasionally. This may be the last time I can get away without getting someone to stay here, but I'm going to try like hell to keep this promise to myself and make quarterly SANITY TRIPS.
If you're coming to Virginia, you could come stay with or just drop by to see me, too. I'd like that. I have two guest rooms. I've been thinking that when I get a firmer grip on what's happening with me, and it gets a little more stable and 'happy' around here, that I might lease out a room or two to some grad students from one of our local colleges. I've said that before, but i'm thinking it really might make sense. It wouldn't feel so empty here.
SC, thanks for your generous offer. Unfortunately I've little time and am actually sneaking into VA without informing my friends because I want to spend every second with the most beautiful witty and utterly charming baby in the entire universe! My first grandchild - can anyone tell? I'm so smitten. Since I was there first of June he's started walking and talking.