This afternoon I got a call from a neighbor. She asked about John...didn't know he was still in the hospital and that he was awaiting the move to a nursing home. Told her about everything and got her up to date on his health status, the legal stuff, the finances, etc. She doesn't understand why I shouldn't just bring him home and set up a hospital bed in the living room....move all the furniture out, etc. Says she and her husband will come over occassioally and help take care of him, that he shouldn't be in the hospital....needs to spend his last days at home, yada, yada. She isn't aware, I'm sure of his decline and the kind of 24/7 care he needs or even what that means. It's really set me back. She thinks it would save me money, lots of other arguements about why I should bring him home. I tried to explain that because of his blood disorder, there's no way I can keep him out of the hospital for the 60 days needed for Medicare to pick up any claims again. i'm so confused, emotionally. She believes she knows what I should do because she went to help take care of her mom with cancer just before she passed. She is well intentioned. Just wish I knew what I was doing.
Jen, there used to be a woman in the office next to mine. Someone would come and talk to her and she would say, oh, yes,isn't that right. And for a day or two that person's views would be quoted ad infinitum. Then someone would come in with the opposite view and express themselves and she'd say, oh, yes, I agree completely. And quote THEM for days on end. I confess that in the office we'd play with this: say one thing to her and then the next day someone else would say the opposite. She never caught on, but she never learned to have the courage of her convictions. She was always waiting for someone else to convince her of the opposite of what she had just said she believed.
I think she wanted attention.
You're doing the same thing. You have been told by the doctors and the lawyers what needs to happen. Trust THEM. Not US. Not the NEIGHBORS. Yes, it's hard. But, inspite of how you feel YOU ARE AN ADULT. YOU CAN DO IT!
Jen, you were on the right track with the doctors and lawyers. Keep on that track. You cannot care for John at home - you really do know that. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. You will be okay once he is placed and he will be taken care of 24/7. Hang tough!
Jen, this woman has no idea what is going on....thank her for her concern and then do whatever you have to do. Not that you need to tell her anything or give her any explanations, but let her know that there are doctors and specialists who have insisted that John needs more care than can be given at home.
Jen, most people when they think of the elderly getting ill and frail, they think of those that just decline with no major medical problems. Or they think of someone dying of cancer where they can be cared for at home, given the meds they need to keep comfortable. Some people you can get through to them this is different - others you can't until they see it (which most do not).
I think I got thru some to my sister the other day. She thinks I am over reacting to the future. We were talking about when Art would have to give up driving. She brought up how willing and happy her husband was to give up driving. My remark was: he was 82, Art is only 61! For once she stopped her 'I know how it is attitude' and said nothing. He did not die of dementia - he died cause he gave up after a stroke.
Thank you all for the back-up "spine". Yes, I DO seem to want to have someone else tell me what to do. I want to hear that there is HOPE, that yes, he will come home at some point. Acceptance isn't my virtue. I DO need to bounce these experiences off of you so that I will remain resolute in what I've decided to allow to happen and do exactly what the docs and lawyers have told me to do. This evening, my mindset is "you've made it this far. You are now comitted to your decision and there IS no turning back". Thanks for letting me bang this off of you. Jen. (I AM weak and lonely and am easily influenced......wish this would resolve. Hopefully, this week he'll be in the NH).
stunt girl, Please listen to your lawyer and the doctor's and FOLLOW THROUGH with your decision. You will be glad you did!! I am sure your neighbor meant well but SHE hasn't gone through the hell you have!! Like Vickie said hang tough!!