Jen, I'm sure this was an awful, emotional day for you. My heart aches for you to have to go through this. But, you have done the right thing. He will now be taken care of. Thoughts and prayers go out to you during this difficult time.
he's missing his neurologist appointment I worked so hard to get him into.....he'll not be available. I asked his doc before we left the hospital if he were sure John had AD. Of course, we all know that the only SURE way of knowing is upon autopsy. I even asked him if there were some PET scan, other scan they could do to determine if something else were wrong that could be fixed, some other treatment that could be tried. He just took my hand and said no. That's when we talked briefly about stopping all the "treatments" john's been getting, except for what is necessary for him to be comfortable and not be a hazard to someone else. He agreed I was making some very reasonale decisions that he agreed with 100%.
Jen - lets see what you have done for John: you managed the impossible and brought him home from Florida where he was all alone; you had time (no matter how short) with him at home - remember you said you wanted to bring him home for whatever time he had before needing NH care; You have done what you can to get him good care in the hospital; Even though a long drive for you, you have found a nursing home where they agree with your desires as to what treatments to continue and what to discontinue; As for you daughter saying you should give up something - what about the $10,000 or so you paid for the first two months? A Tv would have been a lot cheaper. Jen - you did what you set out to do. True, you didn't have as long at home as you would have preferred, but he is not alone in a NH down in FL.
Jen....I am so proud of you. I can see you getting stronger and making good decisions. You'll be okay. Take time for yourself now and think about what you want to do, set up a goal and start making plans to accomplish the steps needed to reach that goal. My prayers are with you.
Ditto to Charlotte's comments. Now breathe and get yourself some rest and into a routine. Then maybe you can get back to work and see John every couple of days. Eventually you will relax as you get used to the schedule.
I have a very good "horsey" friend of mine....she called this afternoon and asked about me. She knows what I'm dealing with today. I've been keeping myself so busy cleaning, throwing away some of the stuff John will never use again, going through pictures, putting together stuff to make his room more homey. She has a Connemara stud that she may let me bring home this weekend....a very nice, easy handling kinda guy. A gentleman, if you know what I mean (Lynn will understand)....doesn't jump the fences to get to the girls, etc. I'm going to get two of my mares "scanned" tomorrow and get them bred. I figure, what a nice thing to look forward to next year....new babies. (I didn't breed last year with so much changing and happening). I think three of my babes are sold. We'll see. Lynn, my big TBred/Irish eventer may be sold, too. Exciting. Jen.