You know, I've always been able to travel. My parents always took my brother and I everywhere with them. We've visited every state in the US mainland and traveled to Hawaii. Lots of simple road trips, luxurious long plane trips, seen it, done it (all except white water rafting down the Colorado....missed out on that opportunity). Dad was chief of NASA so we got to do a lot of things, see odd stuff, meet important role models. Mom and Dad provided well for us and nurtured every interest we had, involved us in their professional lives, when possible. Married John. He had a wonderful sense of adventure, an adrenaline junkie, like me. He'd do ANYTHING at least once! He took me everywhere with him....we had lots of opportunities to go places (you know, doctors go to the neatest retreats and resorts for their conferences, CME programs, etc). We've traveled the world (except to the far East). Really, I feel like there's not much I've missed. He used to take one or two of our kids and plan a vacation just for them....he'd go with the girls one time, the boys the next. He really tried to make some memories with them, I believe. He never really connected with them, but I think he did the best he could, given his family background (it was sad). My last vacation with John was a trip to London, then Istanbul and a cruise around the Greek Islands, ending up in Rome before we flew home. I was SO HOMESICK (it lasted about 3 weeks), that I cried to come home earlier, believe it or not. Missed my farm, my horses, my youngest daughter that was still home (in boarding school, but still "home"). That was in 1999. A little more than two years ago (when I aleady knew something was VERY wrong with my husband), he wanted to plan a world tour with me. He was always on the computer trying to come up with the perfect vacation of a lifetime! I had already been getting clued in on what was happening to our finances, the bad financial decisions he had made, etc. And, the practical side of me questioned the viability of it all ..... I was worried about having to hire vet-techs to come manage the place while we were gone so long, I was worrried about my troubled daughter, etc., not to mention how we could afford such an adventure....and I was scared 'cause I was still rather clueless about the exact nature of our finances. I told him , no way was I taking part in this.
I wish I knew what I knew now. That would have been our last 'time out' together without interferrance from the outside world. I wish I had gone along with it in a more tempered fashion, though.....maybe just a trip to the Capitol (D.C.) and a nice stay at the Willard for a few days like we used to do. A trip to Colonial Williamsburg? To Busch Gardens and ride the scarey rides? I wish I had been able to loosen my grip. Relax. Let it happen if that's what he wanted. I'm alone now, more than I've ever wished to be. I wish I'd have had that one last adventure with him. Our marriage wasnt wonderful for the most part, but I chose to be here because I loved him. In my future life to come, God willing, I'll never say 'no' to anything that seems doeable and makes my partner happy to be alive.
Jen, they always say hindsight is 20-20. I'm glad we did take trips right up to last year, it seems impossible now to do anything other than family visits. But if those work, I'll be thankful. And maybe willing to try something else (if the coconut oil works).
All our marriage I managed to travel, not on the scale of Jen's; I married an assistant professor and one of the first books I bought (and needed) was "How to Live on Nothing." But we'd drive across country with or without kids (or cats) and later I travelled over much of the world, staying in accomodations about one level above bed-bug infestations. I enjoyed myself mightily on all of the trips. I learned a lot from them.
And it is because of that, that I can relax and kick back for a few years and NOT travel (Maine doesn't count!). There will be times again when I can move on, hopefully back to travelling. For now, I'll build my house, and chop my wood, and make my garden grow...
Briegull, that's what's so precious about having a memory. I have had wonderful life experiences and I can look at pictures and remember what happened what they were taken (before and after) and it always makes me smile. But life moves on and as I've said a thousand times before, this just as easily could have been ME who was sick. Had it been, he'd have done everything he could do to see that I was cared for. Just because we didn't take the trips in the past five years, doesn't mean we didn't do all we did sooner rather than later. Sooner is today! right?
My very best vacation I remember with John was when we first went to Sanibel Island. Before it was so built up. We stayed at an old run-down motel called the Jolly Roger. No pager, no phone....kind of an efficiency appartment with inadequate A.C., a television that recieved two channels......really kind of gross but it was quiet and all we did was walk the beaches for days. Didn't even go into "town" to look for anything to do except where to buy beer, sodas and food!
Men and women have different types of memory recall, I believe, for instance a woman will remember what she had for dinner at a certain place and date, whereas most men (at least me) probably would not. Plus, my memory has never been great all my life. However, pictures will bring things back out of the depths of my memory and I will recall things I didn't remember before. That's why slides and pictures have always been important to me, enabling me to recall trips, occasions, and people.
Briegull, coming to Maine should be considered a necessity not JUST a vacation. For some of us it is a means to survival! Your post is one of the many reasons I love you :o)
Susan, you were listing all the unique and delicious foods in Maine. Have you heard of "Blueberry Grunt"..(awful name)...is it like a cobbler??? My DH loves cobblers so much and blueberries ae so good for us with all their antioxidents.
We were fortunate to travel most of our lives together with and without our children, and TJ, we have the photos as well. The trips we took the last 10 years were wonderful, and we wrote stories of our trips which we typed up and included in our scrapbooks of each trip. My husband looked at those scrapbooks daily until about 3 months ago. He no longer looks at them. It's sad.
Jen, we were lucky to have been able to make all those memories, and have no regrets. I even took him on the caregiver cruise last February with Diane to help me. It was their last trip...and I will always be so glad we went!!
Susan, are you from Maine too? Briegull and Marsh have got us all wanting to go there!
Yes, blueberry grunt is essentially the same as cobbler. Up here cobblers aren't really mentioned. It's like purse, handbag, pocketbook. Up here everything is a pocketbook. Water fountain, bubbler. etc.
I'm off to Maine next week; I've scheduled Helga's memorial on Thursday. She used to give nature walks every week during the summer, that's how most people got to know her, so I'm saying, come take one last walk with Helga. Then I got little plastic cups and put butterfly stickers on them, to give to people to scatter ashes along the trail. She adored butterflies, particularly Monarchs. I got some SchwartzKatz moselle and wine biscuits and we'll meet at my friends' house after (near the trail). She was 90. This is a celebration of a life.
briegull, your friend's celebration of life sounds wonderful. I'm sure she would have been very happy about it. Out of curiosity, where did you get the butterfly stickers? I also love butterflies.
They have them at michaels' crafts store and iparty stores. They're not pure Monarchs, alas. Doing this reminded me that I have a beautiful Monarch t-shirt that I haven't worn much, that I'll wear. I do hope the weather is good. Most of the pictures of woods in my facebook photos are of that path. It's the only one that isn't marked by a number, but, traditionally, by a red ribbon tied at beginning and end, so people don't go on it unless they are "clued in". (I forgot to say, re the moselle: Helga was German)
briegull, we should all hope to be so highly regarded as your friend Helga. The memorial does indeed sound like a wonderful, joyous celebration of her life.
We took a trip in March this year with a senior's tour group that happened to be going to the province in Italy where my husband was born. It was a wonderful trip despite some of the stresses and we even managed to get to his home town on a side trip. Of course I took numerous pictures and have made up a lovely album with lots of comments to help us remember. The sad thing is that my husband never looks at the album and for him it is as if the trip never happened. I don't know if it's coincidence or just the progression of the disease but he had really declined since we came back. I still feel good that we took this trip, the first one ever back to his hometown and my only regret is that we did not do it many years ago. Your memorial for Helga sounds so special, briegull and the Schwarze Katze will be so refreshing after your walk.
Will the ashes you scatter on the butterfly trail be Helga's ashes?..... I know that sounds like a silly question, - but I was thinking that my children would keep my ashes to put in the Columbarium....and not share them. I'm sure it's exactly what Helga would want someone to do with her ashes.
Yes, it's Helga's ashes. It was all prepaid, so the ashes are in what I guess must be a lead container! It weighs several pounds. Last year another friend wanted her ashes scattered in the same trail and hers were just in a cardboard box - much lighter!
Because of having published her memoirs, I have on my computer all the pictures of her over the years. Now to print some out and make a poster to have on hand. She was a beautiful woman in her day!
I'm so touched with this story...of "Ashes On The Butterfly Trail"... I think it should be the name of the poster - or the story of her life. I get a warm feeling just thinking about her and your memorial tribute.