Siem's elderly aunt (88) is in a rehab center and going to see her is working very well as a regular little outing for us. She is 88 and has no dementia but I think she is the only person we see regularly who has not been told about Siem's AD and apparently does not suspect a thing. He had been resisting going to see her at her home, but now she is placed he agrees that it is necessary. If he is reluctant I show him the berries or magazines that she needs TODAY and he falls for it every time. I love the repetitive conversation they have each time: Siem asks the same questions as the last time, she answers them in the same way, nothing has changed. They tell each other how sad it is that his parents have passed away and talk about how lonely she is with only one son and DIL, no grandchildren and no other relatives left. I just make us all some tea or coffee and try to add a cheerful note by talking about grandkids and showing pictures.
I've only had one relative in a nursing home. I learned about visiting people in nursing homes through my husband. For a person who hated the hospitals, nursing homes and going to doctors, he was terrific about seeing people he cared about in those places. One of the lessons I have learned from the experience of my husband in a facility is how important visitors are. I'm not sure where that will lead me after this is all over but I think I am a better person for it.
When my two younger children were young (daughter age 12, son age 9) they used to bake chocolate chip cookies and take them to a nursing home that was close. They always spent time visiting with the residents. That daughter is now in administration for a nursing home/az care facility chain and is working with me toward eventual placement for DH. That son now lives on the property and is a huge help with chores and with DH. I believe their early exposure to the elderly and alz patients is what helped them to be empathetic and able to be such a big help today. They went about 2 times a week for the entire summer. The patients were always so glad to see them.
When my daughter was young (about 4) my MIL was in a nursing home for hospice care. We would go a couple of times a week as it was close but she was never comfortable being there and is still not comfortable even going into a hospital. On the other hand, her cousin who was the exact same age as her, was the little social butterfly of the NH. She knew everyone on the floor. Different personalities I guess.
My first post above was more than a year ago; we still visit elderly aunt and she still does not seem to notice that there is anything wrong with DH. She has not mentioned it to anyone, and we haven't wanted to upset her because she was devasted by Siem's parents' dementia. This is striking in view of the fact that Dh hardly talks anymore and responds to her question if at all in monosyllables. He smiles and is pleasant and she talks mostly to me anyway (girl chat). Today there was an incident as we were leaving the facility. We had been sitting in the restaurant and she saw us to the door with her walker on her way to the elevator to go back up her room. I was out the door and halfway to the car when I noticed that dh was no longer with me. He had gone back in to say something to her, got her attention, but was unable to say whatever was on his mind (as usual these days). She stood there looking at him. I smiled another goodbye and had to take him by the hand to gently draw him away. Now she MUST think that's strange.