I've looked over the site briefly and think I've found what I was looking for, and need. I'm a 55 year old male and my wife is 50. About 3 years ago my wife, of 13 years now, began to display "unusual" behavior on an increasing level. The first of which was lack of interest in physical intimacy. It has since progressed to such things as night wandering, urinating in inappropriate places during these wanderings and, well, you probably all know what I'm talking about. I don't want to get too long winded here with my first post. I've read tons about the various types of early onset dementia. I have tried my best to convey this information to her in the hope she will have herself somehow "evaluated" for these problems. But, of course, in her mind she has no problem. As best as I can understand from my research, this is a very typical reaction. She works and maintains her routine every day, but the sun downing thing is becoming painfully obvious.
My problem, how do you convince someone like this to seek help? Or must I just wait until she does something so outrageous as to be noticed by the authorities and become public record?
This is kind of a last resort on my part. My sister and my son have some first hand knowledge of her behavior, and it is helpful for me to be able to vent to them, but they're at more of a loss than myself as to any solutions.
I guess I'm asking for feedback from any of you out there with similar experiences. And you don't know how much it truly pains me to be asking.
Thank you again for listening and good luck to you all.
Welcome, Boutoutaluck (great name), Yes you have come to a good place here. Others will be along to welcome you as well. I had the same problem, and in fact still have it, my husband refuses to admit there's anything wrong with him.
Question: does your wife have any medical issues that you could get her to see your family doctor about? Then you could go see the doctor ahead of time and alert him/her as to the true reason for your visit. Maybe in turn he could refer her to a specialist for an examination. This is how I did it. My husband has a regular diabetes check-up and he still thinks our visits to Geriatrics and Neurology have something to do with that and/or are something that everybody who (in our case) turns 65 has to do.
It still makes it very hard to deal with him, and makes it impossible to discuss the situation, or grieve about it together. Your description of your wife's behavior makes me think she could certainly be helped by a diagnosis and medication.
Hi & Welcome, I am sorry for your need to come to this forum, however, I am glad you did. There is a wealth of information to help you with this dreadful journey. My husband is 58 years old, he has Frontal Temporal Dementia (FTD) not Alzheimer's, however, the same outcome. I was lucky, I had no problem getting my husband to see a doctor. Does your wife have explanation for why she would urinate in inappropriate places? Or does she even remember doing it? She may realize something is not right and be scared to find out why she is doing these things. Some people think if a problem is ignored then it doesn't exist. I would continue to try to get her evaluated, maybe you could tell her you both are having a check-up, but she needs to go first. Send a note to the doctor before hand with what your concerns are. Again Welcome, please feel free to post at anytime.
"Question: does your wife have any medical issues that you could get her to see your family doctor about?"
Thanks, JeanetteB, for your reply. (one of the reasons I chose to register here is because it seemed to be an on going updated site!)
To answer your question, no she doesn't. She, like myself, aren't 'go to the doctor' type people. I have a homeopathic type doctor and she only goes to her doctor to have traumas attended to. And that is VERY rarely. I discussed her problem with a primary care doctor, who is a friend of mine, and he said that if she was having those kind of problems she'd be best served by going to a neurologist straight way.
In my research I've read of your suggestion many times.
You don't know how much I appriciate your reply and welcome to the board. Take care.
I think your doctor friend has given you good advice. The symptoms you have given could be alot of things. I too am 55 and my wife was diagnosed 2 yrs. ago. My wife knew things were not right and wanted to go find out what the problem was. I would encourage you at this point before you have her evaluated, make sure you are current with life and health insurance.
Welcome to our family. Boutoutoluck-your wife could be suffering from something treatable like NPH (normal pressure hydrocephalus). Getting her to a neurologist is your best bet.You will have to create a therapeutic fib-do anything you can think of. My husband would never admit that he had a problem but deep down he realized he had memory issues. We went to the doctor for "memory problems" and the term FTD (frontal-temporal dementia) never came up to upset him.
No, my wife doesn't remember her episodes. I Tell her about them. The only explanation she has is that she has been a sleep walker all her life. Only problem with that is she wasn't a sleep walker the first 9-10 years of our marriage. I think, if I could say with any certainty, her problem is FTD as well. But I'm not trained to make such determinations. But in addition to her night wanderings she also is displaying the lack of empathy and the apathy for her surroundings. A good example is; we moved to our new home 2 years ago, she has yet to show any interest in hanging any wall pictures, unpacking our book collection or even her china. I gave up trying to nudge her toward doing things like this. And she won't hear of me doing them by myself. (I wouldn't do it just right, and all that)
Everything I've read about FTD says that it is an insidious condition to have or to have to deal with as a spouse.
But thank you so much for your reply and the best to you with your own problems.
Boutoutofluck.. You certainly came to the right place, and I can identify with your situation. I am 60 and my dw is 56 now, and I wish I had suspected something a long time ago. She did see her Dr., but basically they eliminated almost every disease known on this planet, and it took too long to get a good diagnosis, If she is reluctant to go to the dr, I suggest you try a mmse test yourself... see http://www.nia.nih.gov/NR/rdonlyres/1C0BFA48-8280-422B-97E6-195BBFD84BA2/0/mmse.PDF and you can administer the test yourself....Just keep in mind that you are not a professional, but in my opinion, neither is the test....but it may point out some deficiencies that could help you to get her to the dr. Another test is the clock test....very primitive, but again it may shed some light for you. Searchh for a "good neurologist", and question everything he says.....and do lots of research on eoad, ftd, and alz. You will get a pretty good idea of the symptoms and the stages, and believe it or not, you may end up knowing more than some doctors...Once armed with the facts, you will be better equipped to discuss the situation with your spouse and the doctors... There is always a possibility that there is something else, but you are off to a good start....most people here on this board are pretty much in the same boat (cruise ship) as you are, and you will get some very accurate and honest answers. Do not give up, and read,read,read, until you can form your own conclusion. It will help prepare you for the future and how to handle this dreadful disease. Hang in there, and do not wait for the public record to show up.....sometimes you will have to get creative about seeking treatment, even if she says nothing is wrong...if need be, invent some good excuse....(there are people here who are extremely creative and have incredible suggestions). Welcome to this site, and we will make your journey smoother.
Moorsb, thanks for your reply. If my wife EVEN thinks she has a problem she's not communicating it to me. Memory is another issue with her. We can have a conversation about some plans or something tonight and she'll not remember it tomorrow. It's like shutting down a computer only to find the next day that the hard drive has been erased and you have to start all over.
For bluedaze, how old was your husband at the time? Seems to me all the worst of these problems are due to the relatively young age of the victims. But, I'm grasping at straws here.
welcome to the club,my wife is 66 an has shown signs for maybe the last cpl years but it wasn't til last fall that her son convinced her to seek medical help,very short term memory,retired from education field 5 years ago an thinks she's still teaching,its like living with a 6-7 year old,they just don't understand anymore,she turns the air on with windows open or runs furnace with the windows open,no common sense,so be prepared for a bumpy road,it will take a huge amount of patience an understanding an lots of help along the way,most of us are doing it alone,friends an family have a way of dissapearing just when you need them the most,having said that be glad you found this site,we're all traveling the road together
Boutoutaluck, welcome. This site will be very helpful to you I'm sure, as it has been to me. My husband was diagnosed with Alz about 14 months ago. He will be 62 in Sept. I didn't have any trouble getting him to go to the doctor - I thought he was having TIA's. Would your wife respond to you sitting down with her and telling her you are afraid that she may be having mini-strokes or something, and that sometimes they are early warnings of a massive stroke to come and that you would like her to get checked out now while it may be early. And I agree with Phranque emphatically - read, read and read some more. Knowledge is power. Good luck to you and let us know how things are going. Ask questions here - there are so many kind folks here who will respond.
Wow, Never thought I'd find this much feed back so quickly! Just got timed out on a comment that explained how I'd been up all night worrying about this subject, again. I'll be back later to address all your questions and comments. The "support" is all I was hoping to find and it looks like I found a good place for it. I hope in the future to be able to offer some for someone else.
Hi Boutoutaluck, so sorry you have to be here but thank goodness for this place, eh? I was thinking if your wife is 50 there may be some menapausal symptoms happening as well to create confusion. I think a blood test could eliminate a lot of possibilities such as thyroid or lack of vit b. We had to go through tests for everything else before we got a dx of dementia. Do you have a health fair where you live that you could get her to go to? Since she is up and wandering in the night, is she tired the next day? Do you wake up when she gets up at night to see if she is really awake or sleep walking? I'm curious for your next post to have more details of her symptoms which lead you to think FTD.
Welcome Boutoutaluck!! As all here have mentioned, Diagnosis of many forms of dementia begins with elimination of a number of very treatable conditions from fluid on the brain to deperession to thyroid conditions etc. Maybe your homeopath could help by telling your wife that she needs to have a neurological workup to clarify the cause of these episodes that she does not remember. It often helps to have someone outside the family that the patient respects make the recommendation. Good luck and let us know how you are doing.
Boutoutaluck. welcome. there are indeed many threads here about using creative means to acheive a diagnosis - i also believe you need an evaluation by a qualified neurologist and the sooner the better. ruling out anything treatable early on should be a priority and if she is indeed AD or one of the noted dementia related diseases treatment with medication early on can give you some quality time together. make sure you have all your legal issues in order, powers of attorneys for financial and health care proxy in tact and updated. if you get some time going thru some of the many back pages of discussions has a wealth of knowledge and handson advice. glad you are here. divvi
Glad you found this resource. Most of us have become very experienced in "motivating" our spouses to do what we want them to do against their will--it is necessary to survive in the caregiving role! To convince my husband to go with the program, I tap into something he was always interested in. He was a CPA, so it usually has to do with saving money! For example, to get him to agree to adding my name to the car title, I told him we'd get a discount on our auto insurance. If I needed to have him see a doctor and he didn't want to go, I'd tell him it was to qualify for free health or life insurance, etc. You know your wife better than anyone--what was she always interested in? What was important to her? That should help you in figuring out how to get her diagnosed. If all else fails, you can say the doctor is for you and you need her to go for your emotional support--good luck.
Hi Boutoutaluck. That's how I felt over a year ago when I found this site, about out of luck. I had the same experience as you are having, the denial on his part and confusion about what was going on with him on my part. My H had been treated for cancer with whole brain radiation, so I thought he could possibly have a brain tumor to explain the memory loss and other behaviors. I got him to go for a MRI or CAT scan based on this, telling him how lucky we were to have found the 1st cancer in the early stages. Well, the scan showed nothing, so that further convinced him that nothing was wrong with him. I completely understand your frustration in not being able to get any testing done. (I only found out through this site that whole brain radiation causes dementia!) I did tons of research too, which supported this. In my case, I knew it was not treatable. I am one of the few who decided to separate from my spouse. His terrible judgement affected my financial situation, he day traded our retirement funds away, sold our house in his name only. I have a house in my name only and didn't want to lose that too. We had collection calls from all over coming in constantly.
I hope you are able to find a way to get your wife to a neurologist to see if there is something treatable. I put my h on an Aflac cancer plan & that required a physical. He was agreeable to that. You find that you will be fibbing a lot more in the future. My only suggestion is that you tell her she needs to have a physical for an Aflac insurance plan offered at work. Then if you are successful, you could have the pcp refer you to a neurologist. If your job doesn't offer Aflac, you could contact an agent, who would provide all the necessary pamphlets. (Most people don't have to have a physical, just my husband due to his history of cancer, but hey, maybe she would buy the idea.) This way there is "nothing wrong with her" and you are looking out for your future. By the way, I just successfully filed an accident Aflac claim for a fall I had, and received a check from them for $3.320 this week. I'm not suggesting that you actually buy an Aflac policy, but use that as an excuse.
Best of luck. And a tip. There is a way to over ride the error if you have typed too long. You just hit add your comments again. And then hit the return button again to get back to the discussions.
welcome Boutoutaluck,I`m not much on giving advice but listen to what everyone else has to offer, this is the best site ever I would be lost without it,and I`m glad you found us ,there is so much information ,love and hugs,rope to hang onto,so many cyber friends to get to know and we are all here for each other, please try anything to get your dear wife checked out. Gail
Welcome, Boutoutaluck, glad you're here where there are so many folk willing and able to share experiences, ideas and encouragement. My hb had a stroke at 48, and I believe our problems began then altho' through therapy, he did recover physical losses. In retrospect mental deterioration followed; he's 72 now; so this has been a long decline. He was seeing a neurologist for chronic pain from a botched heart cath, and I went with him once and told her, in front of him, that I wasn't so concerned about the pain so much any more as I was his lack of problem solving ability, forgetfulness, and sometimes confusion. (I'd told him previously I was concerned about his problem solving ability, and he said, "I know 2+2; I can do numbers.") He didn't object in front of her which made me think he was aware, but hadn't admitted problems to me. (He has vascular dementia.) However, since your wife hasn't usually seen doctors, you may have to fib-a-bit and connive. What about a "50 yr" wellness mammogram or PAP appointment and phone or send a note to the doctor; so he/she can do some observation even tho' it's not their field. They can observe and make observations and recommendations. I also agree w/insurance suggestions, too. Best wishes as you join our journey.
Boutoutaluck, I will add that it was difficult - to say the least - to take charge and take over - my husband's care. This included making an appointment with the Neurologist and taking him there without it being an item for discussion. NOBODY wants to go to the hospital, see a doctor or (in our case) call 911. He would say NO if I asked. It's important tht the doctor know why you are there, so if you can leave a note with the office before your appointment, it will be extremely helpful for the doctor. It's hard to remember or to even speak out loud your concerns with your spouse sitting there. Too much denial on both our parts. Let the doctor know - it will be on the chart...you may have to remind him to review it if it's buried on the clip board,.. and let him go from there. Drugs are out there that slow the progress before it's too late. Good luck.
Boutoutaluck, welcome! You've come to the right place, friend. You're in a nearly impossible situation. I agree with many of the others. Make an appointment with a neurologist, and just make her go. This can be done in a very loving, compassionate way. You mentioned your sister and son are aware of what's going on, perhaps they can help getting her to a doctor? I don't envy your position. My DH was very pro-active at the beginning of our alz journey, and that made it easier for our family. Who knows? Perhaps the neuro can rule some things out for her, as well. If your not comfortable talking in front of your wife, you need to communicate with the doctor by some means (email, note, etc) before hand, so he/she knows exactly what's going on. Your wife may be frightened, and unwilling to be honest. That's natural! Best of luck, keep coming back, you'll get great info, and most importantly, great support! Take care
You say she is aware of sleep walking problem - tell her she is doing it more and getting into potentially dangerous situations. That she needs to go to the doctor and see if they can help her with the sleep walking before she hurts herself. Since this is a condition she is aware of, it seems your opening.
Do you have a digital camera or cell phone with camera that you can use to take pictures of what she does?
Hi Bout, sorry I had to shorten it :o) Welcome to our crazy world. I'm left wondering if your wife could have FTD as she seems to be progressing very quickly. My husband has it. No matter, the only choice you really have is to make an appt with a neurologist. Your dr friend could probably recommend someone very good. In a case like this, good bedside manner is very important. How to get her there is tricky. My husband went along with the work-up because he had been suffering from anxiety and depression and thought we were ruling out other stuff. Then when the MRI, showed atrophy, Neuro Psych exam showed excelled aging, we knew it was a dementia, and then finally the contrast Pet all showed Fronto Temporol Dementia. I print out the Stages and make notes before each dr visit, and make notes. You could do as suggested, and send these along before hand. Probably the most important test if you had to just pick one would be the PET Scan as this shows, in living color, exactly where the deterioration is taking place and how far along it is. Keep thinking, keep posting and know that you are among friends.
BOL - welcome, you've found the right place. Wonderful people and support on this site. My situation is very similar. I'm 54 and DW is 53. She started having problems about 9 years ago at age 42 and it just kept getting worse and she would not acknowledge anything was wrong. I finally drew up a divorce agreement and told her she had 2 options. Get some help or sign the papers. (Convinced there was something seriuosly wrong, I really could not have followed through on divorce). Scared the heck out of her so about 5 years ago we started seeing "professionals". Unfortunately, Dr., neurologist, psycholgist, etc etc concluded there was nothing wrong. She was just depressed and we both needed to learn how to communicate. Docs: "Just to be sure though, we want to do a sleep study on her". Well, that is ONE thing she's never had any problem with, so no thanks. Oh, also, "she is too young to have ALZ". The more Dr. visits, the more she was re-inforced that there was nothing wrong with her so it must be me with the problem. So, she finally quit seeking help. After 2 years and some very frieghtening incidents, I asked 1 of her last remaining friends to recruit some of her old friends to do an intervention with her to get her to get help. Without a referral, got her in to see a clinical psych who was very very intuitive. He even took the time to listen. Then he gave her a multiple choice test that typically takes an hour. What a disaster. He was blown away how poor she was functioning and how we had struggled getting help. With that, we were off to the Mayo clinic. An unbelievable experience. Extremely professsional, caring, open minded and good listeners. 15 minutes with my wife, bingo. Moderately advanced ALZ. That was 2-1/2 yrs ago. Certainly a relief to finally have the diagnosis I was sure of many years ago. Unfortunately, the road just gets more difficult every week. My wife is not one of the mellow, cooperative victims of this insideuos disease and it has taken a toll on me. Going to work every day is my escape - to get re-charged. She is a solid stage 6 now and sinking fast. So, I will ditto the suggestions you were given by everyone else above and add my own. 1) Be prepared for close minded Dr's. who know more about your wife than you do AND believe "she is too young to have ALZ". Rather prevalent. 2) Ask for a copy of the office notes from each visit. You'll know right away if you are being listened to and taken seriously. I wish you nothing but the best on your future. Thenneck
boutoutofluck: didn't get to read all of the replies to your posting, but, i can sure relate to you. i traveled the same road inre strange behaviour, denying sex, etc. My problem came to a head when my wife visited our daughter and wouldn't keep her clothes on. daughter didn't like that and helped me get her to a dr. 1 1/2 years ago eoad and now stage 4/5. The meds have performed miracles for the rage but the memory/confusion has gotten much worse. Surprise tho - just recently she ask me if I would like to have sex. Said she would be willing. Haven't figured that out yet. This is a strange disease.
If your wife hasn't been to the doctor in a while, she NEEDS a well woman visit. ALL women need one of those a year. And what you do is get to that doctor BEFORE the visit and let them know what is up.
If your wife is at the stage where she is wondering and urinating in weird places I don't understand how she can keep a job.
It is, by the way, not unusual to have problems getting them to a diagnosis.
Welcome to my website. I see that many have already responded and welcomed you. I was away last week, but checked in now and again, and saw your postings.
You have come to a place of comfort for spouses who are trying to cope with the Alzheimer's/dementia of their husband/wife. The issues we face in dealing with a spouse with this disease are so different from the issues faced by children and grandchildren caregivers. We discuss all of those issues here - loss of intimacy; social contact; conversation; anger; resentment; stress; and pain of living with the stranger that Alzheimer's Disease has put in place of our beloved spouse.
The message boards are only part of this website. Please be sure to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read all of the resources on the left side. I recommend starting with "Newly Diagnosed/New Member" and "Understanding the Dementia Experience". There are 3 sections for EOAD members - two of which focus on the young teens whose parents have EOAD (early onset AD). There is a great new section on informative videos. Do not miss the "previous blog" section. It is there you will find a huge array of topics with which you can relate. Log onto the home page daily for new blogs; news updates; important information.
It is absolutely vital that you get a proper diagnosis for your wife, so she may be treated appropriately. There are some conditions that are treatable. The only way to find out for sure is to make an appointment with a neurologist SPECIALIZING IN MEMORY DISORDERS. There is a link on the left side of the home page - Find a Memory Disorder Clinic in your area. How to get her there is another issue, but many have made some good suggestions.
I'm sorry I took so long to get to you all. Right now I'm a wreck and ain't ashamed of saying so. I'm simply overwhelmed, and grateful for the response my little thread generated. It's amazing and thank you all who responded so far. This will be kind of wordy because I want to reply back to everyone I haven't already.
For phranque; I have read and researched and read and researched til my head hurts. I read your PDF link and thanks. I could never get her to take the test however. Your correct in that there is a lot of information here, and good people. And I've not given up yet. Good luck with your own situation and take care
For ol don; I AM glad I found this site. Right now with my wife it's like living with an irresponsible teenager. Everything I've read says she'll get younger and younger. I'm still hangin, though and I hope you do the same.
For buzzelena ; My wife is not responding to much of anything anymore except the calling of her work routine and taking care of her 11 cats and three dogs. I say "her" because it was her idea to adapt them all. I was just along for the ride on that deal. I appreciate your thoughts though and take care.
For jules; YES, blood test to eliminate other problems. I've tried and tried to get her to do this. SHE WILL NOT go to a doctor. As to why I suspect FTD, well she has lost interest in so many parts of life we used to enjoy together. I'm pretty sure she's not having an affair. It's just a general apathy she has save for her "routine" as I call it. Lack of empathy is the clinical description I suppose. Thanks for your input and take care yourself.
For SusanB; I'll be honest, I'm not doing well, but typing and reading here is helping already. Her family is all up north and we live in the deep south U.S. Some in my family are aware of how she is, but her family is oblivious. I don't know how to broach the subject with any of them. She has one son by another marriage and we're not very close. I've thought of all this before. I'm a newby at this to top a tee. Thank you for your welcome and thoughts.
For divvi; Yes, there certainly looks like there is much to read here. I'm getting started. I have long way to go. Thank you for the advice and take care.
For marilyninMD ; Supterfuge is something I definitely need to work on from what I'm finding out. Thank you for listening.
For Kitty; I have not EVEN brought myself to consider the insurance ramifications of all this yet. I'm afraid I'm way behind all the way around. I don't even know what I'm dealing with. Thoughts such as yours here is helping. I appreciate it.
For marygail ; I'm listening, and you don't how grateful I am for the outpouring of information and support I've witnessed here so far. Thank you for your reply. I hope to eventually to be able to help others here.
For Zibby; I'm truly sorry for your situation. I hate to think of all the problems that modern medicine has caused mankind. My wife and I both are leery of the medical system we have. This is a big reason getting her checked out is such a dilemma. Though your journey seems to have been drawn out and difficult, I'm glad you've had the time together. This is what I hope for. Best to you, Zibby, and thanks for your reply.
Oh, who am I kidding, as I said above, right now I'm an emotional and physical wreck. For Nancy B, Diane V, Grannywhiskers Charlotte, Susan L, thenneck, dean haywood and Starling please forgive me for not addressing your individual points and questions right now. It's just that I had no idea my little post would bring such a response. But I want all of you to understand that each and every one of those replies meant a great deal to me. And again, I hope I can contribute here in future. I'll never forget my initial visit here. I wish everyone of you the best going forward as I know you all have your own struggles. I'll be back later to read, learn and hopefully try to help another somewhere down.
Thank you all again for "listening", and take care.
Boutout-save yourself some stress. We don't expect specific answers to our posts. All you need to do is ask away and someone will be along to answer. It's tough enough realizing you have a problem without a diagnosis.
Bout, you are not expected to return replies to everyone of us who posts to you. you can just generalize and say thanks to all who responded or such. if you specifically just want to individually reply thats your choice but can be quite overwhelming there are hundreds of members here. you need to relax and take time to become aquainted with us and just jump into a post when you feel the impulse. i am sorry you are such a mess and under such stress. getting your DW (dear wife) to a drs for diagnosis must be draining you emotionally. many of us have gone where you are today. FTD is not an easy diagnosis to hear as any dementia- it can progress for yrs or quite suddenly. there are labs that can come to home if the drs orders it to draw lab workups if that may be something you could convince her of. you may need to take time to visit your dr and explain how you feel and what is the best course to proceed how to get DW in for observations. i hope you get some needed time for yourself , we always try to encourage and remind us as caregivers to attend to our personal needs as well. my best, divvi
And for joang , thank you for your warm welcome. You're providing a much appreciated service here. I will "stroll around the grounds until I feel at home":)
Boutoutaluck, I'm here too. DH is 56 next month; I'm 52. Probably FTD. Also undiagnosed. We are may be 8 to 10 years into this. So much of what you described is what we have been living with. I think that there are a few divorced spouses caring for their LO. FTD causes you to think that your marriage is over and you can't figure out why. I found this site while doing a search on his symptoms about a year ago. I could'n't figure out what was happening and was blaming my self. Do a search on my posts and read my life, when you get a chance. Anger, mood swings, enability to reason, rants, blaming me for everything, confusion, etc. etc. Have you learned how to not fight back about everything? It is hard to learn but really helps conserve energy.
Take care and keep reading. It helps so much to know what to expect. Mary!!
Bout, just a "thanks guys" is all we need, or even just more news on how you are doing. If we all tried to respond individually on each post we'd spend 24/7 just saying thanks! We will be leaning on you before you know it. Just remember to breathe!
Boutoutaluck, a slightly belated but warm welcome to you. There are a few of us, with * behind the name, who've survived our spouse's journey with AD and come out on the other side. We're pulling for you. I guarantee you'll get plenty of understanding here and loads of good information.
Bout-our dear friends like folly* who have already lost their spouse stay with us to light our way. They graciously share their wisdom and remind us that there is life "after"
"Bout-our dear friends like folly* who have already lost their spouse stay with us to light our way. They graciously share their wisdom and remind us that there is life "after" "
Dang, folly, I'm so sorry. Thank you and bluedaze for letting me know. Now I'm feeling kind of self centered. But, please understand, I can't thank you all enough.
An amazing site, absolutely amazing. And I know so little about it thus far.
Boutoutaluck, nothing to feel badly about. Sometimes it's good, when you're going through hell, to know there's life after . . . . We support each other here, and these folks do a darn good job of it. Before you know it, you'll be reaching out to offer encouragement to someone else.
Bout, there's a great thread here, something like what I wish I'd known in stage 2-3. Hope someone can find it and bring it to the top for you. My input here: if your wife controls any of the finances in your home, be very wary. Many of us had no idea until it was too late that our spouses had ruined our finances through poor judgement. You have to learn to look over her shoulder in that regard. If she has a credit card, it may not be paid, etc. Right now that may not be your primary concern, but later, you will find that it can get you into deep trouble if you don't watch out.
Kitty, oh yeah, she's already done the credit card thing. Thankfully we have none that are "common". I'm beginning to think that sort of thing isn't such a big deal anymore though.
Folly, you don't know how much I appreciate that support.
Boutoutaluck, I am new to this site like you, and I found so much relief in just reading that others were experiencing so much of what I am. I don't even have much to input, because there are so many that have already given such good advice. Like you, my spouse was not one to go to the doctor. And when our 25th wedding anniversary came around, and the kids were planning a party, he one night totally freaked out, said "he would be no part of feeding me cake or dancing with me", like he hated me. When I left crying, and went into a room and locked the door so my grandchildren wouldn't see me, he came after me, pounding on the door and yelling...it was horrible. But then, after, he blamed me, said I was depressed and making a big deal out of things. He had changed, and I saw alot of it but didn't know what was going on. After that, in tears, I said this was not my fault, that he had changed and something was wrong. He cryed and said, " somthing is wrong in my head" . At that point, he was feeling somewhat cooperative, and I talked him into seeing a specialist. I also used one of our children who is a nurse to help convince him, basically "insist" on a visit for his own good. Of course, after the diagnosis, we have had more tantrums, bazaar moments, and the whole thing through our lives into a tailspin. But...we have to survive, and this site will help you cope because you will be able to find answers, and many, many kind people willing to share their stories, experience, and information with you. I wish you the best, and hope you do find and answer to your dilemas.
When I was in need, I could not help you. When I raged, there was no time for you. When I hurt, you hurt more than myself. And now that I am no more, you know more than me.
I am at a loss the tide has turned as it will do forever.
Boutoutaluck - will she go to your homeopathic/naturopathic doctor? I know my naturopathic doctor will run most of the blood work that will let you know if it is hormonal causing any of her symptoms. That would be a place to start - getting the test done to rule out. You can use the reason of seeing what supplements either of you need to keep healthy. And, he/she may be able to do something about the sleep walking. She may even have a urinary infection.
"Boutoutaluck - will she go to your homeopathic/naturopathic doctor? I know my naturopathic doctor will run most of the blood work that will let you know if it is hormonal causing any of her symptoms."
Charlotte, that is an excellent suggestion and one I have broached with her in the past. (and let me say this, I'm typing this in word pad so I don't know what it'll look like when I post it. I also apologise for not posting to anyone else's threads yet, I'm really not trying to be what is known in the ether as an 'attention prostitute'. Right now this is therapy for me, and thank goodness the opportunity exists here.)
I have made many mistakes, and continue to make them, in dealing with this situation. I awoke this morning to an understanding with myself, maybe even an epiphany, that I'll not be able to help her at all until I 'get right' with myself. And this, by the by, is a direct result of finding this site. Being able to talk with my sister and my oldest son, who is not a child of my wife, has been a great help too.
I cannot rule out the fact that her FTD, if that's what it is, isn't alcohol induced. I've tried to monitor it and don't really see a pattern, but I just don't know. She's had a fairly stressful job at a Vet clinic for the last five years where she has been exposed to many traumas concerning small pet injuries and deaths which affect her because of her deep seated concern for such animals. She's also been exposed to many industrial strength cleaning agents. She, and her co-workers, have had to have shots and take precautionary antibiotics a few times over these five years due to exposure to certain animal to human diseases. I had conveyed as much on a professional forum that I'm registered and participate on. A colleague from another state actually called me up after reading my post blown away because of the similarities in his situation with his wife. She too was having the same problems, was about the same age AND had worked at a vet clinic for about five years. I myself was astounded by the coincidences of our experiences. This was about a year ago now.
My immediate problem is I'm not taking care of myself properly. I was motivated this morning to make an appointment with my nutritionist, who works out of my homeopaths office. My doctor is an MD, btw. DW has lost interest in cooking. I can, and do, but it's gotten to the point that I need a sheet of paper detailing a 5 day meal planner for two meals a day. I'm fairly certain that my own body is mercury toxic from 6 back molars that had those little silver fillings in them for about 45 years. I had those removed last winter and there was an immediate relief to a certain degree. But, heavy metal poisoning, especially with mercury, is a 'hard row to hoe' when it comes to chelation.In other words, I'm not a perfect picture of health myself right now. Another reason I'm so grateful for finding this site. I'm beginning to lean toward some positive thinking. Something I haven't done in a minute now.
Just one more point I'd like to try to make. I truly believe, based on all the research I've been able to garner from the www, that us baby boomers and following generations have been the biggest group of guinea pigs this earth has ever known. From the endless number of vaccinations we've received right down to processed foods that have been pushed upon us, and not to mention all the chemicals we've absorbed through our skin by way of soaps and shampoos and the like. It isn't natural for the human body to ingest chlorine or fluoride, either. The sky is the limit when it comes to the underlying reasons behind all these problems we see in what should be perfectly healthy people of middle age.
I don't have any answers for any of this. I couldn't imagine that anyone reading this does either. I just want to say once more that this site represents a "hope" that I never thought I'd find. Whether anyone has read these words or not, to have the opportunity and place to post them has meant a great deal to me in a very positive way.
Well, as we said before, Boutoutaluck, you've come to the right place. Please do carry through with the good intentions about taking care of your own health. And, again, you don't have to answer each of us individually. Just say: Thanks everybody!
Boutoutofluck - welcome, you have come to a good place. There is a lot of information and links on the home page that are well worth reading. Check out the section for "newly diagnosed". The information that Kitty mentioned about the thread on tips and all are included in there.
You are right in that you need to take care of yourself - if you aren't right, you cannot be there for her. You are also correct in that knowledge and lots of it will help you.
My husband is in stage 7 and it has been a long haul to get to this point. The best thing I got out of the website (besides lots of knowledge) is learning that I wasn't alone in my thoughts, feelings and frustrations. I also found out that a lot of what I was going through was "normal" and that was a relief.
Alzheimers in all its forms is often called a rollercoaster. I wholeheartedly agree with that description. Be kind to yourself, when you screw up something, you are human and it is very difficult to forget years of habits in how you dealt with a person. In the earlier stages when they still have luicid moments, it is very easy to forget that the reason switch doesn't always work and treat them as you used to.
I wonder if your wife has been exposed to anesthesia working at the vet clinic. I think you're right, that a lot of things will eventually be recognized as contributors - but then there will also be a great many who will never have encountered the chemicals. (it also seems that people who have had head injuries are more liable to have dementia in later life. Think football players, etc - and think TBI with the young veterans. I fear for them.)
The tips are great - of all the things on the front page, be sure to look down at the "understanding the dementia experience." Very much worth reading. Note that most of us feel that dementia manifests itself in many of the same ways whatever - if you did Venn diagrams you've basically got a large circle which is dementia and all the kinds overlap but have a sector out that is different - FTD is more aggressive; one of them (EOAD?) goes faster, Lewys (LBD) has more tremors.. and there are a lot that are jusst undifferentiated "dementia." But the experiences so often are similar.
This is amazing! The more replies I receive the more that comes back to me
Yes, although her primary duties at the clinic involve managing the kennel area, she also subs as a tech on surgery procedures on an as needed basis. ALSO, and I just remembered this, about 4 years ago she had one of those 'deep scalar'(?) procedures performed by a periodontists. She was under for about two hours and I was told she swallowed "a lot of blood".
I don't know. You're probably right. Many will have these problems in the future with no other explanation other than they lived and breathed.