So many of you are having such a very difficult time right now, I've been wracking my brain trying to think of anything I could offer that was helpful to me in the past. This may sound simplistic, but it worked, and still does, for me. I keep a gratitude journal. Sometimes we are so darn busy putting out one fire after another that it's hard to see anything good going on. During tough times I jot at least one or two thing every day, other times not so often, although I remind myself to stay cognizant of them. Things I am grateful for on a given day range from seeing the first violets bloom in spring, to a phone call from a friend, being able to pay the credit card bill, being glad I can get out of bed each day, watching the joy of one of my dogs racing around outside enjoying his freedom, a really good pizza, an entertaining book, an amusing e-mail from a cyber friend, being alive. It's easy to take the things that go right for granted when we're overwhelmed by the things that don't. It helped me sometimes, when things were bad, to remind myself that they weren't ALL bad.
An extra length of rope and a big hug for Susan L, Terry, Marygail and others struggling with a world of hurt.
Folly thats very wise to remind us that not all days are so heavily burdened as you say. like you just looking at wildlife around or my dogs laying in the sunshine or my husband sleeping with a smile on his face. such little things that remind me that life is going on around us even in turmoil and days of extreme duress. we like to complain about some of these things that really arent that terrible in the perspective of the larger scale. some here really do have a huge load to shoulder and i remind myself all the time that i need to focus on the good in each day. divvi
Thank you Folly. This is a good idea. I really needed to vent yesterday as holding all this in becomes so overwhelming I find myself not posting at all because it seems it takes too much energy to explain how I'm doing. I used to keep a gratitude journey with DH. One side of the page each day was for me to write things I appreciated about him that day and the other side was for him to write about me. That was many years ago. I resurrected it again right after diagnosis. We don't keep it now, but maybe should.
I am grateful for many things. When I fell out of the tub the other day and banged my head so badly I was scared to death while waiting in emergency room for the CT Scan results. It was such a hard painful fall and I was so bruised and swollen, I feared something horrible. When the doctor came in and said the results showed no permanent damage I FELT VERY GRATEFUL. Just imagine both of us with brain damage. YIKES. So that is my gratitude for today. I'd like to save some for tomorrow. Focusing on something positive every day will be so good for me!
This morning, after breakfast, DW walked out to the porch of our "camp" where we are staying while the kids are here. I followed to see where she was going. She walked to the swing and sat down. I joined her, and we spent the next 15-20 minutes sitting on the swing side by side enjoying the view across the bay. Couldn't see the mountains of Acadia due to fog, but the patterns of the sun and clouds on the water were beautiful.
Don't get me wrong, I think it's perfectly okay, and in fact necessary, to have a pity party from time to time. I throw one for myself when needed. I just think that, sometimes, the tougher the going gets, the easier it is to lose sight of the fact that something positive is happening, somewhere in our lives. Some days it may only be a very little thing, like being grateful the cat threw up the hairball on the bathroom floor instead of the bedroom carpeting, or the bed. (-:
We finally got around to celebrating our 44th wedding anniversary yesterday and I am so grateful that the day went well. The anniversary was actually last week but on that day some friends said they were free to see a movie with us (ALL of our friends seem to be so much busier than we are that I eagerly grasp any offered dates) so we had a nice afternoon and evening with them. But we had not celebrated with our traditional dinner at our local castle. In the afternoon DH asked why in the world we were going there (he did not remember the tradition but did remember that it was a ritzy place) and I explained that it was a tradition to celebrate our anniversary. He didn't believe me but I got out the pictures to prove it. Then we spent most of the afternoon looking through our "annuals', yearly scrapbooks containing all the pictures we've saved. We should do this more often. We both enjoyed it and it helps to give me a sense of what he has forgotten (too much) and what he remembers (sometimes surprising). It was a lovely evening so we ate in the castle gardens and were thoroughly spoiled by waiters in tuxedos. Of course there were a couple tricky moments (DH started to throw some pieces of salad over the hedge into the moat, he insisted on pouring wine himself whereas you are supposed to wait for the hovering waiters to come and do it), but on the whole it went very well and we continued talking about the past and our life together and seeing how much he could remember. I had seriously doubted whether to try to continue this tradition, but I am glad I did and that it was worthwhile.
I've done gratitude journals before, and they truly do help. Thanks for the reminder. This is something I need to do. We all have joys and blessings in our lives, and I think it helps to remember them.
Bluedaze, good going. I always feel a sense of achievement when I manage to redeem a coupon! KFC is hubby's favorite place to go for supper after a late afternoon movie.
Folly, I didn't get you wrong at all. I think it's a marvelous idea and I certainly felt "heard" which I seldom do with regard to all my complaints. I really do want to come back to focus on some gratitude so I can remember there are reasons to keep on keepin on. So, better add anohter one (and thanks again Folly - you are always right on!)
I'm grateful that I got myself out of bed and took the bull by the horns and called a hardware store out of town to get a reference for a local builder who uses this composite decking I'm going to use AGAINST THE RULES OF HYSTERICAL COMMISSION. We made an appointment for Friday! I'm grateful he sounded like a normal person and had some impressive references.
Hey, Weejun, it's a journal, not a bulletin board, girl. You don't have to share what you're grateful for unless you want to, but you darn sure better come here to bitch and moan because no one else is going to understand the way we do. (-:
terry, We had composite decking installed on our covered porches and after 3 years, I am glad we did. I do have 2 comments about it though, and my cousin had the same installed on her house. The screened porch area does not have a way to drain any water accumilation. The groves hold most of water if you try to hose it off. The unenclosed porch has side the boards installed long ways and water stays in one end of it. I wonder if it would be better to have the grooves headed toward drain onto the lawn area. Our boards have "warped sideways". They still lay flat but look like a lazy "s". We asked about it at Lowe's and they said it was caused by the wood framing underneath. I don't know if our contractor should have put it down differently or not. Thought you might appreciate knowing this. Hope the rest of your renovations go better. Your job sounds like what my daughter has contended with building her new home. Sickening. She said if she ever did anything again she would hire a building inspector to keep track of things while they were being done.
Another comment on composite decking. My DH has changed over many decks from wood to composite. Imohr is correct, a stronger framing underneath is needed. If I recall, 16 inch centers are the widest to use or you get the "s" effect. DH always used 12 inch centers. Also, the installer needs to put a gap between the boards. We used a tool especially designed for this. If it is warmer, the boards expand and you use a smaller gap. If you install in colder weather, you use a wider gap which leaves room for expansion. You also need a gap between the structure and the first board next to it. We installed a lot of this stuff. Also, after the underneath framing is done and before the boards are put on, be sure to have the framing stained. It is sooo much easier to do before the boards are put on.
Gee Mary, I wish I had known about that before so I could have told my contracter. It would be so much nicer to have a wee bit of space between the boards. No stain at all on our framing but since ours is covered by roof don't really need stain.
One more thing: apparently cutting the composite boards should be done off-site; their equivalent of sawdust is toxic. (we have a gungho type on the island who was all for putting composite boards down on our wilderness trails in wet spots; it wouldn't rot as fast! The enviro. guy he thought would approve said NO loud and clear.
I'm grateful for my plucky, energetic 87-year old Mom, who is full of life, intelligence, humor, who is always so glad to hear my voice on the phone and yearns for visits but has never once in all these years said an unkind word about the fact that I (an only daughter) left her to live abroad at age 20.
I am grateful for my oldest brother (the only one of 4 siblings who lives anywhere near her) who calls Mom every morning at 8 to make sure she's all right, throws away her junk mail and does her finances, insists on taking her shopping and to doctor's appointments in Toledo (she thinks she could drive that by herself), takes her to the airport to visit her other two sons and brought her to Holland to see me last year. He is a rock.
I am grateful for cheap transatlantic cable connections so that I can call anytime and as long as I want without worrying about the cost.
I am grateful for affordable transatlantic flights. When we were first married a flight cost more than I earned in a month, so I had to save all year for two people (and later, four people) two ways.
I am grateful for DS and DIL in Pennsylvania who are so supportive in spite of their busy cub-scout filled lives with three little ones. I am grateful that they took the kids out of school in May for a visit to us that I knew would be a bit troubled but is still the best thing in my life so far this year.
I am grateful for our younger son and DIL here in Holland who find time in their young lives for regular visits (again, not always the easiest) so that I can help teach my youngest granddaughter (19 months) how to talk. Pure joy! And I'm grateful that they are expecting another daughter any moment now.
As a high school classmate recently e-mailed: Aren't grandchildren wonderful? We should have had them first!
I'm grateful to have been able to pull some extra strength out of my, ahhh, hat, and fought and won a battle with the hospital over keeping Jim. The dr was WRONG, the social worker was LAX, and the Director of the Unit was P.O.'d after hearing my story :o)
I am grateful to have such a peaceful separation from my H. I followed him quite a distance yesterday to have his convertible window replaced, took him to his apartment & later back to pick up his car. I am grateful we can peacefully discuss things such as missing remotes. I had the remote to his TV, he had mine. He even offered me one of his TVs if the remote he gave me didn't work. That was nice. The friend I am staying with has terrible arguments with her estranged husband, as do I guess many couples separating. None of that with us.
I am grateful to see my very first blue bird this week. It was gloriously beautiful. There were 2 in the backyard.
I am grateful I found the one copy of a 2010 datebook at Marshalls yesterday. The title is: Live with Intention. The cover artwork is: The Brush Dance, which is a Yurok Indian healing ritual where being true to yourself means giving your best to help a person in need. Being true to yourself is the one and only Yurok Indian law. Each month has a quote, one of my favorites is: It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.
I am also grateful to wake up each day M-F to an uplifting positive Message From the Universe. Their slogan is "Thoughts become things, choose the good ones." Anyone can sign up at www.tut.com
I am grateful that I collect quotation books. When I start to feel bad, I go to these for uplifting quotes. That usually nips it in the bud. :-)
Not wanting to slow down this wonderful train for all of you, and I DO agree that having a Gratitude Journal is necessary and WE all need one, it will be a long while before I can write one. Only one thing pops into my mind when I think about this journal, and it isn't gratitude, but sadness. LATER, I'll start one.
I am grateful for Mezzo, the French TV channel that broadcasts music 24/7, classical all day and jazz all night (no commercials). It was gone for a couple days but I found it again on a different frequency. I often turn it on to keep us both soothed and happy and I record nightly broadcasts featuring old jazz icons like Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong, to play them again and again as a distraction for DH. Tonight it's Wynstan Marsalis.
Mary, believe me I understand how a person can have an awful time finding something to be grateful for. Above all else, I am so incredibly grateful for Joan, this site, and all of you. You all are closer to me than most of my friends, family, neighbors, community. You are my friends, family, cyber-neighbors and COMMUNITY. I love you all dearly and am eternally grateful to have you here to share with, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Mary, you may not be aware of it, but you give me, and I'm sure others, strength just by being who you are and bearing your tribulations with such grace. I know you experience great sorrow, but you and others never cease to amaze me when, with all you're dealing with, you come here with a smile, a funny story, arms out giving hugs. We wouldn't be human if we were "up" all the time, that's for sure. Love you.
To all of you: I am ever so grateful to have found you!! This website has allowed me the ability to vent and see things from another perspective and I am grateful that I can visit anytime and get an opinion from "those who know" or just a good {{{HUG}}}. HUGS ALL AROUND!!!
Gosh, I'm late. But promised myself I'd post here. See some composite posts above and will read those later and just in time as another builder is coming at 10AM.
I'm grateful for the hummingbirds which so reliably come to the feeder so close to the view from my bed.
I am grateful that I have people who are caring about me, our daughter and son who I talk to almost every day, my SIL and my DH's cousin both of whom have been very close to us for many, many years and call me frequently to see how things are going, my neighbors who stick their heads out the door when they see me walking to the mailbox to ask how I'm doing. And most of all to God who works in mysterious ways at times so that once in a while something good happens. Without this support group I would really be lost and lonely during this journey with this cursed disease.
I am very grateful for this site. I can come and read and find that I am not alone in this, that others are going through the same thing and worse. Thanks, Joan.
I feel so close to all of you...and am so familiar with your lives and trials, I often tell visitors, "My friend in Litle Rock's husband is beginning Hospice Care...." or "Mary, my friend in Vancouver, has discovered such discrepancies in the nursing home facility where her husband is living..". or "My friend in Maryland said....." You are - indeed - my friends, and I know as much about your lives and your husbands/wives as anyone I know here. The only problem I have is when I call a friend "Buzzelena" or "Bookworm"... that's a little odd! :-)
I too am grateful for this site. when something happens I have somewhere i can talk about it without consequenses. I can't tell my kids my dh wet the bed, but I can tell you, dear friends, and you've already gone through it. I'm also immensely grateful for my children who came to my rescue and took over care of their stepfather without a moment's hesitation when I was hospitalized. I'm grateful for friends who continue to include us in social plans and who are always willing to run in and keep DH company for me. I'm ever so greatful that we have been together for so many years and that really, he's been able to participate in so many things even up to the present, although it's less each day.
Here is something I MUST share with everyone. My daughter recently gave me a little inspirational book entitled, 'For This I Am Grateful'. It is only about 3/4 inch thick and is PACKED with everyday observations about life that we take very little notice of, or least I don't, because we're so absorbed in our own worry, sorrow, work, just life. The book is a compilation of thoughts about happiness and little appreciations that escape most of us....written by ordinary people, not celebrities or brilliant writers. PLEASE get this little book and keep it with you. It's helped me see brighter things in life when all I could see was blackness and felt nothing. I think it is published by The Everyday Wisdom Press . They have a website (I believe) at www.everydaywisdom.net.
I am so grateful for having had a good day. First Jelly passed his bloodwork with flying colors!!!! We now have proof that he is indeed part goat, lol. Had a very peaceful feeling come over me and stay today. It was as if God was telling me all would be ok. I went to pick up Jim for our day out and he was in a great mood, even reading a Tom Clancy novel, (ok so he's read it 4 times already) we then were INVITED into meeting with his new social worker/case mgr. and the dr (who had his tail between his legs and couldn't have been nicer, ha!) I think Bill is the guy to get the job done, he promised to keep me updated and informed :o) Spent a nice afternoon with friends at the campground. It was nice to hear and see and smell camping, fires, kids, pine. It was great for Jim to see a few of his former co-workers, bittersweet as we left, and he had that look in his eye as if saying good bye to one of our favorite places. Next we headed to my son Jeff's girlfriends shop and got Jim a much needed hair cut. Then back to the hospital. I put 150 miles on the car! Yes, today was a day to be grateful for.
I started with a grateful list by just looking around. I was grateful for a wonderful daughter, son-in-law and grandson. I was grateful for the nice house we built just before it was obvious he got sick. I was grateful that the day was sunny and not too hot. I was grateful for the book I read and the author who had worked so hard to give me pleasure.
It turned out that the more I looked around the more I was able to be grateful for little things, like the fact that my local supermarkets cut really nice cake into quarters and package it and sell it that way, which means I can have good cake instead of junk. And the more grateful I was the more things that showed up for me to be grateful for like neighbors who have gone out of their way to be good to me.