After my meltdown yesterday I had QUITE the discussion with the Director of the Psychiatric Unit. By the time I was done with my story, he was furious. Now we have a new Social Worker/Case Manager, have had a call from the Manager of Social Work, the doctor got his lazy, flip, ass KICKED. Jim can stay as long as needed (until placement) he is getting his assessment, I was right, Assessment first, bed 2nd. Can't get a flippin NH Bed if you haven't been approved, helllloooooo! Jim can have passes whenever he wants, thank you very much. They WILL take him out in his wheelchair for fresh air, when they take the others on a walk, thank you very much. I WILL get daily updates on the search for a bed, and I will BE NOTIFIED when they order a test or change a med. Imagine that, talk about having to be the squeeky flippin wheel. This all going on of course while my daughter continues to muddy MY FLIPPIN Name all over town. According to her, I'm responsible for everything up to and including Global Warming! Get this, she wanted to know if the ex-fiance, with whom she drank, fought with physically, and who is now living in some sleezy motel, could get flippin guardianship of Diego! HA! Right, flippin dream on girl, you blew it. Oh that's my fault to, cuz I called 911 when she was unconscious, and she scolded Diego for calling me and 911! What the flip! My poor baby is so traumatized. We now have to play a game each day called "When is it ok to.....call 911 = Emergency, when is ok to use a knife = to cut your meat, etc. I jokingly said to my mother that I'd race her home, Dee asked us if we could please not play that game, that Mommy and Daddy (ex-future step-dad) used to "play" that on the highway and it scared him. My poor baby......
Oh Susan L.............You are so...so......ME! I feel so badly for you, but your phrasing flippin' cracks me up. After having my own pity party on another thread, I throughly get this. Well, no......I'm not going through all the flip-floppin' you are, but I have too, be held responsible for Global Warming.
Susan, I'm so proud of you, but understand how flippin' exhausting it is when one has to straighten everyone out. If only they would do their jobs - you wouldn't have to waste all that energy on them. I skimmed your letter yesterday - and wanted to re-read all they had said and done before you straightened them out. Can you redirect me to that site? Sorry. I've been looking for it and cannot find it. NancyB... Repeat; soooooooooo proud of YOU! Love what little Dee said about the bad guys in the Post Office pictures!!!
Do I ever feel cursed? Besides dealing with AD, we just got a letter from DH’s doctor reminding us that he is due for his follow-up CT scan for a pancreatic tumor. My last two sets of labs show that I have stage 3 (out of 5) kidney disease. I already had tests that showed I only have two-thirds of normal lung capacity. I was up all night last night because of chronic pain that was not even relieved by narcotics this time. The roof is leaking in several places in the living room and kitchen, and we don’t have the money to fix it. Our one and only (11 year old) vehicle is rusting through the roof. The (20 year old) washing machine is making strange grinding noises……
Some days I really do wonder how much longer I can hold things together around here.
P.S. Susan L - I think you are an absolutely amazing person!
Wow, haven't really checked in for a few days, when it rains it pours. Terry, so sorry to hear about your books & head injury. (And all else.) Also, wanted to mention, I noticed that you make your corrections to your posts on another post. All you have to do is hit the grey edit sign next to your post & it will let you back in to make any change. But glad you did it the way you did this time, got a chuckle.
Susan L, sounds like you got a break with the hospital, good news. I loved the part about the "happy house." As to your adopted daughter, the rate of recidivism (repeated problems) is astoundingly high with alcohol/drug addicts, even those who have been in rehab. It's a lifetime battle. Can people be unadopted? I go with, there's a reason for everything, what am I learning from this? (whatever situation.) It seems to calm me.
To all others, hope everything improves. You are doing the best you can in difficult situations. Give yourself a pat on the back. Hugs to all.
Oh, I wanted to add something. Terry, with your spiritual background you should relate to this especially. It is believed that the more we focus on negative things, the more negativity we are drawing to us. If we try to focus on the positive (know that's very difficult after reading all the above) then positive things are drawn to us. We all need to vent, have pity parties, etc. to let it out. Once its out, then we need to find some other place for our minds to go in a positive way. I think that's why I love the What I am Grateful for thread. It lets us focus on the positive. So, no, I don't think you are cursed, I think that you have been down so long & are tired & need to pull some positive into your life by focusing on positive thoughts. Hope that doesn't sound too Pollyanna.
I just had to jump on this train....I've been thinking about starting a similar thread. It seems like NOTHING goes right since DH was dx'd with FTD last year. Everything he touches he breaks - verticle binds don't open/close, pulled screen door off the garage wall, sump pump broke down during major storm and had 8" of water in basement, pull chain from ceiling fan got caught in blades - took some "problem solving" to undo, you name it, it happens. Normally I would just call a repairman but now that we've had so much debt from unpaid medical bills (ins. says hospitalizations were'nt medically necessary) we can no longer afford to repair/replace things. I hate to see what the house will look like when we decide to sell it!
LFL you're bringing back memories. The time my H sprayed something in the basement, forgot to turn the pilot light off, started a fire, had smoke all over the house & the firemen had to run gigantic fans to get it out. (This is just a sample.) "Our" house sold as is. So will yours. Hope you can fight the insurance co. Usually people aren't admitted unless it IS medically necessary. That's the doctor's call, can you speak with the hospital administration?
Terry, Susan, bluedaze and LFL, I pray for you every day. I hope that your problems ease up, and that you gain the strength you need to carry you through each day. The rest of us are included in my prayers and hopes, but you four are having such struggles right now! All I can do is give you all big hugs! ((((((HUGS)))))
In response to the title of this discussion, AD is enough for any caregiver of a spouse to have bear, but we all have other problems that are made worse when you add AD to the mix. However, even given Diane's death, I don't feel cursed - just given more than is bearable. I feel like a large part of me has been torn away, and I'm trying to sew up what's left and get back on track to deal with losing my husband. It is one of the hardest things I've had to do. I pray for strength and understanding and patience and good health each day. I'm not a Pollyana, honest. And, I'm so glad that we have Joan's place to vent, and express ourselves, and find answers and get hugs.
May you all find the strength, understanding, patience and good health that you need to get you through each day too!
agreed mary you are making remarkable concessions by offering lots of help here on the posts during your own grieving period. we all can imagine how painful the last months have been for you and taking the time to offer help to others means so much. divvi
Mary, did I ever tell you your my hero, after all you have been through you can still see the light at the end of the tunnel, god bless you, I am working on having your attitude in life ,starting now. May you get all the strengeth you need. Gail
NancyB, my original posting was on page 1 of this thread.
Mary you are an amazing and inspirational woman. Life is so unfair, (yes Ann I wanted to say Flippin unfair)! Thank you Mary for being here for US, we will always be here for you. Thank you for being a part of our daily lives.
Susan, 5 years ago when my daughter was pregnant with her 3rd child, we had to decide whether to take him or let him be adopted. I was 53 at the time. Even though I consider the adoption of our kids an 'adoption failure', we choose to let younger parents have him. We had our dream to work and travel in our RV (was in the process of moving out of house into RV at the time) and felt a stick home would be better. Plus, I would be 66 and Art 71 when he graduated from high school. For a while I regretted it at times, but now know we made the right choice. He seems very happy and healthy in the yearly pictures of him she receives from the adoptive parents. You situation is different, but I know the enormous responsibility these two boys add to your shoulders. You love them and will be a great role model for them.
WOW! I've only been able to hang over your shoulders and read stories......I'm going through a lot of changes in my life here, without John....he'll be placed in a nursing home soon and it's traumatizing to me to say the least. I'm kind of "stuffing" my emotions for the last couple of days, so I don't have much to add here that you ALL haven't already described about my own feelings (just not the exact same circumstances). Oh...and if it makes anyone feel any better and takes the burden off of one of you, I'M THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR GLOBAL WARMING!!! Sorry.
AD was financially devastating to me in that I could not earn an income for quite some time. We had things breaking down, falling apart, wearing out. We needed to update appliances, mower, etc., but couldn't. We ran up some bills, but thankfully not too crazy. I had to be out of the work force officially although I was in the caregiving end of it. "Unpaid" of course.
I'm blessed to find a job so quick, and although I'd love to be making tens of thousands more per year than I will in this job, still.....it isn't too shabby. I'm grateful to have the freedom to get out of the house...........and perhaps develop some new friendships with coworkers. At the same time, I have to say I am kind of resentful that I'm going to be working for the rest of my life to just keep us afloat. The fact is, I am so absolutely mentally "WRECKED" at the end of my first week. Although they tell me at work to be easy on myself, that it takes time to learn and get comfortable with all this new stuff, I still feel that bit of anxiety about measuring up to their expectations. I come home tonight literally having a hard time keeping my knees from buckling, and keeping my eyes open (it's only 8:30 pm). I just think to myself.......if it wasn't for AD my life, my career ambitions, and my finances would be a totally different different story.
hope some of that made sense............I'm am too tired to know if it does or not............LOL
New Realm - sounds like you are trying to measure up to your expectation, not theirs. Remember, when you start a new job, your mind is usually 'mush' by the end of the first day and week. Relax this weekend, enjoy yourself and let your mind rest.
New Realm*....What is it that you are doing for a living now? I forget. Is what youre doing what you have been educated or trained to do? If I have to get a job outside of home, I don't know what I'd do, cause I have no formal education or training. Just picking your brain.
I feel a cold coming on. I know it is par for the course. Weather changes from hot and dry to cool and damp rather dramatically, get to the end of a nonstop tough week of work, and wake up at dawn Saturday morning with sniffles and that unmistakeable feeling at the back of the throat. AAAACK!
I need an easy recipe for "Killer Chicken Soup." I have the whole chicken. Just need the "Spice Advice." And perhaps a different method of prepping the chicken? My last chicken soup was bland........and when one has a cold the last thing one needs is "BLAND! Bleckkkk!"
I stopped for groceries on way home from work last evening. In the lot I bumped into a friend from church. While talking to her I realized how very tired I was. I could hear it in my own voice. In the store i realized how my legs felt like jello at times. WOW! What a change for me.
Stuntgirl: I was simply blessed, given the gift of this job. I'm working for hospice, in a position that is about 90% administrative, but is one that required a nursing back ground. I have been a nurse since the '80's, but not working anywhere since 2003 due to 24/7 caregiving responsibilities.
I had low expectations of finding a good job due to my time off, and my credential level (LPN, not RN). These days an LPN level license would limit me to something more like nursing home work. That is hard, long work, and I think that environment is the last thing I need right now.
Diana, hang in there, girl. You'll make it. It totally sucks that AD has to ruin us financially. I will be in the same boat as you when all is said and done. I'm glad you didn't have to go to work in a nursing home. That would have been awful! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!
Lots of onion, lots of garlic. And AFTER you eat you need to suck on the zinc lozenges you can get in any drug store or health food store or a lot of grocery stores. I say AFTER dinner because the zinc makes everything you eat after you suck on them taste ultra-bleccchhh.
i have a friend that swears by a shot of tequila and lime juice/salt for a cold. home remedy sounds good to me -if it doesnt get the cold it will make you feel better about it. :)divvi
Angels around all of you who are keeping so many balls in the air; you're my heroes. As my time in the *trenches* comes, I pray I can follow your examples of coping. Today, my hb couldn't count quarters. Well, whoop dee do; that's nothing. I need to learn/accept that I don't have to explain everything. Keep me on track folks!
Charlotte, traveling around the country in an RV used to seem like a fun idea to me but DH thought he would hate it. He prefers nice hotels, great restaurants..... Me too, but I also don't like leaving Mika and Charlie (my two adorable bichons, the lights of our lives) at home for long, so it seemed like it would be fun to try. Maybe you and I can meet when we're in Portland in September and we can start a fantasy plan of traveling together in an RV after our AD journeys are over. I'm two years older than you. Hey what the heck, we can start a fantasy plan now huh? I think if I could start looking forward to things I'd feel better generally.
New Realm...Here's a Hint From Texas....or from our Mexican friends actually.
IF you ever get red pepper HOT HOT HOT in your mouth or if a child gets HOT HOT chili in their mouth...just give them a teaspoon of sugar..0r white karo on a spoon. It will immediately neutralize the chili OIL that is burning. Water,soda, beer does nothing..just as it won't dispel oil on your hand. Milk is a second choice...but sugar/karo always works immediately.
Just read back over this thread remembering how I was feeling when I started it. Thought I'd update my situation so when I lose track in a few days of what's happening I'll know where to look.
Thinking positively: Didn't work on getting the impressive carpenter to call. I ordered doors for bathroom and my bedroom in December from my reliable up to that point cabinet makers. When they flaked out on me I arranged for them to be made by the guys I adore at a local salvage wood place as they had just hired a guy who was a genius with "doors." I gave him the barn door track for the bathroom door and a stained glass piece to inset into it and figured even though he said I'd have to wait until July it would be worth it and relatively cheap. First week in July I was told it would be another 3 weeks and then 3 days ago the guys finally told me this new guy flaked out on them and so I'm still doorless. Called another carpenter who came yesterday and will be back Monday to begin on the doors and a small building project to extend my sleeping porch which is now too small to hold a bed to sleep in. I'm thinking POSITIVELY that he will be here Monday.
Interviewed another builder for the larger building project who seemed pretty good and said he'd get back to me early next week. Anybody with free fingers, keep them crossed for me that these two will prove reliable.
A couple days ago a big back hoe came throw the back of our hollow depositing tons of big white limestone blocks just down from us in what is officially park land. DH came running in saying they had damned up the creek so I high tailed it down there risking more CIGGERS and TICKS to survey the damage. No, it wasn't damned up, but sitting pretty close to the creek. It's a big muddy mess down there with whoever ordered this doing so with no permits or legal permission and we and some neighbors are pretty darned upset. DH and I hiked up to the house of an 86 year old woman who also has dementia but is more reliable than DH. She was threatening to storm the mayor's office the next morning and DH was all hot to trot to go with her. IMAGINE THAT if you can. I told the woman who I adore BTW and is a wonderful example of local color with her larger than life personality and huge Victorian house and gardens, that DH had Alzheimer's so it wouldn't be a good idea for him to visit the mayor's office. I was imagining him having one of those AD rages he can get when he's annoyed or frustrated with someone. So I spent some time photographing the situation, made some phone calls but decided I have enough stress right now and have to pick my battles.
So, my stress free life in this idyllic historic Victorian town in the Ozarks continues to be a dream unrealized but STILL ATTAINABLE I hope.
It just amazes me that in these economic times, people are such flakes. You think they would be more than willing to work. Terry - I have heard many stories like yours of people not wanting to work.