Recently, sometimes my husband has sounded a little scared thinking he was left alone. Now I realize that it may be the reason for his shadowing behavior. Somehow, knowing that makes me deal with it better--I feel like I need to reassure him everything is ok. He has been shadowing me for a while now (3 to 4 yrs), and it was very annoying at first. However, thinking that he is afraid or insecure has taken the stress out of it for me. Just thought I'd pass that along.
The shadowing began early on with us. I realized right away the insecurity he felt when he didn't know where I was. From the beginning, if we were not in the same room,periodically I would go to where he was, or at least call out to him, to let him know I was there. When I go outside to work in the yard I will always go back in every few minutes to let him know I'm here. It has worked so far - and as long as I remember(!) to "keep in touch with him" - he doesn't follow me around so much.
It's really not so very different from when we had little ones at home. If we were out of their sight, we were completely gone. They didn't grasp the concept of our being out of sight but still present. It must be so very frightening when the person who is your anchor, your security blanket, disappears.
I'll never forget a terrible moment back last winter, shortly after dx. I was awake early, left DH sleeping in the bedroom and went into the living room to do my Pilates exercises, turned on a video and got my mat on the floor. After a while DH came in, at first panicked and later furious. He accused me of leaving him, of wanting to get away from him. He said I should just leave the house, never come back, he'd give me half an hour to pack my stuff. This was the first time he was raging and ranting and I don't think it's ever been so bad since. But I did realize in the midst of it all that he had woke up to find himself alone and had been so frightened. I just kept assuring him that I wasn't leaving, just gone into the other room to do my exercises. It took him a long time to calm down that day. Since he's been on a higher dose of Exelon his rants are never so bad and don't last long.
lol I have to check otherwise she always gets into trouble,likes to get on the phone an talk to friends,call credit union an ask crazy stuff stop accounts or try to start new ones,I had to go to bank an credit union an explain what was going on,I'm so sick of I didn't do it,I don't know how that got there,I didn't move it,yesterday I found a can of coke in the freezer that had exploded,I guess her half of the dog put it there
I find myself actually USING the shadowing when I want him to go into another room. He doesn't like to be bossed around, but if I just go there myself without saying much, he'll follow me and be where I want him. When I want him to help me make the bed, brush his teeth, whatever.
DH has been sticking to me like glue the last couple of days. May be the weather since it's so cold and dark. I try to keep lots of lights on, but he'll turn some of them off. If I go to the kitchen he is right with me, wanting to do something. Guess he's as bored as I am! LOL So, I try to find something for him to help me with. Sets the table, puts stuff out of the refrigerator, whatever. He even wants to sit right next to me on the couch, rather than in his chair.
At night too, Vickie? At my Mom's the twin beds we were sleeping in had been moved apart with a night stand inbetween. I guess it's easier for Mom to make them up that way. But after two nights (why am I so slow?) I realized that it was making him restless in the night not to have me near. So we shoved them together and he slept much better after that.
funny, I certainly sleep better in the twins at my daughter's house and he seems to sleep well there also. We have two rooms in our home with single beds in them (trundles), and when he couldn't sleep before alz, he would go into his den, and sleep in the single. I almost wish I had gotten singles when we first got married. lots of people do, and sleep better. Of course, when we first got married, it was a different issue. (LOL)