I think about this a lot lately. I know it's easy to say. I'm healthy, able to function (sort of); I get up each day and go to work, come home to my kids, I go places with them. I struggle, sure, but I take joy in watching them grow and accomplish things. Meanwhile, DH sits in a chair in a nursing room, can't walk, can't speak coherently, can't feed himself. Basically nonfunctional.
I think about who he was when we married 11 years ago, or even a few years ago. He was full of life, so smart and funny and with so much to offer. It's not right that he's there and I'm here. Often I think that being healthy, not affected by dementia, he would have been a better parent than I am. I know our 3 young boys miss having a dad to do things with. Boys, especially, need their dad. My 8 year old cried last night after a really tough visit (DH has been emotional lately, crying), saying that he wanted to rollerskate and skateboard with his dad. No matter, how I try to be there for them, I can't give them that. I would have traded places with DH on the spot if I could.
Sorry this is so sad. I'm having a tough time. It doesn't help that I've been neglecting taking my anti-depressant meds. I need to get on track with that or I'll be no good to anyone. DH cries whenever I visit lately. It could be partly the meds they started giving him to help him sleep at night. But I think it's also that he's more aware. I was so glad when he came out of the "fog" he was in for several months and started talking (even if it doesn't make sense), but lately, I feel like he would probably be better off back in the fog. I don't know.
Anyways, I think I'll back off bringing the boys to see him for a while.
Oh Kelley, it is so tough when you have little ones. Jim and I were raising our 9 yr old grandson and now I have our 6 yr old grandson as well. I know how the boys miss their Papa. First thing though, YOU need to get back on the antidepressants and STAY on them. I know what you mean about trading places, but life is what it is and you are who the boys HAVE. Make the best of it. Spend time with them. Take walks, go swimming, do things that allow them the opportunities to be boys and still have the availability to talk with you about their Dad. I think family couseling helps alot. I have someone who comes to the house and plays or just hangs out with my boys. They talk alot about their Papa and about their Mom and what she is going through. Don't try to do this alone, get help. Talk to us. This is a tough walk, we all need a hand to hold. Keep posting. We'll be here. Arms around, Susan
my dh was in a fog for a couple of months also and i was over joyed when he came out of it and could hold a conversation with me, but it has turned into an ongoing thing of bring me home , get me out of here, crying and putting a guilt trip on me everytime I visit so I sometimes wish he was back in his fog, he would not know the difference where he is living, It must be so hard with small boys missing there dad,keep on doing things with them, like Susan says maybe get a male figure to come and do things with them, I don`t have that problem my kids are older but the grandkids miss there grampa. stay on your meds. Gail
Kelly5000, you might look into "Big Brother/Big Sister". There are chapters all over the country. They match adult men with boys who need a father figure and adult women with similar girls.
Big Brothers/Big Sisters was a big help for our daughter after DH's mental breakdown. She had opportunites to do things I couldn't rovide, and an Adult who could focus on her ant a time I couldn't always do that. It really helped.