Does anyone have a recipe for cooking Crow, because I'll be eating it soon? I swore to mysef that I would be able to finish this journey with my DH, but I realized today that I could not do it without help. Boy, that was the saddest thing about this journey I could have imagined. I am so grateful to have this website to turn to. I used to work for Social Services as an "Adult Specialist" , which meant I would take applications for medicaid for folks dealing with this very thing. I saw the heartbreak of spouses who had to place their loved ones and then figure out how to pay for it. Most were in shock or denial but as time progressed and the disease progressed most were broken and grieving. Only now, 8 years after retiring from the life sucking job, I am here, in the very same spot. Now I have the utmost respect and admiration for the people I served. You might think I have a leg up on how the process goes, but it turns out I don't. I know what is going to happen , but I don't know how much of it I can take. I know, however, that my clients did not have the vast support group that this website offers. Thanks all.
You are in good company Gypsy. I always said I'd keep Jim home til the end, and now 5 mos later he is headed for a nursing home. But its what HE wants, it's what makes him comfortable and it is what the Drs say he needs. So I guess the old, "Never say never" is oh so true. Thank God for this website.
It is IMPOSSIBLE to do this journey without support, education, information on how to find resources, and on and on and on.
Many of us who have been therapists, teachers, nurses, doctors, health care professionals, counselors, have found that it's a WHOLE DIFFERENT BALL GAME when it's your own. I could write a book (besides the one I am writing) about what I put up with for 25 years in Special Education. 99.9% of the time, I was calm, patient, professional, and after the first 5 years, could handle anything - from temper tantrum throwing 3 year olds to truly psychotic teenagers who were armed and dangerous. But when my own husband became irrational and prone to wild rages, I fell apart. I needed every bit of help I could get, and I think we are all that way.
Gypsy2, I was just about to type a thread about needing help. I am not yet looking for NH placement as you are but I am really scared about going back to work in a month (I'm a teacher) and leaving him home alone all day. He did it all last school year without too much trouble, but now that I have spent all day/ every day with him this last 2 months I can see more difficulties that makes me scared to think that he can continue to stay home alone. I feel like I need him to have some sort of in-home caregiver while I'm at work OR for him to attend an adult day care. How do you decide??? and how do you convince him that he needs it?? I know he is going to fight me on this and say "He's fine". What have others done at this stage????
jij, when my dh forgot that I was at work and went outside in his underwear, looking for me, is when I knew he coudn't stay home alone any more. I told him that the adult day care needed volunteers to help out. That got him started going . He's been going almost a year now and he really enjoys it. Of course, he forgot all about the" volunteering bit"
thanks carolyn, I like the "volunteering" idea. I think that he might actually by that....just not sure he will agree to "volunteer" at that kind of place. Maybe I'll have to think of another name for it???
jlj--he might really accept that he can be of help there. If he doesn't want to go everyday, you could consider in-home help the other days--they can do personal care and household chores, lightening your load and keeping him company. Explanation could be, he needs to be there to keep an eye on things while the worker does the work "for you".
jlj- my husband goes to a day program (I call it "the club")and he now "runs the place". He goes three days a week. Three days I don't worry about what he's doing while I work. The other two days I go home for lunch and have someone stop by to check in - helps to break up his day.
My husband wouldn't "want" to go to a day program. He would have stayed at home if he had a choice. I decided I needed help and he needed something to do. The doctor was also telling me to get him in a program sooner rather than later. I took him for an interview for his new job and he started "working" the next day. He protested, but he went. He is also one of the younger ones there, but he doesn't seem to notice. He refused to eat or participate for a time. Now he wants to go on his "days off". It takes time for them to adjust, but he really loves his "employees" and the "job" he has to do. I cried like a baby the first day I left him. It was a good decision for him and for me.
Thank you sooooo much for your ideas and thoughts. I have been struggling with how to go about this for awhile. This site is incredible and the support is a blessing. Thank you!
Welcome to my website. When you feel you would like to, you can post information about yourself and your husband in the thread at the top of this page - "Welcome New Members".
You have come to a place of comfort for spouses who are trying to cope with the Alzheimer's/dementia of their husband/wife. The issues we face in dealing with a spouse with this disease are so different from the issues faced by children and grandchildren caregivers. We discuss all of those issues here - loss of intimacy; social contact; conversation; anger; resentment; stress; and pain of living with the stranger that Alzheimer's Disease has put in place of our beloved spouse.
The message boards are only part of this website. Please be sure to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read all of the resources on the left side. I recommend starting with "Newly Diagnosed/New Member" and "Understanding the Dementia Experience". There are 3 sections for EOAD members - two of which focus on the young teens whose parents have EOAD (early onset AD). There is a great new section on informative videos. Do not miss the "previous blog" section. It is there you will find a huge array of topics with which you can relate. Log onto the home page daily for new blogs; news updates; important information.
milesformazzy, Welcome. Lots of good info here. I waited too long and dh was not "accepted" into daycare. You have to be able to "interact" somewhat- and he couldn't. Some people there actually believe they are "working" and at the end of the week, when the family pays for his care, the center gives him an envelope with his pay (a few dollars that the family supplies just for this purpose). It will not be easy but the day I left him for a trial, I could not believe how much weight I was carrying on my shoulders and how relieving it was to actually get in my car and drive without having to constantly think about dh. I was "free" and didn't realize what a prisoner I felt like. When I returned, he was outside on the deck watching for my car. When I got in, he asked me where I was. Very upset with me. He leaned on me too much and I waited too long. I did the same thing when it was time to place him. If I wasn't forced, I probably would have hung in there till whenever.