It's almost 3AM, had a horrendous day, but perked up a bit reading the CRUISE thread and contemplating going. Watched REVOLUTIONARY ROAD on pay per view and suddenly their idea of running away to Paris seemed perfectly rational and even possible.
To be able to leave all the crap that's happening here with this horrible reno situation, family woes, trying to make new friends in a new home, and well you all all the stuff.....and take DH while he might still enjoy it and get on a plane to Paris and maybe take a train through Europe, and just go until ...... Don't call out the white jackets......but lying here thinking about the movie and wondering what would be so crazy about that.
Did any of you ever think about something like that in the early stages and those of you who are still in the early to moderate stages, do you ever think about it now? Anybody ever hear of anyone actually doing it? Wonder if they're out there....those that just decide to shuck it all, go have fun, enjoy yourselves together and to heck with all the daily logistical stuff that can drive us up the walls with some interspersed enjoyment when we can find the time.
Right now, at 3:23 am it doesn't sound crazy. The trouble is, I am too rational and have too strong an urge to be in control. I wish I could be more spontaneous, but I haven't managed it yet. Have to think through all the possible consequences. But . . . if you do it, be sure you always have internet access so you can let us know how it's going. It'll be fun to live vicariously through you . . .
It's precisely BECAUSE I want to get back in control that these thoughts are even occuring to me. I don't seem to have any control around here as too much is controlled by people we depend to do work on the house, help with yard stuff, and personally not being able to control people being supportive or visiting. Just having this strong urge to TAKE CONTROL and say to heck with everything, we're gonna do something for us! Anyway, it's something I can hang onto for now - there's some control in that I think.
That makes sense, but then I start worrying about whether we have enough money, and how you fill prescriptions when you're on a train going across Europe, and on and on and on. I know, I worry too much about things I can't control - so that there's no point in worrying about them. Right now I'm worrying about how I'm going to feel tomorrow with so little sleep tonight - guess I'll go back to bed and try to sleep again. Then I'll lie in bed and worry about something else! Let me know if you go; maybe we'll join you!
Mee Tooooo. On Wednesday, in a frantic state, I 'decided' Thats it.. I'm loading him up, loading up the dog..and we're leaving for New Mexico! We'll stay gone for as long as it takes to get the things done here that are constant sources of irritation.. Won't come back till I'm told its all done.. We'll go where its cool and just stay.. Then I called my 89 yr old mom, who has great difficulty walking now, and told her she was invited to come along with us! Well, I woke up in the wee hours of the next morning thinking.. I am completely insane!.. I've gone over the brinkkkkk.. white jacket for me tooo. I called my mom, told her I was sorry to interrupt her bridge game but had temporarily lost my mind..and not to worry about considering such a trip.
I remember years ago when husband was in the "hard" stage that I wanted to just get in the car (by myself...how's that for nuts?) and just drive....no destination in mind....I just wanted to be anywhere but here. I never did it, but threatened it on more than one occasion.
I knew others felt the same as me, wanting to just run away. However, it does make me feel not so bad, since others feel the same way. There are days I have felt like taking a walk & just keep walking until I couldn't anymore. Then I come back to reality, I would have to walk back. lol
My bags have been packed for a long time now, and I just wish I could lose my sense of devotion and loyalty, because I would disappear. Luckily, I fixed the leaky boat and turned it into the cruise ship. I spend lots of time there, and it is so refreshing. The crew caters to me very well, and I am visiting places where I have never thought existed. And, I have the best company along on the trip.
I think of running away at least once an hour. My girlfriends and I play a "In My Mind Game" such as - in my mind I'm on a hammock tied to a palm tree beside the turquoise ocean with a tall cool drink in my hand, no on is around and I am thin enough for a bikini! I my mind all is well and I'm being held in the arms a the man I care for, swinging in a swing, watching the stars and sipping champagne. These little mind games keep me sane. They are my escape from reality! Because reality sucks!!!!
Call us insane then. when i found out DH was on borrowed time after Dx we took every trip we wanted. i ran up credit cards bigtime and said exactly that. to hell with it there are going to be plenty of yrs we wont be able to get out of the house again for a vacation and i can pay the bills then. bad idea? not in my book, we went on cruises to greece several times, italy several times. mexico beaches, carribean beaches, skiing to the andes, alps, and rockies. paris! london! Venice :(((((and everwhere in between. wouldnt trade the memories ever. and exactly as planned today i am at home unable to travel even by car without issues and now devoted to paying down credit bills. it was the right choice for us. if DH was still able to travel anywhere we'd be going. i hope you make your dreams happen too. sadly if you wait, you wont get another chance =divvi
Divvi, so wonderful you were able make all those wonderful memories! Wishing I had been stowed in one of your suitcases!
Sandi, I had that same desire. I was dealing with Lynn, my sister and her two children moved in with me due to a domestic violence and a dreadful divorce, my own disabilities and then my Dad's suicide. It was ALL I could do not to get in the car and just drive, and drive and drive...... no destination, just away!
I still have those desires today, but not as bad, or as often. I know Lynn is safe now, huge worry off my shoulders. I will never "get over" my Dad's suicide, but the pain is lessening. Now if I could just figure out a better way to support 4 people and pay all the bills on just my disability pay.....
I do have a destination in my dreams these days, Lynn is healthy, we are on a beautiful island in the Bahamas, surrounded by beautiful fish and dancing dolphins. *sigh. We did get to go to the Bahamas twice. We had always wanted to go to Bermuda. After Lynn was diagnosed, I planned the cruise. I had every detail planned, the scuba dives, the dolphin swims. etc etc, but by then, he was too fearful. He was afraid to go, so I decided I wouldn't put him through that and cancelled the trip. Now, I wish we had gone, I could have helped him through the fear and I bet we would have had a great time! Now, it is just something on my "to do ...after" list.
Well, not so romantic but I have just today booked a flight to Detroit in October so that we can continue our annual tradition of visiting my Mom during the Oak Harbor Apple Festival. I was really hesitating this year but finally went ahead and booked (Northwest is offering lots of award flights, it's amazing). DH is fearful and always says no when it's time to go somewhere. But I was able to get him along on a bus trip to Knokke on the Belgian seacoast yesterday, so that was encouraging. Then I talked to Mom on the phone and she "just happened" to mention that she had turned down a trip to Cape Cod that weekend because I had mentioned we might come. So that clinched it and I got busy and booked it. Other years we flew into Newark to visit our son in Allentown first but that was just too hard this year and I'm not sure how the 8-hour drive on Route 80 would work now.
By the way if anybody REALLY does come to Europe and visit Holland you are welcome to come see us or stay with us (including AD spouses of course). Divvi, your travels sound wonderful. Wish I had had the energy to do that. It just crept up rather slowly . . . and now I don't know what we still will be able to do.
When life gets to be too much, I do take a "mystery" ride. I will take little country roads that I have never been on, just to see where they come out. It is a tradition that my Dad started when we were kids, I continued it with mine and then Jim and I would pack a picnic and do the same. I have gotten very lost, seen amazing sites, sometimes seen nothing special, but the peacefulness of a drive alone.
Divvi, WOW that's a lot of traveling. I don't know why I can't think of anywhere I want to go except the Grand Canyon as I've never been. We went to Venice shortly BEFORE DX and we've been to Italy a couple times and I loved it but the energy it takes for me to struggle with the language I'm not sure I'm up for that now. If I had a personal translator that might be different. When we went to Rome severalyears ago we took a short bus tour to the Amalfi Coast and I remember thinking I'd love to go back there as it was so stunning. Hmmmmm.....something to think about. In the meantime in September we'll be visiting friends in Portland, OR, where I've never been either.
I've never been on a cruise. Never wanted to as I have a fear of being anywhere I can't leave if I choose. Is that some sort of claustrophobia or just nutty? I do like the idea of not having to do any planning and love the idea of meeting some of you all!
Terry, did you go into the Blue Grotto? I guess not, if it was a short bus tour. I think it is a little nutty, not wanting to cruise. As long as you can get outside, on the open deck, you feel very free, with the wide open space of all that ocean.
terry, I loved Venice. Lots of CATS all over. I breezed around Europe lots, because I lived/worked there 6 years. Seems you can always find someone who can speak English. Don't worry, be happy! Just picked up a passport application. Haven't had a need for one for 11 years. H never liked traveling, but I do. I hope one day to swim with the Dolphins again. That is pure joy. I've never been on a cruise either. I like to get around & see stuff. Just put me on a plane & get me to my destination. I'm with divvi, go while you can both enjoy it. Nothing crazy about that. I've had one vacation in 11 years, and I am going somewhere, just fun to imagine it. Maybe even better than going.
Terry--soon we are going on a Mediterranean cruise that leaves from Venice, our favorite place in the world! This will be our fourth time there (and probably our last). We are spending a few nights there pre-cruise and then take off for Croatia, Turkey and Greece and back to Venezia. All the other ports are new to us--I'm taking a leap of faith and hoping that all goes well. Like Divvi and her hubby did, I'm trying to get some good trips in before it becomes impossible. During the trips since dx, my husband has really enjoyed himself and seemed happier than when at home (why not, someone else--me--is handling literally everything)! I hope that Venice will not be too emotional for me--it has always been a special place for us--so romantic. But I think I will never be able to return there without him, it will hurt too much, so I want to do it now.
Marilynmd, what other stops? i hope you are going to santorini?? athens? mykonos? oh my. the views from the white tops in santorini are spectacular. Venice again? i am soo envious! i want to go to but like you would be be overrun with sentiments if DH werent there. unfortunately now it will never be again. please take a gondola ride under the bridge of sighs!! awww. how appropriate huh?
starling been to rhodes too , interesting history and alot of similarities to crete- . divvi