A week ago, I had to leave during a time of what I call uproar..angry, threatening behaviors. etc. My son and I met with a representative of Home Instead, an agency that provides home care etc. I stayed at my studio in town while son and daughter-in law monitored and took meals etc to DH. He was fine. I was a complete wreck..trying to make sure that he was ok and feeling terrible that they were having to take care of him.. When he calmed down.. I went back. Talked seriously (I thought) about our circumstances and how if he wanted to be able to STAY HERE, he would have to work harder to manage his anger. (its ok to laugh..many of you already know this is futile..but I had to say it anyway).
Long story. short. I hope..I just wondered if any of you had tried agencies like Home Instead or Comfort Keepers etc.. They 'say' they are trained but not sure they are actually trained in dementia care. DH is physically active..that bring about a host of issues here.
Just 3 days after I went back, DH DROVE to our son's ranch, hooked up a trailer and brought it back .. I had no idea that he had left our property until I looked up and SAW HIM driving past our entrance down to the back entrance. He was agitated that the son had TAKEN his trailer.. WRONG..The trailer belongs to our son. These things just keep on keeping on. The dr. suggested we increase the Risperadone to .75 a day. He also said, DH would have to AGREE to stay at an assisted living facility. ?? How would we ever get him to agree to something like that? Dr. suggests a psych eval.. but he'd have to AGREE to go to the psych hospital too. Sorry, but DH would never ever agree to anything mental..he's fine.
Its beginning to feel like we are at the beginning again..tired, confused, worried and the whole enchalada.. is that the way to spell enchilada??
judy sorry you have so many issues going on. not unusual here though. many others have this issues too of them not 'consenting' for treatment or placement. i guess others will be here shortly to advise you on how they deal with it. i do know if physical endangerment to you or your family becomes an issue you must call the police and have him taken in by baker acting him and getting him a psyche evaluation at the hospital which means they will keep him for a while. meds then will be rx'd by the attending drs. you need to be prepared if things escalate. seems if your DH is not on medication or under a drs care you are going to see more anger ealier than later. divvi the only other way to get him care is for you and your son to go to the courts and try to get a guardianship over DH but that will be difficult until he goes overboard and gives the judge a reason. divvi and this is just my opinion of course judy but unless DH is on medication for his anger outbursts and possiibly flying off the handle at an agency care giver i would hold off on bringing someone into my home just for liablity issues. you should explain he can get aggressive and see if they are willing to care for him like that without medications.
((Judy)) I am so sorry you are facing this. I tried in home care, they will not even attempt to "handle" difficult patients. They will not endanger themselves or their employees. Day cares wouldn‘t even discuss taking him. They ARE trained in AD, but they will not subject themselves to being hurt.
THIS is the reason I had to place Lynn. I did have to get guardianship. It was a simple process for us. He was late stage 6, early 7 at the time and I had plenty of doctors records to back up his condition. No doctor had to come to court, a simple letter was enough. Lynn did not have to appear in court, he had a lawyer. The lawyer did meet with Lynn, he is also the one we had a few years back to draw up the DPOA. He was shocked at Lynn's decline.
Lynn was more volatile than most spouses I see here. It wasn’t an every now and then event. It was my daily life. Now that he is in the nursing home he is very sweet again. They did NOT increase his medication, so I can only assume, in his eyes I am once again his wife, and not the “bad guy”
Lynn was put on seroquel, it helped a great deal. Please consider asking his doctor for medications to help with his rages. Keep talking Judy, it helps.
Judy, My husband was on risperadone originally and it actually made things worse. His neuro did say that sometimes the drugs will do the opposite of what it is intended to do. He was changed to seroquel and this has helped alot more. Maybe a change of meds would help.
Home Instead will not deal with incontinence. If someone falls, even if they pick themselves back up, they call 911. My impression is that they are really good if you're somewhere else and your sweet little mama is living alone and not quite managing. There are plenty of people like that. We are not them.
Judy, we did use in care home help & it was "Home Instead" that we used for nearly a year. My DH was incontinent and that was not a problem for them. (We live in Texas, but it may be different from location to location based on what briegull just said). If you call Home instead, they'll come out & do an evaluation to see what his needs are, what you are expecting, etc. The girl working for us told me they are not "trained", but instead, "read some literature" on Alzheimer's and then have to sign something that says they did...That was the extent of the training. Again, might be different state to state. My DH was "somewhat" difficult, but not to the level you are describing. We had an incident where the caregiver stepped in front of him to stop him from walking down the driveway (her arms were full and she could not take his arm or hand) and he shoved her & it scared her to death (and me too!) & that was sorta the "beginning of the end" for the home care stuff for us. I just didn't feel like it was going to work well after that. The caregiver was about 5' tall & my DH 6'...We could have found another one, I'm sure. Overall, I was pleased with Home Instead. We have since gone to a DayProgram @ a facility in our city and it is working great. I will also say that we had utilized Comfort Keepers in our area for my FIL when he needed help. They were good too. You just have to find the right "match" between caregiver & your DH. Sometimes it takes a few to get it "right". Also, deb112958 mentioned the med change -- I agree that might be a good idea to try. My DH was on loxapine for behavior issues & his PCP decided to try to take him off because he was doing pretty well. She said they level out & taking him off didn't mean he'd never need it again, but wanted to try & see if he could do without it. The side-effects from being on these anti-psychotics for extended amounts of time are the reason, I think. The very next day after being off it, he was like his old sweet self in alot of ways...it's been 2 months now & no further behavior issues. Pretty mellow most of the time. I am hanging on to the drug in case we need it again though. Do hope things will settle down for your DH and for YOU! Hang in there!!
I use Home Instead here in Washington State. Here they do deal with the incontinence; however I am usually very careful not to go out till after he has "done his daily deed". At first they sent a male caregiver which didn't turn out because DH pushed him. I think that was a case of DH feeling threatened by another "rooster in the hen house".
They later sent a lady that lives very close to here. She is wonderful, and DH likes her. She cleans the kitchen, unloads the dishwasher and mops the floor. She is very patient and lets DH "help" her with the chores. They have a 3 hour minimum but I usually take 4 hours. When she was leaving yesterday she said that since I live so close if I ever need someone to sit with him for 15 min to 1/2 hour just to call her and she'll come over "off the record". That was sweet of her but I won't do that because of possible complications (Unless I am desperate). They screen their workers fairly well and the ones they have sent have extensive background experience with AZ. I think I've lucked out!! Hope it continues.
I really appreciate the information you have shared. I'm going to call Home Instead and see if we can get something going. I am going to increase the Risperadone to .75 a day instead of .50.. Give that a decent chance before attempting anything else. It seems the more I THINK, the more complicated this seems.
The guardianship might be an answer and the local judge knows our situation. I also believe DH will behave BETTER for strangers here, than for any family members. However, there are various loose ends that need to be addressed before putting a sitter person in place. We'll need to make sure that the property is secure and that he's not capable of driving off. (keys? Gates? whatever it takes). He's been placated in a way..by being able to drive to the barn and back (about a half a mile)..but since he has now driven off the property ..we are pretty naive to think he won't do it again if he decides to. Even if he promised (which he hasn't) not to do it again.. well many of you already know how that goes.
Again, thank you so much. Does the psychiatrist have to prescribe seroquel?
Judy, I hope it all works out for you. You need the breaks! Many of us have had major problems taking the keys/cars away. Lets hope it goes smoothly for you. Lynn's neurologist prescribed the seroquel. Now his PC doc does.