I am having a terrible time getting my DH into bed at night. I start getting into his PJ's about 9:00. That usually goes pretty well, except for the fact I have to physically lift his "frozen" left foot up to get him into his clothes. Then he will sit on the edge of the bed. I tell him to lie down. He says ok. Then he continues sitting. I try coaxing, I try helping him lift his feet to the bed, or to gently lay his head down on the pillow. Nothing! He gets confused or upset and still won't lie down. I have come to dread bedtime more than any other time. I've found that it is easier if I let him go to sleep in his chair and then take him to bed. Only thing there is, if I let him get too sound to sleep I can't get him to get up to go to bed. If I try too soon he just gets back up after the long ritual of getting him to lie down. Tonight I got frustrated and said, "Fine! just let me know when you are ready to lie down" and left the room. He came looking for me and started to cry and say how sorry he was. Then we started the whole "lie down" routine again. I finally got him into bed but it leaves me so tired and frustrated!!! Is there a way to make it easier???????? AARRGGHH!!!
Well, I never did figure out a way to get past this....so my husband slept sitting up for years. He wouldn't change his clothes without a major battle so I gave the idea of pajamas up....it was very frustrating so I understand what you are going through. I was just grateful he was at least sitting instead of pacing back and forth in the house.
I have had these same issues too. the frozen feet syndrome. boy its tough to lift a dead weight into clothes! i have a very specific ritual to get DH changed and it has to be precise or you get the white knuckles holding onto pants or depends for dear life. i can rip the depends off at the seams and hes still holding the peices of the front of the diaper. :) wanting his pants on whether wet stinkyor dry is something he never forgets-ha. lately me too have had someissues when lying down he seems to just plop down onto the mattress backwards instead of moving onto the pillow with his head. i found if i can get him to stand up again and just move him closer to the pillows and DONT put my hands on him to try to help position he seems to do better on his own. i just tap the pillows while hes looking back. so far so good. other times ihave litterally had to leave him where he went back and put pillows under his head and a chaise lounge under his hanging off the bed legs! dead weight when they wont cooperate is mindboggling. i understand just how fustrating this can get gmaewok; i agree if you can move or yet get another large comfy chaise lounge for the bedroom and let him sit back just enough for comfort may be the way to go now. if i see my Dh cant get into bed at some point i may go ahead and get a hospital bed for him with rails and up/downs so he feels more comfy sitting up some. maybe its scary for them to lay back like that onto a mattress. i do have lots of foam inclines under DH head now and his pillow over that. its helping. good luck, divvi ps i may go ahead and order a smaller bedside rail that fits under the mattress and see if this helps.
After I do the transfer from wheelchair to sitting on the bed, I put my right arm around her shoulders, and my left arm under her legs at the knees, and lift and twist with a "throwing" kind of move to get her up and laying down. Now I know she weighs only 128 lbs., plus my core and back are in good shape, so it is not hard to do for me, but your DHs weigh considerably more I'm sure, and so I sympathize with your problems. It is a tough and tiring job.
My husband seems to be "frozen stiff" mornings. He calls me and tells me he can't get out of bed. He sleeps on his back and doesn't move all night. I put my hands under his knees and flex them and then pull them to the side of the bed and he gets hold of my arm and we "work" him up that way. I put a rolling walker handy for him to finish getting to his feet and use for his first morning steps.
I think a hospital bed might be helpful for some of you. You can use the side rails as a sturdy pivot. You could even fasten a transport belt to the opposite rail and use that as a "extra pulley," if that makes any sense. My mother in law had a bar hanging from some kind of frame and she could reach up and grab the bar (like a trapeze bar) and pull herself up in bed. Actually, I forgot about that. Need to look into that for husband. Anyone know what they are called? I imagine Medicare would pay for it with a perscription.
lmohr---They are a trapeze. The one they thought they'd give me was a heavy triangle base with a tall vetical post, with an armature to extend over the bed with the triangle grab-bar hanging from a chain. I sent that back. My brother build what I needed--a solid frame that surrounds the foot of the bed with the top edge at the height of the frame of an upper bunkbed. I can grab it and pull to get up and then lean on it while I reach the crutches. The trapeze would be great for pulling up to a sitting position, but if your balance is poor, that triangle swinging around isn't going to help you stay on your feet. A hospital bed can help in lots of ways. Height is adjustable. Head can be raised to sitting position(or close). The rails can be used to keep LO in; grab to help get up; grab to help shift and turn; to name a few ways. Foot end can be raised if there's circulation issues.
Thank you all for the helpful ideas. I do have to change him at bedtime because he is always wet. And, divvi, I know just what you mean about the fight to get the depends off. He can hold on for dear life till the depends are almost shredded. Kind of funny if it weren't so frustrating. I think the idea of letting him just sleep in his recliner might be just the answer. I'm usually so exhausted after getting the clothes changed maybe I should just use the recliner myself. We do have a recliner in the bedroom that he uses in the early morning. I have an alarm on our bedroom door so he can't leave the room without waking me, and I think it startles him when the alarm sounds because he quickly shuts the door and goes for the recliner. If he settles in his recliner in the living room, though, I'm thinking I'll sleep on the couch since I worry about him wandering around the house with me asleep....especially in the kitchen.
gmaewok, I did just what you are thinking about. Whenever he fell asleep in his chair, I slept on the couch beside him. I put a child proof gate on the hall door. I have an electric stove, I learned to turn the breakers off before I went to sleep. The reclyner was very comfortable for him. I bought a couple of those down body pillows to give him extra cushion. I always worried about bed soars. Best of luck
My sister used a hospital bed for her husband the last year. He was 6'2" and very stiff. To put him in bed she would lower it all the way, put the head up and foot of the bed up a little, use the belt and her knees to lower him into bed. In the morning when taking him out, she would raise it up, raise the head up, swing his stiff legs around, then using the belt stand him up. Besides VaD, he had had a stroke so his left side was weak. Hospital beds can be a real lifesaver ladies. Plus, they can sit on the edge of the bed while putting on pants and depends, then stand them up. If you are offered one, I would not turn it down.
you are very right charlotte its much easier to change pants tops and depends while they are sitting on the edge of bed. i have the quilted pads down anyway. and with the dead foot weight its a life saver for the back not to have to pick up the whole leg like when they are standing. and much easier to get shirts/tops off when they are at your chest level- i have also found that taking DH fist in my hand and while holding it pushing it thru the arm holes to get shirts off works fantastic -it keeps him from holding on to his shirt.. yep shirt gets while knuckles just like the pants/depends. :)divvi