Tonight something happened that I've been waiting 5 years to hear--my husband thanked me for taking care of him. I was in our home office, papers spread all over the desk, on the phone handling financial business, faxing information, etc. He came in and asked what I was doing, I calmly explained it, etc. A little while later we went downstairs and he put his arms around me and said "Thank you for taking care of me." It felt so good to hear that coming from him--I've wanted to hear those words for so long now--just some acknowledgement from him of all the responsibility I've taken on. It particularly surprised me because his career was in the financial area--for close to 40 years--so it has been a touchy subject that I've taken all of it over. (Practically right up there with the driving issue in terms of sensitivity.) Before dx, we went to a therapist together when he was misdiagnosed with depression, even she couldn't get him to acknowledge any thanks for my efforts. I guess this was an example of one of those lucid flashes of the "old self" that surfaces from time to time. Hard to say exactly why it meant so much to me, but it was reassuring to hear and I'm so glad he was able to express it. I responded by saying he was welcome, that we both take care of each other. I must try to remember this day!
I know that, Bluedaze, I agree. What I mean is that I always knew, deep inside, he does appreciate me. When I would ask him why he never verbalized it, he would say "I don't have to, you already know it." But it made a difference hearing him express thanks, without being coached.
I know how you feel. A few times when my husband has been particulary contrary, he will come and tell me "thanks for putting up with him". I tell him that I do it because I love him. Now five minutes later....all bets are off and he may return to his AD self ;-}
Marilyn, those moments when they are aware enough to express themselves are what give us the strength to hold on. I am so glad you were able to have yours ((hugs))
On my birthday card a couple of weeks ago my DH wrote " I can't express in words how much I love you, and what you mean to me. Thank you for being there for me and tolerating my behavior." I'll keep this card forever.
Sheila--What amazing insight he has and still a wonderful ability to express himself.
I did forget to say in my original post that although my husband had never thanked me verbally before, he did send me flowers consistently--even when he needed the help of the adult daycare staff to accomplish it. He told me that it was his way of thanking me, and it did mean a lot. But hearing the words--that was the best gift he could give me.