Well, it's happened. I came home from a hunting trip to find a legal document John had executed revoking my DURABLE power of attourney. Somehow, he contacted the brokerage firm where our funds are and blocked all access to them. I have no way to pay our bills. The children are protecting their dad and not returning my calls. They don't believe he had threatened my life. I had him hauled off by the police last week and he ended up staying at the hospital for a few days. I know my children are behind all this, and his sisters. I tried to explain what I was doing . . . paying off the farm, etc., following my lawyer's advised plan to prequalify him for Medicaid should he need to be placed outside the home. Just trying to protect my estate. I'm at the point of wanting to divorce and turn my back, begin a new life, GUILT FREE. I've tried. Anyone else have these experiences?????
If your children and his family are working against you, there is no way you can be responsible for your husband . My opinion,look after yourself. Do whatever you have to do. You have little choice.
My immediate reaction was that you should make sure that YOU are safe. If you don't currently know where he is, and if you believe he is with his children and the rest of his family, it is time for you to go to your own attorney and have him explain to them that because of their actions that you no longer have any responsibility for him.
Personally, I think you should walk. And yes, guilt free because you were doing everything you understood to be correct and someone else decided to take over. Contact all of the places where the bills come from and give them the address and phone numbers of whichever of the family you believe made the decision to take all of your funds away and get off the farm. Whether or not you try to get your own share out of the family estate depends on whether or not you believe there is enough money involved to make it worth your while.
Don't do anything until you have talked everything over with an attorney. You don't want to do something that might be a problem for you in the future.
For example, if you give the creditors a different address, but your name is listed on the account as being the responsible party, you will still be responsible, but you won't receive the information you need to know what's going on.
I can't tell from this post, but you may need to talk with more than one type of attorney, divorce and maybe estate planning, and perhaps even bankruptcy. Law is getting very specialized these days, and a divorce attorney may not know enough about other aspects of your situation to advise you fully. (I know from personal experience.)
Wasn't your name actually on the brokerage account?
Sunshyne...yes, my name was on the brokerage account. The farm that I just paid off and all other tangible property is in my name alone. Yes, I'm seeing two attourneys, each a specialist in elder law and estate planning. At this point, I feel NOTHING and don't want to be responsible for this mess any longer. Let the "others" take care of him. It won't take too long for them to start passing him around if you know what I mean. Yes, I'm "walking". I've spent 25 years in this cartoon. I'm only 53 and still feel like a thirty-something. Thanks for the advice and support.
Whoa! I just saw this and your first post blew me away. I am glad to know you got some things paid off before they blocked that account. I don't understand how the brokerage firm can legally prevent you from access if your name is on the account. That sounds so illegal.
Ya know, your DH might have dementia, but nevertheless, seems he and his family are acting in an abusive manner toward you. I'm glad to hear you are gonna "walk."
If you aren't already on the phone with the attornies, get on the phone first thing on Monday. Have them get on the phone with the brokerage account and have them freeze your half of the money and/or get it moved into a new account in your name only. Etc. (Etc. in this case means doing whatever else the attornies tell you to do to protect yourself.) And if they start passing him around as reality hits, don't let them pass him in your direction again.
On my other support group there was a young man (24) who had found himself taking care of a mentally sick girlfriend. All of us older folk told him to get out and turn her back over to her parents. There are times when you are morally responsible for someone who has reached the worse in the better or worse promise, and there are times when you are not responsible. I don't know you, but I think you might no longer be responsible.
Stantgirl, Your situation sounds like my friends. She put him in an AD assisted living, the family didn't think he belonged there yet. They took him out to their home. It was not long before they returned him. He was going to divorice her and they broke into her home and took things. In the long run things worked out. He stayed in the AD place until he passed and she continued to visit and take care of him. They stayed married. He was a very difficult and argumentative large man. I don't think the family gave her much trouble after they took him home. Look out for yourself, but it may work out. I will hope that you can find what protects you and that whatever is best works. barbarakay
Well, it sounds as if you need a third attorney ... divorce. Elderlaw attorneys don't know enough about divorce law to fully protect you. Whether or not you eventually walk, you need to know your options, and you need to know how to protect yourself. It sounds as if all your planning has been focused on protecting your husband. Start focusing on you, now.
Starling is right ... there are definitely times when you are no longer morally responsible. When that time comes, make sure you are also no longer legally responsible.
I haven't been where you are ... my DH's children are being horse's patooties, but they are so clearly only after money that they're only hurting their relationship with him, not his relationship with me. But even that has given me plenty of insight into how thoroughly rotten and unscrupulous people can be, and how much stress that kind of thing puts on you, and how bad that stress is for you.
So protecting yourself means protecting your mental and emotional health, as well as your future financial well-being.
WOW! Thank you all so much for your support. Kind of thought I'd be labeled a real _itch. My parents are helping me right now with substantial funds to do the things I need to do around here (ie PAY BILLS), so I've not been totally abandoned. Good advice from all of you......and, I feel so much better!
Just make sure you take care of yourself, including attending to business by getting in touch with the attorneys. If they want you to report that your husband is "missing" you might need to do that too. Or they might want you not to admit publically that you don't know where he is. There is also the brokerage account. You probably need to find out from your attorneys whether you should attempt to get ahold of all or part of that account since your name is on it. Perhaps you need to put a hold on it so no one can take money out of it.
So basically the main thing you need to do today is go and talk to someone who can advise you what to do next legally.
This just sucks....not only do you have the AD to deal with but the family BS is unbelievable! I'm afraid I can't offer any words of wisdom because the two countries have different laws.
I'm thinking of you and the leaving part is something I've had to do because he is getting meaner and more controlling. Thank goodness I have everything in my name so noone can get their hands on my property.
Wow, what a nightmare for you! His family should be kissing your behind, not turning against you. I still feel that my DH's family sometimes thinks I make up how bad he is... "but he sounds fine on the phone"... guess they don't realize that they do all the talking and he just sits there and says "uh huh." I really feel for you. Hang in there and take care of yourself!!
Stuntgirl--you origially wrote in March 2008. I didn't come onto this site until July and just this evening read your postings. How are you doing? I'm so praying things got straightened out. Please let us know.
I wonder if you've gone to Florida??? On a recent note, you said you were "walking". Does that mean you've decided to file for divorce? It just might be the best thing under the circumstances. You're young enough to find your own self again.