Since April, my dh has dropped off a cliff. I fell and broke 3 ribs and could no longer care for him 24/7 as he needs total assistance. However, at the time, I had a caregiver that came every day and took him for a 2 mile walk and lunch at McDonalds. He "communicated with all the guys " there. Yes, I had to dress, feed and clean him. I had to watch him carefully because he was a fall risk. I was in such pain from the broken ribs, I had the VA temporarily place him in a nh till I was better. I had no idea that this would result in his downfall. The first day in the nh, he fell and had to go to the hosp for stitches. They locked him in a wheel chair and he never walked again. He still was able to see (although he has been blind in 1 eye from an early age) and could hear me when I spoke normally. As the days progressed, he slowly got worse and worse. They refused to give him the depakote he was on when he was first admitted (long story) and a few weeks later, he became combative and ended up in the hosp for 2 weeks (yet another meds adjustment!). En route to his current nh, he had a small stroke and since then has no vision, very little speech and I now have to lean in really close to him for him to hear me. He never leaves his bed or wheelchair. His weight has dropped to 161 Down from 206 in Jan. Every day he seems worse and worse. I went today and he was still sleeping at noon. His aide told me he was not alert enough to eat breakfast. Last night they had decreased his seroquel quite a bit and I was hopeful that he might be more alert. He seems to have alot of pain if you move his arms or legs. I just feel that if I hadn't placed him in the nh in April that he might not have failed so quickly. Was it all the constant adjustments that he had that has him so bewildered? He does not respond to most of my family any more and not even our daughter. Sometimes he'll respond to me, other times not. Did I do this? He is only 61. Has had ad for 8 years. I know eoad goes more quickly but this sudden drop- my God. Have any of you had this experience and then found them to rebound somewhat? I know he'll never be what he was but is this it? I know I cannot undo this but I wish I felt better about the sequence of events.
Kathryn did what you had to do at the time. There was no way of knowing how your husband would decline. The stroke might have occured even if he had been at home. Second guessing yourself will drive you nuts.
Eight years is a long time to have AD. The last stages do move quickly,..and I wonder if the fact that you are not with him 24/7 makes the changes you see more significant than they woud be if he was still home. I PROMISE you it is not your fault. He might have fallen that night at HOME. Who knows how YOU would have recovered if you had to take care of him at the same time.
I'm told when our loved ones die, more often we cry for the loss of a loved one in our own lifewalk, and not for the person who is free of his suffering, pain and confusion. I know I cry for the loss of my DH frequently. He's been dying for five plus years and was sick before that - just didn't realize it was AD.
Please don't blame yourself, it's not your fault. Let's blame this on this horrific, ugly, dastardly disease that eats up their brains, slowly, sporatically, rapidly and then slowly again. We weren't given a Program when our LO's received their diagnoses, to follow the progression of EOAD as it plays out. I wonder if I would have wanted one or not?? mmm. Please don't blame yourself for anything, please, please!
Kathryn0907, We do what we have to do. The shoulda, woulda, coulda will drive us crazy. DO NOT blame yourself for doing what you had to do. As stated above, nobody knows how things might have gone if fate hadn't stepped in. Feeling guilty will only sap your energy, which you still need. (((HUGS)))
Kaaathryn0907--May I repeat--you did what you did at the time because you had no choice. Whatever had transpired since then, would have happened anyway==whether you had broken ribs or not. I have the same trouble--second guessing myselfl--not a very fruitful endeavour. Please try to not beat up on yourself anymore. Won't do any good. I've been there--done that--believe me. :)
The stroke was waiting to happen. Nothing you did, or did not do, had anything to do with it. You couldn't take care of him at home when your ribs were broken, and you got care for him - that was a loving thing to do. As Nancy said, he could have fallen at home. My husband had a spontaneous fracture of the coccyx at home, had to be hospitalized, and went from there to a private hospital because of his deterioration. He did improve markedly, but was still at high risk for falls, and I couldn't care for him. His progress is a steady slope, and it's all down hill. There are three factors in the equation: the patient, the caretaker and the disease. You handle it the best way you can. Sounds to me that's what like you did.
I will add my words as the others have stated--it is not your fault . What happened can only be blamed on this awful illness, and despite what we know about it there is so much more we cannot understand. Please forgive yourself and know we are all here for you.