I agree re the immediate answer, Nancy - I think most of us answer quickly on the emergency things but also try to ttt for the more nuanced answers - it's our bulk of accumulated knowledge that can be useful.
Well, I had not seen this thread, but have read some of it now. Wow, fun and games to look forward to. Just what I needed on a sunny afternoon. Seriously, there is an immense amount of information here and I use the search functions OFTEN to look at older threads. They are usually informative and always interesting.
Is ttt something that members here 'made up', because for the longest time after I joined..even knowing from the block on home page... I still didn't know what To The Top meant. I always thought of Jackie Gleason's "To the MOON!" when I saw ttt.
Most of us DO answer right away. It has always been the way things here are done. But some of us will ALSO find the old thread and bring it to the top again.
I do think that doing both is doing a favor for the "new class". I know that when I came here the site was relatively new and I read a lot of old threads. That would be almost impossible now because the site is now so big.
Somehow, I missed this thread when it first came around. The descriptions on the first page of the stages are the best I have seen. Stage 6 exactly matched DH in that description. sorry, I don't see Jane here anymore, but thanks to whomever brought this thread ttt.
Well, I notice that I posted in June that we might be at this stage -- and that DH was sleeping in Depends. That only lasted a night or two -- he threw a fit. Fast forward to Sept -- he's dribbling all the time now. Today while I was gone to library and convenience store he dribbled so much enroute to the pot that I'm guessing there wasn't much left to do by the time he reached it. We just had a little conversation about wearing the "absorbent underwear" to keep from embarrassment in public. He didn't agree or disagree, just wandered into his bedroom and took a nap.
From what I've read here it sounds like most DHs were wearing briefs pre-incontinence. DH has always worn boxers so I'm afraid we will really have a fight due to the lack of "freedom". Any wise counsel?
Oh, really. I tried the men's depends and he said they were uncomfortable and wouldn't wear them. Yes, he does wear boxers, and I like absorbant underwear, I'm going to see if I can get Tena, someone had mentioned that they were good. c
Maybe if guys are in the early stages and wear boxers it would be a good idea to try to get them to switch to briefs...just an idea that might help later on.
Also, be sure that you get them big enough. My husband wears Medium everything else, weighs maybe 130, but he's long from waist to crotch, and the Medium depends or Assurance from Walmart are too short-waisted. They'd be very uncomfortable. It's possible you could persuade him that it's a new kind of winter underwear, to keep him warm so you won't have to have the heat up so high (but maybe you live in Florida??)
Tena serenitys underwear feel just like cotton underwear. i find them on line easier than in stores.
i agree if they use boxers you are in for big trouble! everything is going to come out the legs. better switch asap! oh boy. that would be a hassle. best to project to the future.. haha.divvi
My DH also wore boxers...we switched to the "briefs" and used the TENA peel & stick inserts (like a Maxi-pad) until things got worse in the #2 department...after I had to throw out a few pair of the briefs, we switched to FULL TIME depends, and I still use the inserts so as to not have to change the entire depends so many times in the day...he has VERY FEW #2 accidents any more, but we are in depends since Nov of 2008...he never really complained too much about going to depends, esp since he knew he'd had some HUGE LEAKS in stores prior to going to them...very embarrassing for him and me :( The "peel & stick" pads might make it an easier transition into the "boxers -- briefs -- depends" descent...hope this is helpful :)
Okay, no more miss nice guy -- he's fighting me tooth and nail on the underwear issue just like the driving. This time I'm not going to take any #%&* off him. I hid all his boxers and all that's available are Depends.
I said all the "right" things, explained it was to avoid embarrassing moments, better hygiene (as if THAT is an issue with him), etc. -- finally got tired of listening to him (excuse me) "bitch & moan" so I declared the topic closed. He can either go without or wear what's available.
Why, oh why, does everything have to be so difficult????? My patience is wearing very thin.
LOL, Weejun! You are too cute!! Well done!! Sure hope he doesn't choose the "go without" option!! ((wink)) Your patience is getting a work out now to give you more strength and stamina in the months ahead...You're doing GREAT!! Hang in there!! ((((HUGS))))
Weejun, not meaning to make you dread the future, but when they are incontinent in bed and go Commando, that DOES make you scream!!!!! And cry. And plead. All to no avail. <sigh>
Weejun, LOL- i applaud your rambo tactic. haha. sometimes its what it takes to make things work. we try all the pleading and softness that should be tried FIRST, then as most can tell you it doest work:) so we resort to notsonice demands. you will need to be alert though if hes going commando with jeans that cant feel good:(hah... and he will get chaffed skin down there. ugh.another worry like kadee. ointments will be a whole different ballgame. see 'cartoon manual for dummies" :)
if you can find the serenity tenas they are MUCH softer and nicer feel than depends. better fit too in my opinion. they dont make noises -
good luck! you have us in your wings pushing you forward. divvi
With every ones stories, I still am in awe that my FIL did not go incontinent until he was placed in the VA facility. Afer my MIL died and we took him up to their camp, I never once gave a thought to that. He didn't know us, could not take care of himself except he did go to the bathroom on his own. Wow - were we blessed.
Love it! Jim is not wearing them yet, but the time is coming, luckily we are able to talk about the situation and call them "party pants"! Speaking of going Commado, Diego flat out refuses to wear underwear, he says, "they're not comfy...." Aghhhh.
Help me out here friends. I put my foot down about the depends because I was tired of moping up urine. He would dribble for 6-12 feet leading up to the commode from whichever direction. Came in one day this week and it was all over the hallway from kitchen to his bathroom. I’ve been reading all the incontinence messages and believe I said all the “right” things, tried to reason with his broken reason button, trust me, I was good. He’s still not gonna wear them. Has been going commando for two days. (He sleeps in his clothes) Last night was calling me the “B” word. Said I was mean, that I just keep taking away, never giving back (guess he was talking about the car keys and the underwear). Tried to talk to him about it again today when he asked for his underwear. (This is so sad, makes me cry, last night the last thing he said to me was in a pleading voice asking for just one pair of underwear.) Pretty quiet today but again tonight asking for underwear – please just one pair. I HATE that he hates me.
In a moment of clarity today he said “you just don’t understand, I’m trying to fight this getting old as best I can.” I told him there was no fighting it that one just had to adapt and wearing disposables was a way to avoid embarrassment, that lots of people wear them or there wouldn’t be huge displays of them at the store. He asked me who wears them. I told him I wasn’t sure because nobody had a sign on their butt saying “I’ve got on disposable underwear.”
My thinking is that there is no rule that says I must mop up urine x number of times before he goes into disposable underwear. I’ve read that some of you managed with pads until things got progressively worse. That won’t work here. He wears boxers and even if I was successful in switching him to briefs he would not be able to properly place the pads and absolutely would not let me help him get them on, position the pad, etc.
You know, I think I could be really good at this caregiving business if he just wasn’t so mean and angry all the time. I really am a loving and kind person – he always liked that about me -- but he no longer sees it. I am just so horribly sad.
Sorry Weejun. He won't even go for putting them under his boxers? Maybe putting them on as a unit instead of being separate. Or make a deal to just try wearing one at home to see how he likes it. I guess it will have to be one step at a time.
My BIL had ones from the VA that were basically a strip thru the middle with a belt that went around his waist with buttons for the pads to button to. Reminded me of the 'good ol' days' when we wore pads with belts! When he peed he just whipped it out the side like you would briefs.
Could threaten nursing home is he insist on peeing all over the floor.
Oh, Weejun, I am so sad WITH YOU!! It is soooo soo hard when "we" have to be the bad guys and we are generally "good" at life stuff. Please hang in there...he is still "able" to express himself and that makes it even harder :( I am wondering if maybe he saw a urologist, they could help i some way and perhaps take the "burden" off of you and onto them for the incontenence supplies...it might be a thought. We actually went through the urologist FIRST (TURP surgery for bladder blockage issue) and then he ended up in in the pads/briefs and eventually the depends...Normally urologists/geriatric dr's don't prescribe the "gotta go" meds to Alz patients becuz it further progresses/complicates the memory issues...but it might be worth discussing with a urologist anyway...and again, THEY can then be the 'bad guy' vs. YOU! Not sure if your DH would consider going, but you could, of course, encourage based on the "might help the going issue"...it's worth a try! You would prob want to call & discuss ahead of time and/or type-up info to share w/the dr. BEFORE he enters the room. The last thing you need is to have to explain this in front of your DH. Hope this suggestion is helpful to you...HUGS!!
I shared this info with Weejun personally, but if you are in need of this product, go to the website: www.goldviolin.com and in the box, type in men's underwear. Gold Violin sells regular cotton knit jockey briefs that can be fitted with a pad or NOT, depending on the degree of incontinence ...but without a pad, they hold (I believe) six ounces in the built in odor free padding. If you want to type in the style (instead of "underwear" in the box, type in the Style No. 91593. They are called Ultra protection incontinence briefs. I ordered these and I also ordered the paper napkin chest bibs that come with peel off sticky tape that you can stick onto their shirts...and they don't mess up their shirts with every meal. When finished, pull it off and toss it away. I love Gold Violin products and if you are a member of AARP, you get a 10% discount.
Most men who have prostate problems or surgery wear them for the rest of their lives... I can tell you that the Teva ones fly off the shelves in the drug store. Someone is buying them!!!!!!!!! They're frequently OUT. The Teva ones look and feel exactly like Polo jockey shorts...and are so soft.
Charlotte, I wish. Can't trust him to wear them under the boxers. If he has access to boxers that's all he's going to wear. If I go in and try to direct or help him dress he will not allow it.
Natsmom, that facebook idea is precious -- maybe I will try that if he asks again!
I agree - get him to a urologist - he MIGHT be having turp issues. And then it's easy enough (I think!) to prime the doctor to recommend things. Mine HATED the strips - they got turned out so that they stuck on his penis!
And talk to the neuro or PCP about getting him some meds to calm him down/anti-depress him. It's obvious that he regards this as getting old. Do you ever have to wear the little pads to prevent your OWN leakage? Maybe buy a pack and say ok, this is what *I* am doing because I'm getting old, too. *I* don't want to make a mess. Do YOU?
Oh weejun that begging for one pair of underwear made me cringe. poor dear. both of you. can you ask him to wear the depend and put his boxers over them then? that would be the condition for giving him a pair? i say the TENA serenity is so much nicer and softer than the others out there. plus drastic as it sounds if my DH was opposed as he was, i have to say i did wear the tena depends the first few days to show him i was also in them -:) seeing me in the tenas serenity ones did the trick. i said its new underwear and everyone wears them now. but if you insist you can put your briefs OVER them. it worked.
how sad it is we have to become the tyrants and bad guys in their eyes.
but weejun hopefully this too will pass eventually he will accept it and move on -i am so sorry you are having such a hard time -hugs. divvi ps... as hard as it is to hear my DH drippled on the floors early on like yours and STILL does it. sigh. just yesterday all the hallways were covered. if you are keeping them at home its something you deal with. mop and move on. divvi
Weejun, didn't you see the Neurologist w/Tom yesterday? Did you beg for Seroquel???? I think when he gets onto that medication or similar, he'll become less confrontive with you over these things.
(nobody said divvi had to USE the depends on her!!) THe other day mine, who's been always very cooperative about the depends, forgot somehow and left his equipment hanging out the leg of the depends, so he got not only his pants sopping but also the floor! Oblivious, of course.
My fear is slipping on wet tile..and landing on my head again. All of you who are combating dribbles on the tile need to be so careful. That was the fastest "slip, fly, fall, hit" in the history of the world and essentially cost me the month of September. Still having headaches.
Setting ourselves aside (what a concept!)... they could slip themsleves and end up with a broken hip. Lordy Lordy..ya ain't seen nuthin' yet, if you haven't had to deal with a demented man in a hospital bed with legs in stocks to keep the new hip joint in place. His was also a quick, blink of the eye fall resulting from a single mis-step.
I don't know what the answer is about the hall dribbles. Carpet everything in sight with cheap carpet and throw it away every year???
nancy its imperative to have very good rubber soles that wont slip even in dribble. DH wears a pair and i have my indoor shoes too- and i dont wax any tiled floors anymore so they wont be more slippery. much easier to fall going barefoot and or slick soled shoes. divvi
Ordered three pair of shoes for Foster from Zappo's and they came in 24 hours!!! They are breathable shoes (not Florsheim's). Actually, two are Sperry.one is a beautiful pair of really good leather top siders..soft as a glove with a cushioned insole..., and the other is a pair of suede Sperry's..looking like canvas slip on boat shoes but they have little holes all along the sides and breathe...also with a super soft cushion insole. We are going to have to find a way toget him out of the dressy leather Florsheim's according to the nurse, because the leather won't let his feet breathe. He has the worst looking, bloody, itchy crud on his ankles and feet (exema) that he claws at all night low. They're different...and I'm afraid he is going to say they are "not his"...just as he did with the new hearing aids..but we'll see.
He has worn the same style black leather slip on Florsheim shoe since I first met him. (Over 20 years ago). They are tight on his foot, but the right size of course. He uses a shoe horn to slip his foot into them. Always has because he cannot point the toe of his foot and maneuver his foot into a shoe or boot. Just one more challenge.
Well, I caved! Let DH have some cotton briefs today on the condition that he wear two pair. He was ecstatic to get real underwear. He SAID he would wear guards with the briefs if I buy them, we'll see...
I'm also going to order some of those briefs on goldviolin.com
Will be trying to adopt divvi's philosophy of Mop and Move On. I just could not bear listening to him beg for "just one pair of underwear, please". It was too much.
Weejun, I know what it feels like to cave. Do it often, against my better judgement. Well, a different kind of "better" judgement. The one that says, Ok, this is not really the right decision but it's what I have to do right now to keep things peaceful and myself sane.
Weejun, its ok that you caved in . but i thinki would have put the guard into the breif before giving them. that way he would think it comes with the breif? it may be ok though and he will use the pad. make sure you get the mens guards while its fresh in mind or you will be washing lots of loads of briefs every day:) or throwing them out if they are unwashable. :(
i like the tena mens guards they are geared with mens anatomy in mind:) more up front. some have plastic backing some dont. the ones that dont are to be used with depends to give extra absorbency-
hope it works out and you can have some peace. yep. mop and move on early in the game or you will go bonkers. they cant help it and we just need to keep this in mind as we do cleanups. mine have been MUCH worse than dribbling- be sure to have him and you in rubber soles so if you/he encounter dribbles youdont slip in it. it can happen even WITH the guards if they forget again.
What can I do now? My DW has had some problems with losing control with her bowels and I have had her wearing depends at night. She urinated in her sleep last night and the depends did not contain it. So now I’m washing the sheets and mattress pad (again) and this time it did leak through to the mattress. Do I use plastic sheets or what?
Jerry, imperative you get a washable mattress liner for the bed asap. it need to have plastic backing to catch leaks so it doesnt infiltrate mattress- you can find them at most stores- if you read thru some of these incontinence posts there is alot of advice and suggestions on things to help -
you can get some plastic pants for her to cover the depends at nite from a medical supply house too that might help stave off some leakage make sure they fit the legs well with depends on. and try using a booster pad in the depends as well.
its never easy dealing with incontinence issues but we do what works best - divvi
Jerry, I have had the same problem with my wife. She sleeps through the night and would over fill the Depends unless I got her up to the bathroom every time I got up - every 2 hours. Recently, in the Alzheimer Store catalogue, I found a product called "Premium Overnight Disposable Absorbent Underwear". This holds about 34 ounces of urine. Sometimes my wife exceeds this so I have added a booster pad which absorbs another 10 ounces. Now she only rarely spills over. For that occasional spill I have her sleep on an absorbent pad, also available from the Alzheimer Store. If you want to discuss this and other problems with me directly, my e-mail is in my profile.