Early on, when raising our daughter, there was the diaper bag. Huge and unforgetable. Later when she was a little older, still needed a spare diaper or set of clothes, just in case. Much easier to leave in the ca or forget if took with us and set down. My solution was to either carry the 'spare' in my BIG purse, or if in a separate tote (backpack), set it by my feet, sometimes even put a foot through a strap. As it impedes your getting to your feet, you retrieve it and take it along. Never lost one, and didn't forget.
Marsh, a good way to remember to take the bag with you is to put your car and/or house keys inside the bag.....you will have to grab the bag to retrieve the keys......
MARSH (OT) did you meet with the people about Assisted Living where you live. Would you have to move from your cottage if you elected to do that, or would you simply place your wife there and continue living where you are?.... I wish I had a plan in place for "when"... it's getting there rapidly.
Nancy, I have talked to the nurse in Assisted Living. The only reason I would need that is if I get sick enough to be put in the hospital. I would pay extra for the AL and would stay where I am as long as I could afford it.
You wonderful men on here just amaze me. I don't think I would try to tackle the incontence situation in a public place. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if dh could stand alone but he can't so no way could I handle him to change a depends. The last two days I have tried having him use a urinal while lying on his back in bed. The first day it didn't do too bad but this morning we had a large wet spot. Since it was just 6 o'clock I padded with a hand towel and son and I put him in the shower a little later. The shower is a nightmare. I don't like the way the PT people say is best. I think if they had him in there wet they would change their mind. It is all two people can do to give him a shower.
Marsh how does your living arrangement now compare to paying NH cost for her and you staying in your original home? Really immaterial I guess because when I have to change things it will have to be NH. A cottage wouldn't be any better for us than what I have now. I am glad it is an option for you.
Actually, I'm not in a cottage, but in an apartment in the Independent Living Inn. If I put her in a nursing home I would probably have to move back to the original home. I would prefer not to do that since I would basically be alone, with no one to talk to, have to do all my own cooking, and a 15 mile drive to shopping, church, etc. At present I am looking into what I need to do to keep her at home. I have an appointment with Hospice in a couple of weeks.
Marsh - Hope your appt with Hospice goes well and that you get some answers and help. I keep the "thought" in front of me often these days...some days are just SO HARD and then we have a day or two that are not so bad...then, well, you know.
lmohr--Suggestion. Tell the PT's you're having a lot of difficulty doing the showering the way they say. You think maybe you've missed something. ASK THEM TO SHOW YOU. You get a demo--they get a taste of the reality.
DO NOT come across PO'd, angry, etc. Accept the problem being your understanding. (We know it's not)
Would likely be the most effective way to resolve the problem with a real soution (and maybe oen their eyes)
There can be a huge gap between theory/procedure and reality/practice.
And this is the "obvious"...but you do have the hand held shower attachment and a bench in the shower, don't you. I put Foster in the shower and he sits on the bench. Then, the water is turned on..and when the temperature is right, I wet him all over with the hand held shower head..and then squeeze a wet sponge that was soaked with the Nivea or Zest liquid body wash/shampoo combo...all over. He has a facecloth in his hand that is also soapy and he washes his armpits and tummy..sort of. I shampoo his hair and he holds a clean facecloth over his face and eyes, because I'm a little messy with this. We then wash his legs and feet..tween his toes..and I re-do his arms and armpits. Then it's rinse rinse rinse... He stands up and washes his front and back and I rinse "there" with the hand held sprayer. then drape him with a towel and dry him with a second towel. (An entire wash load by the time we are done)..
I have a huge water mess when we're done - but it works for us. I toss the towels on the floor and they absorb most of the 'outside water"..
I still believe I bathe him better than the Hospice nurse. She doesn't wet him down enough, but he is clean and fresh after she finishes. I'm sure I use too much water. She doesn't have the mess I do when we're finished.
I must say I too, am impressed by the men here. I guess, at my age, because men mostly didn't even change babies, I can't imagine them taking thiskind of care of their wives. Then again, it shocks me NOT at all, that women do it. My own predujice I guess. Anyway, guys, you 've truly given me more faith in human nature. thanks.
i recently got tired of throwing out so many washcloths so i switched to Bounty soft paper towels. they work great for 'first' cleanups on booty. after most of poo is cleaned and thrown into trash bag, a lite go-over with a reg soapy washcloth rinsed with warm water. saves dirty washcloths and much easier to throw into wash- a damp bounty performs like a large damp adult wipe only cheaper by rolls, and is throw away and no chemicals to cause irritations. - divvi
divvi, try the Viva paper towels. They cost a little more but I stock up when they run a sale. They are the closest to cloth that I have found. I always have them in the bathroom.
My thrifty DIL makes her own baby wipes out of paper towels. Cuts the roll in half with a saw and removes the cardboard tube, places the half roll in a plastic container with tight-fitting lid and pours over a mixture. They are easy to pull out from the center. You can probably google how to do this or I could ask her for the "recipe".
Bama, agree the Viva are the best -- but have you ever noticed how they "stink" when wet? I called the company and they explained why that happens, something about how they process the paper pulp...
If you have ever driven past a Paper Pulp facility in GA, SC, AL, - you'll understand. That's the worst smell ..ewwwwww. Like rotten garbage or sewer. I had not noticed that Viva smelled bad when wet.. Newspapers smell bad when they are wet, but I thought it was the ink that stank.
special... I bought the tenas and they are too small for hubby. I was shocked inasmuch as he looks so small to me nowadays. Well, here I am ready to go on vacation tomorrow, and only brought the tenas. I guess I'll see if I can get the larger size in Florida, maybe walmarts.
chris, I buy the tenas at Walmart...size M/L fits 30 to 40 inch waist. I use those in the daytime and Walmart's Assurance brand in large at night with a guard attached. They seem to have more padding to me. The CVS brand is almost as soft as the tenas. I hate this stage and I am only having to deal with wetting stage. I also ordered the waterproof bed pads that cover the sheet and tucks under the mattress for a secure, slip free fit. They come in twin and full/queen sizes and fit great. Twin is $14.99 and full/queen is $17.99. You can check them out online at www.drleonards.com. They are easy to wash and machine dry. They also have the waterproof vinyl pants that slip over the diapers but I have not tried using them yet. Love the bed pads.
I use Cottonelle wipes and toss them in the baggie with the dirty depend afterwards. It may cost a little more, but I don't have to do anything but buy it.
I also carry extra pants, depends and Wet Ones with us (and even houseshoes) when we go anywhere. He sometimes gets his shoes wet if I'm not fast enough. I have a bag that looks like a cloth brief case that I carry them in. <grin> My own private joke.
Marsh, be sure that when Hospice comes, do not answer for her or aid her when they are questioning her and checking her over. Any help you give will make her look better than she is and might get you a No the first time out. They need to see them as we see them. From what you have said, she's ready for Hospice too. (((HUGS)))
Yes, Mary, I have the bath seat. I have just about everything made for handicap use. I actually have 3 bath seats. Have 4 hand grabs in the shower. Main problem is he can barely walk, with assistance and walker. He gets a "death-grip" on anything he grabs, including the hand holds and won't let go. You have to pry him loose. Sometimes it takes both hands to pry his hand loose. He has strong upper arm muscles. He will also grab the shower control - pull it out and give all another cold shower. The aide got two of them the first day because she was in the shower behind him trying to help me get him out. The PT person needs to see him wet and help him from the shower. She practices him with everything dry but wet changes things. She will be here tomorrow again and maybe we can try the way I think will work best. If not, the aide and I will just have to do the best we can with what she things best. I laugh every time I think of him pulling out the shower control and dowsing he and the aide with cold water. They both were yelling "turn it off, turn it off" and Paul had his "death grip" on it. I just couldn't help cracking up.
Oh, Lois! That is funny! Isn't it amazing that they are too weak to bathe themselves or walk by themselves, but when they grip something, you can NOT pry their fingers lose!!! It's worse than trying to take candy from a baby!
I get up and get him up and we go in the bathroom, and I let him go to the bathroom while I turn on the shower to the correct temperature. Then I help him in and stand in front of him, between him and the controls. Our shower head rotates, so I aim it at his head to wet his hair, then turn it downward, while I shampoo twice, rinse, and then creme rinse and rinse again - then use Dove for showers on those net balls and go over him completely, then rinse him, then have him lean against the shower wall while I bathe myself. Then I get out and get his towel, dry him off, put on under arm deoderant, Tee shirt and Depends and lead him to the bed to sit while I dry off and dress. I don't know what I'll do when that stops working. I guess I'll let the CNA bathe him for me at that point. They did well in the hospital.
Good luck to everyone in this area.....some things work for a while, then stop working...we're a very inventive group! <grin>
fyi: When Hospice came out the first time, I was the Hostess With The Mostess, welcoming her, offering her a cool drink, and establishing communication between my husband and her...to ease into the interview. Foster fell in step and was so "UP" and alert. Denied in 15 minutes.
The second one came out..and I didn't tell him she was coming. Met her at the door and walked her into our Family Room and 'woke' Foster from his normal trance like state. Told him she was a nurse here to check him - and then I sat down in a chair that was a little to his back.
From then on, it was just between the two of them. What a difference. He was his 'true self', ...up to and including, he angrily refusing my help when he tried to stand up...and swung his arm at me.... and then her wet his pants a little later which necessitated me having to change every thread of clothes on his body - his shirt was tucked in so it got wet, pants, underwear, socks, shoes...... She approved him on the spot. He demonstrated he was unable to talk, unable to walk safely, incontinent, unable to dress himself - etc.
That's what they need to see. In return, he becomes eligible to have a CNA come 3-5 times a week for bathing, dressing, etc., - and they put the linens in the washer - and will help you if you need a hand. Last week, she waited while I ran to the neighborhood CVS to pick up some items.
I know your wife is eligible...just let her speak for herself.
Nancy and Mary, thanks for your suggestions. This first visit is only with me and the hospice person to see what they have available. If it sounds like we should go further they will meet with DW. I'll be sure to remember your suggestions.
Nancy and Bama, we have pulp mills in Maine so I know the smell. The local people say they smell "green", as in "Money!!!!!!!".
Mary, a while ago he announced he was taking his shower, an argument followed then his silence and removing his clothes. Normally he can't do that now, but he did and I didn't help him. I thought he will stop because no way can he get into the tub, which was his intention. Would you believe he stepped over the tub and got in, all by himself. Then I grabbed a bath seat and put behind him and went ahead and did the usual soaping and rinsing with him happy as a lark and me smoultering because he wouldn't listen to me. I handed him the towels and he dried himself and stepped out of the tub. Unbelievable. What they can do when they set their mind to it. I am still angry with him about it but he could care less, he got his shower and he is happy.
imohr, the unbelievable strength they can muster when THEY want to is quite perplexing to say the least. that burst of unexplicable energy that allows them to do something we think they are not capable of and leaves us speechless. your DH has it in his mind he can still do as before and you are stuck trying to dissuede him differently to no avail. its an uphill battle. i hope he doesnt fall but i know how difficult it is to convince them they can no longer do some things. good luck, maybe he is getting better and stronger! divvi
Here is one for the record...i received samples of two pair of Tena pull up pants to just check them out. I showed them to G..he isn't having incontinence problems as yet, but we have discussed it. Next I know, he has tried both sizes on, selected the right one, told me to order that size and is wearing it right now..on his own..just in case! Could have blown me away. As stubborn as he is, I knew I was in for a battle when the time came.
Bit the bullet and read this thread from start to finish this a.m. Not there yet, but I want to get prepared. I did a summary of what I think I'll try to locate to have on hand:
Walmart: Assurance brand disposable briefs; extra large wipes; Tena booster pads; 3x4 fluffy rugs; puppy training pads--not sure, may have to get at pet store?
BJ's: disposable gloves
Dr. Leonard's.com or another internet site: plastic pants to go over disposable briefs; waterproof mattress pad
Kit to keep in car or with me: extra jeans; extra underwear; extra shoes; wipes
To the experts--did I leave anything out? I may also start ordering samples of the different types of disposables to have on hand. Would it be helpful to have a "checklist" of these items located somewhere on the site? This thread is great, but it does take a long time to get through!
Big Tree Murphy has a great many discussion topics here. First line of defense. However, there's an ad on her site to order samples from Home Delivery Incontinent Supplies Co., Inc. (HDIS). I did, and found them useless. Nothing corresponded with what I could find in local stores, they were pads mostly for women, etc etc. It is the case though that you can order samples from the various websites of the suppliers - serenity etc.
If you get underpads to go on top of your mattress, get the largest possible, both quilted/plastic back (36x40) one to go directly over sheet and then a disposable one to go on top of THAT. Every night mine routinely goes through his "whitie", the booster pad inside it, and flannel pj pants, not to mention the shirt and tshirt he wears uptop. So he lies on the disposable pad. If he moves around too much at night it bunches up and so then the quilted pad gets wet. But if you have the large quilted pad it doesn't shift and the mattress is protected.
In September my DW became incontinent and with the help I received here I became familiar with all the methods to deal with this problem. In early November, she said she didn’t need the depends any longer and has not had any problems since. I’m certainly not complaining that this problem has ceased, but has anyone else experienced this? If, so did the incontinence return.
You can find waterproof bed pads at www.drleonards.com. The pads come in 2 sizes to fit Twin or Full/queen beds. They cover the bed and have flaps that tuck under the mattress. They are 32 inches which will cover a good part of your mattress in the middle of the bed. They have 3 protective layers with a vinyl backing. They are machine wash and dry. I ordered 2 and I am well pleased with them. The twin is $14.99 and the full/queen is $17.99. They also have the vinyl pants 3 for $9.99. Hope this helps someone.
Jerry, it is a moment in time. Enjoy it while it lasts. The problems will return....but who knows when!
Bama, I love my big pad....I have to wash it constantly and it is holding up exceptionally well. I have two, and mine are 7 feet long to fit the whole mattress and 3 feet wide....so the sheets are protected (most of the time - occasionally I'll have to strip the bed) - plus there is a plastic mattress cover under the mattress pad too, so that if the sheet and mattress pad also get it, the mattress won't.
Those prices you have are much better than what I paid, Bama! Great going!
A thought if your loved one is "leaking through" in the night. I started this about a week ago & NO LEAKAGE since. Prior to this, I was washing the bed pads, pj's, t-shirt, etc. pretty much daily. 1) Depends with Tena Pad inserted (peel & stick type); 2) TENA S/M Woman's brief OVER the depends brief. What I have found is that the TENA smaller brief snuggly fits over the depends, pretty much making the men's parts stationery, which means any accidents in the night STAY in the pad/depends. Works so so well. Never even any leakage onto the TENA smaller brief. Hope this is helpful :)
I still have some leaking during the night at times. I use the overnight depends that tape with 2 Tena pads and another fitted brief over that. Then vinyl pull up brief over that. Bless his heart , he waddles like a duck with all that padding. Most of the time that takes care of things and yet yesterday morning he was completely wet from his pajama top and bottom to the sheets, mattress pad and the waterproof mattress cover on the bed. I still have not figured out how this happened unless he pulled them down during the night. I keep him in depends during the day but he seldom wets them. He will tell me when he needs to go.
Isn't it amazing how they can produce so much urine at night? I remember my BIL would go a couple times a day but at night it was like the floodgates had been opened!
The reason for higher output of urine during the night is that the heart is at rest and can increase circulation to vital organs like the kidneys more easily. Very comman in people with CHF
I've pretty well solved the problems with incontinence of urine, but tonight I had a major problem with bowels. Every Friday evening we go to a "Social Hour" here in our retirement Inn. As we left to take our wine glasses back to our apartment and go down to the main dining room for dinner, I suspected that we were in trouble (I could smell it). I hurried DW to our apartment - down the elevator, then a walk down the hall, all carpeted. I rushed her into the toilet where I found a large, loose BM in her Depend and running down her leg to her feet. I got her cleaned up and ready to go to dinner. In the main hall I found that she had dripped BM all down the hallway and also in the elevator. Someone from the staff was in the process of cleaning it up. The couple we sat with for dinner knew what had happened and were very kind and supportive. I suggested that maybe we should just stay in the apartment, but they assured me that everyone understood and that this could happen to anyone. This is the first time she has messed up the public areas. I guess I will have to start her on regular Immodium and hope it doesn't constipate her.
Marsh i am sure the other folks who know you are compassionate and understand the issues at hand you are dealing with. and well at that. maybe start out with half an immodium ? i found a whole one will constipate DH for several days at a time. half works much better, that way you can test the waters. also i would recommend you get her a couple of the sani-pants soft plastic pullup underwear to put on over the depend when you are out and about. it will ensure that the BM is detained in the plastic pants and depends and you have time to get to cleanup. i use these still if i go out with DH. its a safeguard for exactly the reason you mentioned. about 12dol apiece at medical supply stores - divvi
Mine was having a real problem with soft BMs - heaven knows why but when he'd get up after dinner he'd blast. Immodium to the rescue! Not a lot, just one after he's had a problem.
kadee the immodium can really block the BM on some folks. my DH will go in about 4-5days! after just one pill so i only use half maybe 2/wk or as needed. his meds (prilosec) seem to have side effects of gastro issues which cause loose stools. its been an ongoing issue for yrs. if you give him one wait and see how it affects him -you dont want to give too much either. after a while you will know their system and how it affects them. i dont think i;d ever give daily that to me would be too much for anyone. but some here may offer more input. divvi
My sister got constipated while her stay after the stroke. They gave her stool softners and milk of magnesia to no avail. Came home and ate her kiwi and was fine in two days. To remember: every body is different. What works for one does not for another. The vascular surgeon's pre-op nurse we saw the other day said the same thing - plan for what works for you.
I've found that if he's had two (perfectly normal) movements in 24 hours, one immodium at breakfast will prevent a third explosion which occurs after dinner, just before riding upstairs in his chair. As divvi and Charlotte say, you have to experiment.
Love you all, You're a fountain of information... Here DH has complained about leakage at night soooo, I bought disposable mens' undergarments today.. got to stay ahead in this game... From what I'm reading, this is the start of something new. I have cut coffee at dinner to 0, just a half glass of milk and he drinks a glass of water with his pills... I guess I'm on the right track... As you say, whatever works...We've already had BM spread around here and there... Lordy, I'm tired... thanks to all for encouragement and advise...
I heard that a Nr. 6 cork works extremely well.. tie it to a string, and your problems are over.. just have them sit on the toilet and have them pull the string!!
Which brand of the male guards work the best? My HB wears the Tena brand pull-ups. I had to bring him home from Daycare early today, he was wet & refused to have any one change him. Actually, hit the aide in the shoulder.
kadee i stick with the tena brands. they have an overnite one that is winged at the top which is good and a longer straight one that works well in the day too and or nite. both are good. i didnt like the depend guard. wasnt absorbant enough here. try the tena with the tena you are using.
thats going to be an ongoing problem to get him to let someone else help him change. even now with hospice onboard my DH has the death grip on his depends and i have more practice at getting it off than the aides. how come they dont forget the nudity issues!!! they seem to hang on to this the longest!
Thanks divvi! took your advice when I started him in Pull-Ups, buying the Tena brand. I will stick with the Tena brand. He just woke up from a nap & went to the potty in the toilet. Yeh! I guess even though it is frustrating, for us not wanting to show your private parts is better than flashing everyone.